Chapter 10
10
Natalie
I swiped at my cheeks as I hurried away from O’Kelley’s. I knew meeting up with him was a bad idea, but Mayor Knight? Could it get any worse?
I got to my car and slipped, almost face-planting against the side of my vehicle. I caught myself at the last minute, but of course, my feet didn’t stay put. I slipped, my ankle howling in pain.
No, wait. That was me howling. Like a wild animal on the street.
Ugh.
I pulled myself up and got into my car, starting it up and getting the hell out of there. No more dating. I couldn’t do it. I was foolish to think it was an option for me. Why? Why did I try?
Because you want a family.
“I don’t need it,” I told the voice in my head. I convinced myself a long time ago that my anxiety was too much. It knocked me down too many times, and most people silently faded into the background, not bothering to understand or try to be there for me.
Daisy was the first and only person outside my family who accepted me for me and didn’t judge me or try to change me or tell me I’d get over it. Daisy was family, as far as I was concerned. I didn’t need anyone else. I was fine.
Instead of going home to the apartment I shared with Daisy, I drove a little out of town and pulled into the driveway of the house where I grew up. Daisy would want to know all about the date and how the new guy was, but I was too raw and overwhelmed to be able to share anything with her. Knowing how her face would fall and how she’d want to go after Mayor Knight was more than I could handle.
I would tell her. Just not right now.
I let myself into my childhood home and was not at all surprised to find my parents on the couch watching the evening news.
“Natalie! What are you doing here? Is everything okay?” Mom asked, getting up and hurrying over to me. She turned on the light, waking up my dad, who jumped before realizing I was there.
“Natalie. Good to see you. Forgot you were coming over tonight.”
“That’s because she wasn’t supposed to be, Dean.” Mom smacked the back of his chair.
“Oh. Well, good to see you, anyway.”
“Thanks, Dad.” My parents were an odd couple, although when I was little I didn’t realize it. Dad was married before, and had two daughters from his first marriage. They lived with their mom when I was young, and I didn’t realize most people didn’t have siblings a decade older than them until I was in college. I also didn’t realize it wasn’t normal for your dad to be almost twenty years older than your mom.
But my parents loved each other. Dad said his first marriage was a good one, but it wasn’t the right one. My sisters spent time with us, but they were closer to their mom. It had been years since I’d seen either of them. They both left the area for college and never came back once their mom moved away.
“How are Renee and Eva?” I asked Dad, taking a seat on the couch where Mom had been.
Dad looked at Mom and sat up straight in his chair. “They’re good. Renee is destroying the patriarchy, as she says, in LA and loving every minute of it. Eva is busy as all get-out with the kids keeping her running. But they’re both good.”
“That’s good. I haven’t seen them in a long time. Tell them I said hello.”
Dad nodded. “I will.”
“What’s wrong, Natalie?” Mom asked.
I shook my head. “Just a bad date.”
“Do I need to get my gun?” Dad said.
I chuckled and shook my head. Dad hadn’t fired a gun in decades and would probably hurt himself if he tried to use the rusty old firearm at the back of the closet. Not to mention there hadn’t been ammunition in the house since I was born, according to my mother, so the threat was an empty one.
“Nothing happened that requires violence, Dad.”
“Then what did happen?” Mom asked.
I shrugged. “I’m me. And he’s… He’s too perfect for someone like me.”
“Did he say that?” Dad barked.
“No. He wouldn’t. But I know him, and I didn’t realize it until I sat down. There’s no way we would work.”
“Why not?” Mom asked. “You don’t give yourself nearly enough credit for the amazing woman you are.”
I shook my head as she spoke. “It’s just not going to happen. He’s… He has to be in the public eye because of his job, and I’m no good at that. I’m definitely a behind-the-scenes person.”
“You don’t have to be.”
“Oh, yes, I do. And I’m okay with that. I know who I am. And I know who I’m not. It’s taken me a long time to accept that, and I’m not going to try to be someone else for anyone.”
“What makes you think this man is looking for someone who is in the public eye? Did he say you’re not good enough?” Dad asked.
“No. He’s too diplomatic for that.”
“You make it sound like you had a date with the mayor,” Mom joked.
Dad laughed.
I stayed silent.
“Well, whoever it is, he’s not worthy of you if he doesn’t see how amazing you are.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
“But I do wish you’d give yourself more credit. Amelia has been keeping me up to date on all the things you’re planning and doing with the new summer camp. It sounds like it’s going to be amazing.”
