Chapter 34
There’s only one open parking lot near the pier in Long Beach. I park uncomfortably close to a large suburban, having no choice but to risk a door ding. There are scarier things than a scratch on my Lamborghini…
Like facing Liv.
About two minutes into my walk down the pier toward the cluster of restaurants, I debate turning around. Pulling off my sunglasses, I let the afternoon sun nearly blind me before I force myself to move my feet, focusing on weaving through the crowd. I need to hurry because Bluebird closes in six minutes.
The restaurant is easy to spot with a giant bluebird precariously mounted right above the door. I stop to gawk. Surely, that can’t be safe. A giant metal bird impaling you with its beak would be a terrible way to go. I proceed anyway. With a healthy level of caution. I pull gently on the door handle, but it’s already locked.
What the hell?I check my watch. It’s one fifty-four in the afternoon. Bluebird doesn’t close until two o’clock.
This was a crazy idea. I didn’t even call first. I was just going off a hunch and Mona’s information months ago. There’s a good chance Liv doesn’t even manage this place anymore. There’s so much turnover in the restaurant industry, and usually the launch manager doesn’t stay on board too long past grand opening.
Yeah, this is crazy.I’m relieved to step out from under the menacing-looking death bird, but once I turn my back, I hear a heavy latch unlock.
“Sorry about that, sir. I locked up a few minutes early. We’re closed for dine-ins, but the kitchen is still fulfilling pick-up orders, if you want to place an order to-go.”
I recognize her modulated tone. Liv always had the tenor of a flight attendant, perfect for customer service and the restaurant industry.
I turn around and Liv drops the paper menu in her hand. It rides the breeze and collides into my shin. The shocked expression on her face is more than surprise…it’s fear.
“Adam,” she says, keeping her voice steady, although she’s shaking. “I really need this job, and the owner doesn’t tolerate drama from the staff. He’ll fire a manager without hesitation. Whatever you have to say, say it, but please don’t make a scene.”
“Liv, never once did I raise my voice at you. Not even when you ripped our marriage apart. I’m not about to start now.”
Her eyes drop to her pink, closed toe wedges poking through her long, black dress pants. “Okay, I deserved that.”
I pick up the menu and hand it to her, closing the space between us. “I’m also not here to berate you. But I would like to talk.”
She looks over her shoulder into the restaurant, her nerves apparent.
“If it’s an issue, I can order something. Or if you’re that uncomfortable, I’ll go.”
“It’s not that. I just—” She sniffles, wiping her tears with the back of her hand. “It’s like seeing a ghost. I never thought I’d lay eyes on you again.” She looks me up and down. “You look good.”
“So do you.”
“Hey, are you guys open?” a shrill voice from behind me asks. I don’t turn around.
“No, I’m sorry,” Liv says, looking over my shoulder. “We’re just locking up.”
“Dammit,” the woman grumbles. “This one’s closed too,” she shouts to I’m assuming her friends. “Let’s just get smoothies.”
“Come in, Adam,” Liv says, pushing the door open and holding it for me. She points to a booth toward the front of the restaurant, and once I’m seated, she asks, “Do you still have a donut obsession? Our baker makes fresh jelly donuts daily, with a berry glaze.”
“Sounds great.”
“Milk?” she asks.
“Please.”
It’s empty except for a waitress sitting at a booth across the restaurant, rolling silverware into napkins and wrapping them with paper fasteners. She’s talking to another waitress, I’m assuming, but the booth backs are so high, she’s perfectly hidden. Privacy booths are the newest trend in L.A. restaurants. You can be out in public but totally unapproachable at the same time.
Liv returns with a plate filled with donuts in one hand and a glass of milk in the other. After setting the donuts and drink on the table in front of me, she climbs into the other side of the booth.
“You know I tried contacting you for years. Literally years. Just to apologize. You changed your number.”
“When Chase’s career took off, it was necessary.”
There’s an awkward lull as she stares out the glass to our right, watching the passersby on the pier. “How’s your dad doing?” Liv asks, turning her attention back to me. “I think about him a lot.”
Liv and my dad used to be close. We were still together when my dad’s condition worsened. But when I ejected her from my life, she lost contact with him, too. I held the keys, and I locked her out of everything I could.
“Better lately. My mom and dad reconciled. She visits and cooks for him, and I swear the more she’s around, the better he feels. It helps when we’re all together. He’s having a lot of good days lately.”
Her lips part as her jaw drops. “Your mom is back in the picture?”
I forgot how shocking it is for people who knew me before. But then came Amani, rounding all my sharp corners. “My mom and I talk. We’re doing well.”
“W-wow,” Liv stammers. “I can’t believe that.That’s great. And I saw Alex in a magazine. He made some list about SoCal’s top ten best plastic surgeons—”
“Liv,” I interrupt. “You don’t have to try so hard at small talk. My family is doing okay. I hope yours is too.”
Planting her elbows on the counter, she rests her forehead in her palms. “Okay. How’d you know I was back in town and working here?”
“Mona.”
“Makes sense.” She lets out a deep exhale. “If you’re not going to rip into me, why are you here?”
“To apologize.”
She presses her lips together, her eyes growing big as her forehead wrinkles in surprise. “What?”
“Liv, what you did—”
“I know, I know,” she whispers in a plea. “I ruined everything. It was completely my fault. Adam, you were perfect, and I must’ve lost my damn mind. I look back and I can’t make sense of anything I did. I just…” She covers her face with both hands, sucking in short heaves. “I still compare every man to you, and everyone falls short. I want you to know that I’ll never forgive myself. Ever,” she says into her fingers.
