|70| • Amelia
I was on a bed. I could feel his lips kiss my collarbone. Humming in delight, my eyes fluttered close as I arched my back. What was happening? The last thing I remember was being at the club with him. Now I was—
I gasped when a pair of hands cupped my breast, fondling it.
Giggling, I pulled him up, capturing his mouth in a kiss.
"You're so perfect." I heard him moan into the kiss.
I smiled, it tingled my tummy to hear this.
He thought I was perfect? His chest felt firm but not as large as normal, his hands were bolder too.
Sighing, I nibbled on my lips as I felt his hand hike up my dress, squeezing my hip. He continued to nibble on my neck, my heart thudding faster.
This was really happening.
I hummed out, holding him tighter. "E-Evie..."
Gasping, I jolted up from the bed, a wave of hammering headache hitting me at once. I blinked continuously, wincing as my temple throbbed painfully. Pulling the covers off my body, my bare feet made contact with the cold floor.
Quickly I ran to the toilet feeling my tummy bubble in discomfort.
Instead of the door, my body contacted harshly with the wall.
Wasn't this where the toilet was? Groaning, I rubbed my head.
Feeling nauseous, I slapped my hands against my lips, looking around with squinted eyes for the bathroom.
Swing at the extreme corner, I ran in, rushing towards the toilet.
I opened the lid — which was off because my lid was never closed.
Once I saw the clean toilet, I hurled out into it.
My entire body jerked forward, puking out the liquid which burned my throat on the way up. Squeezing my eyes shut, I puked until there was nothing but acid reflux coming out. Spitting into the toilet, I flushed it.
With wobbly legs, I stood up, looking around in confusion.
Where the heck was I?
That...that dream I had, it was a dream, right?
Was it Evie who was all over me yesterday? I hissed, holding my head. I had so many questions which remained unanswered. Fear gripped my heart as I made my way to the mirror to see the state I was in.
It wasn't a dream...?
I was wearing the same gown I remembered putting on for the party, only that my hair was a mess and I had dark spots at the side of my neck and collarbone.
Blinking repeatedly, I hoped I'd wake up from whichever dream I was in.
Rubbing my eyes shut, I looked in the mirror again to see the same but confused reflection staring back at me.
No...
Turning on the faucet, I washed my face in the unfamiliar bathroom.
It had cream and blue tiles on the walls.
I'd never seen this before. It certainly didn't belong to Everest. Where was I?
My hands were cold as my anxiety brewed.
Taking a deep breath, I slowly walked out of the bathroom, holding my hands to my chest.
This room...
My eyes darted around the room for clues but found none.
Eventually, I looked where I had been dreading, the bed.
The first thing I saw was a dark blue sheet mounted on a body, a male figure's back heaving and settling soundly.
With wide eyes, I stumbled back, feeling as though I had just been hit with a ton of bricks.
It was Raul.
He was sprawled across the bed, eyes shut.
The way my heart drummed against my chest, I was bound to have a panic attack any second.
Breathing out loudly, I patted around my body, hoping what I wore underneath was still intact.
My bra and panties were on me, but my shoes were not.
Tears welled up in my eyes as guilt ate unapologetically at my insides.
Gut-wrenching clips of last night came flooding into my mind like a broken record.
The drinks.
The kiss.
"We...we can take a cab to my place."
"Oh shit!" I yelled, slapping my hands against my lips.
I was at his place. That dream...it wasn't Everest who was touching and kissing over me.
It was him? My insides twisted and I suddenly felt like puking again.
Sobs left my lips, tears running down my cheeks.
This couldn't be happening, how could I have straddled and kissed him?
At the club, did I lose my head? My heart twisted painfully as the first tear dropped from my eyes.
Oh God...
What have I done?
Raul's body stirred in his sleep, making me stumble back. He groaned, pushing himself off his bed and sitting up. His eyes widened as they reached my teary ones, just as I did, he rubbed his eyes. "Shit..." He muttered, running a hand through his head. Shit?
Shit?!
What did that even mean? Did that mean I...slept with him?
Goosebumps rose on my skin at the mere thought, no, that couldn't be.
Please, Lord, don't let that be. Sobs spilled from my lips which were still plastered shut with my hand.
My body was quivering badly, tears wetting my face in seconds.
Raul frowned, getting up. I moved back once more, now pressed against the wall.
I didn't want him near me. My stomach turned in disgust at the thought.