My lips lifted into a smile just thinking about it. “I’m really excited. It’s going to be a lot of work, and it’s going to take a long time to get it to where we really want it, but it’s going to be amazing.”
“Tell us about it. What are you planning? Where are you at right now?” Mom and Amelia had been friends forever. It was one of the many reasons I felt comfortable with Amelia. They were similar in a lot of ways, including the way they both encouraged me to be myself and not worry about people who didn’t understand me.
“Still planning. We have a very small budget, so we’re working on setting up a fundraiser. Daisy is helping me with that.”
“She’ll have everyone involved, without a doubt,” Mom teased. She loved Daisy as much as I did, and she knew Daisy didn’t let things go when she decided it was right.
“She will. She’s been great. Especially since I know she’s busy, too.”
“But she loves you and will do anything to help you.”
“I know. I’ve talked to a few contractors, but we’re limited on what can be done right now because of the weather. As soon as spring is here, we’re going to jump on everything and really get moving.”
“That’s a good idea. Is there anything we can help with? I can clean. Amelia mentioned a trailer?”
I gagged at the thought of the trailer.
Mom laughed. “That’s pretty much what she said. Tell me about the rest of the site.”
I jumped in, detailing everything we had, everything we planned, and all the ideas I hoped to get to one day. By the time I finished talking, Dad was asleep again, and I needed to get home if I was going to get any sleep.
But I left feeling better, and that was the whole reason I went home.
Daisy cornered me in the morning and asked how my date was. She assumed when I didn’t come home until late that it had gone very well.
She was shocked to hear just how wrong she was.
“I walked out.”
“You what?!?”
“I met him, and it wasn’t right. There was no way it would work out. So I left.”
“But you don’t even know him. And you’ve been talking forever and really liked him. You can’t possibly tell me in ten minutes you decided all the conversations you had were wrong. That he’s that different from the man you were talking to.”
“He’s…” I wasn’t sure if I wanted her to know who he was. I wasn’t sure if I wanted anyone to know. It felt safer with that piece hidden. “He was different. Maybe I rushed my judgement, but it’s not going to work. I was foolish to think dating was a good idea. It’s easier online. It’s easier to be able to stop and think about what I’m going to say.”
“Did he say something? Dating is not foolish. You want a family, and unfortunately, the only way to find a person to create that family with is in person.”
I shook my head. “He didn’t say anything. It… It’s not going to work with him.”
“So where did you go after your date?”
“To my parents’ house.”
Daisy’s face softened into a smile. “How are they?”
“They’re good. It was nice to visit for a little while.”
“And a good place to go to avoid me and my questions for the night?”
My cheeks burned with the truth as Daisy gave me a stink-eye. “Yeah, yeah.”
She chuckled. “I understand. And I’m sorry. I was hoping things would work out with this guy.”
I nodded, thinking back to when I walked into O’Kelley’s and saw him sitting at the bar. He waited. He didn’t run out when I wasn’t there exactly on time. He always made it seem like he would be okay with my… quirks. Then he turned around, and I saw who he was and I knew there was no way.
Mayor Knight was polished perfection. He was pulled-together and on display all the time. He didn’t have a single scandal and everyone in town loved him.
Perfect and awkward did not work. It never would. So I had to walk away and stop thinking about him. He wasn’t who I thought, and I wasn’t who he thought, and we weren’t ever going to be more than we were online.
“I need to work on fundraiser stuff,” I blurted, knowing the longer I talked to her, the more likely I would spill all the secrets.
“And you don’t want to tell me anymore about your date. I get it. Book club tonight?”
I scowled.
“It’ll be good to get out. See some friends and forget about your date.”
I nodded, even though I wasn’t thrilled with the idea. I liked all the women there, but secrets had a way of becoming public when we were all together.
But Daisy looked excited. She loved having more friends. And I wanted to go for her sake.
Yes, I was being selfish. I felt guilty not opening up to her about Mayor Knight, but I couldn’t bring myself to say the words. To admit how badly I screwed up. Maybe one day I could laugh about it, but not yet.
Daisy dragged me down the street toward Book Boyfriends Unlimited with glee on her face. She was so excited to be there. She was good for me, getting me out when I was perfectly content to sit in my room and never leave home.
Finley, the owner of Book Boyfriends Unlimited, unlocked the store and let us in, hugging us both and asking how we were.
“I worked all day, so I’m a little hyper right now,” Daisy said.
“You’re always a little hyper,” I grumbled.
“And you’re always grumpy,” Daisy shot back with a teasing smile.
“We all have those days,” Finley said. “But at least we have cake here.”
“It’s always a good day for cake,” Daisy said.
