16. Hannah
16
Hannah
Hannah’s heart squeezed as she waited for seconds, what seemed like minutes. Her heart beat so loudly, she couldn’t be sure. But she was committed now. Time had no meaning. And he liked her.
He liked her!
Please kiss me. Please don’t give up.
And then, suddenly, his soft lips were on hers.
Her heart leapt, and just as she reached to pull him closer and deepen the kiss, he jerked back and slapped a hand over his mouth. “That—hurt.”
Footsteps started across the gym floor, and they jumped apart.
“That’s more like it.” Sabum clapped his hands.
They both stood up as Sabum came between them. “I mean, the kissing moment was subpar, but that wrestling match was intense. Not quite taekwondo, but we’ll excuse that for today. You two tackled each other, and you did not run away. In fact, you ran to her. Way to go, Jason.”
Her heart dropped to the depths of her stomach as Jason shook his head and backed away from both of them. Without him telling her, she knew. The kiss had only been good for her. Only she had felt softness and desire and the need to have him closer.
“I’m gonna go get changed,” he sputtered, making both her and Sabum jump. “I forgot to— I’ll meet you outside.”
Hannah could only stare as the man fled the room. Away from her, away from their shared moment that hadn’t lasted long enough.
“Maybe I shouldn’t have interrupted,” Sabum said, backing toward his office. “I’m sorry, Hannah, but great progress tonight. You really pushed him to his limits.”
She blew out a frustrated breath. Yeah, she had, and look where it had gotten her.
The gym door slammed shut, reminding her to move. She didn’t want him to leave like that. It had probably been painful, but they could push through it. Together. She smiled as she headed to the locker room.
Thankfully, Jason was waiting for her at the car by the time she made it outside.
“Sorry about that,” he said. “Just needed some air.”
She slowed down as she approached his car. “Was the kiss not good for you?”
He was silent, and she already knew the answer before he confirmed it. “I’m sorry, Hannah. I thought I’d try, but I’m not ready. My lips... they are more sensitive than most. I can’t even drink something without feeling tingles. It’s annoying and—” He sighed. “I’m sorry.”
“I understand, and it’s okay. We can try again another day.”
He was silent as he studied her. She was starting to hate the quiet. “Hannah, I think maybe I was wrong, about moving so quickly.”
Hannah rested her head against the cool exterior of the car and closed her eyes. Why? Why! “Jason, don’t shut me out.”
“I’m not,” he said sharply. “I’m telling you I’m incapable of giving you everything you deserve in a relationship. Today proved it. I can’t even kiss you, and you need physical touch. I like you, but I can’t do this when you deserve so much more.”
“You have to give it some time, Jason. We can still experiment and try again.”
“I’m done experimenting,” he snapped. He ran a hand through his damp hair. “I just don’t want to hurt you in the process.”
“How about you let me decide what I can handle? Until then, let’s proceed with caution.”
He looked wary as he opened his door. “Okay, but you have to tell me if it’s too much for you.”
“I will.”
Jason cleared his throat. “Want to get something to eat?”
A grin split across her lips. “Sure. It’ll be like our first official date.”
Their dinner arrangement was as intimate as their little office. There were three other couples in the tiny diner, but Hannah’s Salisbury steak and mashed potatoes didn’t disappoint. The last time she’d tried that combination was in a TV dinner, and this was ten times better.
“It’s nice here,” she said, looking around. It was a small mom-and-pop diner that served home cooking. “And this food is amazing.”
He held out a leg of his fried chicken. “Try this.”
She took a crunchy bite and moaned. “Mmm, I will have to get that next time. ”
“The biscuits and gravy are good too. And so is the blackberry pie.”
His eyes lit up as he talked about his favorite things to eat. Everything about the man was nearly perfect. The world was really missing out on a wonderful person. If anything, his carefulness made him gentler.
“So,” he said, “what did you decide we should do after dinner? Is it too late to go somewhere?”
“No way. This is our first date, and I want it to last until you drop.” She put her fork down and leaned forward. “Let’s do something very traditional. There’s a new movie I want to see.”
“Oh, that sounds great. We can go back to my place. I still haven’t given you a tour since everything is in working order again. The construction team did an amazing job. I have to admit, even though it’s been a pain with insurance and dealing with the city, my house needed a facelift, and it got a mandatory one.”
“That’s a good way to look at it, and I’d love to go there another time. But this movie is only in the theater.” She watched his Adam’s apple bob.
“Are you sure we can’t stream it somewhere?”
She shook her head. “I like the excitement of a theater. The popcorn smells, the noise, the joined laughter in a group setting, even the upcoming-show ads.”
He pushed his plate away and shook his head. “I haven’t gone inside a theater since my parents stopped making me.”
How sad. “If you don’t want to . . .”
He reached for her hand. “If you’re there, I want to go too.”
She smiled. “Aw, you’re the sweetest. I think it’ll be okay. The movie starts in an hour, and we’ll show up early and stay long after everyone leaves.”
