Chapter 23
SAWYER
IWOKE UP before the sun, and that never happened.
I was not a before-the-sun person. I was barely an after-the-sun person, unless strong coffee was involved and no one expected conversation from me for at least a half-hour.
The only time I saw a sunrise was when I’d made a terrible decision and stayed out too late.
This morning, though?
I woke up smiling like an idiot. It was like those cheesy commercials, the ones where the person in bed stretched beneath white sheets, smiling and fresh-faced while birds chirped and sunlight filtered in from the windows.
That was what I felt like, only I had a hot-as-hell man in the bed beside me.
Beckett was sleeping hard, and I’d spent most of the night with his arm around my waist and his chest warm at my back, though at some point we’d moved, no longer touching but lying close side by side.
For a long time I just watched him, hardly able to believe he was there. That somehow this whole fake boyfriend thing had turned into something real. My entire world had flipped on its head the second he walked into my life, so unexpected.
And God, last night. I’d expected heat. I knew Beckett would be good at it too, because he was good at almost everything, and his kisses had been more than enough proof he knew what he was doing.
It was the aftermath that I hadn’t expected. The way he’d taken care of me, just as attentive after sex as he was in making sure he wrung every pleasure out of my body. His soft touches, the way he’d held me and stroked me until I’d drifted off into several hours of blissful sleep.
When I woke up, my first thought was: I could get used to this. It was a terrifying thought, though, because what if he only wanted the same while we were here? What if we went back to the city and all we had was this perfect moment?
I’d eased out of the bed quietly, careful not to wake him, but Beckett didn’t stir. He looked so damn good all warm and rumpled in the sheets that I was tempted to crawl back between them and curl into his strong body.
But he needed sleep, and I needed to wring out some of this anxious energy. I glanced around the floor, looking for the clothes I’d thrown around last night in an effort to quickly get them off, and when my eyes caught on his track pants, a smile curved my mouth.
Before I could consider what I was doing, I pulled them on and then did the same with his oversized sweatshirt. The pants sat low on my hips and the sweatshirt was soft and warm and smelled faintly like him. So cozy and comforting, it made my stomach flip.
I took in a deep breath as I looked at him like he’d wake up and catch me. But his breathing was slow and steady, and I wrapped my arms around myself, his scent enveloping me as I slipped outside.
Any sane person would’ve changed, or at least recognized the fact that putting on another man’s clothes the morning after was treading into dangerous emotional territory.
I’d never claimed to be sane, though.
The air was cold, but I brought a blanket out with me, forgetting I’d left one out there last night. Along with the bottle of wine and half-empty glasses.
I smiled to myself, remembering the urgent need to get Beckett inside the cabin—and inside me.
Yeah, fuck the wine.
There was a sliver of sunlight on the horizon, and I moved over to the railing, wrapping the blanket around my shoulders. The fresh air felt good in my lungs, and the view was worth the early hour, just this once, as slowly the sky began to lighten over the lake in streaks of gold and pink.
The only thing that would’ve made this better was coffee, but I wouldn’t wake up Beckett by making one yet. I’d make some for both of us once the sun was up.
I took in a deep breath, letting it out slowly, and with it all the anxiety I’d been feeling for weeks. For the first time in a long time, I wasn’t thinking about what Peter had done to me. I was thinking about what came next, in all aspects of my life. My show. Beckett…
A runner appeared on the path near the lake, and my first thought was ugh. Early-morning fitness people were a different species, of that I was convinced.
I barely glanced their way, watching the squirrels as they began to rustle through the trees chasing each other, but something niggled in the back of my mind that had me glancing back.
And that was when I realized what was so familiar. He slowed his pace, glanced up at my cabin, and then stopped.
Peter.
Of course.
Because the universe couldn’t let me enjoy a peaceful sunrise without bringing him into it.
I looked away and my first instinct was to go inside.
Not because I was scared of him. Because I was tired.
Tired of thinking about him and seeing him, tired of the looks he gave me and the little comments he made.
He kept poking me on purpose to get a reaction or to make himself feel better, I didn’t know which, but I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing I cared.
Mostly because I didn’t anymore. Also, I’d had the best sex of my life last night and I’d be damned if he ruined my mood.
I should’ve known he’d jog up to the porch, that he couldn’t just run on by.
When the hell had he started doing that? He definitely hadn’t left my apartment every morning to go for a jog, so that was new.
His footsteps slowed on the packed dirt, closer now, and then he said, “Sawyer.”
Inwardly sighing, I looked down at where he stood at the bottom of the porch steps in running shorts and a fitted long-sleeve shirt, breathing fast, his hands on his hips. His eyes flicked over me, his brows turning down as he took in the pants and sweatshirt of Beckett’s I’d thrown on.
Oh, he’d noticed that, had he?
“Early morning for you,” he said.
“I could say the same.”
“Didn’t know you’d taken up watching sunrises. You hate getting out of bed before noon.”
“Says the guy who apparently runs now. Or is someone chasing you?”
He let out a short laugh and inclined his head. “Right.”
I hadn’t let myself look at him this week, really look at him, but now that he was there—and in a pair of shorts, no less—I could see the way he’d toned up since we’d been together.
But he wasn’t on Beckett’s level by any means.
I felt kinda proud to be able to acknowledge that.
He nodded at my shirt. “You didn’t go to Columbia.”
“No, I didn’t. Beckett did.”
