Kailyn
Ten Years Ago
“This movie is so bad. Why did we choose it again?” Laughing, I take a handful of popcorn and throw it across the couch to Bellamy.
She opens her mouth and dives in like she’s going to catch it, but all she manages to get is one piece as the rest fall onto her lap.
“We didn’t technically pick anything since I just put the first thing I saw on.”
“How’s studying going?” I ask.
Bellamy has a big skating competition coming up at the end of this month.
She’s been watching tapes of her practices, making sure she knows what she needs to work on.
She takes it very seriously since she’s one of the top-ranked skaters in the country.
She’s trying to make it to nationals this year and hopefully the Olympics someday soon.
“I feel like I’m ready, but I’m so nervous that I'll mess up,” she answers, a slight hint of nerves in her tone.
I scoot over and wrap her up in my arms as we snuggle on the couch in her room. As she nuzzles her head into my neck, the hairs fall from her messy bun, leaving a faint tickle.
While she’s working on her skating routines, I’m working on my AP classes for college credits.
I’m still in my junior year, but I decided to dual enroll in my local community college, so I can get ahead and make sure that when I graduate, I can get into the top sports medicine programs for my degree.
Hopefully one day I can work for a professional team, maybe even work alongside my brothers.
“Bells, you are one of the most talented people I know. You don’t have to kill yourself rewatching the same tape over and over again. You know what you gotta do, you’ll get it done. And I’ll be in the stands cheering you on, just like always.”
“Thanks, Kay. You’re my rock, I don’t know what I’d do without you.” She smiles, conveying how appreciative she really is.
“You’ll never have to find out.”
We push our books and laptops aside and focus on the trashy movie we picked.
Her parents are never around. They travel a lot or are always working, so she was raised mostly by nannies.
They rarely ever show up to her tournaments or competitions, and I know she wishes they would, even if it gets her hopes up time and time again.
But she has me, and I always make it a goal to show up to everything I can for her.
She’s been my best friend since kindergarten, and I wouldn’t know what to do without her by my side.
We sit in a comfortable silence.
My eyes start drooping shut as I almost let sleep take over. I’m startled by the buzzing of my phone beside me, lighting up with an incoming call. Bellamy lets me go and sits up as I reach over and see it’s Jake calling.
They have an away game tonight, so he must be calling me after he finished up practice.
“Hey, you.”
There's a long stretch of silence and heavy breathing on the other end, but he doesn’t say a word. I’ve known him long enough to know that he’s in the middle of one of his anxiety attacks and needed to hear my voice.
I get up from the couch and point to the kitchen as Bellamy nods her head and turns back to the TV. I walk to the counter and pull out a stool before I sit and focus my attention on Jake.
“Hey, I’m right here. Just breathe in and out, nice and slow.”
His breathing is heavy, but as we sit there for a moment, he starts to follow my breathing pattern. It goes from sharp inhales to slow and deep breaths as they start to even out.
“So, my mom decided to take me for driving lessons this weekend. I have my permit test Wednesday after school, and I think I’m ready for it. Like, I’m nervous but Mom only had three panic attacks, which is kind of a record for her, honestly.”
My mom is a notoriously bad driver. Not in the road rage kind of way, but more the abundantly cautious kind of way. She normally doesn’t drive, leaving it to my dad, but since he’s with my brothers this weekend for their game, she decided to let me practice a little more before my test.
He chuckles, and I know that it’s helping him get out of his head. I smile at this, knowing that when he’s at his lowest or he feels like he’s losing control, I’m who he calls first. It’s always been like that for us, even before we started dating.
“What was the count last time, like five?” Jake asks, voice still a bit shaky.
“It was actually seven, but that was when Brayden was driving and he almost ran the truck into a tree after having to swerve for the bicyclist who jumped the crosswalk.”
His laugh is breathy, but vibrant. It’s one of my favorite sounds in the world.
“Let’s face it, Brayden is going to give your parents a heart attack one of these days.”
“Oh, don’t I know it. He may be the wild one in this family, but honestly, it’s the silent ones that you gotta look out for.”
Brayden is wild and chaotic and we’re all used to it at this point. Brandon, however, is the opposite, more quiet and reserved. Lately, something’s changed with him. He seems more withdrawn and not himself.
