Chapter 38
38
AGE 20
“ N ervous?” Jay asks, trying—and failing—to smother a grin.
“I’m shitting bricks, mate.” Wiping my clammy hands down the side of my black suit trousers, I will my racing heart to calm down. If I don’t get it together, I’m liable to forget the lyrics to my own bleeding song.
“She’ll love it, Dil. She’s been wearing heart eyes all day.” Jamie chuckles. “Ash was crying in the church. What is it with women and weddings?”
“You’ve got to admit it’s been emotional.” Shane and I have had our ups and downs, but watching him marry the love of his life with their daughter a big part of the day has tugged at my heartstrings. Then Ciarán’s speech had us all cracking up and welling up in equal measure. Ma has been beaming like a proud mother hen all day. It’s been a great day, and now the party’s in full swing in the large ballroom of the County Wexford hotel.
The band Shane and Fiona hired for the night announce they’re taking a short break, and it’s our turn to play a few numbers. We’ve been rehearsing our new song for weeks, and we’ve nailed it, so I hope I don’t fuck it up. I’ve never been so nervous getting up on a stage.
Shane introduces us, and we start off with a crowd-pleasing tune from Coldplay before moving on to one from The Script and then a couple of other well-known songs. The crowd are loving it, and most every guest is up dancing.
My eyes have been laser focused on Vivien the entire time we’ve been up here. She’s a vision in a gorgeous purple strapless dress that accentuates her figure beautifully. Pride fills my veins seeing her wear the Claddagh necklace I bought her for her birthday, and she’s wearing understated diamond stud earrings and a row of silver bangles on one wrist. Everyone has been complimenting her on the bridesmaid dresses, and I love seeing her receive the acknowledgment she deserves.
Viv is very talented, and she whipped the dresses up in no time. She refused to take any money from my brother or his fiancée, insisting they were a wedding present, even though she chipped in with me to buy them a set of Waterford Crystal wineglasses. She’s as generous with her time as she is with her money, and all day I’ve been overcome with emotion any time I look at her.
Having her share today with me is super special. I’ve loved having her by my side.
Fiona included Viv in their morning hair and makeup session, and she looks sensational. Keeping my hands off her has been an exercise in self-control, though we did sneak a quickie in when we were checking into our room. My eyes gravitate to hers again as we bring our current song to an end.
Waves of glossy dark hair hang down her back, and the front part of her hair is braided like a hair band. Her makeup isn’t caked on like some of the female guests, Viv having favored a more natural look that emphasizes her stunning looks.
She’s been smiling nonstop today, and it’s carried over to the dance floor as she laughs and dances with Ash, Fiona, Susie, Cat, and little Chloe. My niece looks adorable today in the dress Vivien made for her, and she’s clearly a fan, following my girl around any chance she gets.
The song ends, and I clear my throat, gripping the mic as my eyes land on Vivien. Ash has moved them up to the front because she knows what’s coming next. “This next song is one of our own. It’s called “Terrify Me,” and I wrote it for, and about, my girl.” Oohs and ahhs ring out around the room as I watch Vivien’s eyes pop wide. “This is for you, Vivien.” Drawing a brave breath, I strum my fingers along my guitar and open my mouth to sing. As I perform the song in public for the first time, my gaze never leaves my girl, and I pour my heart and soul into every word.
The crowd goes insane when we finish, and we jump down off the stage to shouts of congratulations and multiple back slaps. But I have singular vision, and I don’t take my eyes off my girl until I’m in front of her, gently pulling her out of Ash’s arms and into mine. “Hey, Hollywood.” I hope she doesn’t notice how badly I’m shaking.
“Dillon.” A few tears leak out of her eyes as she holds on to my arms and leans in to kiss me. “I can’t believe you wrote a song for me. It’s beautiful. I love it, and you’re so incredibly talented. All of you are.” Her voice cracks, and a little giggle rips from her lips. “Sorry, I’m a bit of a basket case right now. No one has ever done anything like that for me before. I’m blown away.” Flinging her arms around my neck, she kisses me hard on the lips as the wedding band return after their break. “Thank you.”