Like he’d had a feeling but hated the confirmation, he glanced away, and I felt a sense of satisfaction that he knew I was sharing a bed with someone else. That had been the whole point of coming up here, to rub that fake fact in his face, only now I didn’t have to pretend.
“So this is serious, then?” he said.
“Is there a reason you’re asking?”
“Just trying to understand.”
“No, you’re not.” The words came out before I could make them sound nicer, and Peter blinked.
“Wow. He’s made you bold.”
“No.” I stepped down one stair, not enough to be in his space, but enough that he knew I wasn’t backing down. “You made me tired. Beckett just happened to be around when I finally noticed.”
His eyes narrowed slightly before he exhaled. “Come on. Don’t make this ugly.”
“Why not? You’ve been poking at me all week, trying to make this ugly.”
“I haven’t done anything to you this week.”
I laughed, actually laughed, because did he truly believe the words coming out of his mouth? His audacity was truly something else, and you almost had to admire it. Almost.
“You showed up with someone else to my parents’ vow-renewal celebration two months after dumping me and have spent every day waiting to see how much I’d bleed for you.”
“Jesus, that’s dramatic.”
“Sorry, have we met? Dramatic’s my middle name.”
“Sawyer, I—” He ran his fingers through his hair and gripped the back of his neck. “I don’t want to fight. I just wanted… Look, maybe I jumped the gun on things with us.”
I blinked, his words settling between us but somehow not registering. “What?”
“I mean, we had our issues, but I think we can work things out. I…I miss you.”
My entire body had gone numb. I wasn’t even sure I was still standing and hadn’t been knocked over by a gentle wind. “But you’re with Alec.”
“Eh.” He shrugged, glancing behind him like Alec would turn up any minute. “It’s not really serious.”
Oh my God.
He had to be fucking kidding. There was no way those words had just come out of his mouth, that he hadn’t just told me he missed me.
This had to be a prank. Peter had done everything in his power to show me how little he thought of me, of our relationship, of our two years together, but now all of a sudden he missed me?
My skin felt like it was on fire, the blanket dropping from my shoulders as pissed-off Sawyer came out to play.
“Fuck. You,” I said, moving down another step.
He looked genuinely taken aback. “Excuse me?”
“You don’t miss me. Are you kidding right now? You came here expecting to shove my face in your new sugar-daddy relationship, but when you saw I’d actually moved on, now you want me back? First of all, bullshit, and second of all, fuck you twice.”
“That’s not—” he started, but I was done listening.
“No, I’m talking now.” Somehow, miraculously, I didn’t kick him in the nuts like I wanted to, and that was only because I wasn’t wearing shoes and didn’t want my bare foot or any other part of me anywhere near his dick.
“It’s driving you insane, not that I’m here with Beckett, but the fact that I’m actually thriving without you.
You came here to kick me when I was down and now you’re pissed off you can’t.
And, I’m guessing, a little embarrassed that I don’t want you back. ”
When all he could do was stare at me in shock, I wanted to pat myself on the back.
Because holy shit. I’d left him speechless.
And I felt fucking amazing, finally saying out loud to his face all the pent-up emotions I’d been holding inside, letting fester and grow, making me feel depressed and worthless, when all this time I’d had the power.
It was liberating.
“Go,” I said, gesturing back where he came from.
“Be wildly happy with Alec or don’t. I genuinely don’t care.
I gave you two years of my life and all you gave me back was heartache and crashing my moms’ wedding.
” I shook my head, weight lifting from my shoulders already.
“We’re done here. Don’t look for me. Don’t talk to me.
You go your way and I go mine. That’s it. ”
Gobsmacked. That was the only word to describe the look on his face as he stared at me in utter disbelief. His gaze traveled behind me briefly before meeting my eyes again, but I didn’t give him a chance to respond. I turned and headed back up the stairs, snatching up the blanket on my way.
I opened the cabin door, completely forgetting that Beckett was still asleep—
Only he wasn’t.
He stood just inside, wearing nothing but his boxer briefs and a look on his face that made my breath catch.
He’d heard.
His eyes moved over me, assessing, checking to make sure I was okay. Then they shifted past me, toward Peter, and his face hardened in a way that had my cock reacting.
I hadn’t needed saving this time, but damn, there was something deeply satisfying about a man who would’ve shut that shit down if I’d asked.
“Good morning,” I said, smirking slightly.
“Morning.” His voice was calm, but it was at direct odds with the tension in his body as he stared Peter down, daring him to say something else.
I didn’t bother looking, having said everything I needed to and pushing Peter out of my mind once and for all.
The sound of retreating footsteps finally hit my ears, and as Beckett met my gaze again, his entire face changed. Pride was evident in the spark in his eyes and the way his mouth curved up on one side.
And for once, I didn’t make a joke to fill the space or feel the need to explain myself.
Beckett stepped closer, still silent and watching me like he was seeing something new and liked it too much to hide. The heat in that look slid over my skin until it warmed my insides, and I dropped the blanket I’d had clutched to my chest.
I was suddenly aware of his clothes on my body, the way he was practically naked in front of me. The fact that I’d just told my ex to go to hell before walking straight back in here to the man who’d helped me remember I was worth more.
Beckett reached for me, hooking his finger in the waist of the track pants and tugging me forward. I went without hesitation, knowing already from the look in his eyes that the conversation outside might have ended, but whatever was about to happen between us had only just begun.