Chapter 11
Hollywood
“Sorry.” Tex bent to kiss Ruby’s forehead, eyes flicking up to meet mine. “Wish I didn’t have to go.”
“Don’t worry about it. Me and the girlie will have some quality one-on-one. Won’t we, Ruby?”
Ruby squirmed to get loose, lifting her arms for Tex to pick her up. Typical.
“Teck,” she said. “Fly.”
By now, I was well-versed in Ruby speak. She wanted Tex to toss her around. I was plenty capable of piloting duties, which I’d tried to show her a time or two, but she’d assigned Tex this role in her life and she wanted no substitutes.
He plucked her from my arms and held her over his head, making a motor noise as he turned in a circle. She squealed and giggled, stretching her arms out. “Ruby fly!”
His grin stretched wide. Tex never looked more carefree than when he was playing with Ruby.
Some part of him came alive when she smiled.
It almost made me jealous. No. Lie. It did make me jealous.
I wished I could be that effortless with my daughter.
Wished I was confident and secure enough as a father.
I was trying. But it was always an effort, like I was going through the motions but wasn’t sure if they were ever the right steps. Tex just knew.
He lowered Ruby to place a raspberry against her tummy where her shirt had ridden up. She squealed and kicked until he set her down. She ran to me, but only to hide behind my leg and peek out at him playfully.
Tex groaned. “Damn, I don’t wanna bail on you guys.”
“You’re not bailing,” I said. “You’ve watched Ruby while I worked the past three days.”
He nodded. “Yeah, but that was different.”
I arched an eyebrow. “Because you trust yourself to take care of her, but not me?”
“What?” He looked startled. “Of course not, Holly. You’re her dad.”
I shrugged. “Doesn’t make me good at being a father.”
He shook his head. “Are you kidding? I’ve seen the way you give her your love and attention. You’re doing great. I only hate to leave because I’ll be in another town and dealing with my dad and, ugh…I just like being here with you guys.”
His eyes caught mine and held, and that odd tension that had been building between us took hold once more. Or maybe I was the only one strung taut. I wasn’t sure.
Two nights ago, Tex had looked at me and touched my face as if I was something precious to him. But he’d touched me casually before. A brush of the arm. A pat on the knee that lingered a beat. Sitting close enough to press thighs and shoulders together.
He’d even kissed me back when I’d tried for something more.
And yet none of that had stopped him from rejecting me and walking away.
As if he could read the path my mind had just taken—or maybe just following the trails of his own memory—he pulled me into a hug. “I’m coming right back this time. As soon as I can, okay?”
That’s when it hit me. He hated leaving because he was going to the same place he had when he’d run before. I swallowed hard, throat tightening. “I know.”
He drew back, lips brushing my temple. I held my breath as he lingered there, cheek to cheek. The tension snapped into place, thick and humming. It wasn’t my imagination at all, was it?
“Tex,” I started hoarsely.
Ruby tugged at my hand, using me as a swing as she jumped and hung from my wrist, but I hardly noticed.
Tex pulled away. “I’ll be back in time for the Redemption Road meeting. Once I’ve got a job locked down and everything’s a little more settled, let’s talk.”
“Talk about what?”
He shrugged a shoulder, lips quirked into the cocky smirk that used to make me want to smack him. “Oh, you know. Whatever moves us.” He tousled Ruby’s hair. “Be good for your daddy, Roo. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
He turned and went out the door. Ruby ran after him with a startled noise.
“Hey, it’s okay.” I scooped her up and jiggled her, dipping my nose into her hair and breathing in the clean scent of baby shampoo. “Let’s wave bye-bye to Tex. We’ll see him soon.”
I waved through the screen door. “Bye-bye, Tex.”
“Bye-bye, Teck,” she echoed, sounding a little sad.
I hadn’t really thought about it, but Ruby had spent more time with him than me. He’d been there every night since the very first one—and he’d stayed with her when I had to return to work.
How much would it break her heart if he didn’t come back tomorrow as planned? How much would it break mine?
No matter how many times I told myself that he could only be a friend, I wanted more. I couldn’t shut down the thought that he wanted more, too. He hadn’t pushed me away in revulsion back in June. He’d kissed me back before he ran.
That made it harder for me. My brain knew he didn’t want me, but my heart and my body? They were convinced that he did.
Ruby and I had a leisurely breakfast in front of some cartoons, then we went to the hospital. Carrie would soon transfer to rehab, and her visits would be more restricted, so I wanted Ruby to get some face time while she could.
She was ecstatic to see her mom, and each visit got a little easier. She seemed to understand now that she would see Mommy later, which helped.
