Chapter 18
TELL YOU A STORY
“Gracie sleeping?”
“Yes. She went down pretty quickly. It’s been a good day for her.”
“That’s always nice to hear, but I’m thinking not so great for you?”
“I’ve had better,” she said.
He’d read the text when he was ending his shift. Arden asking him if he got out early enough, if he could come down and relax with a drink.
Though Blaze enjoyed the other times he’d come down to visit her after work, she rarely threw in the words relax or drink. They didn’t drink at all other than the one night she had the hard cider.
The night he’d seen her sitting on the porch trying to take the edge off.
Tonight she slurped up her milkshake, he did the same. He had to admit this wasn’t the drink he was thinking he’d get but wouldn’t turn one down.
Not when it brought back childhood memories. Things he didn’t always let drift back into his head.
A time when the biggest obstacle in his life was trying to sleep in for an extra thirty minutes on the weekend before he had to start his chores on the farm.
“Can I tell you a story?” he asked.
“I’d like that.”
He took a long pull on the cold, creamy chocolate concoction in his hand. “When we were kids in the summer, we had chores to do daily. During the week we had to get up as if it were still school, get the work done, and then the rest of the time was ours.”
“That had to suck if you couldn’t sleep in at all.”
“My parents felt it was part of being disciplined. That if you had a routine, life could be a little smoother. They weren’t wrong. They weren’t rough about it. It’s not like we were up at five a.m. It was the same as school days. The weekends we could sleep in an extra hour.”
“Only an hour?” she said, her eyes wide.
“It was more than my parents did. But we’d do our chores, then goof off the rest of the day. At night in the summer, a couple of times a week, my mother would make these awesome milkshakes. Kind of a reward for getting it done.”
“That’s very sweet. Did you always have chocolate?”
“Oh, no. It’s my favorite. But my mother would get creative. Sometimes they were fruit based, others had peanut butter in them. She was doing her form of smoothies long before it was a trend.”
“Just with ice cream mixed in?”
“Hey, we were kids. Got to make it still a treat.”
“It’s a nice story. When I have a mildly bad day, I might have a hard cider to take the edge off. But I’ve told myself not to do that. Not to rely on it. I don’t need the crutch. I’ve seen what it can do to someone.”
He turned and looked at her. “Did you have a problem with your ex today?”
It was the way she’d said the words. As if there was a memory explosion of everything negative at once.
“I did. And I got through it. That’s what a milkshake is for. My reward. Kind of like what your mom did. I decided a long time ago that I needed to put a spin on the terrible things and make it about pushing through.”
He let out a breath, then sucked up some more creamy chocolate. “I’m not going to like what you’re going to say, am I?”
“Probably not.”
“But you called me to get it off your chest? Or for support?”
That’s what he was doing here.
Being Arden’s support because it was clear something was eating her up and she was taking her time getting there. And what he wanted more than anything was for her to admit it to him.
Not just play it off and tuck it away to eat her up for another time.
“Both. I’m not used to leaning on anyone for anything. And that’s my problem too. But here you are, coming into my life at a shitty time and instead of me saying it’s not right, I’m telling myself that there might never be a right time so I’m not letting this one go.”
He inched his chair to hers, put his arm around her shoulder and tugged her closer.
So close, that she got up and moved over to sit on his lap.
Even better in his eyes.
But that vulnerable move told him what she said next was only going to work him up, not keep his calm for her.
He put his arms around her, held her tight, let her snuggle in some and gather her thoughts.
“When you’re ready I’d like to hear what happened.” He kissed her on the forehead. “And I’m beyond thrilled you reached out.”
“I wasn’t going to,” she said. “I know you’ve got a lot going on this weekend and I shouldn’t burden you with this, but I did it before I could stop myself.”
“I’m glad that you still did it. I would have been upset if you hadn’t.”
She nodded. “I took Gracie to dinner after daycare today. She asked me to go right away because if I came home to change first I might change my mind. I do that. Start thinking it through more and decide against something. I’m learning that I need to go with my first response to something.”
“Sometimes that’s the best. Other times it’s not.”
Like her first reaction to reach out tonight rather than talk herself out of it.
“And figuring that out is often the hardest step of all.” She let out a breath when his hands rubbed up and down her arms. “When we got home there was a gift bag on the front porch. I thought maybe it was from you, but that was crazy. You were at work before and after me and it was a kid’s bag.”
“Do you like surprises like that?” he asked. He should know those things.
“Not really. I don’t do well with surprises.”
