21
We’re still holding hands as we face each other on Noah’s kitchen barstools. Two mugs steam on the counter, piping out a delicate blend of freshly ground herbs from Greenfield Forest. Otherwise, the kitchen island is now free of Noah’s thoughtful breakfast plates, wiped perfectly clean.
But my mind doesn’t feel clean at all, scattered with too many thoughts to hold on my own. I release my tense grip on Noah”s hand to wipe my sweaty palms on my jeans. All I can think about is how my dad’s body must’ve looked, bleeding out on the forest floor. I don’t know if I can stomach talking about every gritty detail of his death with poor Noah. How much of his father’s gruesome death replays in his head too?
Noah rubs my arm, leaning in. “What’s on your mind?”
God, this is a painful question to ask Noah. I don’t know if it’s okay. If it’s too insensitive, or if it’ll bring back too much trauma for him. But this question is killing me, eroding at my insides like leaking battery acid.
“Aliya, what is it? You seem really serious.”
“Sorry. I’ve been thinking a lot about the way our dads died.”
Noah’s worry shifts into pain, and I wince. Fuck, I don’t want him to think I blame him at all.
My breath picks up. “I’ve been wondering— If their deaths were planned. Like—” I hesitate, unsure if a particular word is okay to say.
This word burrows into my chest, almost too heavy to speak.
But the harder I hold it in, the sicker I feel. Its weight crushes down on my heart like a hydraulic press, threatening to end me. I squeeze my eyes shut, wincing. When Noah’s heart aches with me, I know I can’t do this to him any longer.
I open my eyes to find his anxious stare. The word spills out of me, exposing one of my deepest secrets. “A homicide,” I breathe. “It’s not the first time I’ve wondered, either. Every time I shove the thought down, it comes back twice as hard.”
Noah sits rigid, but he hasn’t stopped staring. I have no idea what he’s thinking.
So I just talk. “I-I mean, I used to wonder why that day? Especially since he’d normally go out to eat with me at that time. But then I thought murder was silly of me to even consider. Hunting accidents happen all the time. But that sounds like a really easy cover-up for a murder. Especially here, where no one does much about these people.”
Noah’s eyebrows flinch. “W-what do you mean? No one does much about who?”
“Like... No one does anything about dangerous men. Like with Steven, what I told you about not being able to file a restraining order, even though he left... evidence—” I shake my head, my throat catching with nausea. “That’s another conversation I can’t stomach right now. My point is, I don’t think they’d be caught if it was on purpose, either. Especially if the hunters claimed they thought they shot two wolves.” I glance at my mate, unable to read his flickering emotions. My teeth chatter with nerves. “I mean, what do you think really happened that day?”
Noah blinks hard, like he forgot to this whole time. His stare roams around the kitchen. “W-well, they were shot by hunters, and—”
“No, I mean, not the story we’ve been told. How do you think it actually played out?”
Noah clears his throat, dropping my stare. The tense silence gives me goosebumps, crawling up my skin and begging me to act.
I can’t back down now, no matter how horrible this is to talk about. I need someone to hear my thoughts. To understand.
“I know this is awful to say, but are you sure it was really an accident?” My voice comes out small. It makes me feel pathetic. Like an insensitive, whiny—
To my surprise, Noah’s furrowed brows soften.
This minuscule shift cuts off every thought I have. Our bond shifts in preparation for something. Something big.
“Between us—”
Noah clears his throat. His voice is so soft that I feel like I have to lean in, but I wouldn’t dare move. The intensity of our rumbling emotions pins me in place, daring me to not even breathe.
When Noah speaks, his usually smooth, deep voice comes out strained. “I’ve always wondered the same thing.”
My heart leaps, forcing me to swallow it back down.
But Noah’s breath heightens. “N-no, that”s not right—it was more than ‘wondering.’ I tried to prove it.” He grips his hair. “Until everyone started asking if they should dethrone me for erratic behavior.”
