Who’s Your Guy?
___________
The next day passes in a haze of introspection, with conflicting emotions raging inside of me. I find solace by avoiding my feelings, burying myself in work, and avoiding the house by lending a hand at Mama Gee’s joint.
I don’t enjoy my peace of mind for long, because for reasons best known to God, Special stops by the Joint. Mama Gee greets him warmly, demanding he tries her famous pepper soup, straight from the heat. I spare him a tight smile, excusing myself to attend to vendors.
Watching him enjoy the soup while chatting with Mama Gee, I want to storm over and... well, let’s just say I’ll make the soup enter somewhere between the bridge of his nose.
What’s his problem?I fume. Why does he have to intrude on my space? I’m torn between feeling glad he’s making Mama Gee happy and frustrated he’s here. I get it, he can go wherever he pleases, but why must it be where am at?
Done with his meal, he sits there, scrolling through his phone. Occasionally tossing glances my way.
Does he think I’ll come over and make small talk? Hah! In another life. Nah… not happening, especially after last night. I only understood his teasing after Linda called.
I can’t take it anymore!
Walking to his table, I smile. “Please come, I want to show you something.”
He doesn’t hesitate, swiftly pushing his chair backwards and following me to Mama Gee’s admin office. I let him in before closing the door behind us.
Arms folded, I explode. “Why are you making this so difficult?” I demand, my voice quivering with emotion. “You know I care about you, but I’m with Evans. Can’t you respect that?”
He’s surprised, the crease on his forehead is fleeting before turning into a smirk. “Respect that? How can I respect that when you keep sending me mixed signals? One moment you’re all over me, and the next, you’re reminding me you’re with someone else!”
“All over you and with someone else? You never asked me to wait for you!” Seething, I furtively rush the words out. I don’t take time to lick the saliva gathering on the sides of my lips because I need to get my point across. “You made your choice long before I came along. I choose to live in the present. We can’t keep living in the past!”
“Living in the past? You think I don’t see how you look at me?” He nods, his eyes mocking me as he leans in. “You’re still hung up on what we could have, and you and I both know you’re not doing anything because it’s not fair to your boyfriend.”
Ooh. This is not right. How does he effortlessly read me? I feel exposed. Vulnerable. I’m a mess. A complete, indecisive, total mess. Tears well up in my eyes at my discovery.
“I never wanted to hurt anyone,” I whisper, feeling powerless.
Ugh! I hate myself for sounding so weak. Gathering my thoughts, I moisten my lips, and continue in a whisper, “You kept pushing me away, then pulling me back in! If I didn’t know it then, at least, now I do.”
He rubs his hand through his low-cut hair in frustration.. “Fifi baby, it’s because I can’t stand seeing you with someone else! I thought I could handle it, but I can’t. When I came around, I thought we would continue from where we stopped as friends but… damn. This whole thing is tearing me apart. It’s not just us…” He gestures to the space between us. “It’s also my study plans. I want to make a move, but then I think about that. Then I…” It’s like all the fight in him disappears as he falters, looking at me. “There’s no hope for a relationship between us,” he murmurs.
I nod, trying to hold it together. The tears are gone, leaving in its wake a dry emptiness. I hug myself, rubbing my arms. “Well,” I shrug, “you also need to figure out what you want, because we can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep feeling this way. It’s painful.”
“You think it’s just me? You have to make up your damn mind! Stop leading both of us on and choose who you want to be with.”
“I’m with Evans!”
“Are you?” His gaze locks with mine, and words we’ll never say hover between us. His expression mirrors my confused heart.
“What? What do you want me to say? Because I don’t know what to do. I—I thought I had moved on, but seeing you again just brings back all those feelings.”
“No Fifi.” He softens. “This not fair to any of us. You need to figure this out and stop playing with our feelings.”
“I’m didn’t plan for—to…” I struggle for words, feeling the weight of his revelation.
“I know,” he softens further. “But we can’t pretend like this isn’t happening. I’m done pretending this” he gestures, “isn’t happening. I understand you’re in a relationship, and it’s not fair to either of us to keep dancing around what we both know deep down.”
He’s known all along.The reality of the situation slams down upon me, and I struggle to find my footing as his words, each syllable, reverberate through my core.
Our eyes lock. The space between us charges with curiosity. Time stands still. There’s an undeniable pull between us. Our breaths become muted. Our faces inch closer, teetering on a forbidden kiss.
But before our lips meet, a jarring interruption shatters the delicate balance.
It’s my phone.
I break away, heart racing.
What did I just almost do? What is wrong with me?
I turn my back to him, accepting the call without looking at the caller ID. The voice on the other end is a northerners’ asking for an Abdul. Frazzled, I hang up. Scammers.
Taking a deep breath, my back still to him, I try to calm myself.
As what just happened sinks in, I hear him say, “I’ve said enough.” The door shuts, leaving me alone.
With a deep sigh, I move to sit on the nearest available surface which happens to be a plastic chair, thinking, even though I shouldn’t, we almost kissed.
*****
I’m in the living room on a call with Evans when Special and G-Ben return home. The moment they step into the space, the air becomes charged with tension. My unchecked feelings for Special threatens to disrupt the delicate equilibrium I’ve tried so hard to maintain. It’s as if the magnetism that once drew us together has intensified, fueling an attraction neither of us can completely control.
“I love you,” Evans says through the phone.
“Yeah,” I murmur, pasting on a wide, fake grin for my brother and Special before ending the call.
G-Ben teasingly tugs at my stockinged feet, and I pull away. “Stop…!”
“Say please.” G-Ben smirks wickedly.
I’ll rather chew my teeth. “Leave me alone,” I cry.
Special smiles at our sibling play, shaking his head at G-Ben. “Better leave her before she turns the table on you.”
G-Ben roars with laughter, choosing to settle beside me, while Special takes the opposite couch. I hit play, resuming the show I was watching before Evan’s call came in.
“Ah… Shark Tank,” Special says as he notices the investors on the screen.
“Yep, it is.”
We settle into a comfortable silence, absorbed in the show, until Special clears his throat. “Hey guys, I have some news.”
I look at him, curious.
“I’ve decided to stay at a family friend’s place in Oshodi for the rest of my stay here in Lagos.”
“Oh, really?” G-Ben’s brow furrows. “That’s… unexpected. I thought you’d be with us longer.”
It’s been only a week… I’ve enjoyed having him around. He looks like he’s been enjoying his stay too. Why the sudden move? Are we not making him comfortable enough? Are we not treating him well enough? Is it because of earlier? I can’t recall everything, but I know I never mentioned him leaving. Is he going to tell G-Ben about it?