18. Michaela
MICHAELA
“That last article was lovely,” Ms. Cece said to Michaela.
It was after the evening’s meet up, and while people tended to hang back, the room had mostly cleared out.
Jay, Kevin, and Callie were clearly waiting for Michaela, and so was Erica, who had asked Michaela out at the beginning.
Michaela really hadn’t seen it coming, but she had promised herself she was going to let it flow. She knew Kevin would be proud of her.
“Thanks, I decided to use a little real life inspiration, and—” Michaela paused because she realized the truth and the weight of what she was going to say next.
Feeling her face flame, she focused on the new pair of Sketchers she’d purchased the last time she’d been out with Iris.
“The article, the experience, all of it was really healing.” When she looked back up, she saw Ms. Cece with a knowing smile on her face.
“That’s awesome, or as you kids say these days, ‘Da Bomb.’” She cackled, her rich laugh that Michaela had come to love so much.
She laughed with her whole chest. The laughter shook her shoulders as she threw her head back, relaxed hair flouncing and red lipstick bright, filling the room with the sound.
It felt like a hug. “Not sure your idea is what I had in mind when I assigned you to Lifestyle, but look, as long as you’re comfortable and we hold back on some of the details, I think working your way through a list is honest, brave, and will resonate with a lot of our folks and beyond,” she said when she had stopped laughing.
Her words were sincere and her brown eyes had gone from joyous to serious.
“I am happy writing is working out for you.”
“Yeah, I never had a space to share things before, and I’m learning so much.”
Ms. Cece smiled again. “Have you thought about pursuing it as a major here?”
Michaela thought about it, and while she really enjoyed it, she wasn’t sure. “I don’t know. I think I really want to share and help people like me, like you do, Ms. Cece. But I also am learning so much so late.”
“We all have our own timelines,” Ms. Cece reminded her.
“I know,” Michaela said hurriedly, “I guess I just meant that I wish this had reached me when I was younger. There is just so much grief and misunderstanding it would have saved me. The nineteen-year-old me hurts for the nine-year-old me,” Michaela said.
And she meant it. She wished she could reach back to her younger self and tell her that while she didn’t have all the answers, she’d be okay.
“Baby, that’s the gift and curse of hindsight, wisdom as you get older.”
Michaela nodded, and said, “I’m sure. I know I may sound young and naive.
But I still feel like there is a way. To reach younger people who are in our community.
” She thought of herself at fourteen, alone on the street until she came across Brian.
Without him, who knows what would have happened to her, what she would have had to do to survive, if she had at all.
Brian, that had been the mercy the universe had given her.
Michaela wanted more for her fourteen-year-old self.
“You know, you could always teach or become a community organizer, just things to think about. Could look into education, policy, and the like. I’d be more than happy to put you in touch with some of my colleagues for you to talk to.”
“Really? I’d love that! Right now I am still kinda figuring stuff out about me before I can think about pushing forward with any kind of purpose or messaging, but it would still be helpful.”
“Absolutely sweetie, now let me stop talking because I have the feeling someone’s waiting for you,” Ms. Cece nodded her head over Michaela’s shoulders.
Michaela turned to find that Kevin and Callie had disappeared, along with the other guy, Ryan, and the only ones left were Erica, looking patient, and Jay, looking put out.
Michaela wondered if something had happened and was eager to check-in with Jay.
“Yeah, let me get going, especially since Iris and Davis left me and Jay behind.”
“I am still so glad that it worked out. Alright honey, talk later.” Michaela turned and almost bumped into Erica, who was trailed by Jay.
“Hey Mickey, ready to go home?” Jay said hurriedly.
Michaela smiled over to her friend and said, “One sec.” She turned to Erica, eager to say goodbye so she could speak with Jay and figure out what was bothering her.
Erica smiled at her. She was tall, taller than Jay, with a buzz cut, medium-brown skin, and full lips.