“I think you do well with anything that lands in front of you.”
“I used to think that.” She shifted some on his lap and he hoped to hell his dick stayed in place when it wanted more than anything to let her know what he was really feeling. “But we get in the house, I look inside and see two Barbie dolls.”
She explained the rest along with the card and how Gracie saw them before she could hide them away.
“I don’t like that,” he said.
“Welcome to my world. Some woman I don’t know about, who is itching to meet my daughter, goes behind her boyfriend’s back and does this. He admitted that he might have led Tina on that I will meet her sooner rather than later.”
“Were you willing?”
This was news to him.
“I’d said I had to do it first. I told you that.
I said I wasn’t ready for it, but the past few days I got thinking that maybe it wouldn’t hurt to just see her.
I realized she could show up where Billy and Gracie are and watch from a distance.
To see how they interact. She might have done that already.
Wouldn’t it be better if I met her and saw what she looked like? ”
“You don’t know her last name or haven’t tried to find her on social media?”
“No. I haven’t bothered asking. Doing that would give too much importance to Billy.
To get him to think I was okay with this all when I’m not really.
I mean I just found out about her a month ago, not even.
He said they’ve been together like six months.
She wants to move in with him. We went from me not knowing to her dropping gifts off. Too much, too soon.”
That was his thought. “What did Billy say about this since he didn’t know about the gift?”
“He wasn’t happy. I could hear it in his voice. He took some of the blame, which is ironic because he never did that with me.”
“Don’t let your mind go there.”
“I’m trying not to, but it’s hard not to compare, even if I hate every second it happens.” She let out a sigh but made no move to get up. He was content for them to stay like this for hours. “He told me he was positive he’d be fighting with Tina tonight and I’d probably love the thought of that.”
“No, you wouldn’t. Because then it’d just work him up more to bleed over to you.”
“Yep. You get that. You don’t even know me that well, but you get me.”
“I know you well enough.”
“Which is why I called you. Because I knew you’d listen and you’d tell me if I was nuts.”
“You’re not nuts. I don’t like that this happened either. What was his reaction when you asked what he knew about her?”
“He didn’t reply. Didn’t tell me how they met either. I’ll have to bring it up another time I’m sure.”
“What’s the next step?”
“I wrote up everything that happened today. I’ll tell Julie next weekend when I drop Gracie off for the visit. She’ll report it.”
“You’re not going to tell your attorney?”
“Why?” she asked. “I’ll just have to pay him for the time and nothing will come of it.
Our custody agreement isn’t going to change.
Billy didn’t do it, Tina did. No one hid that information.
Julie will file it with my attorney and Billy’s and his attorney gave him shit about stopping over here a few weeks ago.
He knows it’s going to happen again and he’ll have to pay for that call. ”
He wasn’t so sure he agreed with her decision, but it wasn’t his place to argue it. She knew what she was doing and he had to accept that.
“What about you lying about who the gift was from? Will you report that part of it?”
She stiffened in his arms. It wasn’t the reaction he wanted but expected it. When she went to get up, he held her in place and rubbed her back to relax her.
“I did what was right. If she hadn’t seen the gift I wouldn’t have given it to her at all. That’s just another incentive for me to get the rest of my stuff in the basement and be able to park in the garage. I could have avoided the whole thing. That’s what I’ll be doing this weekend.”
He’d offer to help, but with Clay’s wedding, he was swamped and wouldn’t even be around much.
“Might be the smart thing to do,” he said. “If you’ve got anything really heavy or big, please don’t lift it yourself and I’ll help.”
“I’ll ask you if I need help, but I think I can manage it on my own. I promise if I can’t, you’re the first person I call.”
He believed it because he was here right now.
“There is so much I want to do and say and I’m struggling right now.”
He felt her grin against his chest. “I know. I can sense it in the changes in your body. Blaze, I don’t need a protector.”
“I think you do. Everyone does.”
“Even you?”
“I could have used one a time or two in my life. Maybe some advice too. I’m not immune to it. I don’t think I’m Superman like my brothers.”
She laughed. “Yes, you do. Maybe not outside of the ER, but in it, you totally do. Right?”
His head went back and forth. The heaviness of those words was the burden he put on himself.
“I need to be that way there, but trust me, there were times more than kryptonite brought me down.”
“Will you tell me those times?” she asked. “So I don’t feel like such a loser in this relationship.”
If she hadn’t called what they had a relationship, he’d say no. Or joke his way out of it.
But she’d pushed that door open again for him and he had to walk through.