He raised a brow. “Tempting, but I’m still not convinced. ”
She reached for his hand. “And... I’ll hold your hand through the whole movie.”
His expression masked his indecision, but finally he nodded. “All right, fine. But if I need to leave, I need you to be understanding.”
She nodded. “Okay.”
He gestured to her half-eaten steak. “Hurry, I want to be extra early. Standing in a busy popcorn line is going to give me hives.”
Stifling a giggle, she picked up her knife and fork and got to work.
Fifteen minutes later, he paid for their meal, and they headed to the center of town where the biggest theater was. Even though she offered to pay for the movie tickets, he strongly objected. “I haven’t been on a date since... well, I don’t think I ever did go on one. Meeting up with my parents at a restaurant and sitting down with a stranger and her parents doesn’t count.”
“They did that to you?”
“Yep.”
“I’m sorry. I feel bad I ever pushed you to do anything.”
He shrugged. “I wouldn’t have let you if I didn’t want to.”
She smiled as they stepped up to the line. “I’m glad.”
As they waited to order their tickets, Jason looked around like a cat cornered by a dozen dogs. She reached out and held his cheeks with her hands. At first, his eyes showed surprise, but then he relaxed. “It’s just you and me, okay?” she said.
He nodded.
Once she dropped her hands, he slid his hand into hers and squeezed her fingers. At the beginning of the night, she had seen things going very differently and had expected them to go their separate ways. But thank goodness both of them had more sense.
There were no other patrons in the theater when the two of them walked in loaded down with snacks and drinks. They had purposefully chosen seats in the middle of a row so they didn’t have to move when people came and went.
Jason smiled as he found his seat. “Maybe no one will come, and it’ll just be us.”
“Maybe,” she mused. “But I doubt it. This place is always packed.” When his face adopted a worried expression, she patted his hand. “Don’t worry. As long as we stay in our seats, we won’t need to touch anyone.”
As they watched the advertisements before the movie, she leaned on his shoulder and relished their closeness. But as soon as the first couple arrived, Jason sat up—ramrod straight—tucked his feet underneath him, and placed both hands in his lap.
She bit her lip as the worry settled it. “High school must’ve been hard.”
He groaned. “You don’t want to know. It got worse with each passing year.” In one swift movement, he took her hand again and brought it back to his lap.
“You must’ve felt so alone.”
He squeezed her fingers gently. “I did, but I’m not now.”
When people joined them on their row, instinctively, he turned his knees toward her. And when someone passed by, he seemed to hold his breath. Every time someone bumped into them, most of the time on accident, he flinched.
“Maybe this wasn’t a good idea,” she said, leaning into him.
“It’s fine,” he said hoarsely. “I want to be here with you. I want to have a normal date, to be out in public with you.”
She nodded and brought his hand to her lips. He shivered as her lips touched his skin, and he stared at her wide-eyed.
“Does that bother you?” she asked.
He added his other hand to hers and shook his head. “No, it feels amazing actually. Unless it’s unexpected—by someone I don’t know—I’m fine with being touched. Or maybe it’s just you. Your touches soothe rather than startle.”
She smiled and kissed his hand again. When the lights started to dim, he seemed to relax a bit and even picked up his popcorn. But as the movie started, she noticed him squirming in his seat a lot.
“What’s wrong?” she leaned in to whisper.
“It’s nothing.”
It wasn’t nothing. He continued to squirm like a worm in an empty jar.
“This is not nothing.”
He sighed and turned to whisper in her ear. “The person next to me keeps hitting his leg into mine.”
The guy on the other side of Jason was huge, took up much more of his seat and was probably not intending to bump Jason with every move. With anyone else, she would’ve ignored it, but it was making Jason visibly upset. She looked over to her other seatmate. It was an older couple that had been pleasant enough to sit by. “Want to switch places?”
Even in the dark, she saw the desperation in his eyes. All he could do was nod.
She stood, and the two of them moved quickly.
Almost immediately, she felt her new seatmate bump into her. She was okay with touch and nudged him back to send the message to back off a little.
She faced forward and was just getting into the movie’s storyline when she felt an elbow in her ribs from the man on her left.
Just as he had elbowed her, she nudged him back with her elbow and took back her space. She had been pushed around plenty in her life, and though she couldn’t feel the initial pain, she was used to people taking advantage of the fact that she couldn’t feel pain easily. It had been years since someone had touched her with ill intent, but she was done with people taking advantage of her.
“Excuse me,” she snapped. “Don’t dish it if you can’t take it.”
The woman next to the guy stood up. “I’m leaving.”
“You don’t have to go, baby,” the guy said, trying to sound innocent. “This tramp—”
“Yes, I do. I’m done with this.” She looked at him and grimaced. “Get some help, Chad.”
“Whatever.” The guy leaned back in his seat, taking up half of Hannah’s. She couldn’t move, he had pinned her in so tightly. “You did this, you—”
She shoved into him as hard as she could, and his arm popped out of her seat, giving her some relief.
“Back off,” he snarled. The guy elbowed her so hard in the head, spots danced in her vision. Shocked faces turned to them from every angle.