She had light brown eyes that popped against her deep brown skin, and Michaela saw a beauty mark underneath the bottom left side of her lips, which she found hot.
Erica’s red sweater clung to the muscles that let Michaela know she was built, and her baggy blue jeans made her look effortlessly cool—which Erica was.
As a junior, she already had a reputation around campus as a bit of a flirt and a playgirl.
But that only intrigued Michaela more. Mainly because that made her perfect for going with the flow and working her way through her list.
“So I will see you Saturday right, around 7? Meet you in front of your dorm?”
“Yeah, can’t wait,” Michaela said, putting on her best flirtatious smile.
“Great, see you then,” Erica said with a playful look in her eyes. She turned to Jay, nodded, and walked off.
“Ready?” Jay said almost immediately, a slight bite in her voice.
“Yeah, let’s go,” Michaela said, and the two left together.
It wasn’t too bad of a walk back to the suite, but Jay was quiet the whole way back, so the walk seemed longer than normal. Michaela asked her if there was something wrong or if anything had happened, but Jay just mumbled that she had had a long day and wanted to get home.
“Finally!” Iris said from the couch as she and Jay made their way into the suite. Davis was sitting in his usual spot next to Iris. Her feet in his lap and the whole scene made Michaela’s heart warm at how close they were.
“Finally what?” Michaela said as she watched Jay head straight for their bedroom. She wanted to go after her, but perhaps Jay was just in a bad mood.
“You’re home! Are you going to pretend like I am not going to ask you about Erica?”
Michaela’s face warmed, and she knew she had a sheepish grin on her face. “What about her?”
“Ahhh hello! Did she ask you out?”
Michaela nodded.
“And what did you say!” Iris said, nearly bursting from her skin in her apparent excitement.
“I said I would go out with her and—” She never got the next part out because Iris squealed and clapped her hands.
“Yes! Our girl is about to experience Erica!” Iris said to Davis, who was smiling up at Michaela.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Michaela whipped her head around to the bedroom doorway to find Jay, still in her day clothes, arms crossed.
“Oh well, I mean Erica has a bit of a reputation, she’s def been around, if you know what I mean. Which is great, because she definitely knows what she’s doing,” Iris added, wagging her eyebrows. “Trust me, I know, personally.”
Michaela opened her mouth and then said, “Wait, you and Erica? I mean, I don’t have to, I can—” but Iris cut her off waving a hand.
“No way that was like, when, Dav?” she said, looking at her best friend.
Davis turned his head up in thought, wrapping a hand around one of Iris’ ankles.
“I think it was around the end of our freshman year? But Kayla, it wasn’t anything serious.
I mean, you’d have to worry about half the chicks in the Alliance and then some.
But if it helps, I’ve only heard good things. ”
“Yeah?” Michaela was surprised to hear the relief in her own voice.
“Yeah?” Jay said from the doorway, the same bite back in her voice from when they’d been at the meetup earlier.
“Yeah!” Iris carried on. “Let’s just say she does not stop at one.”
There was silence, and then Michaela asked, “Stop at one what?” and then her mouth formed into a comical “O” as she put it together. She thought of the secret number eleven on her list. “I don’t know about that. I mean, it’s a first date.”
Davis and Iris both laughed. “Honey, Erica moves quickly, you won’t be disappointed though. Something about masc lesbians, man.”
Michaela blinked, her body flooded with both anxiety and excitement. “She’s okay with women like us?” she asked tentatively.
“Oh babe, she will definitely have you feeling things you never knew you—”
“Are you okay with that, Michaela?” Jay interrupted, walking further into the room so she was right next to Michaela.
“Yes, I guess, just nervous. You know I haven’t got much experience, though not because I don’t want it.” Michaela found it hard to meet Jay’s eyes, though she could feel her friend’s stare burning into the side of her face.
“Oh honey, listen, I’ve heard some things and you’ve shared some things. You do know Davis and I are here, you know what we do right? What we love to do? If you ever want to run through some tips, some examples, we could all get some drinks and peel off that bandaid.”
