Then
I get back to the unit a little early, and all the other girls are still in gym class.
For the first time ever, I have the rec room to myself.
I’m taking full advantage of being alone and, like Goldilocks before the three bears got home, sit in every seat to see which one is actually the most comfortable.
None of them are. I lie halfway across my usual couch and close my eyes.
“Dinner’s on the unit tonight so you can go take your shower early,” Ms. Pat calls out.
I open my eyes and see her standing at the office door. “Now?” I ask.
“Yes, ma’am,” she says. “Pizza night.”
I pull myself up and head to my room to get my shower stuff.
“Samantha is on her way, too,” Ms. Pat adds.
I wonder what she did to get herself on the unit so early.
We’ve been talking more and more since she told me about her plan to run away a couple of weeks ago, so I don’t feel hesitant to ask.
I’m surprised she’s coming to pizza night because she doesn’t like to hang out with the other girls in a big group.
“Too much drama,” she said. Maybe she figures I’ll be there and she can just stick with me.
I sit on Samantha’s bed to change out of my sneakers and into my slippers.
Taking my time, I grab a clean towel, clean pajamas, and my toiletry bin before heading to the bathroom.
It’s strangely quiet inside and I notice how much bigger it seems without a bunch of girls fighting over sink space.
I drop my things on the bench and pull the curtain to the first shower.
When I turn the water on, it’s freezing.
Samantha pops her head in. “Roomie!!” she squeals.
I grab my towel and throw it up in front of me as quickly as I can. “You scared me!”
“Sorry. Well, not really. I wanted to.” She laughs.
“Why aren’t you at the gym?” I ask.
Samantha leans her head against the doorframe and makes a face. “I told them I wasn’t feeling well. I have to prepare,” she says, wiggling her dark eyebrows.
“For?” I ask, hoping she’s not talking about what I think she is.
“You know!” She looks out the door behind her to make sure no one is nearby. “I’m out of here.”
“NOW?!”
“No, but definitely today.”
I sigh deeply and go check the water. It’s still cold. “Samantha,” I say, turning back to her, “I don’t want you to get in trouble.”
“I can’t get in trouble unless I get caught,” she says, flipping her curls over her shoulder. “And I won’t.” She points to the shower. The steam is starting to come up. “See you when you get out,” she says, bouncing out of the doorway and disappearing down the hall.
I hang my towel on a hook and step into the shower.
As usual, the pressure is light—almost a trickle—but I’m glad to be alone with my thoughts.
Samantha’s plan to run away has my head spinning.
I try to swallow the lump in my throat, but it’s no use.
I let the tears fall, hoping she changes her mind.
“Wrap it up now, Jasmine,” Ms. Pat calls out just as the water starts to get lukewarm.
I turn the shower off and wrap myself in my towel. When I get back to the room, I don’t see Samantha. I open her closet to make sure her things are still there, and thankfully they are.
I can hear Ms. Kim yelling at the other girls to quiet down as they head down the hall from the gym.
I rush back to the rec area to claim my spot.
The girls are loud as usual when they make it inside and start taking their seats.
Lisa and Jamie, who are in a couple of my classes, plop down next to me.
Ms. Pat is in the office going over the clipboard that they tally points on.
I realize I haven’t seen Ms. Bree all day.
“I heard we’re having pizza,” Lisa says.
“Yeah, the cafeteria is shut down,” Jamie adds.
“Thank freaking goodness,” Tanya says, clapping and looking directly at me.
I look away, my gaze moving to the door. I see Amari heading toward us. She knocks on the office window and motions for someone to come out.
“Can I request Jasmine to help me set up?” she asks Ms. Kim.
Ms. Kim looks over at me and then back at Amari. “Sure,” she says. “But remember, Amari, you’re already on thin ice.”
Amari gives her a thumbs-up and waves me over. I do my best not to smile until I’m closer so Tanya doesn’t have anything smart to say.
“Losers,” she says anyway, laughing with Jamie.
Our dining room isn’t even half the size of the cafeteria. There are a handful of tables with connected benches, just enough seats for each girl on our unit. A stack of plates and napkins has been left on the first table.
“I’m not doing your chore for you,” I say, “so hopefully that’s not why you asked.”
Amari sighs. “I was just trying to give you a change of scenery.”
“Why thank you, this view is immaculate.” I snicker.
She laughs and hits my arm. I look at her and then the door. We aren’t supposed to be touching, even though I don’t mind. I move slightly just in case she tries it again and someone actually does see. She doesn’t seem to notice.
“So how was your day?” Amari asks, handing me the napkins.
I let out the deepest sigh.
“Like that, huh?” she asks. “What happened?” She puts down a plate and I follow her with a napkin.
“For starters, I had another call with my mom and she brought up the girl,” I say.
Amari knows about Travis and Kayla and how complicated it all is.
We’ve had a chance to talk more, sometimes at breakfast over watery hot chocolate and mushy oatmeal, sometimes in a corner of the rec room while the other girls are busy listening to music or gossiping about the other units.
It’s been helpful to talk to her. It seems like she can relate to having family issues, like having a mom who is always too busy for her.
But I haven’t gotten many details about that yet.
“I don’t know, it just feels messed up that I’m in here and she’s like, replaced me?” I don’t know how to take Amari’s silence and immediately get embarrassed for being so emotional.
She looks up at me from across the table. “Well, forget her then,” she says with a soft smile. “If she’s going to treat you that way, forget her.”
I let out a laugh. “Yeah, forget her,” I agree, even though it’s not that simple at all. “How was your day?”
She chuckles. “I definitely didn’t get a new family.”
I roll my eyes at her joke. “Ha ha ha.”
“I also didn’t get a love note from you,” she continues, “so it was pretty bad.”
“Oh my god, Amari, can you be serious?”
“What makes you think I’m not?”
I shrug. “Okay, I’ll write one. I don’t know about a love note but I’ll write something.”
“You don’t love me?”
I can’t tell if she’s joking. “You don’t love me either,” I say. “We don’t even know each other, really.”
She nods for longer than the situation calls for, and I think she’s upset.
“But we can get to know each other more,” I say, trying to save the moment.
Amari puts another plate down and looks at me. Her full lips twist into a playful smirk. “Too late,” she says, moving to the last table.
I roll my eyes. “I’ll write it tonight. Well, if—” I stop as soon as I realize what I almost said.
She puts the last plate down and looks at me. “If what?”
I shake my head. I promised Samantha I wouldn’t tell anyone. The fewer people who know, the better. “Nothing,” I say. “I’ll write you something tonight.”
“Pinky promise?” Amari holds up her finger. I’m about to link my pinky with hers when the door opens. We quickly drop our hands.
Ms. Kim looks at us, then at the tables. “Good job, ladies,” she says. “Sit anywhere.” She holds the door with her foot and lets Ms. Pat pass through holding a stack of pizza boxes.
“Come on, dinnertime,” she calls out to the girls in the rec room. The sound of chatter and laughter grows louder as the rest of our unit arrives.
I take a seat on a nearby bench and Amari sits at another table across the way. She lifts her pinky up just high enough for me to see before the girls start sitting between us. I hold mine up too, our eyes locking across the room.