34. Michaela
MICHAELA
“Ithink I have decided, fuck it, I am going to pursue architecture. My parents will just be thrilled that I’ve decided on a direction,” Kevin said one afternoon when they were both working in the library.
Michaela looked away from the computer screen where she was writing a piece on desire and what it meant to have it, own it, and the validation of having it met. It took a beat for her mind to switch gears as she turned to Kevin. “Do it–if it makes you happy, do it.”
“Yeah, I think it does. It’s all I have wanted to do.
I think my parents loved that I gravitated to Lincoln Logs and Legos, you know, their whole ‘only son’ thing,” Kevin said, making quotation marks with his hands.
“So maybe I can use that angle to sweet talk them into it. They really wanted me to pursue something they could brag about and would make lots of money, like being a doctor.”
Michaela tried to picture Kevin as a doctor.
It’s not that she couldn’t see it; she thought all of her friends could do anything they wanted, truly, but she didn’t picture a happy Kevin when she did.
When she thought of Kevin the architect, focused on a model of his next build, the same expression she’d seen from time to time while they studied or worked together, she thought he looked happy.
“I think you’d make a great architect. When you become one, please name a building The Michaela,” she joked, and was happy to see the slight look of trepidation that had been on Kevin’s face melt into a relieved smile.
“You will have to get in line. You know Callie is going to want one named after her, and Bjorn won’t want one, but I’ll do it anyway just to mess with him.”
Michaela laughed. “You know, I am so glad that is going well.” She meant it. Love looked good on both Callie and Kevin. “You’re like, all suave now,” she added teasingly.
“Yeah, there was a bit of a learning curve, what with a bi-awakening I would have thought would have happened by now, but I’ve realized some other things that makes that delay clearer.”
“The whole sub thing?” Michaela said. She was careful with the tone of her voice because she wasn’t trying to be belittling; she was trying to understand.
It was so strange to her that growing up all romances seemed to just focus on one kind of relationship: a man and woman, usually white, who fall in love, get married, fulfill their assigned gender roles and have babies.
The end. It was wild to Michaela that so many stories portrayed only one type of sexuality, one type of romance, when she had learned over the course of the last six months or so that there was a whole array of both.
She was grateful for having the space to learn, for her and Kevin and everyone else who had access.
“I just thought I had to be gay because I really like, like really, really—”
Michaela laughed, “Kev, we know.”
Kevin laughed back. “Just making sure that’s clear.”
“Liking women too doesn’t erase the fact that you like men.”
“That’s the thing, isn’t it? It’s complicated and so damn simple at the same time. And then to realize that what I’d been craving, to give up control, to let someone take it on for a while–I guess I didn’t think a woman could ever do that or be that in the bedroom.”
Michaela’s mind went to just the night before, Jay over her, telling her what a good girl she’d—
“Nope, nope, okay, come back to me, I don’t know where you went but I am certain it included a very naked Jay.”
Michaela smiled. Busted.
“Anyway,” Kevin continued. He was smiling.
Michaela knew he wasn’t at all weirded out by these conversations and never had been.
“I think I just didn’t pay that much attention to girls, especially when I realized pretty early on I liked boys.
Or maybe there is just something about Callie, who knows. ”
“I see her as one of those people that defies sexuality as a whole,” Michaela joked, and Kevin nodded appreciatively.
“And I’m a top! Like how could I be a sub who is into women and be a top? It all didn’t make sense to me. Well, until I came here and met our little Collective–which includes Bjorn now, by the way.”
Michaela rolled her eyes at the group name but scoffed and said, “Of course it includes Bjorn now, silly. Do you know how much Jay and I both pestered him about polyamory?”
Kevin nodded with understanding at that; she knew out of the triad, he had been the one with the most reservations.
