Chapter Sixteen
Darcy
The idea of having dinner with Owen’s dad had been weighing on my mind for four days, and with every hour that passed, it seemed to get heavier.
Owen and I hadn’t talked about the weird moment we’d had after we’d gone back to the kitchen, where I’d told him I was confused and he’d promised nothing was going to change. But that wasn’t true, and both of us knew it, and I hated that he’d felt the need to pacify me with a false promise.
I supposed I could have challenged him on it. And maybe I should have.
But deep down, I wasn’t ready for that conversation.
Sooner or later we’d have to have it though, because we couldn’t keep burying our heads in the sand and pretending this was going to last forever.
“This is ridiculous,” I muttered under my breath as I sighed, only half focused on the chai base I was straining.
“What is?” Alfie asked, looking up from his desk in the corner where he was buried in end-of-the-month reporting. It was so early in the morning I’d totally forgotten he was there and startled, spilling cooling custard across the counter.
“Shit!” I put the pot down with a clang, looking around for some blue roll to mop it up. Luckily I hadn’t spilt too much, or I’d have been pissed at myself for wasting things.
“Everything okay?”
“Yeah,” I said, grabbing the roll. “Sorry, I was off in my own world and I forgot you were there.”
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you jump.”
“Don’t worry, it’s not your fault.”
“Is everything okay?” Alfie asked, his chair scraping across the floor as he stood. “You seem a bit on edge.”
“It’s fine,” I said as I mopped up the puddles of chai custard, the smell of the spice blend filling the air. It was one of my favourites, but one that was a little underappreciated.
“Really? Because you know you can tell me.”
I did and I hated the fact I’d been lying to him by omission.
Alfie hadn’t hidden his relationship with Jonathan, or his struggles, because he trusted me.
And while I knew he’d say I wasn’t obligated to share anything about my life, it felt shitty to keep things from him considering he was one of my best friends.
That wasn’t how things should work between us.
And maybe he’d have some magical insight into this whole mess I was missing.
His advice certainly couldn’t be any worse than Milo’s.
Although he’d also been strangely quiet about the situation lately, which was concerning.
I hoped he wasn’t planning some ridiculous stunt to get Owen and me to talk to each other.
Or something to do with Rupert, who owned the sweet shop next door.
The pair of them had gotten off on the wrong foot in the spring when we’d opened, and it’d led to some, frankly, childish pranks and playground pettiness, but things seemed to have cooled between them as the summer ramped up.
Mostly because they both had better things to do.
But since it was practically September, they’d have more free time to snipe at each other again.
Unless they decided to grow up and call a truce.
For my sake, I hoped Milo didn’t start shit again, because I really didn’t have time for that nonsense.
“It’s… there’s a lot,” I said, not looking at Alfie as I spoke. “And, er, I’ve been hiding some stuff from you.”
“Is it about Owen?”
I must have looked surprised because he chuckled softly and continued. “You’re not as subtle as you think you are. Either of you.”
“How did you…? When?” I stared at him, sodden lump of blue roll in hand. He shrugged.
“A couple of weeks. I had my suspicions but the way you act in the kitchen together changed, and both of you are always looking at the other person when they’re busy.
It’s sweet, actually. The tiramisu tasting mostly confirmed it.
” He smiled. “Plus, Theo saw you out and about together holding hands, and he told Jonathan, and Jonathan asked me about it. And Milo is awful at keeping secrets, although I promised him I wouldn’t tell you I knew or that he’d spilled the beans. He felt terrible about it.”
“I… I… Fuck’s sake!” I groaned exasperatedly, stomping over to the bin to chuck the blue roll away. “What did Milo say?”
“Will you ask him about it?”
“No, I just want to know.”
Alfie’s lip twitched in amusement, but he wasn’t quite meeting my eyes. “He, um, he came in one morning complaining about noisy neighbours. And well, he only has one neighbour really.”
“I mean, we have neighbours on either side,” I said weakly.
“I know, but the way he froze after he said it and then started saying ‘shit, shit, shit’ kind of gave it away. I don’t think he was upset with you though,” he said, adding the last bit quickly.
“I think he was mostly tired and grumbling. And maybe a little jealous. I’m not sure he’s had as many hook-ups as he hoped this summer. ”
“Right,” I said with a nod, still struggling to process everything Alfie had told me. “Why didn’t you say anything? Aren’t you upset with me?”
He shook his head. “No, I’m not. I figured you’d tell me when you were ready if you wanted me to know. And if you were doing it to blow off steam together that wasn’t any of my business. I’m just glad Owen found a way to stop you working so much.”
“Yeah, well, sex is a pretty good form of stress relief.”
“It really is.”
I huffed out a laugh. Then stopped and stared at him as I realised what he’d said. “What do you mean by if we were doing it to blow off steam? We are, that’s it. It’s nothing else.”
“Really?” He looked surprised and it made something twist in my chest.
“Yeah. Of course. Why? What did you think we were doing?”
“I thought… well, I thought it might have progressed into something more. That you were sort of together.”
“No, we’re friends, that’s it. It’s not serious,” I said, my chest clenching as I spoke. It was supposed to be the truth, but it felt more like another lie.
“Okay,” Alfie said. “Sorry for assuming.”