I reach over the table and pull her wet hands from her face. Squeezing her hands gently, I make sure she’s looking into my eyes. “Liv, you can forgive yourself now. Because I do. I forgive you. And I’m sorry I abandoned you when you needed me the most. Yes, you hurt me, but I wish I would’ve been more concerned with doing the right thing instead of punishing you.”
She grips my hands so tightly, the tips of my fingers lose pigment. “What was the right thing?”
“We may not have been able to salvage our marriage, but Summer deserved better. I should’ve been there when she was born. No woman should go through that alone. And I just needed to tell you that even though you messed up…so did I. We were both selfish in different ways. So can you forgive me, too? So I can move forward.”
Tilting her head to the side, she scours my face. Liv drops my hands and holds the edge of the table. “Oh, I see… I take it you finally fell in love again?”
I duck my head in a small nod. “I’ve been carrying around this burden for eight years. Guilt and anger had me shackled, and I just want to let go of it. When I say I wish you well, Liv, I mean it. We both deserve happiness.”
She sucks in her lips and gives me a weak smile, and I understand the sad expression on her face.
“You thought I came here to get you back, didn’t you?”
“I hoped. You were my first true love, Adam. You’ll always have a part of my heart.” She shrugs innocently. “But what’s her name?”
“Amani.”
“Amani,” she repeats. “Pretty name.” Liv runs her fingers over the edge of the dark wood table. “Thank you, Adam. I don’t think you need my forgiveness, but if you’re asking, you have it. And as for Summer, you don’t need to feel guilty. We’re okay. She turned out just fine. Smart, beautiful, and she’s so kind. She tries to take care of everyone around her. It’s the kind of compassion you can’t teach. She was just born with it.”
I lean back in the booth. “Do you have pictures? Could I see what she looks like?”
Liv nods and slides out of the booth. I expect her to fetch her purse and pull out her phone to show me pictures, but instead, she walks across the restaurant to the waitresses. She hunches over, speaking to the person I can’t see. I’m surprised when she holds her hand out and helps a little girl wiggle out of the booth.
Shock makes my body tense and my mouth goes dry. She’s here? I certainly didn’t expect to meet her today…or ever. But now the little girl, that should’ve been my little girl, is walking toward me. A tiny replica of Liv wearing a pretty blue sundress, with her long blond hair pulled into pigtails. In a panic, I stand and wipe my sweating palms against my pants. I’m suddenly unsure of what to say or do. This child I’ve never met has played such a pivotal role in my life for the past eight years. And I never even knew what she looked like.
She’s beautiful.
Once they are in front of me, Liv squats down and speaks to her daughter. “Summer, this is Mommy’s friend, Adam. He knew you really well when you were still in my tummy. He wanted to see you all grown up.”
“Hey, Sunshine,” I breathe out, unable to stop myself. My nickname for the baby falls off my lips.
She giggles and points to her chest. “Not Sunshine. I’m Summer.”
“Sunshine is the nickname Adam used to call you,” Liv explains.
“It’s really nice to meet you.” Feeling more out of place than imaginable, I hold out my hand to shake Summer’s.
She doesn’t take it. “Do you like hugs?” she asks me in the sweetest little voice.
I squat down so I’m eye level with her baby blues. “I love hugs.”
My words are an invitation and she rams into me, nearly knocking me off balance. I rest my chin on her little shoulder and hug her tightly. I breathe in and out slowly, trying not to succumb to my emotions. I’m not a big crier…but I could cry right now. I tell her in a whisper, “I’m so sorry I wasn’t there.”
“Me too,” she whispers back.
I shoot Liv a puzzled look and she shrugs. “Lately, she says that every time someone apologizes.”
I laugh, jostling Summer still tucked into my embrace. Leaning back, I smooth her pigtails and take a moment to appreciate her bubbly pink cheeks and big, bright eyes. “You are a very pretty little girl.”
“Thank you,” she chirps.
“Hey, do you happen to like donuts?”
Her eyes grow even bigger if that’s possible, and she nods in that crazed way kids do when they are bribed with sugar. She turns her head to look at Liv. “Mommy, please?”
Liv exhales. “Just one, okay? I’m going to close out the register. Are you guys good on your own for a moment?”
“Yeah, definitely.” I slide deep into the booth and pat the space next to me. Summer gleefully takes a seat right next to me and I hand her a donut.
“Jelly donuts are my favorites,” she says before munching away happily. She joyously smacks her lips, savoring her treat.
“Mine too.” But I’m not worried about the donut. I can’t take my eyes off the little person next to me who was almost mine.
“Mommy and I are going to the movies after this. Are you coming?”
“No, I’m afraid not. Summer, I know we just met, but I’m going to be moving soon. So I probably won’t see you a lot. But I’m going to leave my number with your mom, and I want you to know if you ever need anything, even just a friend, you can call me, okay? I’ll answer and I’ll be there.”
“Okay,” she says. “I’ll miss you.”
“Really? You don’t even know me.” I grab the remaining donut and take a large bite. The tart berry glaze is nearly a religious experience.
She shrugs nonchalantly. “I’ll still miss you.” She scrunches her nose, flashing me a toothy, jelly-stained grin.
“You know what? I’m going to miss you too, kiddo.”