Chapter 20
Bianca and I have viewed what feels like a million apartments. She's hated every one.
"Bia, I'm starting to think you hate them all because you don't want me to leave," I say.
She chuckles. "The thought did cross my mind. But I have valid reasons."
I shake my head. "Not having a window in the dining room isn't a valid reason."
Her mouth twists. "Yes, it is. You like sitting at the kitchen table with your coffee and looking out a window.
Without one, you'd get depressed and spiral into a deep, dark pit.
Then you'd become a zombie, and no one would know what to do.
I'd have to rescue you and let you live with Owen and me, so you could have a window and all that sunshine you crave. "
I'm laughing so hard I cry. "You're ridiculous."
She laughs with me. "Okay, okay. How about this one? Seriously. The price isn't bad, and it overlooks the ocean."
I nod.
Inside, the apartment has gray walls, white cabinets, and white countertops. It's beautiful. The kitchen, living room, and dining room all connect, and I like the layout. Bianca steps into the dining area.
I smirk. "There's a window."
She chuckles and explores the rest of the apartment while I speak to the manager.
We leave arm in arm. "It's smaller than I'd hoped, but it's really nice. All right, Bia. What don't you like about it?" I ask, exasperated.
She chuckles. "I like it. I think it's perfect for you."
My eyes widen. She's finally given up on having me move in with her and Owen.
Later, I sign the papers. Everything I owned had gone into storage after what happened with Henry and Damon.
My family helps me move my things into the apartment. It all seems to come together. Before long, they begin leaving, each hugging and kissing me goodbye.
I return inside to find Dad and Bianca at the kitchen table. "Hey, sweetheart. I'm closing the restaurant early Friday for the welcome-home party. You can leave at noon if you'd like."
He stands and kisses my cheek. "I'm glad you're taking care of your mental health. Seeing the light come back makes me happy." I smile. He leaves me with crazy Bianca.
She eyes me. "If, by some miracle, you decide to come to the welcome party Friday, it's semiformal. Wear a nice dress. It starts at five." She winks.
I shake my head. "Bianca, I'm not going."
She picks up her keys and heads out. "Okay," she says, peering back at me from behind the door.
The week passes, and I can't stop thinking about Graham. This is bullshit. Why does my heart want to forgive him and send me running into his arms? Ugh...
I've been running and doing more yoga, trying to clear my head. We all know why: one person keeps filling it.
Friday...
At work, I find Bianca and Julia putting up decorations. I go behind the bar to prepare for the morning rush, watching them laugh and talk about Owen and Lee. I sigh, thinking of Graham. Fucking damn it. Get out of my head!
At last, noon arrives, and I get ready to leave.
I stop at the farmers market on my way home. While browsing the fruit, I look up and find Lee watching me. I walk over. "Hi, Lee. I'm glad you made it home safe and sound."
He smiles. "Good to see you, too, Nora. Um... I know we're not that close, but we were all talking about going clay pigeon shooting in a couple of weeks. Would you like to come?"
I sigh. "I don't know, Lee..."
He sighs, too. "That's okay, Nora. I understand. See you around."
Wow. Why am I the one who feels like complete shit? So much for the farmers market.
At home, I put away the fresh produce and pace around the apartment, debating whether to attend the stupid party. No. You're not going. Stick to your guns.
I sit down with a book, but keep looking at the clock. Every hour crawls past. Why am I watching it?
I try reading again, then glance up once more.
4:15. Fuck it. I'm going. In my bedroom, I find a dress I bought for a date with Graham but never got to wear.
Bianca talked me into buying it. I hold it against myself and look down, as though I could turn back time and tell him everything about my past.
Sighing, I go to the bathroom to curl my hair and put on makeup. Then I return to the bedroom and slip into the dress. The black fabric hugs my body, with a mesh panel through the middle.
I leave my apartment at five, knowing I'm already running late.
I arrive at the restaurant and walk inside, scanning the room for Bianca.