“Absolutely,” Blake said, handing over slices as we joined the rest of the women in the back of the store. “How are you guys?”
“Good,” Daisy and I said at the same time.
The others laughed.
“Someone has to have something we can talk about,” Elise said, slicing her cake. “How is it possible no one has man trouble?”
I carefully avoided the looks going around the room, not at all interested in being the center of attention.
Thank God Daisy was a good friend.
“I’d have to have a man to have trouble,” Daisy said. “I have not had any luck lately. All the men I meet are dads and shopping with their wives.”
“No single dads?” Willow asked.
Daisy shook her head. “Nope. I’m starting to wonder if I have to leave the area to find a date.”
Karissa chuckled and shook her head. “My app is still getting new downloads every day, so there are people out there. Are you on it? Book Boyfriends Wanted.”
Daisy nodded. “I am. Had one guy I was talking to for a long time. Thought we had a connection, but we met and it was all wrong.”
“Ugh, I hate when that happens,” Goldie said. “Dating was never easy for me, and it’s always worse when you think you have a connection then don’t. Sorry that happened to you.”
My throat tightened. Daisy was throwing herself under the bus and telling what she knew of my story so I didn’t get the focus. Could I have a better friend?
“It was tough,” Daisy continued. “But I’ll meet someone eventually. Sometimes I don’t mind dating, but lately everything has been harder.”
“It’s the holidays,” Finley said. “At least, I’m guessing because of your store. The holidays are always a tough time of year when you work in retail. Even though I’m not going to have anywhere near the same experience as you, I always feel like I’m more drained. Between the days being so short and the work hours being so long, I still collapse into bed at the end of a shift.”
Daisy nodded. “That’s true. I didn’t think about that. It’s my first Christmas with the store open.”
“How did it go?” Elise asked.
“It was great,” Daisy said with a wide grin. “Busy and crazy and so much more work than I expected, but now that it’s over I am really happy I opened the store.”
“It’s like childbirth,” Blake said. “After the first one, I forgot how bad it was and was willing to get pregnant again.”
Finley scoffed. “Oh, please, you were so thrilled to get pregnant. Especially the trying part.”
Blake grinned. “I was definitely up for that.”
The others laughed and hooted. I couldn’t remember the last time I had something to cheer about. Getting the summer camp going last year was a big project, and this year was going to be even bigger. Dating had definitely taken a back burner, and after my disastrous date, it needed to stay there.
But if I was honest, I missed sex. I missed the connection to someone. I didn’t enjoy one-night stands as much as relationships, but I hadn’t experienced either in a while.
“I miss sex,” Daisy said, as though she was reading my mind.
“Oh, honey, I remember those days,” Goldie said. “After my divorce, I didn’t care, but before Patrick and I got together, I was so desperate for sex I was leaving work during the day because he would get me so worked up I couldn’t stand it.”
“No you didn’t,” Karissa said.
Goldie nodded, chuckling. “Oh, I did. And he knew it, too. He did it on purpose.”
“If he was getting you worked up, why did you leave work?” Daisy asked.
“Because she refused to actually date the man,” Blake answered for Goldie. “Said he was too young for her. We tried to convince her she was wrong, but Goldie worried everyone would talk. He was young, and she was his boss, and she thought the whole town would be calling for her head.”
“My boss was,” Goldie said with a scowl.
“The mayor was such an ass,” Finley said. “He couldn’t see how good things were in this town if he just let well enough alone. Thankfully, Mayor Knight isn’t the same. He’s wonderful.”
“Hot, too,” Blake said.
“And he’s a good man,” Goldie defended. “I’ve had a lot of meetings with him and he’s always respectable and thoughtful. I just wish he would find someone.”
“Is he looking?” Karissa asked.
Goldie shrugged. “I don’t know. I know he’s divorced, but I don’t know the story. He’s an amazing man, so I hope he’s looking.”
“I wonder if he’s on my app,” Karissa said, pulling out her phone.
“You can tell that?” I blurted, fear tightening my throat.
“She can, but she doesn’t interfere anymore,” Finley said, reaching for Karissa’s phone.
Karissa let Finley take it and scowled at her. “You’re no fun. Omar is hot, and I was just curious if he’s been matched with anyone.” Karissa turned her gaze to Daisy and me. “You two are single. Any interest in the mayor?”
“Not me,” Daisy said. “He’s too serious for me. Natalie?”
All eyes swung to me, and my ability to lie faded with any hope of keeping my secret. “We’ve already been matched.”
“You what?” Daisy shouted.
Dammit.