Jason leaned over her. “B-back off, dude.”
Even with a shaky voice, she was proud of him for speaking up.
The guy laughed loudly. “Winner of a guy you chose there. What are you, a wuss?”
She was not going to sit there and listen to this guy anymore. “Let’s go, Jason,” she said.
He elbowed her as she stood, this time hitting her ribcage.
She gritted her teeth and thought of all the warnings she’d received from Sabum. The guy had crossed her boundaries multiple times and obviously he was incapable of effectively communicating, so Sabum would approve of her acting defensively. Still, if she could pass him peacefully...
She reached back to take Jason’s hand when the guy grabbed her free arm and yanked. She slammed into the seat behind her, then righted herself and glared down at him.
“Let her go,” Jason said behind her. Again, his voice sounded weak, especially with the movie’s volume growing louder.
The guy laughed and took a sip of his drink. “Your boyfriend’s a wuss.” His breath smelled of strong liquor. “A pretty thing like you. I could—”
In one quick move, she threw her right arm out in an extended knuckle punch to his temple.
His head jerked back, hitting the back of the chair as soda spilled down his jaw. The guy cursed, calling her a variety of colorful names.
The movie stopped, and the lights flickered on. A security guard followed by the woman who’d been the man’s date came through the crowd and spotted them right away.
“You want to come down, or do I need to come up.”
The guy smirked. “Who, me?”
Thankfully, the security guard didn’t give him an inch. “Come down, or I’ll come up.”
“Man, whatever.” Another stream of curses came out of his foul mouth as she sat back down. Her arm throbbed, and her ribs ached, but it could have been worse. She sat back and tried to relax, but she couldn’t help but worry about Jason. He hadn’t moved a muscle since sitting down.
She leaned over. “Are you okay?”
He shook his head. “I actually don’t feel that well. Can we go?”
To be honest, she didn’t feel all that great either. “Of course.”
He grabbed their popcorn and drinks, and she led the way out of the theater. She searched the hallway, ready to confront the guy if he was waiting for her, but it was empty outside the theater.
She sighed in relief as they headed to Jason’s car. “Well, that was a crazy night. Should we—”
“Let’s head home. I’ll drop you off. ”
She frowned. “Already?” She looked at her watch. “We could get ice cream or—”
“Not tonight. I’m sorry, I just can’t.”
It was painfully quiet all the way to her house. It was a relief not to feel like she had to carry the conversation anymore. Her head spun as she replayed the encounter over and over in her mind. Blood pulsed in her ears, but she couldn’t get herself to calm down. When she closed her eyes, she saw the guy angrily glaring at her, tightly holding her arm. Instinctively, she held the spot the man had grabbed.
Once Jason parked in her driveway, he turned off the car. “I’m sorry I didn’t... I should’ve been the one to push him off of you. I shouldn’t have moved in the first place.”
Is that what had been bothering him? “That guy would’ve hurt you more than me,” she said.
“It doesn’t matter.” He gripped the steering wheel. “If I can’t protect you, then what can I do? You saw the way that guy looked at me... like I was a good-for-nothing loser.”
“You’re not a loser. You have a touch sensitivity.”
“Yeah, but he didn’t know that. I don’t know if I’ll ever get to the point where I can defend you. Not that you needed it tonight.”
She sighed and pressed her lips together. “Please don’t let this get you down.”
“How can I not?”
“He attacked me, not you. And yet you’re the one who’s taking it the worst.”
“How can I not? I should’ve protected you. Instead, I just sat there in my fear, worried about being touched the wrong way. That’s exactly the problem. I am the problem.”
She held out her hand, palm up. He slowly slid his hand into hers. “I feel completely safe with you, and that’s what’s important to me. I don’t want you to use this as fuel to stay away from me. ”
“What about if it happens again?”
“No one’s ever tried to hurt me like that.” She paused. “I’m fine, really. And I don’t judge you one bit for not getting involved.”
“Our first kiss was... painful, and then someone assaulted you. If that’s not a bad sign—”
She closed her eyes as the tears came. “I don’t believe in those.” She was starting to see how impossible their situation was, and she didn’t want to see it. After all they’d been through, why wasn’t he fighting for their relationship?
“How can you always be so positive?”
She forced a smile. “I’m choosing to remember the good. I want you to remember it too. Let’s not let it put a damper on our first date.” It had taken them this long to get where they were, and she wasn’t going to give up now.
“I’m sorry, Hannah. I have a way of ruining things. My parents mention it enough that it must be true.”
She reached for the door. “Well, they’re wrong. You’re worth the effort, and they should’ve never said that to you.”
“Maybe.”
“Let’s just take a breather and see each other at work on Monday.”
He nodded. “Okay. I’m really sor—”
“Don’t be.” She couldn’t bear to hear him apologize one more time. “There is nothing for you to be sorry about.”
She hurried out of the car before he could find another way to back out of their budding relationship. And part of her... a very small but significant part of her, wondered why she was fighting so hard.