23. Lainey
Lainey
“How’s everything coming with the house?
” I asked Birdie, who was sitting sandwiched between me and Violet on the dock as our toes touched the top of the water.
Thankfully, this part of the dock was in the shade, or I’d be fully melted by now.
I wanted to take off my shirt and shorts to jump into the crisp, cool water of the springs so badly, but I just couldn’t find the courage to since no one else was actually swimming.
“Good. Nate and Dad were over this morning so Beau and I could talk through the last few things we need to work on before I can start painting. It really shouldn’t be long now before it’s available. Maybe another month or two.”
“Have you had any applications?” Violet asked. Birdie’s eyes landed softly on the side of my face, but I didn’t dare look in her direction. It was embarrassing to think about having to be the first person to use the safe house.
“Birdie offered it to me…”
“Are you thinking about moving in there?” Violet asked, her expression filled with shock.
“No. I’m still hoping I can get my feet under me and find somewhere on my own. The last thing I want is to be a burden.”
“Does Lachlan know this? Because from the way he hasn’t stopped looking over here since you came down to the dock, I’d say he’d have some strong words of opposition about that idea.”
My eyes drifted over to the picnic bench where Lach was sitting, laughing as he watched Juniper and Connor splash in the little pool the guys had set up.
Violet was right—his eyes drifted over to us, his smile growing as he waved our way.
My eyes moved to Beckett, who was sitting next to Jessie, chomping on a hamburger.
God. That would be me in just a few years.
Jessie was a great mom, too. Like Violet and my sister were. Not like me.
“It doesn’t matter.” I shook my head. “All my life I’ve only ever thought about myself.”
“Lain, that is not true.”
My sister would think that. She was wrong.
“It is. How long can I use growing up without a dad, and Mom leaving us behind, to excuse all the awful things I’ve said and the terrible way I’ve acted?”
Birdie’s hand covered mine. “You were hurting.”
“So were you. And yet, you’ve always been kind, and showed me so much love. We aren’t the same person, I know, but I want to be more like you. I want to put other people ahead of myself. Especially the baby. And Lach. He’s truly a great friend. The first one I’ve had in a long time.”
“Is he a friend? Just a friend?” Birdie asked.
“Of course.” I lifted my toes out of the water and splashed them back in again, just as a foot nudged me in the ribs. “Ouch.” I pressed my fingers into the raised lump on my side. Birdie laughed, her hand resting on my belly.
“What does it feel like?” she asked, eyes full of wonder as the little creature put on a whole gymnastics show.
“It feels like my body has been taken over by an extraterrestrial creature that at any time could burst out of me.”
“Truer words have never been spoken.” Violet laughed. “And yet, what I wouldn’t give to feel it again.”
I didn’t know much about her and Colt’s relationship, other than they’d struggled with infertility before their divorce.
“I’m sorry, Vi.”
“No, no, Lainey. Don’t be. Connor is the biggest miracle, and having a family with Colt…it’s every dream I ever had come true.”
“I’m glad you got to experience it,” Birdie said.
Violet’s hand covered my sister’s. “And you will get to, too.”
Birdie sighed. “Not any time soon. I’m still healing from everything that happened earlier this year…And Beau isn’t taking any chances that something will hurt me. No matter how many times I remind him I’m here, and I’m okay.”
“I can’t imagine that man keeping his hands off of you.” Vi smirked.
“Oh, his hands aren’t the problem. Neither is his tongue. It’s that damn—”
“La la la la…it feels illegal to hear you talking about this.” I laughed.
“Lain, you know how babies are made.”
That was true. Beau and my sister were going to pour all of their love into each other—ew—and then he would dote on her throughout her entire pregnancy. I hadn’t gotten pregnant the same way. I didn’t have a soul connection with Greg. I had a drunken night where I thought he was coming back to me.
“Lainey Belle?”
“Sorry.” I smiled. “I know how badly you’ve always wanted to be a mom.
And then Juniper came along for Beau, and you get to be her mom…
but I know you want to experience pregnancy, too, and I hope that happens for you.
You’ve always been the best mom to me. Your kids are, and will be, very lucky to call you mom. ”
“Here.” Jessie handed a plate with a burger, grapes, and two pickle spears on it to me. I’d been sitting over here, alone, since my sister and Violet got called back to wrangle their kids.
“Oh, uh, thanks. I could have come up to eat.”
