Chapter 9 #2
Frankie was more than happy to pick Cormac up from daycare after work and watch him for the night, the traitor.
I can’t figure out why she’s pushing this so much after seeing everything I went through with him.
However, as much as I hate to admit it, the bitch is right, and I need to have a conversation with him.
She’s the only one who I trust with Cormac’s life, and she one hundred percent played that against me.
I put a bottle of champagne in the fridge, knowing I would need something to take the edge off, but I’m thinking I might need to start now.
Just as I set the bottle on the counter, a heavy knock sounds at my front door, scaring the shit out of me and making me jump.
“Jesus Christ.” I rub my hand over my chest.
I look between the bottle of champagne and the hallway leading to the front door, debating if I have enough time to pop this baby open and take a swig before this shitstorm begins.
Just as I start unwrapping the foil around the cork, the knocking starts again, this time even louder than before.
“I’m coming!” I yell, leaving the bottle and heading toward the door.
This is off to a great start. He’s already pissing me off.
Flipping the locks, I open the door to reveal a nervous-looking Hash.
He has one hand half in his front pocket while his other hand holds a brown paper bag of takeout food.
He still has the same mullet and the gauges I always found incredibly hot.
His worn Levi jeans are hugging his thighs, and his white tee is making me wish I could be back in those arms. His cut adding that extra bad boy flair that made me fall for him the second I laid eyes on it.
He looks damn good.
“I picked up food from that Irish place I remember you liking. I got you shepherd’s pie,” Hash says sheepishly as he motions to the bag in his hand containing one of my favorite dishes.
All I can do is stare at him.
He looks as nervous as I feel, and in some fucked-up way, him being nervous is calming me down. I have the upper hand here.
“You going to let me in?” he asks softly.
Taking the bag out of his hand, I head back toward the kitchen. “How did you remember I liked that place?” Let alone the shepherd’s pie is my favorite.
“I remember everything about you, Aisling,” I hear Hash answer after the front door shuts.
But you couldn’t remember to text me back.
I need champagne before I need food.
Ripping off the rest of the foil and unscrewing the little metal twist cap, I pop the cork. “Want a glass?”
“I’ll never turn down the chance to have a glass of champagne with you.”
I snort to myself.
He’s laying it on thick tonight.
Champagne has always been my drink of choice, whether it’s cheap or expensive.
As long as it’s dry and bubbly, I’m happy.
If you had told me that a one-percenter biker like Hash liked champagne almost as much as I do, I would have laughed in your face.
But without fail, whenever I would be drinking it, he would be drinking it right along with me.
I stretch my hand out, offering Hash his glass, but he isn’t paying attention to me. Instead, he’s looking around my place, lingering on the baby bouncer I have shoved in the corner of the living room and the bin of baby toys I have next to that.
Clearing my throat, I draw his attention back to me. I can see the unasked question swirling in his bright green eyes as he takes the glass, his eyes still darting around the room.
“He’s not here. I figured it would be best to talk without him around, you know, in case things get heated or out of hand.”
“Makes sense,” Hash responds, but I can hear the disappointment in his voice. “Want to take this outside?”
Sure.
Let’s have this conversation in the same place you ripped my heart out and stomped on it. It only seems fitting.
“Yeah.” I grab the bag of food off the counter and follow him out.
“Who is watching… fuck. I never asked anything about our kid. Don’t even know if it’s a boy or a girl. I’m already fucking this up. Goddamnit,” Hash growls, throwing himself down on the lounger, making it creak in a way I thought it might break.
I down the rest of the champagne, hoping it will take the emotions threatening to come out down with it as I sit down on the outdoor couch. I watch a dead leaf fall to the ground, reminding me that even trees let dead things go.
Is our relationship dead?
As mad as I am at Hash, I still can’t stand to see him upset like this. I know firsthand how overwhelming this all is, even if he did bring this on himself.
“We have a son.” I give in, throwing him a bone as I take the food containers out. My appetite is gone, but I need something to busy myself with or I’m going to go crazy.
“A son?” Hash croaks. “What’s his name?”
“Cormac.”
Hash sucks in a sharp breath, startling me. “Son of the raven. That’s a powerful name.”
I smile weakly at him. “I know, Lachlan.”
That’s one of the things Hash and I bonded over, both of our parents being from Ireland.
We were both born in the States, though.
As soon as I found out I was having a boy, I knew immediately that’s what I would name him.
Frankie thought I was nuts for not spending hours upon hours searching through name blogs.
Never in my life had I felt more connected to a man as I did that night when we were talking about where we came from. I know he felt it too, or else he wouldn’t have shared his legal name with me. He made me feel special that night with knowing I’m one of the few people who know it.
“You don’t know how sorry I am that I left you alone.” Hash breaks the silence.
“Why?” I ask as I pop the lid off the takeout container. “You’re the one who said I don’t belong in your world. If someone doesn’t belong, I don’t know why you would be sorry you left them alone.”
“I know you aren’t going to believe me when I say this, but I didn’t mean it the way you’ve taken it.”
“Let me guess, you’re going to try to spin this into some weird explanation and make me feel like I’m the crazy one?”
