CH 57- #over
#over
Luke
Madison and I woke up early and sat on her back patio, enjoying each other’s company and cups of coffee.
“Bella and Beau are going to be so happy to see you,” my gorgeous goddess said, smiling at me. Her long hair was in a messy bun on top of her head, and she didn’t have on a lick of makeup. She was stunning to me as God made her.
“I’m tempted to go wake up our munchkins.”
“Do not!”
“Why?”
“I need this alone time with you.”
“Alright. What’s your plan for today?”
“Nothing other than hanging out here and waiting for an insurance rep to come over at eleven.”
“Is there anything you need me to do?”
“Nope, but thank you.”
“Have you thought anymore about selling this house and moving to the ranch?”
Madison took a deep breath and shook her head.
“When will you?”
“I don’t know. Just not right now.”
“Dallas still pulls at you, doesn’t it?”
“It does.”
“Yet you don’t seem to miss a thing about it when you’re in Amarillo.”
“Because I get so caught up in being there.”
“There will probably always be a part of you that misses the city since you grew up here. If you sold your house and moved to the ranch, I would bring you to Dallas for a visit anytime you wanted.”
“Daddy?” I heard Bella say from behind Madison and me.
I got up from my chair and went straight to her, kneeling and hugging her. “Hey, little angel.”
She started crying. “I missed you.”
“I missed you too.”
We looked at each other, Bella smiling through her tears like I was doing.
“Are you going to live with mommy, Beau, and me?”
“I’m just staying here for the weekend, then I have to go back to the ranch that I told you I was working at.”
“But I don’t want you to leave.”
“I don’t want to either, but I’ll be back really soon.”
“Do you promise?”
“I promise.”
Madison and I took her back into the house, to the kitchen, to get her a drink of water.
“Are you hungry?” Madison asked her.
She nodded.
“What would you like to eat for breakfast?”
Before she could answer, I said, “Hang on. Bella, do you like pancakes?”
“Yes.”
I looked at Madison. “Do you have pancake mix? If you don’t, I’m running to the store to get some mix and maple syrup.”
“I have both.”
“Good deal! Bella, I’m about to make you cowboy pancakes.”
“Yay!” she cheered, smiling and holding her arms up in the air.
About ten minutes later, she sat on a stool beside me, wearing the cowgirl hat and boots I bought for her, as I stood and poured the batter into a pan in the shape of a hat.
After it sizzled for a bit, I flipped it in the air and glanced at Bella.
Her emerald eyes were huge, and her mouth was open with surprise, making me grin.
As she sat on my lap at the island in the kitchen, eating with her mommy and me, my heart swelled inside my chest. This was what it meant to be a daddy—these little moments that a man spends with his child or children. They meant everything. My dad did it with Hayden and me.
Madison was cleaning the kitchen when I heard Beau start crying down the hallway.
“I’ve got him,” I said, getting up from my stool.
When I walked into his bedroom, he smiled at me and held out his arms, his crying coming to an immediate stop.
“Hey, buddy!” I said, picking him up and holding him to me.“DaDa.”
“Yep, I’m your DaDa. I love you.”
He laid his head on my chest, splitting my heart wide open.
* * *
It was evening again. Madison’s meeting with the insurance rep earlier went well.
He told her she would receive a check no later than Friday next week and could start replacing her kitchen floor and carpet.
She was relieved. I just wanted her to sell this damn house and move to the ranch with our little girl and boy.
After they went to sleep, Madison and I sat on her couch, listening to a country music channel on her TV as she rested her head on my lap and I massaged it.
“That feels so good. The only time someone comes close to doing what you’re doing to me is when I go to my hairstylist, and she shampoos and conditions my hair before cutting it,” she said.
“I’ll do this for you anytime you want.”
“I’m going to hold you to that.”
She opened her eyes and smiled at me. I gazed down at her, adoring and loving her so much.
A few minutes later, I excused myself to use the bathroom.
I didn’t really need to, though. It was my excuse to grab something from the zippered pocket in my suitcase.
When I returned to the living room, I asked Madison to sit up.
“Okay,” she said, studying my face.
I stood in front of her, staring at her as my heart pounded inside my chest. Then I got down on one knee, grabbed the little black box from my back pocket, and opened it for Madison to see the engagement ring that I bought for her. She gasped, covered her mouth, and looked at me.
“You gorgeous, redheaded, emerald-eyed woman… I love you. I want you. I need you by my side as my wife. I want to make a life with you, Bella, and Beau. I want to grow old with you and talk about all the memories we made with our family and grandkids. You are everything to me, Madison. I—”
“Stop!” she said, holding up her hand.
“What’s wrong?”
“Luke, I-I…”
“You’re what?”
“I’m not ready for this.”
“You made me think you are.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You’re sorry?” I asked, closing the box.
“I’m just feeling so much and am confused.”
I searched her eyes. “Confused about your love for me?”
“No, I love you without question.”
“I am on my knee, trying to ask you to marry me, and you just shut me down.”
She dropped her head and started crying. I let her keep doing it until I couldn’t listen to her another second.
“Look at me,” I demanded, standing up. Madison met my hurt and angry gaze. I continued saying what had to be said. “In this moment, I just realized I will never be enough for you, no matter how much I love you and do for you.”
“It’s not that, Luke.”
“Then please, by all means, enlighten me.”
“I’m not ready to leave Dallas.”
“Our getting engaged doesn’t mean you have to tomorrow or even six months from now, although I wish you would tomorrow.
I wish you’d live with your mom so that I could see you and our kids every weekend until I transfer to Mr. Culberson’s other ranch, only twenty miles from Amarillo. I was waiting to tell you about it.”
Madison kept staring at me, her chin quivering as she breathed fast.
“You have nothing else to say to me?” I asked her.
“I don’t know what to say other than love isn’t always enough for a couple to make it.”
“I cannot believe those fucking words just came out of your mouth.”
“I’m so sorry, Luke. I just need more time. So much has happened between us.”
“So much good that you just ruined. I’m done trying with you. I have given you my all. Believe me when I tell you that I won’t make that mistake ever again.”
I grabbed her hand and slammed the black box in it. Then I turned around, went to her bedroom, packed my suitcase, and walked out her front door. After I left the Dallas city limits, I screamed and punched my steering wheel, feeling like the biggest fool in Texas.