Chapter 27
Hollywood
I took Ruby to see Carrie the next morning.
Tex was still asleep when I got up. He managed to sleep all through Ruby’s loud sing-along with The Wiggles, so I figured he needed his rest. I’d tried to wait up for him last night. Tried and failed, crashing out before midnight rolled around.
Carrie sat in the same chair in the visitor’s lounge, a wedge pillow between her legs like before. She looked more comfortable than the last time I’d seen her.
“Hey!” She smiled. “There’s my girl!”
Ruby squirmed out of my arms, shimmying down my body to the floor. As soon as her feet hit nubby carpet, she ran toward Carrie.
I took a hurried step forward. “Oh, no, Roo—”
“It’s okay,” Carrie said. “I’m mostly healed from the surgery now.”
Ruby slammed into her legs and tried to climb up. A grimace crossed Carrie’s face. Well, she might be healed, but she wasn’t fully recovered.
I grabbed Ruby and lifted her onto Carrie’s lap, settling her gently. “Remember. Soft hands with mommy.”
“Soft,” Ruby repeated. “I member.”
Carrie kissed Ruby’s forehead and gave her a squeeze. “Missed you, baby.”
“Miss you too.”
Carrie glanced up at me. “I guess I’m not as healed as I want to be. It’s easy to forget how demanding a two-year-old is. Sometimes I wonder if I’ll even remember how to be a mom when I get out of here.”
“Oh, of course you will, Care. If I could figure out how to be a dad with zero practice, then you’ve got nothing to worry about.”
She looked down, a hint of pink coming into her cheeks. “I feel so awful about that. I should have been letting you see her. It would have made all this a lot easier on you and Ruby.”
“Maybe. But you don’t need to worry about us. We’re good now.”
Ruby patted Carrie’s cheek. “Mama feel better?”
“Lots better,” Carrie agreed with a smile. “How’s Ruby?”
“Good. Want you to come home.”
“I want that too,” Carrie said. “Mommy has to stay with the doctors a little longer, though. Your dad is taking good care of you, isn’t he?”
“Da and Teck!”
Carrie smirked over Ruby’s head. “Tex is still there, huh?”
“We, uh, made things official.” I took a seat on the firm sofa to the side of Carrie. “We’re dating. I hope that’s, uh, okay.”
“Of course it is!” She laughed. “That’s great, Hendrix. I’m happy for you.”
I gave her a searching look. “Yeah? You really think I deserve that? I put you through hell.”
She smoothed Ruby’s hair and kissed her forehead. “We all make mistakes. That car accident haunts me.”
“I’m sure it was traumatic.”
“I have nightmares,” she admitted. “Not about me getting hurt. About Ruby. That mistake could have cost me my daughter.”
“That’s an accident, though. You didn’t intend any harm. It’s different. My mistake…it was a choice.”
She nodded. “I realize that. But you didn’t know how much fallout there would be. Even if you did…” She shook her head. “I think I’ve punished you enough. Every day you take care of Ruby, you’re making it up to me. We’re good, Hendrix, okay? I don’t want to be angry anymore.”
“Okay. I’m sorry for what it’s worth. I should have considered the risk I was taking with your life, not just mine. I never meant to hurt you.”
“Then you’re forgiven,” she said simply.
My throat went tight. Damn. I’d really needed to hear those words.
“Thank you.” I pressed my fingers to my eyes, pushing back the burn of tears. It would be silly to cry now, when the worst was behind me. I took a breath. “So, how is therapy going?”
Carrie let me change the subject.
“Well, we’re just starting to get into the intense stuff. I was too fragile before.” She rolled her eyes. “It’s torturous, but it’s a good pain. Like I know it’s taking me closer to getting my life back, and that keeps me going.”
“How do you see that going? When you get out, I mean?”
“Well, I’ve got months to go, but hopefully it means I get to sleep in my own bed again. Get to have Ruby with me again.”
I nodded, biting my lip. “And what about me? I don’t want to be relegated to occasional visits.”
“You’re in her life now. You can keep her on weekends. Or we can come up with some other arrangement that works for us both. I want us to be partners in this. Not enemies.”
