His Little Amelia

|74| • Everest

My body lay still on the bed as I looked up to the ceiling.

How long had I been staring at the lines from the gypsum board?

Counting the vertical and then the horizontals.

This was beyond pathetic, like a paralyzed man with a broken heart, counting the ceiling boards while having nothing but pain squeeze at my heart.

I didn't want to move, not today. Even though I managed to work at Abel's workshop the day before, I woke up today feeling worse than usual as though the entire world lay on my shoulders.

So I sank in bed, closing my eyes, and opening them to count, eyes closed, eyes open.

Repeat.

The cobwebs on the ceiling gave an accent and darkened around the edges. A bit of light still managed to spill into the dark room, giving a bit of illumination as I counted. By now, my eyes had been accustomed to the lack of light and ventilation. I just lay there, feeling depressed.

A part of me stopped blaming Amelia after a day passed; the numerous times I thought it over, I couldn't stand putting all the blame on her.

So, I felt a gut-wrenching pain for making her cry so bad.

The way she begged me not to leave her, the way she got on her knees when I did as well, the pain was choking.

I kept telling myself I had no choice. If I stayed in the apartment, coated in anger, I might have made hasty decisions I'd definitely regret.

I needed time.

I needed her to realize she couldn't always do things to please her friends, and that in doing so, she'd hurt me.

But leaving her that way did more harm than good to me.

I was barely living now. The first day in here, I'd avoided the questions Ma and Saffron fired my way, my Pa on the other hand seemed to understand what was going on with a simple glance and told the two to let me be.

To be honest, I was darn grateful for that.

Food in my mouth tasted sour, or perhaps it was just the bitter taste on my tongue and the sting in my heart which robbed me of my appetite.

One thing I knew for sure was that I couldn't keep sulking. I had a job.

So the next day, I got off my butt and pushed myself to work.

Abel didn't ask questions, meaning he was still in the dark, which was good.

The last thing I wanted was a pity party.

Drowning myself in work did a bit of good for the time it lasted, I was occupied, my mind empty.

When I got home, Saffron demanded I tell her what was wrong. So I did, in the shortest way possible.

I got cheated on and came here because I felt like a pathetic loser who couldn't hold his temper.

If her eyes were any wider that day, I'd be sure her eyes would pop out, then her eyebrows creased, her lips turning down in a frown. There it was, the pity I didn't want from anyone. So I turned my heels, not bothering to eat anything that night before calling it a day.

It had been three days now since I came here.

I was now reduced to a moss, laying in bed, counting the ceiling boards, seeing as my will to go to work wasn't present, besides, it wasn't my shift today, It was Tuesday, the day I usually went for therapy.

Ah...Mrs. Loren would be disappointed in me.

I'd come a long way with the therapy session, yet here I was, drowning in negative thoughts, feeling like a boulder sitting on my entire body.

A strangled sigh came from my throat, it burned to even open my mouth, I was dehydrated, and my stomach was empty.

But I didn't care, I was too exhausted to walk, too ashamed to even leave my room.

I left my heart at the mercy of a girl, and she did as she pleased with it.

Who was I to complain? Chuckling bitterly, the mere thought of that stabbed my chest. Bringing my hands to my face, I used my elbow to cover my eyes.

I...I don't know what the hell I'm going to do now.

I had left the apartment for her, what was next?

I didn't think I could bring myself to forgive her but I wanted to, so damn much.

Perfect was the last thing any of us were, my screw up's were still at the back of my mind, how I'd welcomed Florescent like a long-time friend, even scolding Amelia because of a stupid phone call, how I'd run to Florescent's call like a damn dog.

Trust me, I knew I was far from perfect.

But when weighed on a scale, my hurt wouldn't dare allow me to forgive her so easily.

And that bastard...

If I ever saw him, it was on sight.

Knock knock.

My thoughts were interrupted by a knock coming from the door. I frowned at this, not exactly in the mood to speak with anyone. Groaning inwardly, I remained silent, perhaps that would be enough to let the person give up. But it didn't.

Knock knock, knock knock.

I knew only one person this adamant. My sister, Saffron.

"Don't come in," I muttered surprised I still had the strength to speak. Against my wishes, the door knob twisted, the wooden door pushing back in an irking creak. I huffed in annoyance, it's almost laughable to think she'd listen to me anyway.

"Big brother? I know you're not asleep." Saffron started out with a gentle voice but the sass was heard at the end.

I stayed in the same position. Of course, I wasn't asleep, I did tell her not to enter.

Saff huffed, seemingly agitated before closing the door.

I thought she'd given up and left until a bright light flashed underneath my closed eyes, making me peek an eye open.

There the little minx stood, with a triumphant stare, I hand on her hip as though she'd accomplished a feat just by turning on the lights.

"There! A bit more light in this cave." She huffed, walking closer to me, stare pointed.

Scowling at the new company, I dropped my arms, sitting up on the bed, my bag supported on the bedpost. "Oh!

So he lives!" Saff mocked, clasping her hands in excitement.

I almost smiled at her attempt to be oblivious, narrowing my eyes down.

"Everest, come on. You've been mopping around for way too long.

You're getting us worried." Saffron explained the reason for her visit, plopping on my bed without permission, her hands pushing my sprawled-out legs so there'd be more space to close in on me.

Mopping for too long? Did such a thing exist?

