|71| • Everest
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The first time I felt my heart break because of a woman was when I saw the ring I'd spent a fortune on, lying ever so delicately on a note written to decline my proposal.
Saying she wouldn't dare marry a man she didn't know would come back alive or as a corpse.
The pain was fueled more with regret than anything else.
If only I'd discussed it with Florescent, perhaps we'd have found a way around it.
The second time was now.
My mind was spinning; millions of thoughts ran through in deduction.
Amelia turned around to enter her room, and that was when my eyes went to her neck.
Those weren't there two nights ago; those dark spots scattered all over her neck weren't there.
I knew hickeys when I saw one, and these.
..these were hickey's alright. The first crack my heart suffered was when I realized what a hickey meant, they weren't insect bites, no.
It was a person that was responsible for it.
Not just any person, but a man who wasn't me.
Why?
What...what was a man doing on my woman's neck?
Which bastard did that not once or twice, to her neck?
How...how did she let such a thing happen to her?
Was that why she stilled when I hugged her from behind?
She'd acted as if I was a stranger. Was this why she backed away when I tried to make her look at me?
The pain twisted my guts, eyebrows drawing together in both confusion and fear.
"Amelia, wait," I called out, my voice hard and my thoughts full.
The atmosphere around us was never this tense, I looked to her back, hoping she'd listen and wait.
Amelia didn't turn, she just stood with tense shoulders, looking at the floor.
"Turn around." This wasn't a request, the pace at which my heart thumped was concerning, watching her timidly turn to face me, with her head down still.
What? She couldn't look me in the eye? Was that it?
What happened at that damned party? Should I have been against it?
I had the mindset that she and Kaji would be together and they'd take a cab back after.
But when I couldn't get her phone even after midnight.
I was worried sick. No matter how long I paced around my room, I couldn't get myself to calm down.
She was with her friends, so she was safe, that was what I used to console myself.
Amelia didn't send me the location of the party, I wished she did. Then I'd drive there to pick her up myself. The feeling of hopelessness irked me, all I could do was text and call, praying she'd come to the apartment apologising for being so late and making me worry.
So she wasn't going to look up, huh?
I scoffed to myself, deciding to let out what was on my mind.
Now that she was fully turned, I saw those dark spots on her collarbone as well.
My hands formed a fist, "Your...your neck.
Why is there a hickey on your neck?" I asked in a whisper, fear evident in my voice.
Were my hands really shaking right now? Ah, I was even scared to hear her answer.
Hesitantly, she looked up at me, her eyes blood red, tears clouding her gaze.
My patience was wearing thin, her silence was like needles to my feet.
I wanted an answer, not tears. Perhaps I was grimacing too hard because she looked scared.
Her lips opened to speak but it closed with a sigh.
I saw how her lips quivered, how her eyes watered the more.
Why wasn't she answering? What had she done?
Taking a deep breath, I ran an impatient hand through my hair.
"I'm...I-I'm so s-sorry, Evie."
Amelia's croak dealt a shatter to my heart.
Sorry? I had always tried to be a patient man for her, whenever she'd jumble on her words or ramble on, I'd wait with a patient smile, trying to get the information I needed.
But in this case, mine had worn thin. "I don't need an apology, I need an answer.
" I seethed, glaring. She wasn't doing anything to help this situation.
She just kept whimpering, crying into her palms.
My gaze landed on those hickeys for a second time.
"Amelia!" I boomed, warningly.
The way she flinched made regret soar through my veins but as quickly as it came, it went.
Amelia blinked her tears away, opening her mouth in a strangled sigh.
"I...A...at the party, I...I drank so much and, I was s-so stupid.
" She could barely get out a coherent sentence.
My eyebrows came down in confusion. I knew what she was getting at, but I didn't want to assume.
I needed to hear whatever happened from her lips.
"I'm going to need you to tell me Amelia, and I'm not going to ask again."
She sniffed, shaking like a leaf. It took all in me not to run to her side and cradle her.
A lump formed in my throat, what if someone forced themselves on her?
What if...? With a shaky breath, I rubbed my hands against the bridge of my nose.
As my eyes met hers, she quickly moved them.
"I-It was Raul." She admitted in a whisper, shrinking back.