My heart thumped. “Me too. But um, that got me thinking…”
“About what?”
“Do I give you enough support? I mean, financially. I’ve got so much restitution as part of my parole and as a barber I can’t really provide the way I did before when I worked in the city.”
“Don’t take this the wrong way, but I don’t want to rely on you like that again. Or anyone, really. You paid for everything, and when you were gone, I really struggled.”
“I could make that up to you,” I said quietly. “I could get a better job and I could give Ruby so much more.”
“Could you? I remember what it was like back then. You worked all the time, Hendrix. You worked ten- or twelve-hour days. Sometimes more. You took business calls at all hours. You flew off to business conferences to schmooze people. I used to wonder if you were cheating on me because you were gone so much.”
I flinched. “God no. I wouldn’t do that.”
“Well, that’s good to know. I didn’t really think you would, but you were hardly ever home, and when you were, you weren’t really there. I don’t want that for Ruby.”
I looked at Ruby, who was contentedly trying to braid her mom’s hair while we talked. She was humming something sweet and upbeat, lost in her own little world.
I tried to imagine missing out on these moments.
Missing meals, where she tore into her food like a ravenous beast and never failed to make me laugh.
Missing her dances in front of the television.
Missing her nighttime bubble baths, her sleepy requests to listen to me sing, her triumph over making it to the potty—not just the potty chair but the big potty after we’d got her a little step stool so she could climb up on her own.
Once Carrie was out of rehab, I wouldn’t have Ruby all the time anymore. That would be hard enough. But to live in a different city, to work the long hours required, to put my job ahead of pretty much everything in my life—including my daughter, including Tex?
“I don’t want to do it,” I confessed. “I hate the idea of going back to that. But if I could do more for Ruby, if I could give her a better life—”
“No, Hendrix.” Carrie patted Ruby’s back.
“I’d rather Ruby have a father who’s there for her.
One who shows up to her school events and teaches her she can play baseball as good as any of the boys and who meets her dates and makes them understand that no means no.
I want Ruby to have a dad, not just a father. Know what I mean?”
“Yeah.” My voice was hoarse. I cleared my throat. “Yeah, I do. That makes it easier.”
“But if you miss that career—”
“God no. Not at all.”
She grinned. “Good.”
“Besides, Tex is here. I love him.”
“Oh, it’s love now, is it?” she teased.
“Yeah. It is.” I rubbed the back of my hot neck. No matter how much things had changed with Carrie, it was still strange to talk to her about someone new in my life.
“What’s this?” Kelly’s voice rang from the doorway. “Did I hear something about love? I hope you two aren’t reuniting. That’s a terrible idea.”
“No.” Carrie laughed. “Can you even imagine?”
“Ouch,” I said, though I didn’t really mind. I’d never return to that relationship.
Once, I’d been committed to a future with Carrie. But in retrospect, I could see all the ways we weren’t right for each other. Even if my crime hadn’t torn us apart, a dozen other small things would have.
Kelly came in, her youngest kiddo perched on her hip, and the other two trailing behind her.
She smirked at me. “Just kidding. I know you mean Hollywood and Tex. He tried to say they were just friends. Knew that was a crock.”
I laughed. “Hey, at the time it was true!”
She blew a raspberry. “At the time, you guys lied to yourself, you mean.”
I huffed. “Tough crowd.”
Ruby bounced in excitement, making Carrie hiss with pain. I jumped up to lift Ruby to the ground, and she ran over to greet her cousin.
“You okay?” I asked Carrie.
“Yeah, just…seeing firsthand that I’ve got more work to do.” Her lips tugged down, and a crease formed in her forehead. “I hate not being there for her.”
“Hey, don’t think of it that way,” I said. “Think of it as a gift to me.”
She blinked. “Gift?”
“The longer you stay here, rehabbing, the longer I get to keep Ruby. I’m making up for lost time. I love my daughter, and I missed out on a lot. So don’t rush it, okay? Gift me with a little more quality time before she’s living with you again.”
“Wow, you really are smooth,” Kelly said behind me. “No wonder you got Tex to fall for you.”