“It’s fine.” I smiled tightly, reaching for more blue roll but not doing anything except clutching it with white knuckles.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.” I wanted him to ask, to push me to talk about it, because I didn’t have the courage to do it myself. But I needed to talk to someone about everything. I just didn’t know how or where to start.
“Do you want it to be more?”
“Yes.” The word fell off my lips softly, but it landed with a devastating thunder which echoed in my ears and shook me to my core. “But we can’t.”
“Why not?”
“He’s only here to the end of September.”
“Here at Lick It!?”
“Yes, but in Heather Bay too. He loves travelling, Alfie, he’s not going to want to stay here.”
“Why not?” Alfie asked it like it was a simple question. But it didn’t work that way.
“Because he’s not. He has nothing to stay for.”
“What about you? Aren’t you a reason to stay?” He put his hand on mine and squeezed it gently. “You know it’s okay to say you want that.”
I shook my head, clutching on to his hand like he was my lifeline. “I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because… what if I ask him to stay and he resents me for it? What if he stays for me and he hates me because of it?”
“Then that’s not on you,” Alfie said. His voice was calm but there was a firm insistence behind his words.
“If you ask him to stay because you want to try a real relationship with him, then he has to make the decision and he is responsible for the consequences. And yes, he might stay and realise it’s not for him, and that would fucking suck and be horrifically painful but at least you tried.
But he can’t take it out on you because he made the decision. ”
“I guess.”
“I know. It doesn’t really help, does it?”
“Not really. It’s like there are three options and maybe one ends without me having my heart ripped out.”
“I mean, one out of three isn’t the worst odds in the world.”
“I suppose, but it’s also the option I think is the least likely to happen. Or has the lowest chance of success,” I said, my eyes prickling uncomfortably. I wiped them with the back of my hand and took a deep breath. “Sorry, I don’t think you expected this to happen this morning.”
“Don’t worry about it. Please,” he said. “You helped me enough with Jonathan.”
“I thought you came to your senses because you were threatened by Jonathan’s gay parents?” I asked with a tiny smile.
“Yes, well, you’d get your head out of your arse too if you were shaken down by the local mob. Embroidered bunnies have never looked so terrifying.”
I chuckled. “Do you have any on hand? Maybe that would help.”
“No, but I could ask Theo to come and talk to you,” Alfie said wryly. “I’m not sure you’ll like the outcome though.”
“Can he talk to Owen instead?” I asked.
“At this rate I’ll get him to talk to both of you.
” He squeezed my hand again. “I know this sucks, but unfortunately, I think you’re going to have to be honest with him.
And it will be uncomfortable and probably quite painful because being vulnerable always is.
But it’s necessary if you want that one third which ends in success to have a hope of coming true. ”
“This sucks.” I’d known he was going to say it, because I already knew it was something I’d have to do. But that didn’t make it any more appealing.
“I know. But if you want this, you might have to fight for it.”
“What if I don’t want to?”
“Then there’s your answer,” Alfie said quietly. I sighed. I hated the idea this might be a struggle. Why couldn’t something in my life be easy for once?
But I supposed not much in life was simple.
“Thank you,” I said, offering him a small smile. “I appreciate this. You’re the best.”
“No worries.” He grinned. “And my offer to fetch the bunny mob still stands. Just say the word.”
“What are we talking about?” Milo asked, bursting in through the kitchen door. “Who’s got a bunny?”
“Nobody,” I said. I glanced up at the kitchen clock and smiled. “You’re early.”
“Yeah, well, I could sense you two were up to shit without me,” he said as he put his bag down and sauntered over to us. “So, what’re you planning?”
“Nothing,” Alfie said. “Darcy was just telling me about him and Owen.”
Milo tried to look shocked, gasping dramatically and clapping his hands to the side of his face. “What? You and Owen? This is news to me!”
Both of us fixed him with a look, and I raised my eyebrow as an amused smile played across my lips. “Really? You’re going to try that?”
He shrugged. “It was worth a shot.”
“You already knew,” I said. “I was catching Alfie up because he didn’t.”
“Finally,” Milo said. “I’ve been telling you for weeks you shouldn’t leave poor Alfie in the dark.
It really wasn’t fair on him.” He clapped Alfie on the shoulder and shook his head sympathetically.
Alfie’s poker face was impressive. “I’m so sorry, Alfie.
He really should have told you. It’s not on. ”
“It’s fine,” Alfie said. “Darcy had his reasons.”
“You’re a prince among men. Very forgiving.” He kissed Alfie’s cheek dramatically and Alfie chuckled fondly.
“You’re in a good mood today,” I said.
“It’s a good day, that’s all,” Milo said and I hummed, my suspicions instantly raised. But I didn’t have time to deal with that now. Whatever he was up to, I was going to leave him to it. As long as he didn’t end up getting arrested, it wasn’t my problem.
“By the way,” I said as I let go of Alfie’s hand to finally finish cleaning up the spilled chai custard. “If you look in the freezer you’ll find a surprise. Owen made you a test batch of the banoffee. He wants your opinion.”
“Fuck yes!” Milo clapped his hands loudly. “Best day ever!”
I smiled. At least he was happy.
I had a lot more to go through before I could feel like that.