Chapter 31
My life at the Consortium resumed as though nothing had changed in the weeks I’d been away, though in reality, everything was starkly different.
I’d never considered myself a great liar, and balancing the lie of where I disappeared to, along with the lie of the ‘Nairu’ I was supposed to be, was near impossible.
I wasn’t the captured pirate turned reluctant budding Mage I’d come to Nil’Faerith as.
I was so much more, and it was suffocating to play pretend, but I couldn’t exactly shout the truth of my circumstances to my fellow Mages.
So for now, I assumed the role, donning the lie like a second skin.
I weaved a story of a mysterious sickness that required me to return to the Elven capital, Val’Naeris, for proper treatment.
This was the story I told to Luelle—and anyone else who bothered to inquire, which were few and far between.
Elle was smart enough to know there was more to the story, but she was kinder than she was smart, and she chose not to pry. Instead, she trapped me in a tight squeeze, promising to catch me up on everything I missed while I was away recovering.
I found it surprisingly nice to share a room with Elle again, simply to have a friend whose life wasn’t currently centered around saving mine.
Her ignorance was a blessing. Though I loved my friends dearly, it was difficult not to feel a tinge of hurt when I looked into their eyes and found the subtle makings of fear.
If not fear, pity. If not pity, worry. Elle was free of the burden of knowing I had a monster crawling beneath my skin.
I knew I sounded resentful. I hated myself for it, too.
Elle curled into my bed next to me, joining me in staring up at the ceiling, avoiding our approaching lessons.
I found comfort in her shoulder pressed into mine, and in the silence between us that would normally have my mind racing.
But she had that effect. Since the moment I’d met her, she’d been a kind soul.
In another life, we could have been the best of friends, but as things stood now, I couldn’t afford another emotional attachment.
Elle finally spoke, her eyes still fixated above us. “How’s your head?”
I’d spent the entire night whimpering in my bed, unable to withstand the pain of Zaelos thrashing in my mind.
I’d taken the peaceful silence of the Winter Court for granted.
Since returning to the Consortium yesterday, nearly every moment had been a constant battle to keep him bound.
When he wasn’t fighting me for control over my very limbs, he was whispering his sickness in my ears.
“It’s better,” I lied.
If she noticed the dishonesty in my tight words, she didn’t mention it. “Is that why you went to Val’Naeris? The headaches?”
Her probing surprised me, but I attributed it to her relentless thirst for knowledge. “Yes, it was part of the sickness. My headaches may persist for some time, although I’m better now. I’m sorry if it disturbs your sleep. I can see about getting a private room.”
Liar. Little liar. Laughter bubbled in the back of my mind.
I ignored it.
Truthfully, even if I requested a private room, they wouldn’t grant it, so I’d have to hope I didn’t irritate Elle enough to make her want me gone.
Otherwise, our plans would be ruined. We’d decided the safest thing—aside from staying with Alandris in his room—was for me to return to my roommate.
Since staying with Alandris would provoke too many questions from the other Mages, none of whom we trusted with the knowledge of what I was, we’d opted for Elle—the strongest student Mage by a long shot, she had a decent chance at stalling me or getting away if Zaelos broke me.
If she didn’t…
She chuckled, turning on her side to face me. “I’m not bothered by it, Nairu. I’m a poor sleeper, so this won’t make a difference. I spend a majority of the night studying in my head.”
That sounded like her.
I turned towards her. “Well, I’m sorry, regardless. You can wake me up next time.” I sighed, shifting onto my elbows. “We should probably get dressed and go. With all the training I missed, I’m sure I’m in for it today.”
“If it is any consolation, Quinn only seems to get worse with practice. That’s one person you won’t have trouble besting.”
That did make me feel better, even if his rudeness toward me felt like it’d occurred a thousand moons ago.
The two of us quickly dressed, pinning our jackets with the Consortium’s silver emblem—a crescent moon sitting inside a brilliant sun.
I’d never considered the symbol before, but suddenly I found myself wondering about its origin.
How long had the Consortium existed here on this small island?
How long would it continue under Alandris’s protection?
Elle’s eyes scanned my face, and as though she could read my thoughts, she asked, “what is it you wish to accomplish through your training here, Nairu? Do you want to become an Arch Magus, devote your life to the Consortium?”