Michaela’s eyes snapped up to both Iris and Davis, but then she focused on Iris.
“I don’t think Mickey needs that—” she heard Jay start from beside her.
But Michaela said, “Really? That would be great, actually. Um, just let me think about the how?”
“Sure thing, princess,” Davis said, smiling. “Consider it our pleasure.”
“Wait, what?”
Michaela turned to see a red-faced Jay, but there was an unreadable look on her face.
“Chillax Jay, we aren’t having some giant orgy in the living room,” Iris said. “There are lots of ways we can help.”
Jay didn’t respond, didn’t take her eyes off Michaela. She turned and went into their room. Michaela looked over to Davis and Iris as if they could offer up a clue. Davis shrugged but smiled and nodded his head as if to say, “you’re going to have to talk to her.”
So Michaela followed. Closing the door behind her, she found Jay pacing.
“Jay?” she said cautiously.
Jay stopped, took a deep breath, straightened and then turned to Michaela.
“Yeah?” she said easily as if nothing was wrong. As if her face wasn’t red.
“Is everything okay? You’ve been acting strange and I am afraid something has happened.”
Jay let out another breath. “Nothing’s happened.”
When she didn’t offer more, Michaela said, “It seems like you’re upset or bothered or something?”
Jay looked at her, and then at the floor, and then back again. She let out a bigger breath, one Michaela recognized as her calming breath. “Nothing happened, I am just stressed out with midterms, and,” she began before Michaela could argue, “I am worried about you and your date with Erica.”
Michaela nodded. “I mean, I’m worried, too. But is there any reason you are worried?”
“I mean you don’t know her, you—I don’t know her reputation.”
Michaela’s stomach flip-flopped. “Do you think it is so weird for someone who has a reputation for chasing everyone to be interested in me?” Michaela said coolly.
Jay’s eyes went wide. “What? No—”
“Because Jay, this is what you, and Callie, and Kevin, all of you have been hyping me up for. To put myself out there. And I am, and now you are suddenly worried that–what?” Michaela had no idea where her anger was coming from.
She wanted Jay to be happy for her. Jay who literally admired herself in the mirror everyday and walked into the room like she already had everyone.
Jay who had kissed her and then didn’t have time for her.
Jay took another calming breath. “I am just saying you wrote in that article, your article, that you liked the kiss with me because you felt comfortable with me. And I just want that for you, I just want you to be comfortable and not feel like you have to do it.”
Michaela let out a small scoff. “Well, I do feel comfortable with you. That kiss was actually kinda a big deal to me, okay? Sorry if it’s just one of many you’ve had.
I haven’t, and I don’t think I would have even been able to have the nerve to go on a date with someone else not having had that kiss, knowing I could do it.
And—” She stopped herself before she said, knowing I could do it and like it so much.
“And what? So you kissed me and now you kiss whoever? You heard Erica’s reputation, what if she wants to make out with you? What if she wants to fuck you? Do you need to do that with me first so you can have the gall to do it with someone else?”
Michaela looked deep into Jay’s eyes and thought about it. “Maybe,” she said quietly. She wasn’t sure if she was just being obstinate or what, but Jay was annoying her now.
“What did you say?” Jay said, taking a step closer.
“I said, maybe! Maybe I came in here to ask you to kiss me again, just so I could practice for my date.”
Michaela watched Jay’s eyes go wide, and then they seemed to darken. They went from her lips to Michaela’s eyes again. Michaela held her gaze, as if challenging Jay at first, but the fire inside her burnt out as soon as it had ignited.
She let out a breath and said in a small voice, “Please Jay, I am nervous, and I trust you.” Jay stared back at her, and Michaela offered one more “Please?” Something behind her friend’s eyes snapped, and Jay reached up to pull Michaela down by her jaw until Jay’s mouth was on hers, and her world went white hot.