When we got home, Kelly stood on my doorstep, her youngest girl perched on her hip while her three other kids waited on the porch with her.
“Hey, I was just about to leave a note on your door.”
“What’s up?” I asked as Ruby half-walked, half-crawled up the steps, eager to greet her cousins. A girl, about three years old, gave her a big hug, while two boys, who looked to be about six and eight, were busy watching a trail of ants cross the porch railing.
“Cee-Cee!” Ruby crowed.
“Ruby! I missed you!”
Kelly watched them reunite like two long-lost sisters for a moment before shaking her head with a smile and turning to answer me.
“I heard you moved. I wanted to check out Ruby’s new home.”
I snorted as I pulled my keys from my pocket. “Wanted to check up on me, you mean.”
“That too.”
I was surprised she’d waited this long, although we’d crossed paths at the hospital several times, so she could see that Ruby was alive and kicking.
“Your mom want a report or something?” I joked.
Kelly grimaced. “Actually, yes. If she had her way, I’d be over here every day. No, that’s not true. If she got her way, I’d just take Ruby home.” She sighed. “Maybe I should have. Maybe it is selfish to not want to disrupt my kids’ routines.”
Now that I was looking, Kelly looked tired, dark shadows under her eyes. Raising four kids couldn’t be easy. I was discovering that one was a handful. How would I feel if I had three others needing me while I tried to keep up with Ruby?
“You look like you could use a cup of coffee.” I pushed open the door. “Come on in.”
The kids dashed inside without waiting for a second invitation. Kelly followed. “Sorry for just barging in on you.”
“No worries. Ruby and I don’t have anything major planned today.”
“How’s everything going?” she asked, gazing around my living room.
Shit, we’d left our breakfast dishes on the coffee table.
I still hadn’t purchased a proper dining room table, so we either ate there or on boxes yet to be unpacked.
There were toys strewn about the living room, too.
We’d mostly gotten Ruby to confine her play area to the far side of the couch, but inevitably, she expanded as the day went on and we lost the energy to enforce the boundaries.
Cee-Cee fell on a toy piano, banging away at it, and Kelly grimaced at the noise. Yeah, not my favorite toy either. Ruby picked up her treasured bunny. It was sweet that even once we got some of her things from home, the stuffed animal Aiden gave her was a VIP among toys.
Kelly set her youngest down, handing her a few blocks to keep her occupied, and her six-year-old started lecturing the girls about the best way to play with each toy. He was gonna have a real future as a mansplainer.
Her oldest son kicked a stuffed hippo, sending it rolling away.
“Mark, cut it out,” Kelly snapped. “Play nice or sit your butt on the couch.”
He threw himself down on a cushion with a huff. “It’s all little kid stuff.”
“Ruby’s a little kid,” she pointed out.
I handed him the remote control. “You can watch TV, if you like. We have Disney.”
He powered on the television and started flipping through channels.
“You’re a quick learner,” Kelly said with a chuckle. “TV makes a great babysitter.”
“Oh, I don’t just do that all day.” Should I not have let Ruby watch cartoons over breakfast? “I, uh, just thought since he’s not into the toys…”
“Relax,” Kelly said. “I’m teasing you. We all need a break now and then.”
I scooped up the two empty coffee cups and half-eaten bowl of cereal from the coffee table. “Sorry, it’s a little messy. We’re not fully unpacked yet.”
Kelly eyed the few boxes stacked by the wall. “You made the move in a hurry. Not easy with a toddler.”
She followed me to the kitchen, where I deposited the dirty dishes and turned to make a fresh pot of coffee.
“I had help.”
“Yeah, I noticed there were two coffee cups.”
She left the statement hanging, as if waiting for me to say something. I glanced at her, then did a double take. “Oh, it’s not— My friend Tex has been helping out. That’s all.”
“Ah, the protective one who looked like he wanted to take off my head.” She leaned against my counter. “Are you two dating?”
I nearly dropped the coffee filter. “What? No!”
“Carrie told me you’re bi. You don’t need to sound so shocked that I’d ask.”
I measured out coffee grains, dumped them into the filter, and started the machine. “I’m bi, yes. But Tex is not.”
“Are you sure? He was awfully protective of you. I would have thought…”
I shook my head. It didn’t matter that Tex had kissed me back. That I sensed an attraction from him. Until he acknowledged his sexuality, it wasn’t my place to speculate.
At least, not with Kelly. To myself? I did nothing but speculate. For all the good it did me.
“He’s here as a friend,” I said firmly. “He’s great with Ruby.”
She smiled. “Well, having a partner—of any kind,” she said quickly when I shot her a look, “is really helpful. I’m glad you don’t have to do this alone. It’s a lot of work.”