She shrugged. “Lach told me to bring it over to you.”
“That was nice of him.” I turned to find him laughing at something Beau had just said. His brother nodded toward us, and Lach turned, his smile bright as his eyes landed on me. I don’t know why, but I smiled, mouthing thank you as my hands lifted the plate.
“What is going on with you and my brother?” Jessie asked as she sat several feet away from me, her back resting against a tall, rounded post.
I’d been waiting for her to seek me out since we got here. I knew it was coming. I knew exactly what she was about to say. Because if I was in her shoes, if I had a normal, loving family and a brother who was so genuinely good and caring, I’d want to protect him from anything.
“I…He’s just helping me out.” That didn’t seem to clear any of the suspicion off her face, so I continued. “I’m not staying with him long. Birdie and I were just talking about the safe house being almost done. I don’t want to move there if I don’t have to. I want to find a place of my own.”
Jess nodded. “And you’re going to, right? You’re going to move into your own place and stand on your own two feet? We’re going to have a big problem if you think you’re going to take advantage of Lachlan because he’s struggling right now—”
“He’s not struggling,” I bit back. “He’s healing. There’s a big difference there. Don’t even think about saying that shit around him.”
Jessie’s eyes went wide. “You’re right. He is healing. And our family doesn’t want him getting wrapped up in drama that could slow that progress down. He doesn’t need that trouble right now—”
“That’s all I am, right? Trouble.” The nickname that Lach used, that usually made something melt inside me, now made my stomach turn sour.
I set the food down on the dock, wiping my hands on my shorts before pressing my fingers into my back.
As if he could feel the change in my heartbeat, the little alien woke up, kicking my ribs as he stretched.
“You saw that in high school, and I made your life miserable for trying to hold me accountable for my actions. I’m sorry, Jess.
I loved being your friend, and I’m truly sorry that I was so messed up I couldn’t hold it together to be a better friend to you. ”
“Or a friend at all. You went out of your way to hurt me, Lainey. And I won’t let you do it to Lachlan. It’s not healthy. Whatever is happening between you two, the way you’ve attached to each other—I don’t like it.”
“We’re just friends.”
“That’s what worries me. Because I don’t think you know what it means to be a friend. And I’m scared that my brother is being pulled into the orbit of someone who could really hurt him. He’s already lost a best friend to selfishness and bad decisions.”
I bit the inside of my cheek to stop the tears from falling. “I’m not like Dakota.”
“You might not be able to see it, but you’re exactly like him. Dakota took and twisted things, forcing Lachlan to help him. He wasn’t sorry for using Lach as a safety net until irreparable damage had already been done. And it doesn’t matter at that point.”
“You think I’m just using him?”
Jessie folded her arms across her chest. “Aren’t you? I don’t know what happened between you and Greg, and it’s none of my business, but why did you have to go to Lach instead of your sister? It doesn’t make sense.”
“He came for me,” I whispered.
That got her attention. “What?”
“Lachlan saw what no one else did. That Greg was hurting me. That I’d allowed it to happen.
He left his house, he left this ranch, and he came for me.
To keep me safe. Because we’re friends. And you know what, Jess?
I told him to leave. I made him come back here without me because I didn’t want to mess up everything for him. ”
“He left the ranch for you.” I felt every decibel of disbelief laced into her words.
“Yeah. He left the ranch for me.”
We sat in silence, the camaraderie of the rest of the Fords filtering down to us, mixing with the breeze.
“I really am sorry, Jessie. For everything. I’ve been hurting for a very long time, and I didn’t know how to handle that.
I deserved everything that happened to me.
” I placed my hand over my belly. “But he doesn’t.
I have nothing to give your brother. There’s no reason why he should have come to save me, or let me stay after I ran to him.
But maybe it’s just that he sees me for exactly who I am, and I see him, too.
I don’t want to take anything from him. I know my words mean nothing to you, but I promise I’ll figure out how to be on my own, and I’ll…
” God, I had to stop and swallow down how heartbreaking it was to say the next words I knew I needed to say. “I’ll go as soon as I can.”
Jessie nodded. “I understand what it’s like to do everything in your power to protect your baby. I’m glad that my brother helped you when you needed it. But now is your chance to help him, too. Let him heal in peace.”
“I will, I promise.” The words disappeared in the wind, following Jessie as she walked back up to her family.