20
After an intimate night wrapped in Noah’s arms, I wake up energized and content. The sound of Noah”s sleepy feet sliding across the kitchen floor charms a giggle out of me. I better get up so I can love on him and still get to school on time.
I stop outside the shower, turning to the side to glance at my period-bloated abdomen.
The sight of my fingers caressing my swollen, empty uterus no longer breaks my heart. This time, I can imagine Noah’s arms around me, holding our growing baby with me from behind. I can imagine him nurturing me through labor, all the way up until we hold our newborn together.
Glancing at my red eyes in the mirror, I burst out laughing at my gushing tears.
I want to have a baby with Noah, worse than ever. But like he said, I know we’ll have our chance to be parents. I just don’t know when.
And that’s okay.
The clanking of plates outside the bathroom door brings me back to Earth. Noah is probably starting breakfast. I should get dressed so I can hurry and help him.
It”s only as I grab my clothes that I realize this school day is unlike any other I”ve experienced so far. My movements slow as my heart deflates; I almost forgot I got laid off. Instead of counting down the days until the school year ends, I’m counting down until I’m no longer a preschool teacher. The thought burns my stomach. I guess I”ll just have to focus on making it a good day for the kids.
As I dress, I mentally review today’s agenda, including hearing about Noah”s plans for Mason after I come home from work.
I just don’t get why it’s normalized to have top Alphas under constant attack. Was it like this for Alpha Ritchie too?
Then a thought hits me in the gut. One I’ve staved off since I met Noah.
What if I was right, and our dads were actually murdered?
Not just by a hunter”s accidental shot, like the cops told Mom and me originally, but an intentional, premeditated shooting. What if I wasn’t paranoid for thinking that in the first place, and they were killed on purpose?
I swallow hard, swiping my tears as they come. No, I can’t think like this again. That got me nowhere in the past except ostracized.
I try to regain the smile Noah left me with this morning, but my heart aches as I enter the living room. There’s a sharp metal ting of Noah setting down a fork or spoon, followed by the wooden floor’s creaking as his feet rapidly approach.
When I see him, he”s wearing a pressed black button-up beneath a casual black blazer, dressed extra nicely for the meeting tonight. The sight of him all put together strains my heart even worse.
It’s not just the thought of our dads’ potential murders that hurts. It’s the thought that my sweet, gorgeous mate could be killed just the same.
I whimper, choking through fresh tears. “H-hi, handsome—”
Noah’s eyebrows contort with mine. He rushes for me, pulling me into his arms. “Oh, my love. What’s wrong?”
I bite my lips, shaking my head to will away my tears. He holds my cheek to his chest, and I take a deep breath of him. Vanilla wafts from his clothes. I can’t tell if it’s his nurturing scent or what he’s cooking.
I laugh off my upset. “Thank you. I’m sorry for getting all emotional this early.”
“What are you thinking about?”
“I’m just sad. I’m going to miss being there for my students.” My heart throbs, knowing I’m not admitting the full truth yet, but it’s still honest; I’m gutted about losing my job.
Noah hums in understanding, bending to kiss my forehead. “Don’t worry, sweet Omega. You’re going to help so many pups here, just by being yourself.”
I break into a sad smile. “Thank you, my sweet Alpha.”
Thankfully, Noah doesn’t press further. He takes my hand, guiding me to the vanilla aroma I keep smelling on his skin.
I gasp at the glorious breakfast display he set out for us: pancakes, fruit, bacon, and yogurt in a line—and a chocolate donut.
Noah fidgets with his blazer button, unable to look me in the eyes. “I-it’s the first time you’ve had your period since we moved in together, a-and I figured period food cravings were similar to heat food cravings, so—”
I throw my arms around his neck, giving him the hardest kiss I can.
Noah chuckles into my mouth, hoisting me into his arms. Ah, so I was right.
I giggle through a nod, unwilling to release his lips. Very right. Thank you, gorgeous.
He sits on a barstool with me still in his arms, allowing me to straddle his lap with my back to the food. His giddy smile intensifies the pride rising in our bond—despite his flushed cheeks burning even darker.
I can’t stop a laugh from breaking our kiss. “Are we not going to eat your beautiful breakfast?”
Noah tilts his head, considering my joke as if it was a serious option.
I laugh. “Noah!”
He stabs a strawberry slice with his fork, placing it in front of my lips. “There. Now we technically—” He gapes when I kiss the strawberry. “Um...”
