Chapter 28
Hollywood
The trailer was quiet when I got home from the rehab center.
There was still no sign of Tex. He must have been exhausted to sleep so late. I wavered on the edge of considerate before giving in to temptation.
“Tex?” I called. “You awake yet, babe?”
No answer.
I headed for the bedroom. “Sorry. I’d let you sleep, but Carrie took Ruby, which means we’ve got the place to ourselves.” I opened the bedroom door. “And I want to have my way with—”
The blankets were thrown back, sheets rumpled. The bed was empty. Well, damn. There went my plan to jump him on the spot.
His truck was in the driveway, so he must be in the bathroom. I could join him in the shower. Even better.
I backed out of the bedroom and headed down the hall. The bathroom door was closed. I tapped on it. “Tex? You in there?”
The sound of running water cut off. Not the shower. The sink faucet, I was pretty sure.
“Yeah,” Tex rasped. “Be right out.”
“Or you could let me in,” I called through the door. “I am Ruby-free and feeling feisty!”
“Uh…give me a minute.”
I frowned. Usually, Tex would jump at the chance for some alone time. “Okay.”
I retreated to the living room and dropped onto the sofa to wait. A few minutes later, Tex came out of the bathroom. He stopped at the refrigerator to pull out a beer. It wasn’t like him to drink this early in the day.
“You want anything?” he called.
“Um, no. Just you.”
He straightened and twisted the top off his beer. He took a long drink before turning toward me. His face was unreadable. Too unreadable. Like he was trying to hide his emotions. I hadn’t seen an expression like that since…
My smile sagged. “Oh, god. What’s wrong?”
His jaw worked. “Nothing.”
His voice was like gravel. I shook my head. “No, something’s not right. I can tell. You’re trying to hide it, but it’s there.”
His shoulders curled forward, and he gripped his beer so tightly I could see the tendons stand out in his wrist. “I fucked up.”
My heart missed a beat. “What?”
He looked at me, eyes dark with misery. “I made you a promise, and I can’t keep it.”
Spontaneous combustion was real. That was the only explanation because I was nothing but ash, destroyed by those words. I’d tempted fate by thinking I could have it all—redemption with Carrie, a relationship with my daughter, the love of my best friend.
“You’re leaving me?” I croaked. “Why? I thought— You said you loved me. You said…”
“No! God.” He set down his beer and crossed the room in two big strides. “I wouldn’t ever do that. Not unless you made me go. But you might want me to leave after you hear the mess I’ve made of things.”
“What mess? I don’t understand.”
He paced away. Then back. Hands curling and uncurling.
My heart contracted, making my chest ache. He said he wouldn’t leave me, but something was wrong.
“Just tell me,” I blurted. “Please.”
He stilled with his back to me. His shoulders crept up. The man was tense as fuck.
“I don’t have my share of the rent. I know you were counting on me, but the money’s gone.”
“Gone where? Tex, please just look at me.”
He turned slowly, but he still wouldn’t look me in the eye. “I covered a bill for my dad. I thought he’d pay me back, but…”
That’s what this was about? Money?
“Okay, so how short are we?”
“My full half of the rent.” He began to pace again. “I let you down. I’m sorry. I know you can’t cover the bills on your own. It’s the whole reason I moved in, and now I can’t even help with that, because I’m always fucking everything up. I tried to warn you, Holls! It’s all I know how to do.”
His voice grew harder with each word, angrier. All of it directed at himself.
“Hey. Whoa. Will you sit down for a minute? Please?”
He moved toward me slowly, as if each step took monumental effort. Like the floor was mud and sucking at his shoes. But he got there, finally. Lowered himself to perch on the edge of the sofa.
I squeezed his shoulder. It was as hard as a stone.
“Okay, now tell me where this is coming from. You’re amazing. You’ve helped me so much with Ruby.” I continued to knead his muscle until it softened a little. “I probably owe you your half of the rent or more in childcare.”
“That wasn’t our deal.”
“I know. I’m just saying, you give me a lot. So, we’ve got a setback. We’ll figure it out together.”
He chanced a look up at me, eyes searching, and licked his lips. “I tried to get an advance at work, but my boss is out for the week. I could try one of those payday loan places.”
“No way. Those places prey on the poor. The interest rates are outrageous.”
He nodded. “Yeah. I know. But it’d buy us some time. If I’d thought of it before, I would have just done that and saved you the worry.”
“The hell you would!” My hand tightened on his shoulder, making him wince.
I forced myself to relax my grip. I wasn’t mad he lost the rent.
I wasn’t even angry when I thought he might leave me.
Devastated, sure. Heartbroken, without a doubt.
But not angry. The idea of Tex carrying this worry alone, though? That wasn’t okay.
He flinched from my expression. “What?”
“Tex, shit happens. Things don’t go as planned. That’s life, right? But you’ve got to talk to me. We should be solving our problems together. That’s what couples do. You do still want that, don’t you?”
“That’s all I want.”
“Then you’ve got to trust me with the hard things, too. Not just the easy, happy ones.”
