15. Jason
15
Jason
Jason was the worst at reading women, but he was pretty sure something was bothering Hannah.
Sabum waved to get his attention and smiled for the first time that day. “I’ve got an idea for your next session.”
He looked at his phone, sure she would text him any second. “That’s great. Yeah, whatever you’d like.”
Sabum sighed. “Do you know why Hannah is upset?”
Jason looked up in surprise. “She is, isn’t she? I could tell something was wrong, but I don’t know what happened?”
“It is because I know Hannah, and I could tell she was upset. It’s all about the facial expressions. Be more careful in how you refer to her.”
He frowned to himself, rewinding their conversation in his mind. “About what?”
Sabum crossed his arms across his broad chest. “Did you or did you not refer to your relationship as practice? As if holding her hand and holding onto her didn’t mean anything?”
He swallowed hard as understanding flooded through him. “Yes, but I— ”
“I think any woman would detest being referred to as practice. Surely, you feel something more for Hannah, or she would not be your exception.”
“My exception,” he said it more to himself, but the words rang true. Hannah was his exception.
“I think I need to go talk to her.”
“Probably. Oh, and make sure Hannah comes with you next time. She’s going to be part of my new plan.” The instructor returned to his office, leaving Jason in a stupor.
“Yes, sir,” he said mechanically.
Before Sabum’s office door closed, he hurried out to the parking lot, typing out a text as he walked.
I’m sorry I offended you. I just... don’t know what kind of relationship I am capable of.
The parking lot was empty, and he was in his car before she returned the text.
I understand. See you tomorrow.
That was it? Had his apology not been enough? Or maybe she had just wanted to go alone. Maybe having to attend his lessons every day was starting to wear on her. Maybe it was too much time with him, even though he had moved back into his house.
After the next lesson, the one Sabum had requested Hannah be there for, he would release her from any responsibility. He made a promise to himself, right then and there, he wasn’t going to waste any more of her time.
The next day, the office was decorated with balloons and streamers to celebrate Rueben’s retirement. It was good to have something else to focus on because Hannah wanted nothing to do with Jason. He hadn’t needed to keep his distance because she barely talked to him .
Rueben shared tearful stories and finally announced Jason would be taking over when everyone came back from the weekend. In a few more days, he would be moving into Rueben’s office, leaving Hannah to stay in his old one. It would create even more distance between them, but maybe it was good. Except the more he thought about pushing away from her, the more he wanted her. Seeing her talk with colleagues across the room was like seeing her as another person. She laughed and talked cheerfully with everyone she interacted with, and the jealousy bug bit hard.
Rueben pulled him aside at the end of the day and told him how impressed he was with his efforts. “Hannah’s really the key to everything. Don’t lose her.”
Jason winced. What would his grandfather think, knowing he was going to wreck everything for himself after his practice that night?
Just as Hannah grabbed the door handle to leave for the evening, Jason called to her. “Are you coming to”—he swallowed hard and dropped his gaze— “ practice tonight?” He’d never realized how much he hated that word.
She’d been friendly but aloof the whole workday, but surely, she still supported him.
“Sabum specifically asked that you come. Maybe he wants you to beat me to a pulp.”
She didn’t even crack a smile.
He needed to make everything right. “And I’d like to talk to you about something. Away from the office.”
She nodded once. “I guess I’ll be there then.”
He ran a hand through his hair as she left the office, leaving a feeling of emptiness and longing with him. His heart felt ready to burst and jump from his chest. Even staying seated when she was in the office was a challenge.
Around noon, he had found her in the break room, laughing and eating with a group of male medical assistants that he knew to be particularly flirtatious.
It had nearly made the remainder of his workday impossible. But . . . he would end this and eventually move on.
An hour later, he was surprised to see Hannah, not Sabum, in the middle of the gym floor, dressed for a lesson.
“What are you—where’s Sabum?”
She cleared her throat and crossed her arms over her chest. “He’s busy. I am in charge of today’s lesson.”
“You?” He forced out the word.
Her lips twitched, but she didn’t smile. “Yes, me, and Sabum told me not to go easy on you. Defend yourself, or I will attack you.” She took a step forward and glared at him. “If you run, I’ll chase you. If you try to escape, I’ll pin you to the floor. All rules are off the table for this lesson. We’re going to wrestle a little to get over this little barrier you have.”
He gulped. He’d never seen her so serious.
“Now, take your stance.” She pointed to the center of the mat, and the two of them moved in front of each other.
He nodded and bowed. His heart raced as something like anger flashed in her eyes.
