Chapter 71
Iconsider skipping the gym. Dani and I said a lot of things we can’t unsay last night, but it will either make us stronger or it won’t. I know how much I fucked up by grabbing her arm. We both did things last night that are regrettable.
If she can be honest with me about Declan … If she can give me one of the things I asked for, I can see us being each other’s forever.
Throwing on my gym clothes, I make my way to another session with Tyler. He and Dani are talking in the gym.
“Baby, what are you doing here?” I ask, shocked to see her at this hour.
She woke up early to work out with me. She wants this. She wants us. I smile, happy she is here. This is an unexpected surprise.
“We have so much to talk about, and I wasn’t going to get any more sleep anyway,” she says as I reach them.
Tyler sends us to warm up on the turf while he sets up the equipment for the rest of our workout.
“I’m really happy you’re here,” I say, foam rolling next to her.
“You say that now,” she says with her familiar attitude. I sigh, hoping for the best. “Declan called me.”
Fuck. She’s breaking up with me. Dani’s not here to show me she can try to be a morning person. It’s to tell me that she wants to be with Declan, I think. I stop foam rolling and sit on the roller, like how she is sitting on hers.
“How often does he call you?” I finally manage, curious, needing to know if she’s been cheating on me, although I don’t believe she is.
“It’s not like that … My ex, his half-brother, Sorin, overdosed last night.”
“Oh …” I never thought I would feel comfort in hearing that someone overdosed, but it’s far better than hearing that she wants someone else.
“Coke. There was fentanyl in it,” she says. “I don’t want you to die, Gideon,” she says so earnestly. “That would be the worst fucking thing ever.”
I pull her up, wrapping my arms around her, savoring this moment. She’s here, and she’s saying she wants me safe. Feeling more sure of her than I have in days, a smile breaks through.
She pulls back to look into my eyes. “Stop smiling. Promise me you are never touching drugs again.”
“I promise. When I give you my word, you never have to worry about it.”
I see her forcing herself not to smile.
“Stop trying to have a poker face, baby. Be yourself with me.”
“I know we both had bad days yesterday. I know that. But you grabbing my arm …” She hesitates, shaking her head. “It’s so triggering.”
“Never again. I promise,” I say, squeezing her hands. “I regretted it the second I did it.”
She looks so deeply into my eyes, her gaze going from my right eye to my left and back. “I want to believe you. But I can’t write it off just yet.”
I nod. That’s a completely fair and reasonable response. We hold our stare a while before I remind her we’re in the gym. “Should I tell Tyler to go home?”
“No.” She wipes under her eyes, a tear slipping free. “Just … Declan would probably kill you if you ever hurt me.” She gives me a half-smile. “When Sorin cut me, Declan … well, let’s just say Sorin ended up with broken legs.”
“Dani.” I breathe, shaking my head. “That’s a critical part of the story, no?” She gives a little shrug, and I sigh. “Why don’t you ever tell me the full story?”
“My life is so fucked up. I hate talking about it.”
“I love you, baby,” I say it, and I mean it. “I want to know every single thing—I want to know everything about you.”
Tears run down her face. I wipe them away and hold back my own, still unsure if we are broken up, breaking up, or going to get through this. “Lying by omission is still lying,” I say, so she understands where my head is at. “I need you to be more honest with me.”
She nods, sniffling and wiping the new tears from her face.
“So …” I start, knowing I might hate what I hear. “What happened in the kitchen?”
“Declan … wants to be with me … as long as I’m sober.”
Of course. “What do you think about that?” I ask, grabbing for her hands, and it feels so good that she grabs them back.
“Being sober? I don’t think it’s something I need to do.”
I let go of her hands. She intentionally answered the other part first. “About Declan wanting you,” I say, annoyed.
She shrugs, then whispers, “Lots of guys want me.”
“Seriously, Dani,” I press. “When you do that, I know you’re hiding stuff. What else?”
She shakes her head.
“Dani, be fucking honest with me, please.” I’ve never seen her look more conflicted. Doubts and fears creep in. “If you lie to me right now, I’m done. I am so tired of your half-truths.”
She covers her face with her hand for a few moments before staring deeply into my eyes. “We almost kissed,” she says in a whisper while holding my gaze.
Fuck. “I love you, and you almost kissed someone else?” I whisper as my heart breaks.
The tears are streaming down her face now.
“I know. I feel guilty,” she softly says.