“I’m sorry,” he rasped. “I just didn’t want to disappoint you. I’ve disappointed my dad so many times, and I didn’t want to screw up the same way with you. Because you’re everything to me, Holls. You and Ruby. I lost my dad. I don’t want to lose you too.”
“What do you mean, you lost your dad?”
He swallowed hard, throat moving. “He came to the greenhouse last night. Said he’d pay me if I stole a few supplies for him.” His expression hardened. “I couldn’t do that. The Wildes are good people, and I can’t risk going back to prison.”
Fucking hell. I rubbed my chest, my heart aching for Tex.
“I can’t believe he asked you to do that. I had no idea he was such an asshole.”
Tex barked a laugh, but there was no humor in it. His eyes were bleak when they met mine. “He blames me for losing his business.” He shrugged. “He’ll always blame me. But it doesn’t really matter anymore.”
“Why wouldn’t it matter?”
“Because after our fight last night and me telling him about you, I don’t think we’ll be talking again.” He blinked hard. “Um, I think he’s done with me.”
Holy shit.
I put a hand on his leg. “Tex, are you saying that you came out to your dad last night?”
He nodded, lips pressed tight. He couldn’t totally hide the tremble there.
“Oh, baby. I’m so sorry.”
His eyes gleamed with moisture, but no tears fell. I wished they would. This man needed to stop bottling up his emotions. But after a lifetime of toxic masculinity, did he even know how to cry?
“Don’t apologize,” he said. “I’m the one who fucked up.”
“Wrong.” I looked him in the eye, speaking sternly. “Your dad fucked up. You hear me? Not you.”
“I let you down.”
“No, Tex. No. Your heart was in the right place, and as long as you love me, you’ll never let me down. I’ll never be disappointed. Because I love you, too. I don’t expect you to be perfect. I hope you don’t expect me to be perfect, because I’m not even close.”
“You are perfect,” he argued.
“C’mon, Tex. I can’t even make French toast without ruining a pan!”
A startled chuckle escaped him. “Okay, but that’s a small thing. This isn’t like that. You were counting on me to help you with the bills. You need this home for Ruby, and taking care of her is the most important thing.”
I nodded. “Yeah, it is. But Nina can’t evict us for like thirty days. We can come up with the rent before that happens. I’ll pick up some extra shifts at the barbershop. Clint might let me work a couple of Saturdays.”
“I don’t want you to pay for my mistake,” he ground out.
“I’ll try to get more shifts at the greenhouse, or maybe I can help Ghost with the park groundskeeping.
I couldn’t make enough to cover the rent on time—not just working a couple of days a week—but if we’re catching up over the next thirty days, that might work. ”
“It might,” I said. “But I’m still going to help.”
He drew a breath. Probably to protest again.
“We’re partners,” I said. “Right?”
“Right.” He scrubbed a hand over his face. “You’re really just okay with this? I don’t understand.”
“It’s not ideal, but I think you coming out to your dad is a much bigger deal. The way he treated you was not okay, Tex.”
“You don’t even know what he said.”
“So, what did he say?”
He grimaced. “That I’m not his son and to stay the hell out of his life.”
“Not okay,” I repeated. “Not even close to okay. This man better hope he doesn’t cross my path. I will give him a piece of my mind, and it won’t be pretty.”
The ghost of a smile touched Tex’s lips. “You gonna fight for my honor?”
“I sure as fuck will.” I could tell he was trying to tease, trying to lighten the moment, but I needed Tex to understand something. “The way you called yourself a fuckup. That’s your dad talking. I’ve heard it before, and I didn’t like it then. I really don’t like it now.”
“Sorry.”
“No, he should be sorry!” I exploded. “Because he’s making my boyfriend think he’s not good enough, and that’s not fucking okay.”
Tex ducked his head and rubbed at the back of his neck. “I mean, he’s right, though. I lost my football scholarship.”
“You had an accident.”
“A stupid, reckless one.”
“Maybe,” I allowed. “You were young.”
“And then I grew pot and sold it out the back door of my dad’s greenhouse. Dad lost everything once the scandal of my arrest came out.”
“You told me the business was struggling. He would have lost it either way.”
“Yeah. I guess.”
“I’m not saying you don’t make mistakes.
We all do. I’m just saying that the people who love you shouldn’t hold them over your head.
I won’t do that, Tex. Because all the good you do will always mean more to me.
You stepped up, you’ve become a second father to Ruby, and you’re the man I want.
Not just right now. Always. No matter what. ”
Tex hooked a hand around my neck. “God, I love you.”
He crushed our lips together, his tongue slick and sweet as it pushed into my mouth. There was more to say. More unpacking to do of the guilt and shame Tex had internalized over the years.
We couldn’t change that with one conversation.
But showing him that I loved him unconditionally? That was a step in the right direction. So, I let him kiss me, reveling in the feel of his lips against mine, and then stood and extended my hand.
“Come on. Let me show you how much I love you.”
He clutched my hand tightly, rising to follow me to the bedroom. “I don’t deserve this.”
“Wrong,” I said. “You deserve everything.”