Then, suddenly, she came at him, arms like daggers thrusting toward him. He held up his arms to block his face, and she jabbed him in the stomach.
He groaned and reached for his middle, and she put her leg out and tripped him.
He fell face forward to the ground. “Cheap shot,” he muttered.
But she wasn’t done with him yet. Before he could even stand, she squatted on the ground and grabbed him with both arms. But, this time, he was too quick. He pushed her off and rose to a kneeling position. When he had his balance, he held her arms back until the two of them were inches apart, panting and glaring at each other. His knees ached from crouching, but he refused to buckle.
“You’re mad at me,” he said, trying to catch his breath. “Aren’t you?”
Her face reddened, and she panted heavily. She pressed her lips together but didn’t say anything. Fine, if she didn’t want to talk, he could communicate without words.
He reached around her, grabbing her side, but she slipped out of his arms and tackled him at the waist. The two of them fell backward. His head hit the mat, and she landed on top of him, crushing his stomach.
He groaned and threw her off.
“Oh, shoot. I’m sorry. Are you okay, Jason?”
He returned to a squatting position and glared at her. “ Now you’re concerned?”
She pulled her legs to her stomach. “I wasn’t mad,” she said after a long silence.
“Lies.”
She shook her head. “Maybe mad at myself.”
He fell backward on the mat and stretched out his legs. “Okay. Why?”
She shook her head. “I don’t want to say.”
“Well, then you’re teaching me the wrong things to do in a relationship because I honestly don’t know what I did wrong. Was it because I pulled my hand away? I told you I’m not sure what kind of relationship I am capable of.”
“It wasn’t that,” she said sharply.
“Then what?” He stilled, not wanting to miss a single word.
“You told Sabum you were practicing with physical touch, and I suddenly felt like an instructional piece of equipment. I was okay with it in the beginning. Heck, I even encouraged you to use me because I wanted to help test your boundaries. But the more time I spent with you, the more I started to... like you.” She dropped her head, hiding her face from him.
His mouth dropped open. “But—”
“I thought I meant more to you, and I was wrong. I’m sorry I overthought things.”
He pressed his lips together, knowing that this was a defining moment. If he said how he felt right then, there was no going back. He knew he liked her, knew he wanted to be with her. That’s why he was there, working toward proving to himself that he was capable of it. But that’s why he planned to cut emotional ties with her after that night too. He didn’t want to lead her on without being sure he could handle a relationship.
She hugged her knees to her chest and hid her face.
“When I’m with you, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. And when you leave, I worry and think about you,” he said.
She lifted her face, and he saw that familiar light in her eyes.
“Yeah?” she asked.
“Yeah.”
When she looked at him like that, he felt like he could do anything. “I don’t know what that means for us though, because, again, I’m not sure of what I can handle in a relationship. But I know I like you.” There, he had said it. Relief spilled over him, cleansing his desire to push her away.
A smile started on her lips. “I like you too.”
Suddenly, he wanted to hold her. Without second-guessing why or how, he reached for her and pulled her into his lap, hugging her close to him and resting his chin on her shoulder.
Instead of staying as still as she could so as not to hurt him further, she molded against him .
He reached up and moved the hair out of her face so he could see her better. “Hannah, I’ve never felt this way in my life, ever. You make me feel things I’ve only dreamed were possible.”
She looked up at him with glassy eyes. “Why do I feel like you’re planning to push me away?”
“Because until a minute ago, I was planning on it. I don’t want you to get hurt while I’m still figuring out everything.” He gingerly pressed his nose to hers and closed his eyes for a few seconds before answering. “But there’s this bigger part of me that wants you to stay near. Every touch from you is significant to me. Have you seen me hold onto anyone else the way I have to you?”
She leaned forward and reached for his hands. Rubbing her thumbs over both of his palms, she shook her head. Absolutely no pain. Just comfort.
“I don’t know where things will go with us,” he said, honestly, “except I want things to move forward. I like you so much my head spins.” Every confession made his head simultaneously spin and release some of the weight he’d held on his shoulders.
Only inches away from her, his heart pattering, he couldn’t stop now. He wanted to kiss her, but he worried his reaction would scare her away. His lips were the most sensitive part of him and even pressing them against soft surfaces like his pillow, made his skin prickle in pain. But she was right there.
He leaned in, pulling her closer. Right before he closed the final gap, she closed her eyes and his heart leapt. The last time he had chickened out. But here was proof, she wanted him to kiss her too.
He closed his eyes and went for it.