My lips part. Noah’s full focus sticks to my tongue dragging beneath the fork. I stare into Noah’s eyes as I pull back to suck the strawberry off the end, giving him a soft, pleased hum. Twitching to life beneath me, Noah’s cock urges me to inhale a heavy gasp as I chew.
The sweet vanilla air mixes with my sudden lust. All I can think about is Noah’s warm palms resting on my hips, and how hard he came into me last night.
“O-Omega...”
Noah’s voice is so rough that I can’t help myself; I slide my fingers into his hair, giving it a gentle tug as I kiss him, hard.
Growling into my lips, Noah squeezes my hips. I hug his waist with my thighs, aching for his touch.
Suddenly, I’m on the kitchen island.
“Noah, the food!” I laugh.
He rotates me slightly to the left, avoiding a majority of the plates.
“That”s hardly better, you adorable—”
Eager lips catch my laughter. Clinging to Noah”s rocking hips with my legs, I pin him over me.
By the time we’ve worked ourselves up and stripped our bottom halves, I’m dying to try what we did last night. Noah lifts my hips as I lay back on the island. He gazes into my eyes as he lines up to enter me, hungry for my reaction.
But it’s not what either of us expect.
“Agh—” My voice catches with sharp, horrific pain, shooting all the way up my core into my heart. Tears prick my eyes before I even realize what happened.
But Noah’s mood does a complete reversal. He exits me as quickly as possible, and his side of our bond warps into fear.
I burst into tears.
He whimpers, patting me all over like he doesn’t know where it’s okay to touch me anymore. “O-oh, Goddess. Oh, fuck. I hurt you.”
I try to shake my head no, but I can’t speak through the tears—heavy, wracking breaths shaking my chest.
Noah’s pained expression guts me, only making me cry harder.
“I-I’m sorry—” I finally choke out.
“Shh, my love. Shh, no...” Noah tugs my panties back on, his breath trembling as he pulls me into his lap.
Noah squeezes me hard, like I could fall apart if he let go. I grip his shirt, shaking my head in disbelief.
I choke out my words. “I-it felt so nice last night. I’m sorr—”
“No. Please, no more sorries. Just breathe, my love. I’m the one who’s sorry.”
Noah strokes between my legs, attempting to rub it better. I kiss his cheeks, but there’s no reversing the situation.
“It’s not your fault, Noah. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
He’s silent for a long time.
Eventually, his whisper comes out like it’s scraping the back of his throat. “Are you sure?”
“Yes. I’m really sure it was nothing you did. I just—” My lips wobble, choking me out. I can’t stop my voice from shaking no matter how hard I try; despair hits me full force. “I was so excited to move forward with you. All my hopes came crashing down when I saw how upset you looked.”
“Oh, sweet—” Noah blinks hard and fast, his eyes rimmed in red. “I’m so fucking sorry.”
“Steven really fucked my life up. I’m so sick of it.”
Noah nods, hugging me closer. “I’d never hurt you like that on purpose.”
“I know. I trust you still, Noah. It wasn’t your fault, I swear.”
He doesn’t respond, stroking my head until my tears slow. I’m grateful for his doting touch as he helps me eat my breakfast, still holding me close as I chew.
My heart remains shattered throughout the school day, hating how much poor Noah hurts alongside me. Lycan toddlers in particular notice my reeking sadness, my heartbroken scent clinging to the air around me like a needy parasite.
I hate that this is one of my last days with my students. I’m smiling, but I can’t bring myself to fully fake it. Kids can always tell.
At snacktime, Andy tugs on my shirt. “Miss Matsuoka?”
“Yes, Andy?”
He keeps tugging on my shirt, so I bend closer. His little hand cups around my ear, preparing for his sloppy whisper. “You’re supposed to say, ‘I need attention.’”
A smile spreads across my face, taking the place of tears. But even deeper, my chest burns with guilt. It”s not his responsibility to worry about me. I”m a terrible teacher today.
I squat to his level, opening my arms for a hug. “Wow! You”re doing such an amazing job at knowing how to ask for what you need, Andy!”
He hugs me as hard as he can, spurring a giggle from me.
“Don’t worry about me, okay? It’s not your job to help me; it’s my job to help you.”
Andy puffs his chest, pulling back to face me with a frown. “But I’m an Alpha! I have to protect my Luna!”
“Andy.” I lower to a whisper, hoping he copies my energy before humans take notice. He falls silent, leaning in to listen. “You’re right; you”re an Alpha. But I’m also your teacher. At school, it’s your job to be a student and have fun while you learn, okay? Not to take care of me.”
He drops my stare, his brows furrowing.