He kissed me.
He touched me...
And I let him.
I had no excuse. I let him touch my body, I let him take me into that forsaken section of the club.
I let him put me on his lap. Shit, shit!
No! This...this had to be some messed up dream!
My knees felt weak, and my eyes burned. The lump in my throat felt unbearable as I continued to sob.
Raul sighed, continuing to make his way towards me. "Amelia..."
"Don't come near me!" The loudness of my voice shocked the both of us, I could do nothing but glare at him, holding my hands against my chest protectively.
I needed to get out of here, I couldn't be in this place any longer.
But...I had to know. I needed to know what happened after we hit the bed. What did I allow to happen?
"Did -- did we have s-sex?" I asked, the words foreign and like acid on my tongue.
Raul's eyes widened. He huffed, rubbing his neck.
Why was he doing that? Was that a yes? "Answer me, dammit!
" I screamed again making him flinch. All I remembered was feeling kisses all over my body, but nothing after that. Why...? This couldn't be happening.
"No, we didn't. You called his name and I...I stopped."
I huffed, but the relief was short-lived.
Even if we didn't have sex, every other thing I recalled that night happened.
I let it happen. This was my fault. If I had agreed to go dancing on my own, no.
..if I declined that damned invitation, none of this would have happened.
I was such a fool. The burn in my eyes just got worse as the thought ran through my head in adamant circles.
You fool, what have you done? My conscience taunted with a venomous tone.
"I have to go...I have to go, my bag." I whispered to myself, using my eyes to frantically search for my bag.
I saw it lying on the couch opposite his bed.
Grimacing back at the man, I saw he was still unmoving in his spot so I made a run for it, swiping my bag from the couch and going to put on my shoes that were scattered on the floor.
"Amelia, wait..."
No, I didn't want to hear his voice, it made my skin crawl, and my chest burn with regret.
Fumbling with the buckle, I hurriedly tried to do it while sobbing but my hands were shaking, I couldn't even hold the buckle without letting it go.
This wasn't real, it couldn't be real.
My eyes widened when I heard his heavy footsteps making their way to me.
"Let me help--"
"I said don't fucking touch me!" I screamed again, my heart thudding in panic.
"Dammit Amelia, I'm not going to hurt you!
" He yelled back. In disbelief, I looked up, my head spinning with all sorts of insults, the mere look on his face brought scorn to my lips.
He wasn't going to hurt me? I scoffed out loud.
"I'd have preferred to be stabbed than this.
You've hurt me in the deepest way possible, Raul.
" I spat his name out, hating that they were ever on my tongue in the first place.
I blamed him, second after myself.
He knew I was drunk, yet he rambled things in my ear, sucking my neck.
He gave me shots to drink and kissed me before taking me to this place to feel me up, yet he claimed he didn't want to hurt me.
Raul's eyebrows creased, how dare he look hurt?
How dare he get angry? I finally buckled my heels and marched out of his room.
With heavy breaths, I looked both ways, searching for the exit.
I heard him follow me out. "Amelia, we were both drunk.
You kissed me." He called out. I tensed up, knowing he was right, I was the one who kissed him.
I was always at fault, wasn't I? If I had stayed away from him the moment he began acting so touchy, none of this would have happened.
I wouldn't be panicking, I wouldn't be shaking and crying right now.
Anger bubbled inside my guts, my shaking hands clenching into a fist.
"You wanna play the blame game, you prick?
You sucked on my neck like a dirty pervert, you took me to your place knowing I was drunk to stupor and you felt me up like a bastard!
But oh, when I called my boyfriend's name, you stopped.
They should give you a medal...asshole." I seethed through gritted teeth.
His expression was one I couldn't -- and did not care to read.
Raul's mouth parted to open but closed once more. Good, so we were done.
Huffing, I turned to walk out of his apartment, slamming the door shut.
With my head still hazy, I began speeding down the stairs, not wanting to wait for the elevator.
As I did, I kept chanting that this was all a dream, knowing fully well that it wasn't. The worst thing to ever happen had happened, and I didn't know what to do.
Sobbing hysterically, I made my way to the nearest bus stop, receiving stares from people who passed.
I looked like a mess, but the one I was in was a lot bigger.
Trying to wipe my face proved difficult because the tears just kept coming.
Where was I? I checked the map, zooming in on my location.
I couldn't take the bus looking like this, people would stare and the last thing I wanted was the attention or their questions.
