Mateo
Chapter thirty-seven
Ikeep waiting for life to stop, but it keeps passing me by, and I'm simply going through the motions. Wake from a restless sleep, coffee, shower, stretch, text Jade. Get ignored by Jade, contemplate the rest of my life and what it looks like without her, try to talk to Addie. Repeat.
It's not good.
Addie still refuses to talk to me.
Jade refused to talk to me.
The part that sucks the most…I deserve their silence.
But it doesn't make it hurt any less.
Raised voices from the kitchen drift through the closed bedroom door. Sounds like Addie's finally broken her silence. She's been giving Mom and Dad the cold shoulder for days, avoiding all of us.
"And you kept it from me," Addie yells as I enter the kitchen.
Mom stands, leaning back on the counter, her lips in a thin line. Dad sits on a stool at the end of the island, his hands clasped together, leaning on the granite.
"They didn't know," I say from behind Addie.
"Shut the fuck up." She turns to me, and I try not to laugh, because if she were a cartoon character, steam would blow out of her ears. I didn't think it was possible for her to be angrier than the day she found out, but here she is.
"Adelaide, honey," Dad says.
Addie spins on him. "Don't do that. Don't use my full name like I'm the one in the fucking wrong here. You all know I'm not."
Dad stands to speak, but I'm faster.
"Hey," I say. "Don't take this out on them. It's me you're mad at."
Mom sighs. "Honey, we had our suspicions, but we didn't know for sure."
"Bullshit," Addie says. She checks me with her shoulder as she leaves the room.
"I hate all of you," she yells from the bottom of the stairs.
"You don't mean that," Mom says, squeezing her eyes shut. She looks older than her fifty-eight years right now, and when I look at Dad, his head is in his hands.
"I'm sorry," I say, because what the fuck else am I supposed to say?
"It's not us you need to apologize to," Dad says looking up.
"Are you though?" Mom asks. "Sorry?" The question isn't accusatory, but inquisitive.
I drag both hands over my face, because am I?
"That's what I thought," she says. "I'm not telling you what to do or how to fix this, because I don't know what that looks like. But sometimes, doing what you think is right is what's wrong." She gives Dad a soft smile. "We're late," she tells him.
He looks at his watch and nods. "Right behind you."
Mom pats me on the shoulder on her way to the garage.
"What the fuck did that mean?" I ask Dad.
He sighs. "Sacrifice."
And then they're gone.
And I'm left alone.
Again.
My phone is quiet, still no response from Jade. Have her and Addie made up at least? Highly doubtful based on Addie's mood this morning.
As soon as she showed me my text to her from the morning after the arcade, I should've denied it. That single text started it all.
I should've told her the truth. I didn't send it. Did I type it out? Yes. Did I want to send it? Yes. But no, that one was all the punk. It's not his fault though, he's a child. He's not to blame, I am. I should've never even entertained the idea.
But if I hadn't, I would've missed everything that came after.
What if it never happens again?
Sometimes, doing what you think is right is what's wrong.
Sacrifice.
Like letting someone go.
It starts with changing her contact name in my phone, and it's followed by the text I don't want to send.
Am I finding a new assistant?
Jade
…
…
My heart leaps to my throat.
Jade
Yes.
Fuck it.
I don't understand how this is so easy for her. Was it really only sex? It wasn't for me. Does she know that? She must and she doesn't care.
It's a knife to my gut, and I'm going to make it worse. It's better to tell her now, then let her find out on her own.
Since you're already pissed at me, might as well tell you I funded Coop's scholarship. But before you totally lose it, I funded another kid's scholarship too.
Jade
…
…
…
And mine?
No.