“Oh, Noah... I can’t imagine being thrown into a leadership position like that, right after losing so much.” I grip his hand. Noah squeezes tight, nodding despite his bowed head. “Everyone thought I was irrational too. They said I asked questions that didn’t need to be asked.”
Noah’s exhale comes out hot. “Oh, they need to be fucking asked. Something in my heart knows it.”
When he looks me in the eyes, I can feel it too. The same angry, confused pain at the injustice of it all.
“You carry it everywhere, don’t you?”
Noah rubs his forehead, hiding his eyes. Eventually, he nods. “But I”ve never found enough evidence to prove it. It’s nearly impossible since the cops didn’t even know my dad died. We had to say he was our pet, and we were wildlife conservationists. He was just a giant, dead wolf.”
My heart flip-flops as I lock onto Noah’s every move, grief stinging my eyes.
But then it hits me.
“I never thought about that before. My dad was in his human form when he died! He had to be!”
Noah’s smile is riddled with pain. “Your dad saved us so much grief and confusion. If he didn’t shift back before he passed, we wouldn”t know nearly as much about how they died. The hunters wouldn’t have run after discovering a human body beside my dad’s big wolf. They would’ve taken their kills like it was nothing.”
My cheeks flush with the rage in Noah’s core, blazing through our bond until my lungs quiver.
“Noah, I have an awful feeling about the whole thing. Beyond the obvious reasons why this is endlessly painful.”
Noah shakes his head, frantically rubbing my hand with his thumb despite his slouched torso. “I can’t believe you have to feel this too. I hate it.”
“But now we’re not alone in it anymore.”
He peeks into my eyes for the first time in minutes. My heart aches at his sudden exhaustion, aging him years.
“Were you able to find any evidence at all?” I gasp. “Oh! Were you able to track their scents?”
Noah is silent for a long time. It looks like he can hardly swallow, his jaw flexing as his Adam’s apple crawls down his throat. “The hunters were wearing wolf hides to mask their scent. We’re almost certain they were Lycan hides.”
I cup my mouth, horror shredding my stomach. “They killed others?”
Noah rubs my shoulders, rage switching to worry. “I-I’m so sorry. I know, it’s fucked up. But it’s not proof. We tried to figure out who else they killed, but the hides weren’t from our pack. We have no clue.”
I rub my temples, groaning away the thought. “The more I’m hearing, the more this doesn’t add up.”
“What do you mean?”
I clear my throat, my heart beating hard enough to thump through my ears. What if I’m just in over my head with speculative nonsense again?
Noah sees right through me. “You’re smart as hell, Omega. I trust you.”
“I trust you too. That”s why I wanted to talk to you about this. Only you.”
“Good. I”m not like all those other people who”ll dismiss you on the spot. Right now, it”s just you and me. I don”t care if we sound like conspiratorial freaks. Share your honest thoughts with me. I want to hear them.”
His words inspire me to breathe deeper, building on a confidence I’ve never had around this subject.
Finally, someone”s listening to me without calling me crazy.
Or rather, he doesn”t care if I am.
But so many things feel off to me. Where do I even start?
With Mason on the mind this week, one topic seems like the most rational guess. “These Alpha challenges happen so often, and they seem extremely calculated. What if this was another one?
Noah tenses. “W-what? Why would they do something like that for a dominance challenge? It’s supposed to be wolf-to-wolf combat in order to properly forfeit the top Alpha title.”
“Do they seem like the type to take the noble option and fight face-to-face? Why else would they want to kill specifically those two high-ranking wolves?”
Noah bites his nails, shaking his head. “Those are great points, but something big is still missing there. I don’t think any ego-boosted Alpha would resort to something so easy. They’d be giving up a chance to steal my dad’s title and win dominance over our massive pack.”
I deflate. “Oh. I guess you’re right.”
Noah gives me a sad smile. “I know. It’s frustrating as hell.”
