15. Jay
JAY
“Anyone home?” Jay called as she entered the suite.
It had been a grueling two weeks, and she still hadn’t had the kind of night out she’d been looking forward to.
What was worse was that living in such close proximity to Michaela was proving to be a challenge she underestimated.
The woman didn’t even have to do anything; all she had to do was turn and look at Jay, and Jay could feel a part of herself melt.
But she was changing all of that tonight.
She had turned in her project that she’d worked on with Davis this week, so that was finally done, and she’d gotten into a good groove with the rest of her classes.
She had even become friendly acquaintances with a few classmates, but study groups and the like were established.
Besides, she preferred studying alone and then running things by Davis.
Davis also seemed genuinely happy to help, as he clearly loved computers as much as Jay. It was nice.
“Yes! Just in time.” She heard Iris’ voice before she appeared in her and Davis’ bedroom doorway, looking excited. “Did you just get in from work?”
Jay had started working with Callie at a local cafe.
It was an easy job, and Callie had somehow convinced the manager to schedule them together by explaining it was safer for them to travel together to and from work.
They spent the majority of their time in the afternoons keeping busy and cleaning — and Callie loved to gossip.
Jay didn’t mind it; she didn’t find Callie malicious so much as curious, high energy, and observant. Made their shifts go by faster.
“Yeah, and Callie wants to go out–are you around tonight?” Jay said, dropping her stuff on the couch and turning to face Iris. It was then she saw a nervous looking Michaela over her friend’s shoulder. “What’s up?” Jay said cautiously.
“Kayla got paid!” Iris squealed, and Jay’s insides lit up instantly.
“So that means we can go—”
“Shopping! Come on, it's still early enough. Davis and I need to work tonight, but we have time. Either way, you two should totally go out, in new outfits!” Iris said victoriously, turning to look at Michaela.
“Listen, I mean, I don’t know, I get kinda weird about new clothes and—” Michaela began, but Iris walked back into her room. Jay followed her.
“No way, Kayla, you walk around in clothes that are too big, and you disappear in them. Let’s go, you said you would go shopping when you got paid, so let’s do this!” Iris all but demanded, but Jay was completely on board.
Thirty minutes later, they were in a small shop near a thrift store that Iris swore by.
“Wait, I thought we were going thrifting first?” Michaela said as Jay guided her into the store.
“We are,” Iris said, and Jay turned her head to wink at Iris. She had asked her for this before they went to the thrift shop.
“But first, we need to get a few things here. You can try some things on so we get an idea of what you like on you, and,” Jay said, grinning as they moved into the shop, “you promised you’d get yourself a pair of panties.”
Jay felt Michaela go rigid beside her.
“Here?” The word came out breathy.
“Yes here, it’ll be okay, Iris wouldn’t take us anywhere not okay,” Jay said. Jay watched her friend nod and then swallow thickly.
“Come on, ladies,” Iris said from further in the shop. Jay hadn’t realized Iris had moved.
“Let’s go, Mickey,” Jay said quietly, and she tucked her hand into Michaela’s and pulled.
Michaela met her gaze, her deep brown eyes wide with shock, and then she nodded and squeezed Jay’s hand. She followed her to where Iris was standing between two racks featuring pairs of panties on individual hangers.
“Now look, you’re going to have to experiment a little with what feels comfortable, so let’s get you a variety. Pick what you like, and we can go from there.”
Jay watched as Michaela just stared at the underwear, like she was about to be let in on a secret she wasn’t supposed to know. Jay’s breath caught in her throat, like it often did around Michaela.
“Um, Jay, will you help?”
Jay smiled. “Oh you know I will, let’s get started!”
“Wait—” Michaela picked up a pair and looked at the price tag. “Whoa, all this for one pair? I uh, let’s just get one and—”
“Nonsense. I will get you as many pairs as you want,” Iris chimed in.
Before Michaela could argue, she said, “You are not buying your first pair of panties. No way. A mother hen should do that for her daughter, and I am like your fairy godmother,” Iris said laughing, clearly amused by her own words.
“My what?” Michaela said.“Your fairy godmother, and you’re like Cinderella!” Iris said, clapping her hands together. Her dark green nails complimented the undertones of her tanned white skin.
“A Black Cinderella, that’ll be the day.” Michaela mumbled, “and what, she’ll be played by a darker skinned actress? Like who? Brandy?” Michaela laughed. “Next you’re going to tell me Whoopi Goldberg—or better yet, Whitney Houston will be her fairy godmother.”
