Chapter 10
Chapter Ten
JAY WAS nervous.
He’d agreed to go with Alysse to the volleyball tournament and watch Toby play, which was no big deal, except that he’d also be meeting her mother.
“Ready for today?” Alysse asked as she and Jay headed for her car. The Saab convertible was perfect for the sunny California weather.
“I guess so. Why wouldn’t I be?” he asked.
“My mom is coming today,” she said. “I didn’t mention it before because I didn’t think anything of it until Staci texted me this morning that she was looking forward to the fireworks.”
Great. “I guess your mom will be like your brother then?”
“What does that mean?” she asked.
“That she’ll be angry with me,” he said.
“Well, yes. That’s her in a nutshell. She’s very protective of my brother and me. When we were in school we could never let her know if someone teased us on the playground or gave us a hard time after school...she’d head right into the principal’s office and defend us.”
“Sounds perfect to me,” Jay said.
“I can see how you would think so given how your mom was,” Alysse said. “But it was embarrassing.”
“I get that. I...how should I handle her?” he asked. He wasn’t too happy with the way that Alysse mentioned his past with his mom as if it was normal and okay. But her acceptance of it and of him made things easier on him.
“Just be yourself. Once she sees that you weren’t out to hurt me she’ll ease up,” Alysse said, holding the key ring up and dangling it from one finger. “Do you want to drive?”
“Yes,” he said. “You are a speed demon in this car.”
She chuckled. “It’s not my fault that it has really good pickup.”
“No, but it is your fault that you like going fast,” he teased, giving her a quick buss on the lips before opening her door. She slid into the passenger seat and he went around to the driver’s side.
He was trying to behave normally, as if this was going to be fun, while truthfully, he was dreading it. Over the last week they’d done more things with her friends than he would have thought himself capable of. He’d chipped away at his defenses and, frankly, he believed it was making a difference.
“What exactly is the Cal King Tournament?” he asked once they got on the road.
“It’s a series of semi-pro beach volleyball games. Toby and Paulo are on a team. Each team has two people and they play all day. There is a final at night. The matches can be really competitive and a lot of fun to watch.”
He wasn’t convinced that going to an event that had all of Alysse’s family at it was going to be fun. But he’d agreed mainly because he was test-driving normal life. He’d been working every day for the last week at Company B and spending most of his nights at Alysse’s house.
There was a certain comfort to the days but every night he woke in a cold sweat. Since that first night when he’d woken Alysse up, he’d managed to get out of bed and leave her sleeping.
Today was a Sunday and the bakery was closed and Jay was helping Alysse cater for her family at the volleyball tournament. He wasn’t looking forward to meeting Alysse’s mom given the way Toby had reacted toward him, but he wasn’t a coward and would do his best for Alysse.
“Thanks for coming today,” she said as they started unloading the trunk of her car.
“No problem,” he said, watching as she stacked items on her cooler with wheels. He was impressed at how well they all fit on there until he realized that she normally had to carry everything herself and she’d devised this method to move stuff quickly.
He felt ashamed at that. But set it aside.
He was here now and he wanted to make up for the past, but that wasn’t enough.
He’d realized that at Dana Point. She did need a man who was there.
Not someone who was off fighting in a war halfway around the world.
So, he factored into his decision that if he wanted a future with Alysse he couldn’t go back into the Corps.
She started to tow the cooler with all the stuff and he stepped around her, brushing her hand away and taking over control of the contraption.
The sun was warm and the crowds were heavy when they got to the beach. Alysse took her cell phone out of her pocket.
“I’m going to text my mom. She’s been here since six saving a spot for us,” she said.
“That’s early.”
“Well, she’s all about family events. She’d have gotten here at midnight if she’d had to,” Alysse said with a laugh.
Her phone vibrated and a minute later Alysse led the way to a large easy-up with a bamboo mat and a table under it. The woman waiting for them was tall and resembled Alysse. The two women hugged and Jay stood to the side.
“Mom, this is Jay. Jay, this is Candi, my mom.”
“Jay,” she said, holding out her hand. She wasn’t friendly and didn’t really smile at him, but that didn’t bother Jay. He expected that Alysse’s family would treat him coldly until he could prove that he had changed and wasn’t back in her life to hurt her all over again.