“I’m so happy you like it. Don’t mind admitting I was sweating bullets up there,” I say as we sway in time to the music.
“You had nothing to be nervous about. It’s an incredible song.”
“You sure you even heard it?” I tease, pulling her close as we dance. “You looked a little dazed.”
“Dillon, I don’t think you understand how big of a deal that is for me. You just basically stood up there and told all your family and friends how you feel about me.” A choked sob erupts from her mouth. “It means everything to me,” she whispers as I pull her head down to my chest and hug her close.
“You mean everything to me, Viv.”
We don’t speak for the rest of the song, and no one disturbs us, leaving us to hold one another and dance. Beside us, Jamie and Ash are locked in a similar embrace. Jay and I nod at one another, both looking like the smug bastards we are. I’ve never seen Ash so happy, and any fears I had about those two were unfounded. They are like two peas in a pod, and I’m glad to be proven wrong.
Out of the corner of my eye, I spy Ma talking to Uncle Eamonn’s wife, and they’re both looking over here with big smiles. I imagine Ma is already planning a double wedding. Pain settles on my chest as that thought drops into my head, but I push it aside, determined not to sink into my darker emotions today. Time with Vivien is dwindling, and I get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach every time I think about our imminent separation.
When the next song starts, I wonder if my best mate requested it for me or if it’s a coincidence. I need to be alone with my baby for this. “Dance with me under the stars?”
Viv nods, looking a little dazed, and I can relate. Today has been magical in more ways than one, and it’s all a bit surreal. Taking her hand in mine, I lead her outside to the small courtyard, purposely leaving the double doors open so we can dance to the song.
I pull her into my arms, holding her flush against my body, and start dancing.
“What song is this?” she inquires.
“It’s an older song by a group called Savage Garden. The song is “I Knew I Loved You.” It’s always been a favorite of mine.” I peer deep into her eyes. “Especially now.” My heart is banging on my chest cavity, shouting the truths I’ve tried so hard to hide.
I sing to her, maintaining eye contact the entire time. Every word could have been written by me for her. My heart soars and dips as I shield nothing, letting my truths run free. I swirl her around, pulling her back in close every time, needing to touch her as I finally admit it to myself. From the way her gorgeous eyes swell with unadulterated raw emotion, I think she’s admitting the same things to herself.
It truly feels like I’ve been waiting for her all my life.
Vivien Grace Mills is the missing piece, and she completes me in every way.
She is my home. She is my future.
I must have dreamed her to life because how do you explain how we came to find one another? I’m aware it’s crazy, but I believe it is fate.
This wasn’t the way I planned it, but I’m done living in denial.
I love her.
I love her so damn much.
Rain drops from the sky, getting heavier as we dance and I sing, but I don’t feel it because all I feel is undying love for this beautiful woman in my arms.
She is it.
My one and only.
I don’t know where that leaves me, us, but there’ll be time to freak out tomorrow.
Right now, as the heavens open, pummeling us with heavy rain that sticks our clothes to our bodies and our hair to our faces, all I care about is the love replacing the blood flowing in my veins.
I barely register the song ending, twirling her again and again as I let myself feel it all. Happiness invades every nook and cranny of my being as she tilts her head up to the sky and laughs. Her obvious joy is intoxicating, and I just want to love her until the end of time.
Reeling her close, I band my arms around her, never wanting to let her go.
She’s mine, like I’m hers. It’s the only truth that matters.
My heart spins wheels as our gazes connect, and the intensity of our chemistry surrounds us in a protective bubble, blocking the outside world. The strength of the feelings swirling inside me almost knock me off my feet. I can scarcely breathe over the messy ball of emotion clogging my throat. I look at her, pouring it all into my expression and the possessive way I’m touching her, willing her to see me and feel me. To know the totality of my heart. To understand she owns it fully and completely. That there will never be another for me.
I was stupid to think I could protect my heart.
She’s owned it from the very start.
And I don’t regret it.
We move as one, and the instant our lips collide, I know I am hers in every single way. Vivien Grace Mills, my beautiful, brave Hollywood, has smashed through the walls protecting my heart, reached a hand inside, and claimed my love for all eternity.