“I mean it, buddy. I’m so proud of you and all you’ve learned this year.” I hold his shoulders. “I just want you to know it’s never a kid’s job to take care of the adults.”
Then he peeks up at me, asking the same question I used to when I was young. “Why not?”
I wait for him to fully look at me, making sure he knows I’m serious. “Sometimes adults have big emotions, just like kids do, but adults have had many, many years to learn how to take care of themselves. Do you know how old I am?”
“Ten?” He mutters.
I smile. “Twenty-nine.”
Andy’s eyes bulge. “Are you an old lady?”
I bust out laughing. “Maybe! I’m very old compared to four, right?”
“Yeah.” Andy squares his shoulders. “But I can do things all by myself too.”
“You’re right, you’re so good at learning how to do so many things lately! And it’s okay to still be learning. Kids haven’t had a chance to learn all of the same things as adults have just yet.” With Andy’s nod, I smile. “That’s why it’s our job as adults to teach you. It’s not fair for adults to ask you to take care of them. We need to go to other adults for that help.”
“Okay...” He frowns. “But when my friends are sad, I want to help.”
The way he stares into my soul with worry wracks my heart. I inhale, and whether it’s intentional or not, he takes a deep breath with me. I smile, giving his shoulders a soft squeeze.
“It sounds like you’re such a great friend. I also want to help my friends when they’re sad too. But I’m not a student in preschool, right?”
“Right. You are my teacher.” He leans in to loudly whisper. “And my Luna.”
I laugh. “Exactly! I’m one of your grown-ups. My job as your teacher is to be someone who helps you learn. It’s my job as your Luna to keep you safe, even if you’re a smart, independent Alpha pup. Even if you can sense I’m upset, it’s okay for me to work on it, myself, or with another adult.”
He hums, thinking over my words. Eventually, he nods. “Okay. I’m going to go on the playground now.”
I stifle a laugh, blinking a few times to zip forward in time with his ever-present wolf brain. “Oh, how fun! Did you finish your snack so you can go play?”
“Yep! I’m going to play tag with Cory.”
He darts onto the playground. I smile at my screeching, playful students before falling back into my thoughts.
Do all Alphas take over-responsibility like this on instinct, or is it a social expectation placed on them? I can feel how gutted Noah is every second today too. I wish he didn’t blame himself for my pain, but I don’t know what else to say to convince him he’s not at fault.
By the time Noah picks me up after school, I can’t stop picking at my nails in the car. Noah places his hand over mine, stopping my nail-picking with his eyebrows drawn.
“I’m so sorry. I hate making you anxious.”
I hug his hand to my chest. “You’re not the one making me anxious.” I drop my head against my chair’s headrest with a sigh. “And you didn’t intentionally hurt me, this morning.”
“So, basically, I”m not taking in what you’re saying about accidentally hurting you, and therefore, I’m making you anxious.” Noah bites back his smile, peeking at me for a split second as he continues to drive.
I burst out laughing. “God, you’re such a cutie! What am I going to do with you?”
“I love you with my whole heart, sweet Omega.” Noah”s smile falters. “That’s why I’m so crushed about accidentally hurting you. I can’t stop replaying it, wondering what I could’ve done differently to prevent it.”
I suck in a breath to debate him, but Noah squeezes my hand.
“But that’s not your problem to solve. I need to work through this on my own, okay?”
My heart pounds as I gape at him.
Oh. I’m taking over-responsibility too.
Noah clears his throat, parking in our cabin’s driveway. “Did I say something weird?”
“No! Sorry, was I staring?”
“Y-yeah.” He chews on his lips, unable to stop a slow smile from growing. “But I guess that”s sort of normal now.”
I giggle, throwing off my seatbelt. Noah’s grin is such a relief to see that my heart squeezes as I wrap my arms around my mate. “I”m just amazed by you. You’ve taught me so much about myself and about life already.”
“I feel the same, sweet Omega.”
Noah tilts my chin with a delicate finger. His eyes trace my stare before he leans in with a slow, thorough kiss. Each millimeter of his lips sends tingles down my spine, urging me to hold his cheeks for more.
Noah purrs, nuzzling my nose as he shuts his eyes. Something else is on your mind.
My mind darkens, racing back to our fathers’ deaths. It feels too irrational to talk about aloud, but with the concern behind Noah’s stare, I blurt out the truth before I can overthink it.
“A few things are on my mind, actually. Things that I want to talk to you about before the meeting. Privately.”
Thankfully, Noah gives me a soft smile. “Okay. I’ll make us some tea.”