Chapter 30 I’m Not Going Anywhere
I’m Not Going Anywhere
Clay
Please come back and talk.
Just…at least tell me where you’re going. Please Leni.
I know I fucked up. I need to know you’re okay.
Baby. Please tell me where you are.
I love you.
I stare at my phone, willing a text from Leni to come through.
Even if it was just her telling me to fuck off, I need to know that she’s okay.
I’ve been waiting for something from her all night.
I haven’t slept. She should have made it to Benson by now, if that’s where she was headed.
The more time that passes, the more anxious I can feel myself growing.
I don’t know if she’s okay or if something has happened to her.
It downpoured half the night, meaning driving wasn’t exactly safe.
If she had been crying, she could have driven off the road.
Or worse, crashed. She could be out there, somewhere, sleeping in her car.
I don’t fucking know, and it’s killing me.
It’s almost nine a.m. when I decide to stop rotting in my dirty clothes and head for the shower.
It’s the fastest shower I’ve taken since being out of the military, too worried that I’d miss a call from her.
I rush back to my phone, catching it on the last ring of a call from Brooks.
I set the phone back down, a heavy sigh echoing through the empty loft.
Barely a second passes before he calls back again.
“Hello?” I sigh, the exhaustion weighing me down as I wonder who all Mercer might have told by now. I can’t think of another reason why Brooks would be calling me this early.
“Where the hell are you?”
“Huh?” I sit up straighter, clutching the phone to my face, fear stirring in my chest. If Brooks is looking to fight me, I won’t stop him. Nothing could hurt as badly as watching her leave, again.
“Leni is in the ICU in Benson, and you’re not here. Why the fuck not?”
“What happened?” I launch myself off the bed, fumbling around for clothes as Brooks barks into the phone.
“Miya texted us, fuck. I forgot. I saw her jeep in the trees; no one else knew she was home. No one knew to call you.” I hear him murmuring something in the background.
I knew he’d figure out she was home. Brooks and Orson Kane know everything that happens on their ranch, but Mercer…
he didn’t call me. Not even a single fucking text.
I knew I’d lose them all eventually, but part of me always hoped it wouldn’t happen.
I don’t know who I am without these guys.
“Brooks!” I shout into my phone. Whatever he’s doing on the other end is taking too long. “What the fuck happened?”
“She was in a car accident. They had to life flight her here. Get here, Clay, she’s…” Brooks pauses, his swallow audible over the line. “She’s hurt bad, brother.”
“Fuck.” I don’t bother saying goodbye, slamming my phone into my back pocket, I rush to my truck, spitting gravel at the cabin as I tear out of the driveway. “Fuck!” I scream into the cab, ramming my hands into the steering wheel.
I checked my phone a couple of times throughout the drive, expecting notifications in the family group chat to keep everyone updated on Leni’s condition.
But there’s nothing, at least not on my end.
Lead drops into my stomach as I realize they must have started a new group chat. One that doesn’t include me.
I provide my ID to the nurse at the ER check-in, and she gives me a visitor pass before pointing me in the direction of the ICU waiting room.
I look wrecked, with big, dark bags under my eyes, hair no longer curly, some spots sticking straight up where I’ve run my hands through it too many times.
I haven’t heard back from Brooks, and I don’t have Miya’s number to call and try to get more information.
The gal who checked me in wouldn’t give me any information either. Only that I can sit in the waiting room and get my updates from actual family members.
She might as well have stabbed me in the chest with those words. The way I haven’t been able to breathe, wondering if she’s okay, praying she’s still alive. That I still have time to make things right.
I make it to the waiting room and find absolute chaos.
There are Kanes everywhere. The whole room seems to have been turned into a camping area.
Half the brothers are passed out in chairs; hospital blankets pulled up to their chins.
A perky blonde girl is lying on a blanket next to the baby Brooks sent a photo of, making faces at her phone while Brooks’ baby stares blankly at her.
Brooks is watching them, only glancing up when I clear my throat.