“It is...” I bite my lip.
“But what?”
“But I still feel like it’s too important to rule out just yet. I just feel it in my gut, like you said. It feels like someone chose them, specifically, and it’s too much of a weird coincidence that they happened to be two hugely important members of the pack. Especially if those weren’t just wolf hides, and were actually Lycan. I don’t even feel like we should discount the hunters being other Lycans.”
Noah’s eyes flicker between mine. “Okay. I won’t discount it either, then.”
My shoulders soften. “Thank you.”
We reach across the countertop, giving each other’s hands a soft squeeze.
But as Noah’s stare burns into the wooden countertop, a sick, dark hum rumbles in our bond. “That’s the other thing, though: they aimed at your dad first, so I didn’t think it was to steal my dad’s title. But when they shot my dad, he died instantly. It took us way too fucking long to find them both, so—” Noah rubs his head. “I couldn’t track them without feeling them in our bond anymore. I’m so fucking sorry, Aliya. I still feel like I should’ve gotten there sooner to— To help them—”
“Noah.” I pull him closer, blinking away hot tears. “You know I don’t blame you, right? You couldn’t have done anything to change what these hunters decided to do to them. To all of us.”
My mate can’t look at me.
I watch the oven’s digital clock, and for a full three minutes, we sit in pure silence—minus my soft sniffling.
Until Noah mutters, “What else do you think feels off?”
I sigh. “Well, I think it’s weird: if they masked their scents with wolf hides, they expected wolves to smell them.”
“So no matter what, you think they were hunting wolves?”
“Right, which is very illegal.”
Noah’s jaw flexes. “And also explains their bullet choices.”
“Oh, you’re right. I used to always wonder why my human dad was shot with bear-sized bullets, when all I used to see in the forest is deer.”
“Yeah, and the bears and mountain lions steer clear of our pack, so even the humans know they rarely show up here. Which means...”
Our bond flickers into a newfound darkness, shoving my breath out in sharp bursts.
“Fuck. Yeah, they were hunting our pack, in particular,” Noah hisses.
Noah stands so rapidly that I have to catch his stool from falling. He doesn’t even notice, running his fingers through his hair over and over again as he paces across the kitchen.
Noah suddenly stares deep into my eyes, yellow irises glinting back. His agitated wolf paces with him.
I grip my barstool. “N-Noah—”
He gasps out his words. “It’s still my fault. Especially if it was a dominance challenge.”
“What?! No—”
“I should’ve sniffed them out,” he growls. “I should’ve still gone on the perimeter run. I should’ve—”
“Stop, right there.” I grip his hands, halting his frantic pacing. “I didn’t share my main point yet.”
Noah freezes in place, his breath rapid and shaky.
“It’s even less of your fault if this is all true. With how massive, terrifyingly strong, and menacing you are in your wolf form, I’m willing to bet they specifically looked for a day that you, Noah Greenfield, weren’t there to stop them.”
Noah’s breath comes out in short bursts like he’s unwilling to breathe, pleading for reality to shift into something else. Anything else. It guts me.
He winces, his eyelashes suddenly darkening with the wetness pooling around them. “So— So m-maybe— I could’ve—”
“No. If you went that day, they’d just find another chance, and another... Until they got what they wanted.”
“S-so... There was nothing I could do?”
I shake my head, afraid of how he might take this information, now that it”s finally landing.
But after a focused silence, Noah’s shoulders relax. His head drops back as he closes his eyes. My heart pangs as a tear slides down his temple. He quickly tries to hide it with a hard rub over his eyes.
“Y-you really think there was nothing? Please, be honest. Pretend I’m not here, and speak the full truth.” His voice is so fragile that my heart rips.
“T-the truth is—” I pick at my nails, rocking on my feet as I stare at him. “No, my love, I don’t think you could’ve done anything to stop it. I know it’s so hard to hear, and I’m so sorry to say it, but I think it was completely out of your power.”