“But …” Dani pauses, loudly exhaling. “I’m a mess.
Too much is going on. There’s something you should know about Declan and me,” she says, her posture rigid.
“He also gave me twenty-one Bitcoin after Sorin and I ended. And that’s how I had enough money to do Shirts. ”
I nod, happy she is telling me more about their relationship. “Is there anything else I should know about him?” There it is. That face. She is trying to lie to me again. “Be honest with me,” I say. “Tell me whatever you were just thinking.”
“I booty-called Declan one time when Adam and I were fighting. He was too self-righteous to come over.” I don’t have her whole heart. I take a deep breath, accepting the fact that she likes him too.
“Do I know everything about Declan now?”
“I sent him a sexy photo one time years ago. He didn’t respond.”
“Anything else?” I ask, irritated.
“I think that’s it. I know … I know Declan and I have some shit to work out. I know that. I know that I’m not being fair to you because of our past.”
“What about Adam? Are you still talking to him?”
“No!” she says, and I believe her. “Gideon … I’m scared. He knows where I live. He sent a Rolex to my apartment, an updated prenup, and this note saying, tick tock. He’s not backing off.”
She’s trying to be honest, and I appreciate it. “What do you want me to do?”
“Nothing.” Her voice breaks. “I just needed you to know. About Adam, about everything.”
I take her in, admiring how beautiful she is and how much I love her. “I was thinking maybe stepping down as CEO wouldn’t be the worst thing.”
“What?”
“I was entertaining the idea. Of us spending more time together, of us traveling and being semi-retired.” Now I’m going to fucking cry. I press my hands into my temple, trying to stop the feeling. “But you almost kissed another guy yesterday.”
“You grabbed me yesterday … and the drugs,” she says, reminding me why she’s upset.
“You almost kissed someone else yesterday and were hungover,” I challenge. “We both fucked up.”
“I think we both have a lot to think about,” she says.
“I want to trust you, Dani. I don’t know if I can right now.”
“I feel the same.” Her eyes well up again. “So, this is it?” Her tone is so deflated.
“Baby.” I breathe. “I don’t want this to be the end of us.”
Tears are running down her face, and I pull her into a hug. “Me either,” she says into my chest. “But I need a break.” She sniffles. “I need to think.”
“A break.” I step back to see her. “Not a breakup?”
“Break.” She loudly exhales, then says, “What a fucking mess.”
“You’re my mess.” I smile at her and mean it. I am so fucking in love with her.
“I’m going to the funeral with Declan.” I clench my jaw, hearing his name again. “It will probably be in the next couple of days.”
“I know we’re on a break,” I start. “But … if anything happens between you both, I’m done. I only want to be with you if I’m enough for you.”
“I understand.” She takes an exaggerated exhale. “I’m not going to cry anymore.”
I pull her in for a hug, and we squeeze each other tight. “Can you walk me outside?” she asks, and I kiss the top of her head. We silently make our way outside of the gym onto the city sidewalk.
“This break will be good for both of us,” I say, disappointed.
“Yeah … I need to take a few days to be with my thoughts. Okay. I’ll go,” she says fast.
“So, you’re not going to work out with me?” I tease, knowing she isn’t and wanting to lift the heavy weight that’s been between us since we started talking.
“I’m serious about our break.” I smile, hearing that bratty tone. “Watching you work out … I might take it back.”
She fucking owns me. I should be more upset, but love, it makes you do crazy things like want to make this sassy little brat’s world better even when she’s breaking your heart.
“You’re just scared about how sore you’re going to be,” I tease.
“No!”
Our connection is so strong and even with everything we’ve just said, we fall into this banter so easily.
“Do you want to be on a break because you know you’re going to be alone with Declan?” I ask, needing to hear her answer it.
“No! I need this break for me, and I heard you about if anything happens … you’re done.”
That reply makes me happier than it should. “Good girl,” I taunt.
She chuckles, and I’m happy to see her perfect smile. “So, what are the rules of this break?”
“I don’t know. Don’t do drugs, don’t sleep with anyone, and let’s talk when I get back from the funeral?”
“Add don’t kiss anyone.” I want to kiss Dani so fucking bad and hope she never kisses Declan or anyone else ever again.
“Yeah. I’m a nun.”
I shake my head. “You could never be a nun.”
We hold a heated gaze. “Okay. I have to go before I break the rules,” she rambles. And with that she starts walking down the sidewalk.