Chapter 20
When I arrive at the park Saturday morning, I hear the argument before I see it, and I don’t know whether I want to run over and try to diffuse things, or if I’d rather turn and leave.
They’re not actually arguing about me. They’re yanking one of the Santa costumes back and forth between them.
Nick says it’s his and Rudy’s turn this week. Jasper says he made a better Santa than they did. Felix reminds them that he hasn’t even had a turn yet.
I have no idea how to improve the tension between the Frost and Winter brothers. Making a decision on who I want to ultimately date might not even help. Maybe they’d stop arguing, but one pair will likely be hurt by my decision.
At least there’s only one more day of volunteering left after today.
“And another thing,” Felix says as he spots me approaching. “Jasper and I are better matches for Mrs. Claus.”
Chest puffed, Nick gets in Felix’s face. “What in the world gives you that idea?”
Rudy’s eyes dart to me before he narrows them at Felix and Jasper. “You don’t have an exclusive claim on … being Santa.”
“Don’t think you have some special entitlement, either,” Jasper says.
“Holly, who do you think makes a better Santa?” Felix asks.
“This has nothing to do with me,” I say, waving off the question, even though the subtext of their conflict is clear as day. “I really wish you wouldn’t argue.”
They grumble a bit more, but I try to ignore it as I help Lisa set things up.
I’d been thinking of inviting all four men over to my house together, because maybe being with all of them in a casual setting would help me decide about my feelings, but that idea would never work.
They’re barely getting along, and it’s getting worse instead of better.
It’s a shame, because despite their lives being so different, the men really do have a lot in common—though when I try to think of what some of those common interests might be, I draw a blank.
But deep down, they share important traits. All four of them are kind and caring. They have good senses of humor, and they’re a lot of fun, even if their versions of fun are different. Maybe they could all be friends if they weren’t fighting over me.
Felix apparently ends up winning the argument, because he appears a short time later in the red costume. Rudy tells me they reached a compromise, and he’ll be taking over Santa duties in a few hours.
The fact that they managed to compromise makes me hopeful, but the day is slower than usual, and the men use the free time to shoot dirty looks at each other and make little digs.
During one of our lulls, I wander over to the table where the Frosts have been handling the photo frames and donations.
“Looks like most people already came for their pictures earlier in the month,” Nick says, casting a glance toward the empty line.
I nod as I crouch to fish out a bag of chips from the snack stash. “Or maybe people are busy shopping. Want some?”
The brothers both shake their heads at the bag I offer out to them.
“You know, we don’t all need to be here,” Rudy says. “I’m sure the Winters have better things to do with their time on a Saturday. I can play Santa, and Nick can handle the photos.”
“They enjoy volunteering,” I say.
Jasper calls over to me. “Holly, can you come here? I want to show you something.”
I give the Frosts a little wave and head over to Jasper, who’s next to one of the trees that decorate the space. “What’s up?”
“Just wanted to show you … this.” He leans close and kisses me, first a quick peck, then a longer one.
“What are you doing?” Rudy’s voice, loud and disapproving, startles me away from Jasper.
“What’s it to you?” Jasper booms back at him, as he reaches for my hand to keep me close. “Why don’t you mind your own business?”
Fists clenched at his side, Rudy glares at Jasper.
Before he can say anything else, I pull away. “People are coming. You don’t want to let them see elves arguing.” I’m sure it wouldn’t do for them to see Mrs. Claus fooling around with an elf, either.
Thankfully, we’re busier in the afternoon, and no more arguments erupt, even when Rudy takes over as Santa.
“How did you enjoy being Santa?” I ask Felix, when he returns dressed as an elf.
“It was fun, but I’d rather be out here with you.”
As soon as Felix leaves to join Jasper, who’s shifted over to the framing station, Nick’s by my side. “Do you have plans this evening, Holly?” he asks just as I finish snapping pictures of a trio of kids on Rudy’s lap.
“No.” I answer with some hesitation, because it seems important that I split my time equitably between the brothers, and all of the arguments today have made me weary. While it’s flattering, I don’t want them fighting over me.
“Want to come over to our house tonight?” he asks. “We’re thinking of making lasagna.”
As I’m considering my answer, Felix suddenly reappears, like he has some sort of super-powered hearing. “Hey, Holly, Jasper and I were wondering if you wanted to go for a ride tonight.”
Both potential evenings sound wonderful, but saying yes to one means turning down the other. It hurts my brain to even try to decide, and I don’t want to disappoint anyone.
“I’m going to stay in tonight,” I tell both of them. “I’m tired, and I could use some extra rest.”
Their expressions tell me that I’ve disappointed both of them, but they each also seem pleased that I’m saying no to the invitation that isn’t theirs.
Felix rests his hand on my shoulder for a moment. “Reach out if you change your mind.”
“Same, Holly,” Nick says.
At home, I try to tell myself that spending a Saturday night in will be relaxing, but I’m quickly bored.
A call from my mom helps to fill in some of the time.
“Isn’t it after midnight there?” I ask after we exchange greetings.
“It is. Everyone else is in bed, but I still have jet lag.”
“You’ve been there over two weeks.”
I can imagine her shrugging in response. “I can’t help it. Meanwhile, your father can sleep any time of day, anywhere.”
“How’s Hannah doing?”
“Your sister looks like she’s ready to burst! She’s ready for the baby to come, but the baby’s on its own schedule.”
“Tell her I said to hang in there. It won’t be much longer.”
“No, it won’t. How are you doing? I hope you haven’t been too lonely.”
I laugh to myself as I give her a vague answer. Until tonight, I’ve been the opposite of lonely.
After we end the call, I put in a load of laundry, make some popcorn, and flop down onto the couch to watch Love Actually. When it’s over, I’m filled with yearning, but what exactly am I yearning for?
Do I want more exciting nights out, or do I prefer warm, cozy nights in? Do I want a bit of unpredictable daring, or is stability and security the better option?
Cupid, who’s been curled up next to me, stands and does a full body stretch.
“What does my heart truly want?” I ask her.
She looks at me and meows.
“You’re right. I want both.”