Chapter 31 Lane
I’m lying on the floor when I hear a key turn in the lock.
I should get up, but the truth is all my dignity and drive have deserted me.
There’s only one person who could get me jumping to my feet right now, and I know it won’t be her.
It won’t be Lois, because Lois left her keys on the table the day she checked out.
It won’t be Lois, because I just screwed up my one last shot at fixing it all.
I used Mike’s death as an excuse. I usually hate people acting all sad when they find out about him, but when it came to Lois, I really needed her to get it.
I needed her to understand that every time I think of my brother, it’s like a knife twist to the gut.
I needed her to know it’s a feeling I can’t control, and one that messed things up between us.
My apology got off on the wrong foot, and then as soon as I caught sight of Kirk, I flipped. I was so fucking jealous, and I hurled every hurtful thing I could her way. And now it’s too late. I saw them kiss. All I want is to curl up and die.
Why didn’t I just take a leap of faith—tell her how I really feel?
I’ve been such a fucking coward. All this time, I downplayed how she made me feel, hoping that would be enough to protect me from the pain.
I was so scared, and I was so dumb to think that denying your own feelings could be that easy.
When I think of how I spoke to her, I want to punch myself in the face.
Now that I’ve accepted how I feel, it’s all crystal clear to me.
All those low-key moments were so much more than they seemed.
All that time we spent together was proof that I needed her close to me all along.
I want her in my life, even if she doesn’t like me that way—even if I have to sit by and watch her with that asshole boyfriend of hers.
Fuck. All that time I had her to myself, and I royally fucked everything up.
“Well, well, well—will you look at that?” Lewis’s voice rings out somewhere above my head.
“He dead?” Adam asks.
“I hope not. That’s one ugly-ass T-shirt. Nobody deserves to die looking this bad,” Donovan says.
Great. The whole Brady Bunch is in town.
I hold up my middle finger.
“It lives!” Lewis yells.
Slowly, I open my eyes. My friends are standing in a circle around me, staring down at me. I feel like I’m some kind of human sacrifice.
“Is your couch grounded?” Lewis asks. “Why’s it pushed up against the wall like that?”
Because I can’t look at it without wanting to puke.
Donovan pipes up. “Forget the couch. Why are you lying on the floor, dude?”
Carter crouches down to me, and I know what he’s thinking—he knows exactly why I’m curled up on my living room floor, and I’m guessing the other three know, too. Turns out everyone else knew how I felt, long before I did.
“He misses Lois,” Cart says in a stage whisper.
“How long’s the emo phase gonna last?” Don drawls. “Your clients think you’re ghosting them. I mean, I’m drowning in your leftovers, which is awesome. But still…”
“I’ve been busy with the script,” I say.
“Really? Which one?” Carter snickers.
“Cut him some slack, guys,” Adam says, holding out a hand.
I scramble to my feet.
“You look like shit, man. Lois still freezing you out?”
“Who?” I raise my eyebrows.
“You’re such a pain in the ass.” Lewis glares at me. “You know since you guys had your fight, she’s been ghosting us? I don’t even think she’ll come to the party tomorrow!”
“What do you want me to say?”
“Not me you should be asking.”
I stalk over to the fridge, doing my best to ignore their stares.
“Why don’t you just talk to her, Lane?”
“I did!” I gulp down a glass of water. “It didn’t help—it made things worse. And now she’s back with Kirk, so—”
“Fuck!” Lewis lowers himself onto the coffee table. “So what are you gonna do?”
“Nothing.”
“Seriously?” Don whistles. “You’re just gonna let that asshole win? Dude, you need to show him who’s boss.”
“How did he ‘win’? She got what she wanted all along.” I scowl.
“Oh, quit the whining and grow some balls!”
“I told her I was sorry, and it didn’t change a thing,” I snap. “I told her how my brother died—I thought she’d get it. But she said it was too late.”
Don glances at Lewis, clearing his throat.
“Well, did you tell her that on top of being a total moron, you’re also in love with her?”
The water goes down the wrong way, and I splutter.
“And did you tell her that you massively overreacted because you’re scared of your big, huge, scary feelings?” he adds in a baby voice.
“What the—”
“Oh, Lane.” Lewis bats his eyelashes at me. “Poor, sweet, clueless Lane. We’ve been friends for three years. I know how you roll when it comes to girls, and trust me—this is different.”
Donovan pipes up. “Why do you think we came up with that whole Dexter Drake story? We knew you were in love with her, right from the very first day.”
“What? Bullshit! We couldn’t stand each other.”
“Lois Lane, dude. It was written in the stars.” Adam winks.
Carter smiles at me. “You’re in love with her, buddy. You might be the last person on earth to realize it, but I’m pretty sure you fell for her when you saw her sitting on the stairs. Why else would you let some random girl crash on your couch for months?”
“A couch, for fuck’s sake.” Lewis shakes his head. “Absolute disgrace, dude.”
“Did you guys forget the part where I said no at first? She was the one who just fell asleep here. Twice! And what—you think I set fire to her fucking motel, just so she’d have to stay at my place?”
“Who cares about when exactly it happened?”
I start to pace the living room, and Carter gives my shoulder a squeeze.
“This is so fucked up,” I say, raking my hands through my hair.
“Why?”
“Because Kirk? Because she hates my guts? Because I’m such a fucking dumbass—”
“She likes you, too, Laney. I’m pretty sure she realized before you did.”
“You think so?”
“Trust me on that one. Why else would she be so hurt when you lashed out at her?”
“Great, like I needed a reminder…”
“You need to get your ass moving, man. Kirk is one step ahead of you, but you’ve still got a shot. You need to man up and tell her exactly how you feel.”
“Yeah. Let your heart lead the way.” Lewis simpers.
“Fuck me. Look what I’ve been reduced to.” I glance around at them. “You guys are literally the worst people to ask for relationship advice. I can’t believe I’m actually listening to you idiots on how to confess I’m in love with a girl.”
A wave of anxiety ripples over me just saying the L-word.
“This is all so moving. We’re so proud,” Don says, wiping away an imaginary tear.
“Are you implying we’re just a bunch of fuckboys?” Lewis asks in a mock-offended tone.
“That is exactly what I’m implying.”
“Fine by me!” He grins proudly. “Right, Don?”
“Oh, absolutely! I’ll leave the girlfriends to Carter and Lane.”
I bite my tongue. They’re so naive—in a way, it’s kind of touching.
Adam turns to me. “So—what’s the plan?”
Do I even have a chance? Lois never gave me the slightest hint she had feelings for me—or maybe I was just too blind and stubborn to see it. I don’t know, but I definitely don’t want to live with regrets.
“I have an idea.”