“Ma’am. Where do you want the food?” he asked Alysse.
She motioned to the table and he started unpacking stuff. He supposed if he were a different guy he would have made some kind of small talk, but that wasn’t his style and he knew it would sound forced if he attempted it.
He stayed to the side and watched as more of Alysse’s family arrived. They were all chattering away and he felt like an outsider.
“Hey,” Alysse said, slipping up beside him. She wrapped her arm around his waist and he almost hugged her back but felt as if too many people were watching them.
“You okay?” she asked.
“Yes. Just a little outside of my comfort zone. When does the volleyball tournament start?” he asked.
She dropped her arm and stepped away from him. He felt like a cad but he thought it would be better if there were no public displays of affection while her mom was standing nearby with a disapproving look on her face.
“It’s already begun,” she said. “What’s up with the cold shoulder?”
“Your mom looks like she’s just waiting for an excuse to lay into me. And I don’t think you’d appreciate a scene with your family and friends here.”
“I wouldn’t, but then I don’t think she’d cause a scene,” Alysse said. “What’s this really about?”
“I’m not comfortable in crowds,” he said. “There are too many people here. I can’t relax like this.”
“You did okay the other night when we went surfing with everyone,” she reminded him.
“The beach wasn’t this crowded,” Jay said.
It was a hard situation to handle when there were this many people around. It wasn’t just the strangers on the beach; it was Alysse’s people under this tent. They were her community, her lifeblood and if he needed any proof that he and Alysse didn’t belong together, well, here it was.
Alysse enjoyed this crowd and eating and talking and holding the babies and playing with the younger kids.
And all he wanted to do was find a place with a wall that he could have at his back.
They were so different and yet he was coming to need that smile of hers and her calming presence in his life.
“I didn’t realize the crowds would make you edgy,” she said. “Maybe after you’ve been out of the Marines for a while that will change.”
He stiffened. He wasn’t sure he’d ever lose his edge. “Maybe. You know I haven’t made a decision yet on the Corps.”
She gave him one of those odd searching looks of hers and he wished he understood what she meant by it. He hoped that she found the answer she wanted in his face. But when she sighed and turned away, he knew she hadn’t.
“I know.”
“Sorry,” he said.
“It’s fine. I need to remember that you aren’t really here to stay,” she said, shaking her head. “I think we’ve both been deluding ourselves that we were exploring options but really we’ve been playing house. And that’s not all that different from what we did in Vegas.”
“You’re right. Here’s not the time or place,” he said.
“Agreed. I think Staci’s just arrived and I’d like to have one day where I can pretend I’m like every other woman my age,” she said.
“What do you mean?”
“You know, that I have a boyfriend and my family and friends are with me,” she said before striding away.
He wasn’t sure how he’d done it but he knew he’d just hurt Alysse again.
ALYSSE WANTED TO IGNORE Jay but that was exactly what she suspected he wanted her to do. He needed the silence and liked his solitary life. Why was she trying so hard to make him into something he wasn’t?
And she was trying. She could have just stuck to her original plan and had sex with him every night until he went back to the Marines, but no, she had to have dreams and want more from him.
She was coming to believe that there was no way to cure herself of Jay and find another man, because, in reality, she only wanted him. That fact made her want to cry or scream or maybe punch Jay really hard.
But it was hardly his fault that he couldn’t be what she needed him to be. If she’d been a different kind of woman she could have taken him as he was and been content, but she wasn’t.
She wanted him to blend with her family and to fit in with her friends. Instead, he sat in a lawn chair drinking a beer, watching the game. She was mad at herself because all the growth she’d thought she’d achieved during the last four years was really nothing at all. She’d been fooling herself.
“Why are you glaring at the potato salad?” Staci asked coming up behind her. “I’ve tasted it and it’s good.”
She gave her friend a half smile. “No reason. Just not sure if I should put an ice pack underneath it.”
Liar, she thought. Why didn’t she ever really talk to her friends about her problems? She was just like Jay in that—she had to sort it out herself. Maybe that was part of the reason she was so attracted to him.
“Well, considering you’ve already got two under there I’d say no,” Staci said. Her friend took her arm and turned her toward her. “What’s up?”