I didn't know when a laugh left my lips in disbelief.
That guy?
He was the one that gave her a hickey all over her body?
That prick sucked on her neck hard enough to leave spots?
Shaking my head, I turned around, not knowing what to say to her.
My face twitched in anger. I was livid to put it lightly.
"What else happened?" The words left my lips before I could stop them.
I didn't want to know the truth, but I needed the full story. Amelia began to sob.
I turned back towards her with a glare, I said I wasn't going to ask again and I meant it.
"W-we kissed, a-and he g-gave me hickey's...I s-swear I didn't know w-what I was doing b-but I ended up in h-his room."
That was all it took for my heart to completely shatter.
Fuck me.
This was absolutely ridiculous. In one night, he'd managed to do this to her.
She'd allowed herself to be used like this?
I began to pace around the room, my hand itching my hair.
So that was where she was all night. That fucker's room.
I didn't understand, was she drugged? Or did she just want to do this on her own free will?
Wait..."You went to his house?" I asked more to myself.
Was she aware of how dangerous it was? That guy wanted her, simply and short.
I refused to believe she was so naive not to see that. Or did she see it and not care?
"I was drunk, and -- and I--I just-"
"That is not an excuse, Amelia! You were drunk, you weren't fucking drugged!
" I barely had control over the tone of my voice anymore.
This woman wanted to use such a lame excuse.
Drunk. Was she so drunk she didn't know when their lips touched?
Or when he sucked on her neck? My blood felt hot against my skin, her heart pumped hard.
The more I paced around, the more anger I felt, so I stopped.
"Do you know how dangerous that was? What if he raped you, Amelia? What then? Would drunk still be your excuse?"
She just looked at me, sobbing.
"Or wait...did you two have sex?"
I asked, those words bitter on my tongue. At this point, I wouldn't be surprised. Yet, my heart squeezed at the thought. "No! N-no, we didn't." I chuckled, shaking my head. So what? After kissing they fell asleep cuddling. How much trust did she have in that scumbag anyways?
"Why?" My eyes stung as the question left my lips. Was there a reason behind this? Was she just not satisfied with me? Did she just fancy that prick more?
Why?
"H-huh?" She stuttered, blinking tears down her cheeks.
"Why the fuck would you let that happen?
! Why the hell did you kiss that piece of shit?
! Why did you follow him home? Why didn't you call me if you claimed to be so damn drunk?
Why?! Why!" I wanted to continue on but I saw her stumble back, her eyes widening in fear so I held my tongue, stopping there.
What a joke, I couldn't even hold my hurt in for a bit longer, the tears had already wet my cheeks.
"There's a line between naivete and plain stupidity, Amelia."
Her eyes widened, tearing up even more. "Fuck, I'm sorry but this, I don't understand.
I can't understand this. It isn't the first time this has happened, I don't get it, are you just desperate to have friends at any cost?
I tolerated that shithead for your sake, but, but I guess you just didn't respect me to go so low.
" My throat burned, and the tears refused to dry up. I was hurt.
I was broken.
To think I was going to propose.
Ah, this has to be some sort of cruel joke. Was it wrong to trust her even though she was so naive? Did I screw this up by confessing my feeling to her in the first place? The pain was almost unbearable, my chest pulsed in a painful way, and my head throbs. I was filled with so much disdain.
My legs gave out and I dropped to the floor like a bag of cement, my shoulders slumped. I was foolish, I was so damn foolish for falling so fucking hard. Perhaps if I didn't this pain wouldn't be so intense. "E-Evie I'm so--"
"Don't you dare call me that." I spat, glaring at the floor.
I didn't want to hear that nickname. I didn't ever want to associate that nickname with this awful pain.
Amelia's sobs played as background music, I knelt on the floor, my head in hand.
She had cheated on me. She had cheated on me with someone I warned her about. With some boy.
"I-I know I was stupid, I-I didn't want to feel left out s-so I went for the party.
I-I should have stayed with Kaji. I should never have stayed w-with him.
I'm so sorry Everest. I wish I could go back in time.
I'm so sorry, p-please..." Everything she said pricked me.
She was sorry, so what? She should never have stayed with him, she still wasn't getting the fucking point!