Noah lets out a slow, extended breath.
When he drops his chin to face me again, his eyes are their familiar deep teal. But they’re also lined with an inflamed pink. He holds my face in his palms, gazing deep into my eyes.
“What are you thinking? I’m worried about you.” I say.
Kissing my forehead, Noah stays there for a while, still catching his breath. “I’m thinking—” He clears the searing emotions from his throat. “If I hadn’t met you, I would’ve willingly walked through life carrying that until I died.” His words drop a weight in my heart, sending it to my knees. “I”m thinking you keep saving my life, every single day.”
I grip his hands, biting back tears. “And if you went back in time to stop it like you want to, they”d probably shoot you too, Noah. And I was waiting for you, even before I knew I was part Lycan. I would’ve kept waiting and waiting, not knowing you”d never arrive.”
Noah whimpers, glomping onto me with his whole body. “No, you’re right. I’m so fucking happy I’m here with you.”
“Me too, Noah. Thank you for skipping your perimeter run that day.”
“Thank you for surviving so much grief to make it to me.”
With my face smushed into his chest, I close my eyes, breathing through our conversation.
Noah doesn’t say anything more, sniffling for minutes on minutes until neither of us feels like crying anymore. His full-fingered grip on my back tells me he doesn’t want to stop holding me, and I’m content to stay put.
But when I glance back at the time on the oven clock, I gasp. “Noah, it’s almost time for the Pack Safety meeting!”
He groans, burying his nose into my shoulder.
“Should we cancel it?” I ask. “You’ve been through way too much emotional stress today.”
“So have you. But if we don’t come up with a solution about Mason tonight, I won’t be able to sleep. Then I’ll really be stressed.”
I groan. “Okay, then we’re going. But let’s try to be gentle on ourselves tonight, okay?”
“Good. I like that thought, when it comes to you.”
After sharing a heavy, cuddling kiss, Noah releases me so I can prepare for the meeting. I toss off the sticky preschool clothes, jumping into something worthy of a Pack Safety meeting.
Staring at myself in the mirror, I freeze, startled by my own expression. I look exhausted, as expected, but there’s something else there. A clarity in my eyes I’ve never noticed.
Our conversation freed yet another piece of me, loosening my shoulders and softening the tense corners of my eyes. This novel image of myself burns into my brain, even as we leave the house.
On our drive there, I squeeze Noah’s arm, breaking the thought-ridden silence. “Thank you for believing me.”
“Always, my sweet Omega. I’m right there with you.” But Noah sighs. “I don’t want to be a downer, but there’s something else I’m thinking about all this, now that I’m calmer.”
My heart drops. “Oh, no. What?”
“If they had no idea our dads were important, they really could”ve just thought they found a big kill,” he mutters. “Or maybe some humans thought they found ‘mythical werewolves,’ and wanted to prove it by memorizing our run schedule.”
My stomach churns and my eyes sting hot. “So you don’t actually feel the same way? You don”t think it was premeditated?”
“No, my love. That’s not what I’m saying.” He squeezes my hand, grounding my racing heart. “I think if we told anyone what we’re thinking right now, that’ll be their counterargument. We need to find definite proof the hunt wasn’t only intentional, but also that they knew exactly who they were killing.”
After a deep, calming breath, I nod, squeezing Noah’s arm again. “Okay. I have no idea how, but I’m sure we’ll think of something. We have to.”
The silence we share isn’t silent at all in our bond. Our aching hearts tangle, meeting each other where we’re both at until we find a new, sorrowful equilibrium. We’re gutted, but we’re okay.
Noah parks outside the Community Center, turning to stroke my hair. “I’m so fucking glad I’m not alone in this anymore, Omega.”
“So am I, Alpha.” I grip his jacket collar, urging him to my lips.
Our kiss is laced with a blurry mixture of relief, hope, and fuming, torrid grief.