Chapter 20 #2
I stare after her, wishing my impending conversation with Kale would go as well.
As I think about the whole thing with Krista, I get angry that Mike didn’t discuss introducing her with me.
I grab a hidden bag of chocolate chips from the cabinet and shove a handful or two into my mouth before I slowly trudge up the stairs and knock on his door.
“Go away!” he shouts.
“Kale, we need to talk this out. Can I please come in?”
“Whatever.”
He’s sitting in the closet. His collar is in his mouth, and I see he’s shredded yet another shirt. I glance down at what used to be my nails and I’m reminded me of how alike we are.
I crawl into the closet and he moves slightly to accommodate me.
“I used to love to sit in my closet,” I tell him.
“There was this one time that Grandma and Grandpa London punished me for sneaking over to my friend Jill’s house after dark to play Monopoly.
I didn’t understand why they were mad at me, so I decided I was going to go into my closet and run away.
I brought cookies, milk, books, and a flashlight. ”
Kale glances toward me and his lip curls upward slightly. “Did they think you ran away?”
“They never even knew. I stayed in there for three hours until I had to pee so bad I thought I’d explode.
When I finally left the dark of my closet, I wasn’t as mad anymore.
My parents explained that sometimes they had to do things that I didn’t understand.
But that they did these things because they wanted me to learn right from wrong. ”
Kale sighs. “Did you tell me that story because you wanted me to learn something out of it?”
“Am I that obvious?” I snicker, nudging his shoulder with mine.
“So you broke up with Dad because you wanted me to learn right from wrong?”
“Kind of.” I purse my lips together. “I’ve seen both sides of marriage.
I saw my parents’ marriage and then I experienced your dad’s and mine.
Your dad and I didn’t have a marriage like my parents had, and as much as I tried to make it better, or like theirs, I just couldn’t.
Your dad and I just didn’t get along like married people are supposed to, and neither one of us was happy.
I hate that you and Marlow had to see us that way.
I want you to grow up understanding that sometimes people fight, but that most times they love each other and get along.
Your dad and I were always fighting. I want you to know that’s not what love is supposed to be. ”
“I’m not dumb, Mom. I know you and Dad hate each other.”
“I don’t hate your dad, Kale. We’re better friends now than we were when we were pretending to be happy.”
“You don’t seem happier.”
“I’m getting there.” I snicker. “I know I don’t seem better, but I’m really trying. I’m sorry all of this has been so hard on you and your sister.”
Kale shrugs.
“I love you both more than anything in the world.”
He nods shyly.
“If you ever want to talk about this or anything that bothers you, I want you to know I’m always here for you. I’ll always try to understand.”
“I want to talk about Krista.”
My stomach twists and I wish I had brought the bag of chocolate chips with me. “Okay,” I say positively with a nod of my head.
“How do you feel about her?” he asks.
“Well… that’s kind of complicated. But I want your dad to be happy, so…”
“Don’t lie, Mom.” He twists his body to face mine and places his flashlight under his chin.
I smirk a little and push myself to stand. I flip on his light switch and he rubs his eyes to adjust to the light. I sit back down in front of him in the closet. “The truth is that it bothers me a little bit. But probably not for why you think.”
“Why? Tell me. I think you’re just saying what you think you’re supposed to. Please just tell me the truth. I can take it.”
I gaze into his big blue eyes and wonder when he grew up so much.
I will time to stand still so I can keep him my little boy forever.
I see the intensity in his face and know he really needs me to be truthful, so I am.
“The truth is, I don’t want to be replaced.
I don’t want her to be better than me, or prettier either. ” I laugh.
“She’s not.” He snickers.
“Replacing me?” I ask.
“No, you’re my mom. She’ll never be you. But she’s also not prettier than you either.” He watches me closely to gauge my reaction, and I can’t help but smile brightly. He returns my smile with a megawatt grin that lights me up even more.
“Good on all counts.” I laugh.
He laughs too, and I reach over and kiss his cheek. He doesn’t pull away, and I feel better for having told him what was weighing on my heart. “Anything else you want to know?” I ask.
“Not right now.”
My lips curl upward as I nod, stand, and head toward the door.
“Mom?” He stops me.
I turn to face him.
“I’m here for you too, okay?”
“Okay. Thank you, Kale. But please stop growing up so quickly.”
He grins back as if he understands, and after I hear him get into the shower, I lean my back on his door and breathe. I just breathe.