Kailyn
The last few weeks have been insane.
Between all of the travel and games, I feel like I’ve barely had a moment to myself. That’s the life of a hockey player, or in my case, the team’s athletic trainer.
The Blaze are on fire, playing like they’re already in the playoffs.
We’ve gone undefeated this season so far, and while I know these boys are superstitious and I shouldn’t be thinking about it, I can’t help but be proud of them.
The smiles on their faces, seeing how happy they are after each game—it makes me proud to be here.
Right now, we’re on an away stretch of three games that ends after tonight. And as much as I love traveling and exploring new places, I also miss my own bed.
Dr. Sanders gave the staff the morning off, saying he would watch practice, so we all decided to explore Seattle.
“I cannot wait for tonight to be over, so I can go home and sleep in my own bed,” Emilia huffs as she sips her coffee.
We’re sitting at a table outside, relaxing and people watching.
“I may miss my bed, but I definitely don’t miss the Florida heat. This breeze has been so nice for my hair.”
“Girl, you’re telling me. I haven’t had hair this tame in months. The heat makes it frizzy and dry.” She laughs.
“Oh, I know. If you want it to look good, you have to spend so much money on products. When I was unpacking all of my stuff in my new apartment, Brandon decided to help with my bathroom and he was baffled by the number of bathroom boxes I had and how much was in them.”
“No way. I swear, these boys spend hours getting ready in the bathroom. Growing up, Beckett had a ten step skin care routine that put mine to shame.”
“Why does that not shock me? Brayden was the exact same way growing up.” I let out a belly laugh.
“It’s Beckett and Brayden we’re talking about. The two pretty boys of the team.” She gives me a side eye, mischief dancing in her eyes.
I nod, raising my hands up in mock surrender. “Fair point.”
We sit back as we sip our drinks, taking in the calm before tonight’s game.
“I’ve been meaning to ask, how are things going for you?” I ask, wanting to check in with her like she does for me.
She sets her mug down and sighs. “Between having to study every player and know who they are, making sure the media and the fans like the players and the team, all while managing the higher ups expectations about costs and projections, it’s been an intense few weeks. I’m definitely learning a lot, though.”
“Do I need to fight someone for you?”
She laughs, taking a sip of her coffee. “No, there’s no need for fighting, but I’m glad to have you in my corner. I can do this job, but I’m a bit paranoid. I tend to get treated differently being the Coach’s daughter, you know?”
“I know you deserve to be here, and if others don't think so, you’ll just prove them wrong. If things get bad or you need anything, please tell me. You’re my girl, and I’ve got your back.”
“Thanks. It’s been really nice to have a friend to talk to about this,” she smiles shyly, and a glint in her eyes surfaces before the conversation shifts to me.
“Speaking of being besties, how are things with you and Jake?”
I laugh as I sip my tea, a warm blush creeping up my cheeks.
“Things have been okay. I told you he texted me the night after their first game, but he hasn’t texted since then, and I don’t want to push things too fast. I’m feeling hopeful with how we’ve interacted, but like I told him, he’s in charge and I’ll follow his lead. ”
“I know you want to take things at his pace, but what if that’s the wrong approach?”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re scared of messing up, but don’t hold back or go too slow because of it. If you really do still care about him, which I know you do, then maybe going slow isn’t the answer. You want to build trust with him, but how can you do that without putting the work in?”
I contemplate her words.
She does have a point here. I want to respect that he needs time and space, but I also know that we have so much history. I will fight for us, to prove myself to him and hopefully earn his trust and love back.
We sit and chat for a little bit longer, the breeze picking up and sending a chill up my bare legs.
I’m wearing a yellow sundress that flows nicely over my curves, has thin straps over my shoulders, and ends just above my knees.
But now that the wind is picking up, I regret not bringing a sweater.
Before I can ask Emilia if she’s ready to head out, my phone rings with an incoming call from Coach Davenport.