I turned, face hot. “I wasn’t trying to be smooth. Just honest.”
“Well, I’d say it worked,” Kelly teased.
Carrie sniffled. “Yeah, it did. I feel like I’m failing Ruby, so…it helps to know there’s some good coming out of all this.”
“You’re not failing anyone,” Kelly said. “You’re healing. It’s a damn hard recovery, and you have got to stop guilting yourself. Let us worry about everything else.”
“Okay.”
“And cheer up!” Kelly said. “I’m here to help you blow this pop stand for a bit.”
Carrie’s eyes widened. “What?”
“It’s Cee-Cee’s birthday. We’re having a party. You’re invited.” She turned to me. “So is Ruby. Do you mind if we take her off your hands? I know you just gave this impassioned speech about quality time—”
“Oh, stop. Of course she can go. I think she’ll love it.”
“You’re welcome too, but it’ll mostly be people you don’t know.”
I raised my hands. “That’s okay. I’m sure I can think of a way to enjoy my day off with my boyfriend without Ruby underfoot.”
Kelly’s eyes twinkled. “I bet you can. Okay, then! What do you say, Carrie?”
“Uh, I don’t know? Have you cleared this with anybody?”
“Of course I have.”
There was a rap on the door, and Kit poked his head into the room. My heart jumped. I hadn’t seen him since the day of Joyride’s freak-out.
He smiled. “Hey, Carrie. I hear you want to go on a field trip.”
“If that’s okay?” Carrie said.
“It is. I’ve got a list of instructions for your family to follow.” He waved a notebook. “Sorry to be a buzzkill, but we’ll have to go over them before you leave.”
“Okay, sure.” She glanced at me. “You probably don’t have to stay for this.”
“All right. I’ll see you soon. Have a good time.”
Kit turned to me. “Nice to see you again. Joyride didn’t come with you?” He rolled his eyes with a self-deprecating chuckle. “I can’t believe I still don’t know his real name.”
Oh god. In all of Joyride’s freaking out, it hadn’t occurred to me that Kit still didn’t know. Joy’s accident had put Dakota into that wheelchair, had changed her life forever, but Kit was asking after him like…well, like a guy smitten.
“Uh, yeah, he didn’t come along this time.”
Should I tell him who Joyride really was? I couldn’t. That had to be Joyride’s decision, surely.
“Well, tell him I said hi.”
“Uh, sure.”
Kit turned to Carrie and Kelly to go through his care instructions, and I crouched down to catch Ruby’s attention. It was better Kit didn’t know the truth, wasn’t it? It would only cause a lot of heartache.
Ruby was talking at ninety miles an hour with her cousin, both of them sharing rambling stories that I couldn’t follow.
“Hey, Ruby,” I cut in. “You’re going to go to a birthday party. How does that sound?”
“I get presents?”
“Not your birthday. Cee-Cee’s birthday. She gets the presents.”
“Oh.” She looked a little disappointed.
“You can play with them too!” her cousin declared.
Ruby brightened. “Yay! I play too!”
“Yeah, so I’m going to leave you with your cousins, okay? You have fun and eat cake, and then I’ll pick you up later.”
“Okay.” Ruby threw herself at me, giving me a hug and a big slobbery kiss on the cheek. “Bye, Da!”
I smiled. “Bye-bye, Roo.”
It still caught me off guard when Ruby expressed her affection for me. I’d worked so hard to learn how to be a father. To do right by her. And then my mom’s call had sent all my insecurities into high gear. What if I wasn’t enough? What if I needed to do more? To be worthier?
Carrie’s words had reassured me. But Ruby’s kiss, her love, did the rest. I had made a lot of bad choices in my life, but building a life in Riverton to be closer to my daughter was right.
And going home to the man I loved, a man who was the perfect fit for me, was a reward I probably didn’t deserve. But one I wouldn’t take for granted, either.
This time, love would last.
This time, it was meant to be.
Every moment with Tex, every laugh, every kiss, every touch told me that.
It wasn’t selfish to hold on to my life in Riverton—to hold tight to the love I’d found here.
I could have it all.