Chapter Thirty-Three #2
My phone buzzes again. Another call. Then a message. I ignore it all and curl tighter into Princess.
Joseph enters quietly, his expression grim. “He knows you’re here,” he says gently. “He sounded… angry. Hurt. He’s not taking this well.”
My phone buzzes again.
“You should talk to him,” Joseph says. “He deserves that much.”
I nod and pick up the phone, then swipe to answer, but stay silent.
“Dee? Baby, are you there?” Colt’s voice is hoarse, almost panicked.
“I’m here.”
“Jesus! Where’s all your stuff? Where’s Princess?”
“She’s with me. So is my stuff. I can’t do this, Colt.”
He breathes heavily. “Can’t do what? Talk to me, Dee. I found your wedding rings. What the hell is going on?”
“I can’t be with you,” I whisper. “You deserve more than me. You have a family now, Colt. You need to be with them. I’m just… in the way.”
“What the fuck are you saying? You are my family. How many times do I have to say that? Come home, Dee. Please.”
“No. You don’t need me. Caleb does. Macy does. I’m stepping aside, Colt. This is what’s best. That is unselfish.”
“No,” he growls. “This is not over. Don’t say that. Don’t ever say that. I love you. I love you so fucking much.”
“Then love your son. Be there for him. Enjoy your family. Not everyone gets that chance.”
“Dee, don’t—”
I end the call.
Pain surges through me, so raw it takes my breath away. I bang my fist against my forehead, trying to make it stop. I hit harder and harder as if I can shake the pain loose.
Joseph rushes in and grabs my hand. “Dee. Stop.”
I sob. “It hurts, Joseph. It hurts so damn much.”
“I know, sweetheart. But hurting yourself won’t make it stop.”
I scream and throw the lamp at the wall, shattering it. “Dee, calm down,” Joseph says, stepping forward to hold me.
“I can’t. This isn’t real. This can’t be happening,” I shout, fighting against him.
“Enough!” he snaps, grabbing my arms and steering me to the bed. “Sit down.”
I slump onto the mattress, gasping for air. “I just want the pain to stop,” I whisper.
“I’ve never seen you like this,” he says quietly, kneeling beside me. “Please, promise me you won’t do that again.”
I nod slowly, unable to speak.
He wipes my cheeks and presses his forehead to mine for a moment before standing. “I’ll be downstairs. Try to rest.”
I lie back down, curling around Princess.
The phone keeps vibrating. I let it.
An hour passes before I hear the screech of tires out front.
Then, pounding on the door.
“DEE!” Colt’s voice roars through the house.
Joseph tries to intercept him. “Calm down. I’ll get her—”
“No! Get out of my way, Joseph! DEE!” Colt yells again.
My stomach twists.
Joseph’s footsteps echo up the stairs.
I don’t want to see him. I can’t see him. If he touches me, I’ll break.
But I find myself standing anyway.
I walk to the top of the staircase as Joseph rounds the landing.
Colt spots me and bolts.
I flinch.
Joseph turns and stops him in his tracks, pressing both palms to Colt’s chest.
“Let me get to her,” Colt yells, furious.
Joseph shakes his head and braces Colt back with firm hands. “You know I’m always going to put Dee’s wishes before yours, Colt. I’m sorry, mate.”
Colt stops struggling but stands frozen, his chest heaving as he stares up at me. I’m still holding myself together by a thread.
“Baby, p-please,” he pleads, his voice cracking. “Just talk to me. You’re being ridiculous. I don’t want Mace… I want you. I love you.”
Tears prick my eyes as I look down at him. I know how much he’s hurting, but I also know he’ll never understand why I have to do this. So I say the only thing that will make him leave.
“I don’t love you anymore.”
The lie scrapes my throat raw.
Joseph lets out a sharp breath, and Colt stumbles back a step like I physically slapped him.
“Did you hear me?” I ask, though I can barely repeat the words.
He nods slowly, lips trembling. “Why?”
“Because you’ve been gone more than you’ve been here. I fell out of love with you, Colt. It happens. It’s better this way. You can focus on your family. We both get to move on.”
He shakes his head, looking shattered. “I pushed you away… I was so wrapped up in Caleb, I forgot about you.” His voice is breaking, and it takes everything in me not to run to him.
“Yes,” I whisper.
The truth buried in the lie.
“You don’t love me?” he asks again.
I shake my head.
“Then why the fuck are you crying?” he yells, and I flinch.
“That’s none of your business,” I shout back, even though I know he’s right—it is his business.
He steps forward, fists clenched, tears running freely down his face. “I’m your fucking husband, Dee. Everything about you is my business!”
The pain in his voice is unbearable.
My knees give out, and I collapse.
Both men rush toward me.
Joseph reaches me first, dropping down beside me, but Colt tries to shove past him.
“Dee? Baby, are you o-okay?” Colt’s voice breaks again. “Get off me, Joseph, or I swear to God I will kill you with my bare hands. She’s my wife!”