“Hey, Coach, what’s up?” I ask him, eyeing Em warily.
Coach never really calls, usually texts what he needs, so I’m a little on edge.
“Hey, are you at the hotel right now?” The hesitation lacing his voice also doesn’t help my nerves.
“We’re down the street, but I can meet you in the lobby. Why? Is everything okay?”
“The bus should be pulling up in roughly ten minutes, so I’ll fill you in when I get there.”
“Okay, we’ll see you in a minute.” I hang up and look at Emilia, seeing a concerned look on her face.
“Everything okay?”
“Yeah, just Coach needing to talk to me. We should head out and see what’s going on.”
We pay for our food and walk back to the hotel, all the while I have a million thoughts running through my head.
Is one of the players hurt? One of my brothers? Am I doing a good enough job? No, stop it. I can’t think like that. Everything is going to be fine.
I need to calm my thoughts before they consume me.
We step into the lobby and sit on the couches just as the team bus pulls up and the guys all start to file off, making their way around before the game tonight.
As I’m waiting for Coach to step off the bus, I watched as a bright red faced Eric storms down the stairs, fury painted across his face. Just when I think he’s going to continue on further into the lobby, he stops in his tracks, his gaze connecting with mine.
He looks pissed, and I wonder what happened to him. There’s no words exchanged between us, but it almost feels like his anger is directed towards me with the way his eyes darken and his scowl becomes more prominent.
Coach Davenport is the last one off the bus, along with Connor and Jake.
My gaze is drawn to Jake as he eyes me, his brow furrowing before cautiously approaching me and taking the seat next to me.
“Hey, are you okay? You look like you’re spiraling.”
“I’m fine.”
He rolls his eyes at me, knowing that I’m lying to him. “I know you better than that. You look like you’re in your head, what happened?”
“The coach called and asked to speak to me, and I guess I got all in my head about everything.” Even after all this time, he can still read me better than anyone else.
“Just try and take some deep breaths. I’m not sure what he’s gonna tell you, but I know for a fact that you’re not going to get fired or sent home right now. You’ve been nothing but a huge addition to this team.”
“How did you know that’s what was bothering me?”
He sighs, rolling his eyes with a smile on his face. “You’re fidgeting your hands like you always do when something is bothering you. And even though it's been ten years, I like to still think I somewhat know you.”
I look down and see my hands bunched up together, picking at the skin of my nails.
Emilia’s eyes widen in surprise, before softening. She smiles at us, squeezing my knee in support from my other side.
Coach walks over along with Connor as they both take a seat on the opposite couch. Coach sighs as he rubs his face, a look of sadness and defeat in his eyes.
“Kailyn, I’m sorry if my call worried you.”
“It’s alright. But are you okay? You sounded concerned.”
“I’m fine. But I’ll cut right to the chase. Dr. Sanders collapsed at the arena earlier today. He was taken to the hospital and they are running some tests now.”
“Oh my gosh. Is he okay?” I know the last couple of days he’s been slower than usual, letting me do more of the heavy lifting, but I didn’t see this happening. I hope it’s not as bad as Coach is making it seem based on the tired and somber expression on his face.
“I’m going to be honest, and this stays here with us.
Josh has been battling some health issues for a while now.
” Exhaustion laces his tone, highlighting how much this is affecting him.
“His health has been declining, and he’s been sick on and off since the beginning of this year.
His sister is on her way here to be with him and take him home once he’s ready, but at this rate, he’s not doing as well as the doctors hoped he would be.
That being said, I need to prioritize him and his recovery, which is the reason I called you. ”
I stare at him, a little confused by his last statement.
“With your background, level of experience, and expertise, I need your help running things while he’s out of commission.
Just until we can find a permanent solution.
I know this is a lot to ask since you’re brand new to this team, but I wouldn’t be asking if I didn’t think you were right for the job.