“I mean, I would love to be associated with any role Whitney Houston has,” Iris responded, “and Brandy would make an amazing Cinderella.”
“Okay, so we are so off topic here,” Jay cut in. “Mickey, you’re stalling, the woman just offered you free panties. You don’t say no to that, we hurry!” Jay said, snapping her fingers. When the other two didn’t move, Jay said, “What?”
“Nothing, I just, you’re so in charge,” Michaela said with a glint in her eye. Jay thought it meant she liked it and decided to tuck that knowledge away.
“Oh yeah, well, it’s not like it’s a big habit of mine, since I don’t know everything. But, I guess my mother used it when she meant business, and right now, I mean business!”
Michaela smiled, and Iris said, “Alright then, vamos!” Jay thought her accent wasn’t half bad.
Another thirty minutes later, they had purchased lots of underwear for Michaela.
Jay had made sure to pick out a range, everything from lace to everyday neutral tones, to reds and blues.
There were even two thongs that Iris insisted Michaela try, promising she had picked pairs that would be comfortable and that she'd show her how to wear them, tucked or untucked.
Jay and Iris had offered to show Michaela how to tuck; she seemed interested but wanted to wait for another time.
The cashier was very sweet, which Jay had been thankful for.
They told the cashier they needed to try on clothes, and she even seemed to get excited on their behalf.
Next, they went to try on a few pieces to get a sense of whether Michaela was a baggy jeans and tight top girl, like Jay, or more of a bootcut girl.
They also wanted to find a cut of cargo pants that wouldn’t make her look “too boxy,” something Michaela had lamented.
Finally, they picked one baby tee, a tube top, and a turtleneck to pair with their findings.
“Why a tube top? It’s almost October, and we live in the Bay,” Michaela said as they made their way to the dressing room.
“So? Chillax, Sasha’s house was super hot last time and,” Iris continued, “you can always throw on one of those flannels you two love so much.”
“Fine,” Michaela said, disappearing behind the curtain while Jay and Iris stayed outside. Jay turned to Iris and knew she was smiling just as wide.
After ten minutes, Jay asked, “Mickey, you okay?”
Silence.
“Kayla?” Iris said, stepping closer. “Don’t make me come in there.”
Then Jay heard a noise that made her stomach drop. A slight sniffle. Iris moved forward, and Jay grabbed her arm and looked at her. Iris nodded, and Jay continued.
“Mickey, I am going to come in, okay?” Jay said gently, right up against the velvet curtain.
“Okay,” Michaela said weakly, and Jay’s heart clenched.
Sliding behind the curtain, Jay found Michaela sitting on one of the small chairs that always came with dressing rooms. It wasn’t a tiny room, which surprised Jay given the size of the place, but it was their only fitting room.
The room also had one of those built-in benches that Michaela had dumped all the clothes on.
She sat slumped with her head in her hands.
“Mickey, hey, hey there, babe, what’s happening?” Jay said slowly, dropping to her knees so that she could try to find Michaela’s face.
“I feel so fucking stupid, Jay, come on, look at me,” Michaela sobbed, and Jay felt her own eyes sting.
“Hey, it’s okay to feel that way, this is all new, but I promise you’re not stupid. We are just seeing what looks good on you like any other shopping trip.”
“But that’s the thing,” Michaela said, finally lifting her head, her brown eyes rimmed red.
“I didn’t go on shopping excursions specifically for this reason.
Okay? I’m not like you, or Iris. When I look in the mirror, what's there isn’t going to be sexy or cute or right.
” She got the last word out before reburying her face in her hands, and Jay’s heart broke for her.
Maybe this had been a bad idea. Jay felt awful. She hadn’t wanted to cause Michaela pain at all. She thought there would be some discomfort, but she had been so excited for Michaela to see herself, the way she knew everyone in their community did. Fuck, she had screwed up.
“I don’t always love what I see in the mirror, Mickey,” Jay said, trying to figure out how she could fix this and fearing there was no way to. Michaela inhaled and looked up at Jay.
“Really? But—”
“And I don’t love what I see in the mirror either,” Iris’ voice came from beyond the curtain.
“But you both are so—”
“Coming in!” Iris pushed through the curtain. The room felt small with three women inside, but Jay thought Michaela could use the proximity right now. It felt akin to her time with Diana and Julia. It had always felt like a sisterhood with them, and now Jay hoped Michaela could feel it too.
“Mickey,” Jay began, “I sometimes don’t love what I see in the mirror. Sometimes I wish I were taller, or that my shoulders weren’t so broad.”