“Not anymore, Colt,” I say, dragging myself up from the floor. “We’re over. Go to your family. They need you more than I do.”
“No. No, no, NO,” he says, stepping toward me.
I run. I get to the room and slam the door shut behind me, locking it with shaky hands.
“Dee, don’t you dare walk away from me,” he shouts.
Then a crash. A loud thud. Someone hits something hard. I shove a pillow over my head and cry into the mattress.
“Dee!” Colt pounds on the door. “Dee, baby, please. I’ll do better. We can fix this. Just… just talk to me. Please!”
Every pound against the door is like a punch to my chest.
“Come on, Colt,” Joseph says, voice calm but strained. “You need to go. She doesn’t want to see you right now.”
“She’s my wife,” Colt snaps. “She’s everything.”
“And you pounding on her door is going to make her hide in there longer. Trust me, I know Dee. If you sit here all night, she’ll wait you out. She’s stubborn as hell, man. Just… let her come to you.”
Silence.
Then Colt sighs, broken. “I hit you. I’m sorry,” he mutters. “I just… ah, fuck, Joseph, I love her so much. I can’t breathe without her.”
“I know,” Joseph replies, gentler now. “But you need to think clearly. You can’t crash like last time. You have a son now. He needs you. Caleb’s sick, Colt. You don’t get the luxury of falling apart. You have to stay upright. For him.”
There’s more silence.
“Go home. Get some rest. Show up for your boy tomorrow. If you can’t live for yourself right now, live for him,” Joseph says.
A beat.
“I love you, Dee,” Colt calls out. “Until the end of time, baby.”
I stay where I am, curled into myself, sobbing silently. Then the front door opens and closes. Seconds later, I hear a car tear out of the driveway.
He’s gone.
And it feels like someone’s cut a hole in my chest.
I drag myself to the bathroom and splash cold water on my face, trying to breathe. My eyes are so puffy that I can barely see.
A knock comes at my door.
“You okay in there?” Joseph asks.
“Are you alone?”
“Danny’s here. Colt’s gone.”
I open the door.
Joseph wastes no time pulling me into a tight hug.
Danny follows, frowning. “Dee, are you sure this is the right move?” Danny asks. “Colt was in pieces.”
“I miss him already.”
Danny crosses his arms. “This is ridiculous. You both look like you’ve been hit by a truck.”
“I know,” I whisper. “But this is how it has to be. He deserves a real family. One I can’t give him.”
Danny scoffs. “That’s the story you’re telling yourself?”
“It’s not a story, Danny. It’s reality.”
Joseph steps in. “Dee, you don’t have to do this alone. And you definitely don’t have to throw him away because life changed on you.”
“If I don’t, he’ll eventually resent me,” I murmur.
Danny stares at me. “Let me say this straight… if you keep pushing him away, you’re going to lose him. And you will regret it.”
I wince.
“Danny,” Joseph warns. “Ease up.”
“No. She needs to hear this. I’ve seen this level of depression before, Dee.
I was a nurse, remember? I’ve seen what happens when people give up on the one thing that makes them feel alive.
If you keep going like this, one or both of you is going to crash.
Hard.” He walks out, leaving the door open behind him.
Joseph turns back to me, placing his hands on my shoulders. “You’re not thinking about hurting yourself, are you?”
I blink. “I don’t know what I’m thinking. The accident wrecked me, Joseph. Sometimes I wonder… if maybe it would’ve been better if I didn’t survive.”
Joseph’s eyes widen, and he grips my arms. “Don’t say that. Don’t ever say that. Where is the strong Dee who could take on the world?”
“She died under that tree,” I whisper. “That night… something broke, and I haven’t been the same since. With Colt, I feel like I’m never enough. That no matter how hard I try, I always fall short.”
“You’re spiraling.”
“I don’t want to feel this way, Joseph.”
He searches my eyes. “Do I need to take you to the hospital? Are you planning something?”
“No,” I say, voice steadier now. “I’m not going to do anything stupid. I promise. I need time. Please don’t worry.”
He exhales in relief. “Thank God. Because I couldn’t handle a world without you, Princess. I love you.”
I lean into him, clinging to the only safe thing left in my world. “I love you too.”
He presses a kiss to my forehead. “How’s the nose?”
He winces, rubbing it. “Bastard’s got a nasty right hook.”
I laugh weakly.
“Okay, no more hiding. Come downstairs. Let me feed you.”
“I’m not hungry. But I’ll come. I need some male bonding time.”
“That sounds all kinds of wrong.”
“I figured ‘gay bonding time’ would sound worse.”
He laughs. “True.”
We start walking.
“Let’s watch Thor,” Joseph says, grinning.
I groan. “Oh God, again?”
My phone buzzes in my pocket.
I don’t bother checking.
I already know who it is.
Instead, I keep walking.
And try not to turn around.