How could I answer a question about the future when I didn’t know if I would survive the next day?
“There was a time I thought about it,” I recalled, thinking of my most recent life.
Those few sad moments of hope before I’d lost everything.
“I have an interest in botany. The Consortium doesn’t seem to focus on the subject, I assume, because healing magic is so rare.
To me, that is all the more reason to prioritize it. ”
“I didn’t pin you as a woman who craved a simple teacher’s life.”
If only you knew how exciting a life I’ve led, Elle. Multiple, really. “I think a quiet life sounds nice.” I turned her question back to her. “What of you? You’re leagues above the other Mages here. What are your grand plans for the future?”
Her smile faded and her eyes grew distant. “I don’t know if my family will give me a choice.”
I was so surprised by her solemn response; I fumbled over my words. “Uh—um, you don’t need to speak about it if it makes you uncomfortable, Elle.”
Her usual cheerfulness snapped back into place as she escaped whatever dark place my question took her. “Sorry, that was dramatic, wasn’t it?” She giggled. “I’ll be taking over the family business. It’s expected of me. While I’ve enjoyed my time here, the Consortium is only temporary for me.”
What a shame, for a Mage as talented as her to leave this place.
“We’re going to be late,” she warned, bumping my arm. “Let’s go.”
Quinn’s disgusted sneer was the first thing I saw when I walked into the training room.
The resulting boiling in my blood was enough to make my fingers twitch, but I managed to tamp down my desire to punch him square in the nose.
My past self might have been mildly annoyed by his antagonizing behavior, but my present self wanted nothing more than to put the judgmental, haughty prick in his place.
If he wanted to look at me like I was a monster, I’d be happy to show him my teeth.
I rolled my shoulders, reminding myself that these volatile thoughts weren’t exactly my own. My emotions were heightened by the pain and Zaelos’s influence. That was all.
You can’t blame me for everything. Can a god corrupt the righteous if the seed of evil is not already there in their belly?
Part of me wanted to correct Zaelos—remind him he wasn’t a god at all, merely a disgraced Fae who managed to steal a sliver of godly magic from the Faerie Queen.
Should he destroy me and take over my body as he intended, he might be stronger than the mortals on this plane, but he would never be stronger than a true god.
I don’t need to be stronger than that damned Fae. He hissed. She can’t walk amongst your kind, but I’ll be able to. Do you think the gods will still have their power when all of Lustria is busy worshiping at my feet?
My thoughts, evidently, hadn’t been quiet enough.
“You’re delusional,” I whispered aloud.
Where do you think gods get their power from? What do you think happens when all of those prayers and offerings turn to me instead?
Frankly, I didn’t care, because it wasn’t going to happen. Zaelos wasn’t taking me for a vessel. Either I’d expunge the monster from my soul, or together, we would die—for good.
I reached for the vial in my pocket and unstoppered the top.
Pouring several drops of the bitter liquid on my tongue, I heaved a sigh of relief when Zaelos’s presence retreated to the back of my mind.
I needed to be mindful of how much of the mystery concoction I used, but I couldn’t stand another breath of listening to him prattle on about his grandiose ambitions.
Any longer and I would’ve given him the emotional reaction I knew he craved.
I couldn’t allow him to rattle me to the point he could peek into the deepest corners of my mind, where I hid my true plans for the two of us.
I was no fool. It was obvious he was trying to delve into my mind to discover why I’d ignored him for so long.
And more importantly, why. If he found that out… everything would be over.
When I moved to shove the vial back into my leathers, I found Quinn’s disdainful gaze from across the room, and returned it with a glare of my own. He probably thought I was drugging myself.
A loud clap of hands interrupted our staring contest, as Felydrin—the Arch Magus who’d filled in to teach us on a couple of occasions—entered the room.
Once upon a time, he’d kept a secret for me—one I should probably tell Alandris about, now that my memories have returned—and offered me a place to study my magic.
I never showed up, wary of his intentions, but he never pressured me in our subsequent meetings.
He was a good Mage, and if Alandris trusted him, so did I.
“The Grand Arch Magus has other matters to attend to today. I, Arch Magus Felydrin, will oversee today’s combat training in his absence.”
Interesting. Alandris hadn’t mentioned he’d be gone today.