Even if it did, I could hardly care. I came here for peace of mind – though I'd had none – not to air out my laundry.

Saffron continued to find my eyes, leaning down to the bed where I'd narrowed it to, groaning in frustration when I shifted my gaze to the side.

"What? Now you won't even talk to your cute sister?

How could you say no to this face?" I saw her pout from my peripheral vision.

Giving up, I glared at her widened eyes and slanted eyebrows.

That puppy dog face wasn't going to work.

She leaned in closer, "I just want to talk to you, big brother. Stop ignoring me...please?"

Goodness, where did she learn this persistence?

"I wouldn't really call you cute," I mumbled in annoyance, looking away from her.

She gasped, seeming offended but a faint smile clouded her lips because I'd given up on my oath of silence.

"I know a few people who'd beg to differ.

I'm so cute I could give people diabetes!

" She challenged, puffing up her chest with a smirk.

I almost chuckled but coughed out instead.

"Isn't that for sweet and not cute?" Her chest deflated, thinking about it.

"Well, whatever! You get the point." Her little ramble made it hard to keep such a depressed state.

I found being sad more comfortable, it made the pain less.

"Hey, look. I wouldn't say I understand how you feel.

" She began, sounding more serious. I scoffed, why would I wish this kind of pain on anyone?

I never wanted her to understand this. "But I know what she did was messed up, really messed up.

" Saffron continued, lightly punching my shoulder until I looked up at her.

Was the point of her coming here to tell me what I already knew?

To make me feel worse? I glowered, narrowing my eyes again.

"Come on! Let me finish! Stop glaring, you're not scaring me away.

" She demanded, glaring back at me when I looked her way.

Sighing in defeat, I waited to hear where this was going.

"I know how hurt you must be, but you seriously can't drown in the hate or anger for too long!

You...you shouldn't throw everything away because of this.

" Saffron said, throwing her hands in the air.

"I don't know why she did it, but it must have been an accident. Right? Right...?"

I shrugged. "Dunno. She said she was drunk." I mumbled, feigning nonchalance. Accident or not, it hurt like a needle in my spine. "See? I'm not defending her, I wouldn't even do that. But please don't get so depressed again."

"Again?" I snorted. Had she ever seen me this way before?

"You were like this when I first met you when Mom had just married Dad.

I wasn't sure why you were that way at the time, I just knew you were sad.

Then when you came back from the army, for a little while, you seemed to love staying in your room with a solemn look on your face.

But, you got better. Especially when you met her, you began smiling so much, I know you were happier.

So please...please don't get so depressed again. "

To say I was shocked would be an understatement.

She had been noticing these things all this while?

I was impressed and ashamed, I'd let my emotions be so noticeable.

If she noticed it, that meant Pa noticed it too.

Did I look like the pathetic, depressed son in his eyes?

I shook my head, ridding it of the negative thoughts.

I should stop. I should stop feeling o sorry for myself, stop being so damn miserable and comfortable in it.

This wasn't who I wanted to be anymore.

"You love her...don't you?" She asked after a while of silence.

I couldn't help but scoff. Was love enough in this case? "I loved Florescent, look how that turned out."

"You shouldn't compare them! Florescent left you!

Amelia made a big mistake, but you're the one who left her.

I know that was probably the best option, to clear your head.

But if it's the same Amelia I met several times, I'm sure she's a crying mess, waiting for you to come back.

" Saffron was right, the way Amelia cried that day shattered every last bit of me.

I was the one who left after the mistake.

If I'd made such a mistake, would she leave too?

"I think your judgement is biased," I muttered, folding my hand. She'd been siding with Amelia an awful lot, even though she claimed not to do just that.

Saffron giggled, "What? I never liked Florescent or whatever she's called.

" She admitted with an innocent shrug. I raised a questioning eyebrow.

It wasn't news to me that she didn't. "She didn't seem interested in me or anyone else apart from you, and she had this sass I detested.

" I bellowed a laughter when she said this. Was that her reason?

"And Amelia?"

"I like her. She's so pretty, she's super nice, and I can tell how kindly she'd treat people. Honestly, if she said she was drunk then I doubt she'd be lying to you. She screwed up, no doubt. But does she really not deserve forgiveness any longer?"

Those words spun in my head. Of course, she deserved forgiveness.

But as I'd said before, my hurt wouldn't allow me to, at least not now.

I needed her to be better, to be more in tune with these things, I was giving her a chance to change.

A chance to show me she'd change. Ha. ..I hope I wasn't expecting a lot.

My mind drifted to how she'd been. I hope she was eating well.

..I remembered the food I'd cooked in large quantities was still in the fridge.

She'd be okay on her own, right? Worry ate at my belly, second to sadness.

I didn't want her to be lost on her own, but she wasn't on her own.

I knew she had Kaji. Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath.

She'd be able to take care of herself, she was responsible enough to do that.

"Does it?" I forgot Saffron was still here. Opening my eyes, I shrugged.

"I...I don't think I can do that right now.

It's selfish, I know." The admission made Saffron sigh.

She inched closer to me, opening her arms. I tilted my head, eyeing her movements.

"You need a hug." She said, grimacing at me as if daring me to decline her ever-so-precious offer.

Chuckling, those words reminded me of what Amelia had said once.

Moving closer to her, I let Safron wrap her arms around me, tightening her grip.

I relaxed into the hug, closing my eyes.

Who knew a simple hug could make me feel a tad bit better?