I found him in his room a couple weeks ago crying his heart out.
I laid with him and held him until he fell asleep.
When he woke up the next morning, I asked him what happened, and he told me he’d had a rough day at practice and was just feeling frustrated with himself.
I knew he was lying by the way he refused to make eye contact and kept his answers short.
There was more to the story, but I could tell if I pushed too hard he’d pull away, so I let it be.
I just hope that he’s okay and knows he can talk to me when he’s ready.
“Yeah, that’s true. I feel like Brandon could really surprise us one day, and we wouldn’t see it coming,” he teases.
We both laugh and sink into a comfortable silence. I know he needs to get out of his head when he panics, so I like to come up with random things to talk about that he can focus on.
“You wanna talk about it?”
“I never want you to see that side of me,” he confesses in a hushed tone.
I know it’s hard for him to open up like this, it’s something we have in common.
“I know, but it doesn't mean I’ll ever stop being there for you.”
“I had a really shitty practice today, and Coach ripped my ass a new one. I don’t know what happened, but one minute I was fine and the next, I couldn’t focus and I was messing up every play.”
“You wanna know what I think?”
“Always.”
I smile to myself as a blush creeps up the apples of my cheeks.
A year and a half ago, I would’ve thought this could only be a figment of my imagination.
I’ve been crushing on Jake since I was in middle school, but he’s my brothers’ best friend.
And I’m just me. He’s one of the school’s top hockey stars and most eligible bachelors.
I’m ‘the chubby wannabe loser’ who everyone makes fun of.
I never thought a guy like him would see a girl like me and want to be with her, but one day after school, he asked me out, and I said yes.
He took me out for ice cream, and we walked down the beach as we talked and laughed for hours.
It was like nothing was changing, but everything did.
He kissed my cheek and told me that he liked me, and I took the opportunity to be brave and kiss him for real.
It was my first kiss, and it was awkward and messy, but when he put his hands on my waist and pulled me into his body, I knew that I was a goner for him.
Now, the only person who knows about us is Bellamy. I asked him to keep us a secret from everyone around us, wanting to hold on to something that’s just for me. I’ve never felt this way about anyone, even the guys that asked me out before this.
“I think you’re one of the best players on our team.
I also think that you, like my brothers, put so much pressure on yourself to be the best that when you mess up, you let it get to you more than you should.
You have the talent, drive, and passion for this game.
Your career is going to be incredible. Just remember that you’re human and you’re going to face some losses and struggles. Don’t let those moments define you.”
“You’re the smartest person I know, you know that?” There’s a teasing bite to his tone, and I know that he’s fully out of his spiral and in this moment with me.
“Yeah, but it’s not hard, considering the company you keep.”
“Hey, Brayden’s your brother. That’s kinda mean.”
“Exactly, he’s my brother.” Laughter bubbles from my lips as we go back and forth. “Plus, how do you know I wasn’t talking about Brandon or Lainey?”
“One, Brandon is a super genius, and he’s the sweetest guy I know. He could never hurt a fly. And two, Lainey is a sweetheart. She’s also just like her sister, so I think it’s safe to say I’m not talking about her.”
“Fair. But I love all my siblings and I’m lucky to have them.
” My relationship with them means everything to me.
I’m lucky to have two older brothers that care about me and are great people to look up too.
I’m also grateful to have a sister that I get along with.
She’s my best friend, outside of Bellamy, and I wouldn’t want it any other way.
PRESENT DAY
I stir awake, the bright afternoon sunlight peeking through the curtains and blinding me temporarily.
I hold up my hand to shield my eyes as my senses start to come back to me. I sit up slowly and the sheets fall to my lap, revealing the bottom of a sweater I don’t remember putting on. The scent of cedarwood and apple consumes me, and my mind instantly replays the last few hours.
Jake calming me down, leading me into his room, tucking me in his bed, and holding me as I fell asleep on his chest.
I look over and see the crumpled sheets, but there’s no sign of the man in question. He brought me into his room and left me?
A wave of sadness takes over me. I shouldn’t be upset. He was just helping me like he used to, but that doesn’t mean the sting of him leaving hurts any less. It makes sense, especially because his roommate could’ve walked in at any time.