17. The Past
17
THE PAST
MAXUM
I feel Jade’s presence before I hear or see her. I fear our souls are already intertwining, even without a bonding mark.
She approaches cautiously, unconcerned about the woods or what creatures might hide in the brush.
No. She’s nervous about me.
That upsets me more than I would have guessed. Only weeks ago I might have reveled in giving her a fright, but I don’t wish her to flinch away from me in fear again.
I’m sitting at the edge of Amira’s boundary, and it gives me a view of the neighboring valley.
Jade picks through the brush and leaf debris as she comes slowly closer. When she’s fifty feet to my right, she calls out in question, “Maxum?”
“Come.” I wave her over.
She still appears skittish. “I understand if you need some alone time. We’re a bit on top of each other in that cabin.”
“And some of us are on top of you quite a bit,” I joke.
My flirty smile eases some of the tension in her shoulders, which eases my heart. When she gets within arm’s reach, I can’t resist and pull her into my lap.
Jade lands with a surprised yelp.
I curl my body around her as we both face the view. My chin rests on the top of her head and my arms snake over her waist, caging her to my body.
She squirms a bit.
“Don’t,” I hiss.
“Am I hurting you?” she asks with alarm.
“No, but if you wiggle your sweet ass over my cock anymore, I might explode all over your back.”
She chuckles, then sighs. “I thought I might be crushing you with my weight.”
“Never. You’re perfect.”
We sit in a comfortable silence after that. My hand slips under her shirt, and I stroke my thumb over her soft belly.
Finally, she breaks the quiet. “Out of this bunch, I think you’re the most like me.”
“A psycho demon?” I ask with a smirk.
She shakes her head, and I pin her with my chin to make her squirm again.
“You aren’t that psycho,” she argues. “Besides, if I lived eight hundred years dealing with dumb douchebags, I’d probably be even more murderous than you.”
“Yes, well then, I’m quite restrained when you think about it that way.”
“And you’re usually coming from a place of love, protecting your pack.”
“I could see you protecting, killing for them as well,” I say, knowing her electric magic seems to awaken with the need to keep her pack safe.
“For all of you,” she counters with emphasis, squeezing my arm.
I sigh, thinking of the people I’ve failed to keep alive—most recently, Osen. “Maybe, but I’m not always good at protecting.”
There’s another lull in the conversation, and she breaks it again. “So, what happened back there?”
Here it is. I knew she’d call me on it.
I could just try to ignore her question, and she’d probably let me slide. She’s good at giving us space to work things out. She’s being a fucking saint with Osen’s and Calder’s baggage.
“I don’t want to see you hurt,” I say. It’s the truth… just not all of it.
“Yeah, but in the scheme of things, it was about testing for a minor burn. I could easily get hurt worse in my kitchen.” She tilts her head back on my shoulder and looks up into my eyes, her jade irises shining with magic. “It feels like there’s more to it than that.”
I grunt, but don’t elaborate. Kissing her temple, I try to sort out my thoughts and emotions. “If you need to do any tests, then do them.”
“I was going to anyway.”
With my demon sense, I feel her need to set her boundaries with us. I can’t blame her. We are possessive and protective more than she even realizes yet. I regret the spanking even though I know she enjoyed it. I want her to have a voice in our pack. To be free. I only fear that if we leave the safety of Amira’s sanctuary that she will be stolen from us. Then she wouldn’t have any freedom if taken by Galiana or the demon lords, if she survives at all.
“I also want to go to Calder’s death spot. And before you ask, I don’t know why exactly.”
“Fine,” I yield. I promised myself centuries ago that I’d never be a controlling mate if I were lucky enough to have one. “A quick trip should go unnoticed. And I doubt they’d think to look for you there.”
Her soft fingers trace over my hands, as if memorizing my flesh. “Is the reason you got upset about the fire the same reason you don’t want to mate bond with me?”
“I never said I didn’t want to mate bond.”
“Is it because I have a haunted koochie?” she teases, trying to lighten the mood. I know she’s driven by the same call I am to claim each other.
I chuckle softly. “The ghost vagina is not an issue.” I pause, unsure what to say.
“Yeah, I know. You said you weren’t ready yet. But?—”
I lift Jade up and spin her so she sits facing me. “I will mate with you when it’s the right time and if you still want me, once the dust settles.”
“Why wouldn’t I want you?” Her brow furrows, and she looks fucking fierce, like she’s going to fight me.
I love it. Too much. And that’s the problem. I’m a danger to her. And now with her lineage revealed, I’m the last demon she should bond with. They may take her just to spite me, and I can’t protect her the way she will need me to.
I press my forehead to hers, my lips brushing over her mouth as I confess, “I want to possess you just as much as Osen is in your mind, or Flint’s stone is in your bones, or Arran’s bite etches your flesh. I want my mark burned into your skin like a brand that can never be removed. I want your love to reveal itself in my markings, branding me and announcing I’m bonded to the most beautiful soul I know.”
She’s panting by the time I’m done, and she claims my mouth. Her tongue sears my next protest into smoke. Our kiss is hard and almost violent, and it’s exactly what I need from her. Any tentativeness she had before is long gone. I wouldn’t be surprised if I walked away with her mark burned into my flesh by the time we are finished here.
Her nails dig into my shoulders, feeling sharper than ever. In response, my hands grip her hips so tightly that I’m sure I’ll leave bruises.
Fuck. This is what I am worried about. Now that I know she’s part demon, I’m positive she’ll trigger me into a rut. I can’t guarantee her safety. Some fully demon females don’t survive the mating process. I thought I could keep myself in control when she was a witch, but now?
Now unbound magic stirs in her veins. Her blood sings for mine, and I will answer with a brutal mating.
And if the demon lords sense her presence, they will come for her.
I break the kiss and guide her face to my heaving chest.
“Maxum?” she asks, sounding out of breath and confused. “Are you okay?”
“No.” I should pull her off my lap and step away. I should run away, but I can’t bring myself to do that. “I can’t be intimate with you anymore.”
“Why not?”
“The spanking? I was on the edge of losing my control. I shouldn’t have done that.” I sigh. “Or kiss you now.”
“You never seemed to have a problem before. And I can handle it.”
“Your magic… your demonness was bound—masked—before. I don’t think I can resist the wild nature of a demon mating.”
“Oh.” Jade pulls back to look me in the eye.
I don’t meet her gaze until she catches my chin and makes me look. Stars, how many times have I done that to her? How the roles have reversed.
“Do demons go into a sort of frenzied rut?” she asks.
“Yeah. I don’t think your body could deal with what might happen. You’re only a quarter demon. Maybe if you were half demon or more fae…” I run my hand down my face in frustration. “You’re still vulnerable. You’re only just coming into your magic.”
“Okay.” She coos, sadness lacing her words, “It’s okay.”
I dart my eyes back to her, searching for her meaning. Has she already given up on us? Do I want her to fight for me? Should I be that selfish?
“Stop it,” she says firmly. “I can see your thoughts spinning. I don’t need your mind-reading power to glean that. I’m saying it’s okay. We can wait until you’re sure. This only makes me want to test my resilience more. If I’m able to take flames, magic, and hits, then I’ll be able to handle you.”
“We don’t know that.”
“Then we find out what I can handle.” She clasps the sides of my face and stares right into my soul. “I’m not giving up on you.”
She’s so understanding it cracks my black heart. I haven’t even told her the main reason I can’t claim her. Not yet. Maybe never.
I’ve never felt the need to cry more than I do now. If only I were capable, she would know how deeply I feel for her.
But I can do something else…
“I love you more than you’ll know,” I whisper the phrase, like the sacred words they are.
“And I love you.”