Hash shakes his head. “Not at all. I said you don’t belong in my world because I don’t want you in it. Bad things happen to good people in my world. If something happened to you because of me… I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.”
“Do you know how fucked up that sounds?” I ask in disbelief.
“I was trying to protect you,” Hash says defensively, the edge in his voice making the hairs on my skin stand up.
“Cut the bullshit, Lachlan. Do I look like a dumb bitch to you?”
We’re five minutes in and I’m already ready to shove this bottle of champagne up his ass.
“Watch it, baby doll,” Hash warns.
“You watch it! Are you hearing yourself right now? The entire world is fucked up, not just yours. Bad things happen to good people all the time. It’s just the way it is.
That’s what makes them bad people,” I rant as I shake my head.
“What you did has nothing to do with your club or your world. What you did was selfish as fuck. You’ve never once thought about me.
Everything from day one has been about you.
All you wanted to do was to get your dick wet. ”
Hash’s hand quickly reaches out, gripping my jaw and turning my head so I’m looking at him. His fingers are digging in just enough to hurt a little, letting me know he isn’t fucking around.
His eyes are hard, angry swirls in the depths of them.
“I didn’t think about you?” he bites out, his voice dangerously low.
“You’re all I fucking think about. I can’t get you out of my goddamn head.
So much to the point I can’t get my dick up around any other bitch.
” Tugging at my head, I try to get out of his hold, but his fingers dig in harder, holding me in place.
“No, you’re going to look me in my fucking eyes when I tell you this so I know you heard it.
And you better fucking hear it. I know the world is a fucked-up place.
But if I can do something about it to make sure nothing happens to you, I’m going to fucking do it.
That’s called being a man. Call me selfish one more time and I’m going to bend you over my knee and spank your ass raw.
Everything I’ve done is for you. You hear me? ”
“I hear you,” I whisper.
Hash releases my jaw. My hand reaches up, rubbing it in an effort to take away the throbbing.
“What?” Hash asks, still angry.
I side-eye him, and I pour more champagne into my glass. My appetite is out the window. If I take a bite, I’m afraid it will come back out. Although that might not be a bad thing. He deserves to be puked on with the way he’s acting like I’ve somehow wronged him.
“Spit it out.”
“I don’t like how you’re talking to me right now,” I admit, bracing for what’s coming next.
He shovels a bite of food into his mouth. “It’s the only way you listen to me. Well, not the only way.” Hash winks. “I figured that’s off the table for now, though.”
For now?
Does he think us talking is going to lead to us getting back together?
Because that ship has sailed.
“Even though I don’t agree with your logic, I get what you’re saying. However, that doesn’t explain why you straight-up ignored me when I told you I was pregnant. You didn’t even acknowledge it, Hash.” I wince at the hurt I’m unable to keep out of my voice.
“Because I didn’t get it.”
“What do you mean you didn’t get it? I texted you multiple times and called.”
Hash hesitates before finally answering. “I blocked your number.”
My mouth drops open in shock.
“Seriously? What, are you fifteen? I didn’t deserve to be blocked!” I exclaim, my anger rising again.
“I knew if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be able to stay away from you,” Hash admits as he leans back in the lounger. “Why didn’t you come by the club and tell me?”
Now I’m looking at him like he’s crazy.
“You mean the club you refused to ever bring me around?” Hash winces; my remark cutting deep. “I took the hint. You weren’t responding, and I assumed you read them all. Besides, I might be a crazy bitch, but I’m not a psycho stalker.”
“Yeah,” Hash mutters.
I don’t know what there is left to say, so I relax back and sip my bubbly. It’s dark out now, making it my favorite time to be out here. Being in a larger city, I’m not lucky enough to see the stars. That’s the only thing that would make my little slice of paradise even better.
“Can I meet him?” Hash asks, breaking the silence that had settled over us.
I forget to breathe.
Rationally, I know he has a right to know his son.
However… I don’t think I’m there yet. I’m not trying to be one of those shitty moms that use their kids to manipulate the dad.
He just hasn’t been around. Just because he pops up out of nowhere doesn’t give him the right to come in and act like none of this ever happened.
“Aisling?” Hash presses when I don’t respond.
“You can meet him…” I say reluctantly. I hate that I feel like this. It shouldn’t be like this.
“But…” Hash trails off. He moves to the edge of his seat, taking my hand in his.
My attention moves to our interlaced fingers. I’ve missed the feel of his rough skin against mine.
I take a deep breath before laying it all out there.
“But I want you to go home and think about this. The only way you’re going to meet him is if you decide you’re in his life for good.
I won’t have someone only showing up when they feel like it.
He might be young now and not remember, but eventually he will.
I won’t have you breaking my baby’s heart like you broke mine. ”
“Baby doll,” Hash whispers.
I try to pull my hand away, but he grabs it tighter, his thumb now gently caressing the skin between my thumb and index finger.
“I’m going to prove to you that I’m here for good. You’ll see.”
A small flicker of hope throbs in my heart, proving that it still beats for him after everything.
Except this time, I’m going to think with my head and not my heart.