Ordering a taxi, I tapped my foot impatiently, waiting for it to arrive, constantly looking over my shoulder to make sure he wasn't following me.
The taxi parked where I was, scanning the driver's plate number, I got in.
Telling him the location once more, we were off.
The more I thought about it, the more my lips quivered and tears fell.
With shaky hands, I gripped my phone, unlocking it.
What I saw made me almost burst into tears once more.
Evie had called me, a lot.
So did Kaji.
I sobbed quietly, my head in my hands. He called me through the night, yet I was with another man.
I cheated on Everest. My heart squeezed painfully at the thought.
I wanted to repeatedly bang my head on the window but all I could do was cry pathetically.
Going to my messages, I saw that he had also left some for me.
Each text message dealt a solid blow to my tummy.
He was worried about me, I didn't deserve his worry anymore.
I had done what I feared to be done to me.
Everest didn't deserve this. Lowering my head on my lap, I cried silently, sniffling.
What was I going to do? How on earth was he going to take this?
I was scared.
Scared to go home.
Home...
How dare I call his place that? Taking deep breaths, I breathed in some air. Pursing my lips, I went over what had happened time and time again, yet it still fell on my decision. I was drunk, not stupid. Alcohol wasn't an excuse to let another man grope me. It wasn't an excuse.
"Uh, miss...are you alright?" I heard from the driver's seat.
Flinching, I realized I was still in the cab. How could I even answer his question? I wasn't alright, not today, not tomorrow. Guilt was a terrible feeling, it mocked and gnawed on my insides, and it left a bitter taste on my tongue. But I deserved it, of course I did.
"Just please...take me home," I replied, barely above a whisper, rocking myself on the seat.
Everest...
I bit my lip to the point it almost drew blood.
It happened again, just like he was worried about.
I kissed another guy, but this time, we were dating, and so much in love.
This time, I did more than kiss another guy.
I sniffed, almost screaming into my lap but remembering I wasn't alone.
After several minutes of self-pity, I sat up, looking out the window to see the cab driving towards the apartment building. Once more, fear twisted in my gut.
Paying the taxi man, I stumbled out of the car, holding my bag against my chest. The building looked daunting, staring up at it, my eyes burned from the sun.
I spotted Evie's truck and my breath hitched.
He was around. Slowly, I dragged myself into the apartment building, taking the stairs up.
No matter how slow I went, I still reached our floor within minutes.
Heavy-hearted, I took out the spare keys, chucking them into the hole with a dreadful turn.
The door unlocked.
Holding my breath, I pushed the door open. It was empty. Thank God. Was I really ready to face him? I wouldn't be able to meet his eyes at this point. My heels announced my presence much to my disappointment, before I could reach my room, I heard Evie's bedroom door slam open.
I froze.
No...
"Baby!"
Everest's relieved tone was evident. I heard his footsteps run towards me, before a pair of arms wrapped around my back.
"Dammit, where were you? I was so worried and I didn't even know who else to call.
" He muttered, digging his head into my shoulder.
I was as stiff as a log, my heart thudding nervously.
I...I didn't know what to do. I just stood there, stricken with fear.
"Come here," He turned me around so I'd face him. Instantly, I dropped my chin to my chest, hiding my face. He hugged me for a second time, a hug I didn't deserve. Tears welled up in my eyes once more, and this one stung the most.
"Hey, are you alright?" He whispered, rubbing my back.
What was I going to say? Nibbling on my lips, I hoped he'd pull away so I'd run and hide in my room forever.
"Sweetheart, look at me." His hand went to raise my chin but I stepped back instantly.
I'm sure it shocked him, I'm sure he had his eyebrows knitted together, but I didn't want to look up.
I couldn't look up after doing something so shameful.
"I...I need to take a shower first." I managed to get out without croaking. Robotically turning, I almost reached the door when he called out again. This time, sternly.
"Amelia, wait."
My legs instantly obeyed. With tensed shoulders, I counted to ten and back, my heart was running a race it couldn't win. "Turn around." He much so commanded. Wincing, I slowly turned my feet around to face him, still with my head down.
"Your...your neck. Why is there a hickey on your neck?"
He sounded confused as he did hurt, I flinched at his words, feeling a tear drop from my eye. Summing up the courage, I arched my neck up, looking into his eyes. Those lovely dark brown eyes, and oh dear I wish I hadn't.