"It's not just about staying with him! You should never have been friends with him in the first place!
I refuse to believe you thought his advances were just him being nice.
I don't think you're that gullible.
" When I narrowed my eyes to where she was, I realized she had knelt down as well, a few feet away from me, crying.
"I know, I knew he was flirting, I knew he was being too touchy...I was j-just, I was just scared to lose him as a friend."
I scoffed, bewildered. So she'd rather lose me than lose a friend.
So this was how being bottom-barrel felt. Another tear rolled down my cheeks, I was lost for words now. Friendship...this awful thing she called friendship. She endured manipulation, sexual assault, and being touched in a way that made her uncomfortable, because of friendship.
"Everest, I know how foolish it sounds, a-and I know--"
"You don't know shit, Amelia," I muttered, not wanting to hear whatever she had to say. Those apologies seemed to be rehearsed. She still hadn't realized what she'd done. She was still held down by her abandonment issues. My hands tightened in a grip, "Truth is, I...I'm in therapy."
"W-what?" She croaked out, looking at me from her teary eyes.
"I am doing that to be a better man for you, for us.
Amelia, I know how fucked up in the head I am, but I was willing to fix it!
I didn't care how dented my ego was because of it, I was so damn embarrassed that I couldn't tell you until now.
But, what the hell was all that for? Why the hell did I even think of pr-" I bit my tongue, holding that bit out.
She didn't need to know that, not anymore.
"Everest..." Amelia cried out, moving closer to me.
"Please...please forgive me. I...I..." She sobbed.
This entire ordeal was pathetic. I was pathetic.
Taking a deep breath, I stood up. I couldn't be in the same space with her right now, my head was full; it was too full of anger and questions I didn't want to be answered.
"Did...did you do this because I wasn't enough for you?
" Why did I even ask that? Perhaps my lips were looking for more daggers to pierce through my already broken heart.
Amelia stood up, shaking her head. "No! No, I didn't. Everest y-you're more than enough for me.
You've been s-so good to me, and I-I love you so much.
" The last thing she said earned a humourless chuckle from me.
"Yet you couldn't even respect my wishes."
"Everest...please,"
"To be honest, I'm beyond disappointed in you.
I don't want to be here, in this apartment with you in it.
So, I'm leaving." Her eyes dilated, and she shook her head rapidly.
"Leaving? W-what do you mean you're leaving?
" She croaked out, her voice had now become hoarse from how much she'd been crying.
Ignoring her question, I turned to head to my room, not bothering to close the door.
I pulled out a backpack from my wardrobe, blinded with anger, I began to shove clothes in it, along with my wallet and my phone.
Where the hell was I even going to go? I had no idea, but I knew one thing for sure, I was far too hurt to stay here.
I heard a gasp come from my room. Ignoring it, I put on a jacket and a cap. I didn't want anyone to see my puffy eyes. "Everest, please...please don't leave. Yell at me, punish me, but please don't leave me." She begged, sounding desperate.
There it was again.
That fear of abandonment.
"Evie please!" She launched herself on me.
My entire body tensed up, Amelia hugged me tight, sobbing into my chest. She looked so broken, but I was too.
Just seeing the dark spots on her neck filled me with a fresh round of disdain.
Her smaller body shook as she whimpered.
Admittedly, I'd stayed still for a minute, knowing how much I'd miss her warmth. But she needed to choose.
Her adamant need to keep friends or me.
"I told you not to call me that," I whispered to her, trying to pry her off me. She refused, begging. Why was she making this harder than it needed to be? I had to get out of here before I'd make a decision I'd regret for a long time. "Please, please..." She sobbed.
"Amelia, please get off me." My words were low and my patience wearing thin.
I didn't want to shove her off, I couldn't. She'd get hurt and that was the last thing I wanted to do.
Amelia began to cry out, hesitantly letting me go.
She looked up at me, her eyes now swollen from crying, her dark skin darkened from the amount of blood rushing to her face.
Sighing, I turned around, taking my car keys from the counter. "Everest!" She called out but I was already marching towards the door.
"Everest, please!"
That was the last thing I heard before I slammed the entrance door shut, making my way out of the apartment.