We hadn’t had the opportunity to speak since we’d first arrived back at the Consortium yesterday.
Of course, we’d agreed to keep our distance—business as usual so that all could appear normal on the surface—but I’d still expected him to keep me updated.
It was my life he was risking his for, after all.
Had the Divine Council called on him again already?
“This week we will focus on close combat,” Felydrin began, snapping my attention back to the matter at hand.
“I shall break you into assigned pairs. You will have no weapons at your disposal other than the magic you possess. For today, I wish for you to assess your partner’s weaknesses during your sparring.
We will work to overcome those weaknesses in the coming days. ”
Felydrin began pacing the room, pairing us based on no particular commonalities, so it seemed.
I thought he’d been trying to give us a fair match based on stature until he’d paired Luelle with a behemoth of a Mage that dwarfed her by at least half her size.
The pairing didn’t appear skill-based either; the newest member of the Consortium, a young human girl, faced a male Mage second only to Elle.
And then Felydrin’s eyes fell to mine, and subsequently the last person I wanted to be paired with. Quinn.
Quinn wasted no time goading me. “What’d you swallow, freak? Hoping it’d give you an edge up on the competition?”
No, I was hoping to put the murderous Fae inside of me to sleep, so that when you inevitably piss me off and I lose control, I don’t accidentally, purposefully strangle you. “Are you looking for an excuse for why you lost already?”
Felydrin chuckled at our sides. “Now, now. Save that fire for the arena. The two of you can go first, since you seem so eager.” He motioned to the center of the room, at a circle painted in red.
“Remember, the purpose of this exercise is to uncover your opponent’s weaknesses.
Make a mental note of them as your spar. ”
Quinn and I wasted no time taking our positions across from one another.
“Begin.”
An orb of fire blasted past my face the moment the word left Felydrin’s lips.
I dodged it by the skin of my teeth, shifting to the side at the last possible moment.
The scent of burnt hair floated through the air, but I didn’t have a breath to check just how much damage he’d done before another blast of fire was whirling towards me.
This time, I easily sidestepped and closed a bit of distance between us.
My magic was better suited to short distances, I knew that. My weakness. I wasn’t about to make it obvious to Quinn. I dashed towards him, my shadows dancing along my arms. Just before reaching him, I pivoted, aiming at his side instead of his front.
Surprise briefly flitted across his face, but he quickly steeled himself, bringing up a wave of his magic to burn away my attack. He smiled, then. “Too slow.”
He drove his elbow back into my stomach, knocking the wind from my lungs.
Spinning on his heel, he shot a blast of fire straight into my chest, and I fell to my knees at the impact.
The heat singed through my Consortium jacket, right down to my skin, before I could snuff it out with my shadow wreathed hands.
Luelle must have been misinformed about his improvements. Quinn was leagues better than the last time I’d faced him.
“Done already?” His lip curled into a smirk.
“Just getting started,” I bit back. I stood, my legs shaking from the hit.
Quinn let out a huff of breath and shook his head. “Suit yourself.”
Again, he struck first, this time sending sharp, hardened lances of fire barreling straight towards me. I weaved around them. One. Two. Three. Four. Each lance dodged brought me closer to him.
There.
My hand connected with his chest, and the magic I’d been collecting beneath the surface of my palm exploded outward. Shadows coiled around his neck, leaving trails of black all along his upper body. I watched him claw at his skin, choking and gasping for air.
“That’s enough, Nairu,” Felydrin called from behind.
“Yield,” I answered.
Quinn seized against my magic, his skin turning pallid. His mouth opened and closed with strangled, inaudible words. This time, it was he who fell to his knees.
“He cannot yield. Drop your magic.”
Why should he not suffer? He who made a mockery of me.
“NAIRU! STOP.”
He deserves this.
“Nairu.…” It was Elle’s voice that called me back. Her hand wrapped around my arm that made me see, truly see, what I had done to Quinn.
How had I lost control? I’d downed the entire bottle to shut Zaelos out. Was I too far gone for the potion to work? I sucked in a ragged gasp and called my magic back to me.
No, this had been my doing. Not his.
Felydrin and the other Mages swarmed Quinn, helping him to his feet and ensuring he was safe, while Elle remained by my side. “He’s going to be fine,” she said. “You’re going to be fine.”