“Finally.” He gets up to make his way toward me, drawing the attention of the family members who are awake. Ma and Pa both link hands and walk toward me. They look exhausted. Ma’s eyes are puffy from crying.
I’m about to bump my fists to the one Brooks offers when I’m ripped backward. Landing on my ass, I skid out of the waiting room, slamming into the wall. Mercer stands over me, his face a mix of exhaustion and rage.
“Get up,” he spits. His fists ball up at his sides.
It’s stupid, I know exactly what is going to happen if I stand, and yet, I do it anyway.
I don’t even try to stop him when he swings, his knuckles splitting open my lip as my head whips back.
Another fist lands a blow to my ribs, knocking the breath from me before he’s being pulled back.
Brooks pins Mercer’s arms behind him as Mercer tries to lunge for me again.
I slump against the wall, wiping blood from my lip.“Mercer, what the fuck?” Toby comes to help Brooks manhandle Mercer back into the waiting room. Pa makes his way over and offers me a hand. I shake my head, leaning back against the cool concrete.
“You can walk in there on your own, or with my help, son. But you’re coming in. I don’t know what that was about, but I intend to.”
I peek an eye at the man who raised me, the only true father I’ve ever known, and I wonder if I’m about to lose him too. I nod, pushing myself off the wall. I square my shoulders and follow him into the room.
“He knew that whole time.” Mercer’s voice is gravelly, like it might be on the verge of becoming hoarse.
“Is that true?” Ethan turns to me, his fingers dancing at his side, itching to crack his knuckles or maybe to punch me.
“Is what true?” Pa asks, moving to stand behind Marcy. Big hands resting on her shoulders.
“Leni wasn’t mugged,” Toby mutters, voice low and heartbroken.
“Someone tried to rape her, and he knew,” Mercer spits out, bouncing on the balls of his feet, like he wants to come at me again.
“I didn’t know. Not until last week.” My answer doesn’t seem to make things better.
“But you knew she left in the middle of the night, and you didn’t think to call any of us?” Ethan is fuming, his jaw clenched so tight, you can see the muscles grinding.
“I—” I’m no longer sure if we’re talking about a decade ago or just last night.
Guess they could take their pick, maybe it’s both.
I don’t know. I look to Mercer out of habit, hating the way I don’t get the reassurance I need, the backup I’ve come to expect.
“If you’re talking about ten years ago, I had a panic attack and ended up in the hospital.
She wasn’t answering my calls, so I thought she blocked me.
I thought she made it home. I didn’t know anything about this until a few days ago. ”
“What do you mean, last week?” Ma's green eyes, so much like Leni’s, meet mine full of hurt and doubt.
I blow out a breath, gripping my ribs when they expand a little too far. I think he might have cracked a few. “She’s been back at the ranch since last Thursday.”
“Excuse me?” Ethan’s seconds away from finishing what Mercer started, betrayal clear on his face.
“It’s true,” Brooks pipes up, from where he’s sitting with his baby, who’s still staring at the blonde-haired stranger. “I saw her Jeep. I knew she was home.”
Mercer growls, throwing his hands up in the air, shaking his head.
“Why didn’t she tell us?” Ma looks close to tears. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen her cry. She’s the backbone of this family, the one who helps to hold us all together.
“She didn’t want you to know,” Miya says from behind me.
“That’s bullshit.” Adler is standing next to her, arms crossed over his chest. Miya cuts him a look that has him stepping a couple of feet away from her.
“Why? Why did she keep so many things from us?” Ma’s voice chokes, tears falling down her cheeks.
Miya and I share a look. It’s not our place to fix this, not our place to intervene. Neither of us says anything. Instead, we nod, an understanding passing between us.
“You’ll have to ask her that, Ma. It’s not my place.” I grip the back of my neck, hating this. Hating the way I feel like I don’t fit. As if I’m an intruder here.
“She can have two more visitors now,” Miya says to me.