“That was probably the final layer of things that broke my brain for a while. But you know it works. I know it’s different with you and Jay, but by the looks of things, what with your notable absences from late night shenanigans…
” Kevin said offhandedly, and Michaela rolled her eyes, knowing damn well that Kevin and Callie likely disappeared with or to find Bjorn minutes after she and Jay usually did. “It seems to be working for you?”
Michaela thought it over for a moment, and the truth was, so far, it was.
She knew Jay had started corresponding with Diana and had been genuinely happy for her lover when she found out.
She didn’t know what the future held; Diana was all the way over in Vermont, but she felt confident she and Jay could talk and work it out.
“I think I am in awe of Jay’s capacity to love, that’s how I look at it.”
Kevin nodded slowly and then brightened. “Does that mean you are also impressed with my capacity to love?” he laughed. Michaela picked up a pen and playfully chucked it at him.
Michaela looked back at her computer screen.. “This is actually something I want to write about, the idea of discovery and having the space to do that.”
“Ooooh I like. What are you working on now?”
“A piece on desire,” Michaela said, turning back to Kevin.
“I also like that. You know, you’ve been writing some awesome pieces. I’m glad you stuck with the lifestyle beat.”
“Me too,” Michaela admitted. She had learned so much about herself and what it all meant to her.
“Speaking of desire,” Kevin said as he waggled his eyebrows. “What does Jay have planned for you for tomorrow?”
Michaela racked her brain and could only come up with the fact that tomorrow was Friday.
She wondered if she was about to get more shit for how much time she and Jay had been spending together lately.
But honestly, Michaela wasn’t sorry. She was too busy having the best sex of her life.
“For Friday? Is there a theme party or something?”
“Or something,” Kevin said, crooking a perfectly waxed eyebrow.
Michaela had always thought Kevin had a presence that made him both laid back but extremely noticeable, but now, there was an added air of self-assurance and—there was no other word for it—swagger.
Perhaps she wasn’t the only one. “Kayla, tomorrow is Valentine’s Day, girl. ”
Valentine’s Day. It was a day she understood in concept, had even fantasized about once, but those days were long ago.
In the past it had been full of disappointments.
But now she had a wonderful partner, a girlfriend who loved her.
One she would love to shower with love and affection on a designated day, just because.
“Oh shit,” she said, and Kevin laughed.
“Oh shit,” he repeated, “so you really weren’t thinking about it? Good thing I brought it up, then.”
The burst of excitement had given way to a small pit forming in her stomach. “Fuck, it’s tomorrow? I totally spaced on it, I don’t usually—fuck,” Michaela said, now feeling flustered.
“It’s okay Kayla, let’s be real, you know Jay has something planned for you. You know she wouldn’t have it any other way. That woman would actually worship the ground you walk on if she could.”
Michaela smiled at that, the fact that Jay loved her so openly and noticeably.
But that was all the more reason to feel bad.
Jay was always there to make her feel her love.
To make Michaela feel weightless, like she was flying.
And she wanted to do the same for Jay. But this late, she was unsure of what to do.
And it’s not like she had unlimited funds, not when she was saving to join Jay the next time she went home.
“Kayla, don’t worry,” Kevin said reassuringly. “Let’s think of something? Brainstorm some ideas.”
Michaela looked at her friend. “What are your plans?”
“Well, Bjorn loves to cook, and Callie will likely give us some really thoughtful gifts, and I bought some books by their favorite authors, but also,” Kevin’s face contorted into a filthy grin, “I am going to serve them what they both want, this sweet ass on a platter.”
“Platter?” Michaela said, almost choking on her own spit.
“I went shopping with Iris and bought myself a little lace and leather,” Kevin said sweetly.
Michaela suddenly remembered what Iris had gotten her for Christmas, something she must have picked up on her trip with Kevin—though it was possible Iris went lingerie shopping every week; she loved the stuff.
“Kayla?” Kevin asked.
“You definitely just gave me an idea.”
“Lace and leather?” Kevin said excitedly.
“Something like that,” Michaela said, smiling.