That, and Josh said he trusted you more than anyone else he has. ”
I’m not sure what to say right now. I know I can do my job, I know how to help patients and make medical decisions, but I’m not sure if I can run an entire department, especially when they’ve all been here longer than I have.
Will everyone else on the medical team be upset at this? Will they trust me to make decisions and work with me? Am I good enough to take on this responsibility?
“This is a lot to process, can I have some time to think about it?” I ask in a hushed tone.
I see a soft smile cross his features. “Like I said, it’s a lot to ask, so take your time. He will be out of tonight’s game, so I would prefer an answer by game time, so I can move things around.”
I nod at him.
My thoughts are all over the place, imposter syndrome taking over.
While I know how to do my job as an athletic trainer, the responsibilities of leading an entire medical program is so much different from anything I’ve ever done.
I’d be responsible for an entire team of doctors, looking to me for direction and guidance, and one wrong move could make or break everything.
I can’t speak or move right now. I’m locked in place, like I’m losing control of myself.
Two rough hands slide against my neck and jaw, palming the back of my head and turning my face to the side.
Jake’s fingers lace in my hair, softly rubbing the back of my neck as I stare into his deep chocolate brown eyes.
The same eyes that I’ve stared at a million times before.
It’s a sense of familiarity, comfort, and home.
He places his forehead on mine, and we breathe together, slow and deep, until my heart stops racing.
I can feel my breaths sync up with his. He’s anchoring me back to reality, just like he used to back then. Back when it was as easy as this.
“There she is. Just keep taking nice and steady breaths, listen to my voice, and let all of your anxieties wash away. It’s just you and me right now, no one else is here.”
I chance a look next to us and see the opposite couch is empty. They must’ve left when I started to spiral—I’m not sure how long it’s been, but Jake stayed. He stayed with me, held me to him, and helped bring me back to reality.
“I’m sorry you had to do this again.”
“I’m not.”
He slowly releases my head and slides his hands down my neck and shoulders, gliding his fingers along my arms as the goose bumps start to form just from his touch.
He reaches my hands and laces our fingers together, pulling me up from the couch and toward the elevator.
We don’t say a word as we get in, and then he’s pulling me into his chest, one hand on the small of my back rubbing soothing circles, the other still holding mine.
It’s a silent ride up. The only sounds are coming from the hum of the elevator.
Once it stops, he pulls me with him down a long hallway, turning toward the right and walking a few doors down until we reach what I’m assuming is his room.
He grabs his key card from his wallet and swipes it on the sensor, the click of the door sounding as he opens it and ushers me inside.
He guides me over to the edge of the bed and sits me down, kneeling in front of me as he pulls off my shoes and places them near his. He’s silent as he moves through his room, grabbing a few items before coming back to me and handing me one of his sweaters, helping me pull it over my dress.
I look down at the material, and I’m instantly enveloped in his scent.
I used to always steal his clothes when we were together, wrapping myself in his warmth.
I’d put on one of his sweaters or T-shirts and we’d crawl into bed, lying together as he held me.
Sometimes, I’d even dress up in just his jersey and wait for him to come home.
Those were some of my favorite nights, ones that I’ll never forget.
“Slide under the covers, Kailyn.” I do as he says, the exhaustion taking over my body.
I always feel tired after one of my anxiety attacks, and the fact that he remembers warms my heart even more.
He’s taking care of me like he used to, and I’m going to embrace this for as long as he gives it to me.
Once I’m under the covers, I snuggle into his sheets and bury my face in the pillow.
I watch with heavy-lidded eyes as he walks to the other side of the bed, taking his T-shirt off before he slides in and pulls me against him, my head resting on his bare chest as I listen to his steadying heartbeat.
“What are we doing?” My voice is sleepy, barely above a whisper.
“Shh, just try and sleep for now. We’ll talk later. I promise.”
And as his hands rub soothing circles on my back, enveloped in his warmth that I’ve missed so much, I’m lulled into a peaceful sleep.