“Great.” Mercer shoulders past me, snapping his fingers at the woman with Tessa. “You and me, blondie. Let’s go.”
“Um, I think maybe Clay should go. He needs to see her.” The blonde chews her bottom lip, looking entirely uncomfortable with the whole situation.
“That’s Pepper,” Miya whispers, as the blonde gives me an awkward wave.
“You’re not going in there.” Mercer points a finger at me before storming off. No one says anything to contradict him. Ethan follows Mercer. I look at Miya, the desperate plea obvious in my eyes when she moves closer.
“She looks rough, Clay, but she’s going to be okay. It’ll take some time. She has a lot of broken bones, but she’s going to live.”
I nod, feeling a thousand pounds heavier now that I’m here, and there’s nothing I can do to help Leni.
“Come on.” Miya pulls me toward the corner where Brooks and Tessa have carved out a space for themselves. “Rest, Clay. Okay?”
I nod, trying my hardest to keep my eyes open. A little snort escapes me when Pepper’s phone slips out of her hands, landing on the bridge of her nose. Her gasping groan pulls a little smile from the otherwise expressionless Tessa.
“And you’re done here.” Brooks steps in, scooping the little girl off the ground. He gives me a curt nod before tossing a blanket at me, turning all of his attention to Tessa.
I don’t remember falling asleep, but it’s after dark by the time I wake to Miya shaking me. Sheer exhaustion makes it hard for me to open my eyes.
“Come on,” she whispers. I realize then that most of the Kanes are tucked away and sleeping. Brooks is the only one sitting up, a bottle in one hand, Tessa in the other. He gives me an encouraging nod before gesturing his head toward the door.
I nod, eyes opening wider when I realize I’m going to see Leni. With Mercer and Ethan both passed out on the opposite side of the room, I get up, eagerly following Miya as we sneak out of the visitors’ section.
“Technically, visiting hours are over, but she’s still in a medically induced coma. They don’t want to try to wake her up yet, so I don’t think it’ll hurt for you to sneak in. At least for a minute. The nurses already know you’re coming.”
“Thank you, Mimi.”
“She talked about staying.” Miya’s bright blue eyes meet mine. “She wanted you more than she wanted to avoid them. I hope that counts for something, Clay.”
I swallow hard, trying to work the emotions back down. “Yeah, Mimi, it does.”
“Do you love her? Like, really love her? Not like before.”
“I do.”
“Good. I know they mean well, and I know she’s pushed them away, but she really does need someone who’s hers. I know Mercer’s your best friend, Clay, but she needs someone who takes her side, someone who thinks of her first.”
“I know,” I whisper, breath wheezing a little as I try to ignore the pain in my side.
“You should get that looked at.” Miya points at my ribs, then my face.
I shrug. “I’ve had worse.”
“I bet.” Whether she’s thinking of my childhood or life on a ranch, I don’t know. I suppose it doesn’t really matter.
“What am I walking into, Mimi?”
We stop outside the door, my palms sweaty, heart racing.
“Hell,” Miya says. “She doesn’t look like Leni.
She broke six ribs, broke her pelvis, fractured her spine in two places, snapped her radius, and got her face bashed in.
She’s on a vent right now. Her right lung collapsed due to the accident.
We don't know what happened, but she wasn’t buckled in when she was hit.
The car that hit her spun out on the highway and t-boned her.
Paramedics said it looked like she was parked on the side of the road.
She has a long way to recovery ahead, Clay. ”
“Jesus,” I groan, ripping my hands through my hair.
“Give the family some time. She knew they wouldn’t react well to the news. You’re still one of us.” Miya smiles, her hand resting on my arm. “They need to realize this isn’t on you.”
“Isn’t it?” I pin her with a look that says bullshit.
“It isn’t. Someday you’ll learn that. They’re not even mad at you, Clay. They’re mad that it happened. Just give it time.”
I nod as a courtesy. It doesn’t matter if they do, not anymore. Leni is my family, and as long as she wants me around, I’m not going anywhere.