I spot her and finally catch her eye. She looks straight at me and beams. As I make my way over, I realize she's talking to Dad, Owen, and Graham.
I take a deep breath, suddenly aware that I'm only a foot from her.
When I look up, all four are staring at me with wide eyes.
"Hi," I say.
Owen pulls me into a hug. As he does, I glance at Graham, who looks away and sips his beer. Over Owen's arms, I notice Graham's left forearm is bandaged from wrist to elbow.
Graham catches me staring. "I'm fine," he says.
Owen releases me. My mind races through everything that might have happened to Graham overseas. God, he could have been killed, and I've been sitting here angry with him.
I stand between Owen and Bianca while Owen shares stories from their time overseas. At the edge of my vision, Graham watches me between sips of beer.
Dad speaks up. "Hey, Nora. I think I'll head home. I'm getting too old for late nights."
I smile. "Okay. Talk to you tomorrow?"
He nods and leans toward my ear. "When I said I was glad you were looking after your mental health, I meant your happiness, too." His gaze shifts toward Graham. Then Dad leaves.
A woman approaches our group. With her brunette hair and striking looks, she could be a model. Her extravagant short dress has a plunging V-neck that shows off her breasts. She steps up and links her arm through Graham's.
I try to keep my face blank, though I want to rip her hair out. I know I have no right to feel this way when I won't even give Graham a chance.
He's visibly uncomfortable and frees his arm from hers. Ah!
Beside me, Owen's jaw tightens. "What are you doing here, Vanessa?"
Fuck. She's Graham's ex, and she's gorgeous. No wonder he fell for her.
Vanessa glares at Owen. "I heard you got back this morning. I asked Graham to meet for dinner so we could talk, and he said he was meeting friends here. I thought I'd surprise him. I didn't come to fight, Owen," she snaps.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Graham watching me as though he's trying to work out what I'm thinking.
Soon, I realize Vanessa has noticed me, too. She doesn't look pleased that Graham's attention is on me.
I can't believe she was shallow enough to leave him for someone richer. Growing uncomfortable, I turn to walk away, but Bianca stops me.
"Hey, why don't you sing? I'm sure the guys would love it."
I take a breath. "I don't know, Bianca..."
Owen pushes me toward the stage. "Come on. You have a beautiful voice. I'm sure Graham would love a song in his honor."
I turn to glare at Owen, but catch Vanessa scowling at him instead.
I nod and climb onto the stage.
"Uh... hi, everyone. I'd like to sing something in honor of our military. It's called 'Champion,' by Carrie Underwood."
I'll be the last one standingTwo hands in the air, I'm a championYou'll be looking up at me when it's overI live for the battle, I'm a soldier, yeah
Graham steps toward the stage. Vanessa catches his arm and leans close to speak in his ear. My blood begins to boil.
I'm a fighter like RockyPut you flat on your back like AliYeah, I'm the greatest, I'm strongerPaid my dues, can't lose, Imma own ya, ay
Memories of Damon beating me flash through my mind. I realize this song may be too much for me to sing.
I've been working my whole lifeAnd now it's do or die
Tears gather in my eyes.
I am invincible, unbreakableUnstoppable, unshakeableThey knock me down, I get up againI am the championYou're gonna know my nameYou can't hurt me nowI can't feel the painI was made for this, yeah, I was born to winI am the champion....
Tears stream down my face, and I run from the building.
Outside, I clutch the railing to steady myself. Flashbacks of Damon punching me to the floor consume me.
Arms circle me and turn me against a chest. I recognize Graham's scent, and I sob harder.
I pound my hands against his chest. "I hate you... I hate you. You left me. You said you never wanted to see me." My sobs deepen.
He strokes my back. "I know, baby. I didn't mean it. I was angry. Please, let's talk. Let me in, just a little."
I push him away. "No. I can't do this."
Leaving him stunned, I walk to my car and drive home.