Chapter 31
Chapter Thirty-One
JENSEN
“Ice cream?” I ask when Kasen follows me into the car after practice.
“I’m, uh, not going straight home today.”
My gut sinks at that. I’ve been looking forward to these brief snatches of time that only belong to us. We mostly talk about hockey, but it’s something. “Okay, where to?”
“The park. I’m meeting friends for a game of soccer.”
“Will Amy be there?”
“Maybe.”
It’s on the tip of my tongue to ask if I can meet her, but I hold it in.
Pushing things too quickly is the fastest way to make Kasen close up.
I don’t even know if he’s told his friends about me, so the last thing I want is to drag him into an awkward conversation when we have so little time left.
It’s bad enough I’m going to be away and miss our next drive home together.
“You know I won’t be here this Friday? You’ll need Amelia to pick you up?”
“Yep.” He’s staring out the window as I drive when I’m hit with an idea.
“You, umm, wouldn’t want to come? Would you? To St. Louis. I don’t even know if you follow my team, but most of us will be there, so I thought it might be cool to hang out with some players and—”
“You want me to come to St. Louis?”
Fuck, I wish I could read his goddamn tone.
“Only if you want to.” Then I think better of my response.
“No. Actually, I’d love for you to. I want you to see where I live and to show you off to my friends.
I want people to know that you’re my son, Kasen.
But if you’re not ready for that, that’s okay too. ”
From the corner of my eye, I notice him swallow.
“Well, yeah, sure. Who can say no to a free trip?”
He’s trying to pull off his usual disinterest, but I’m not buying it.
He actually said yes. He wants to go. When I was his age, I would have given my pinky finger to hang out with professional players, so I’m sure that’s a big part of it too, but I will make every one of my teammates sign a damn jersey for him if it gets him on the plane.
Maybe I should feel bad that my getaway with Barrett is being gate-crashed by a surly fourteen-year-old, but I don’t even need to ask him to know that he’ll be thrilled Kasen is coming too.
“Cool,” I say, trying to hide how fucking excited I am. “I’ll talk to Amelia.”
Even the prospect of that doesn’t kill my enthusiasm.
It might be a fight to get her to agree, but I really want to be on the same page with her.
I need to find a way for things to work between us, because I’d hate it if Kasen felt like he had to choose.
I don’t want that for him. And the more time I spend with him, the more I know that I was right in not giving up.
“Good luck with that.” He catches my eyes, and I swear his lips twitch. Just a little.
We get to the park, and I pull up along the side of the road, looking across at a group of kids around his age.
Kasen climbs out without so much as a goodbye, and I try not to let it get to me. Then he glances back over his shoulder. “You coming or what?”
I’m sure my face gives away my shock. “Out there?”
“Well, I can’t kick your ass at soccer if you’re sitting in the car.”
Holy shit. I try to remind myself to be cool, but that ship’s sailed with how fast I throw off my seat belt and kill the engine. I jump out of the car, Kasen already halfway across to his friends, and I have to jog to catch up.
My presence draws curious looks that Kasen pretends not to notice as he steals a ball and kicks it up to bounce on his knees.
“Ah …” One of the kids points at me. “Are you Jensen Hawke? Who plays for St. Louis?”
“Sure am.”
“Jesus fucking Christ. What are you doing here?”
“Kasen wanted to kick my ass at soccer.”
All his friends turn to him like they’re one wide-eyed monster.
“What?” he snaps, acting like they’re being the weird ones. “Don’t you ever want to show off to your dad sometimes?”
Shocked questioning flies his way, but I’m stuck on the words. The dad still held a hint of sarcasm, but the important part is that he told them. They know who I am to him.
And I will not cry in front of fucking teenagers.
“Heads up,” Kasen says, a second before he boots the ball at me.
I catch it right before it can smack me in the face. My nose has been broken enough for one lifetime.
His friends are still talking over each other, but he ignores them. “Break into teams. Let’s go.”
I never want this day to end.
When we get back to Kasen’s house, sweaty, happy, and exhausted from training and the game, my heart wants to explode. I want to give him a hug goodbye, or at least tell him how much that meant to me, but I lock it up and match his energy.
“That was fun,” I say.
“Yeah. Still think you cheated on that last goal, but I guess we can give handicaps to the over-thirties.”
“My ancient knees thank you.”
His eyes light up like he’s amused, but refuses to show it. “So … want me to tell Gran to come out and see you?”
Fuck. No. Never. The change of topic takes me a second. Why can’t I just take Kasen, and she’ll find out once we’ve been gone for a couple of days? “I’ll come in.”
That’s the polite thing to do, isn’t it? Even if it feels like I’m walking to my last meal.
It’s fine. I’m an adult. She’s an adult. We can be reasonable. Probably.
And I will not let my temper get the better of me.
I follow Kasen into the house. The front door leads directly into the living room, which is covered with pictures of Amelia, Kasen, and Carly. My gaze catches on one that can’t have been taken too long ago, and this deep sadness sweeps over me.
She hadn’t changed.
I’m so grateful to know Kasen now, but I hate that it came at the cost of what happened to her.
“Gran, you have a visitor!” Kasen shouts, disappearing into the house. I almost want to drag him back here and use him as a shield, but I shove that urge down. I can do this.
“Oh.” Amelia pauses in the opposite doorway to the one Kasen left through. “I wasn’t expecting you.”
“Sorry for just stopping by.”
She nods to the couch. “Would you like a drink?”
I take the seat but not the offer. “Thank you, but I won’t be here long. There’s something I wanted to run by you.”
Her blue eyes are wary as she lowers herself into the armchair across from me. “What is that?”
“I’m heading home to St. Louis over the weekend. Just from Friday to Sunday. And I was hoping to take Kasen with me.”
She reacts exactly like I thought she would. Her face pulls tight. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. He’s never so much as left the state and—”
I hold up a hand, and her words cut off.
“It’s a big ask. I know. I get it.” And I will not get annoyed because I want this so fucking badly.
I need her on my side. My voice drops to a whisper.
“I’m not trying to take him away from you.
” And I mean it. “Kasen loves you. I know that. And I know we won’t always see eye to eye, but I think we owe it to him to try to get along. ”
The fight leaves her. “He’s all I have left.”
“And he’s all I’ve ever had.”
She presses her fingers to her lips for a second, like she’s struggling to keep composure. A long sigh leaves her. “What if something happens to him?”
“I won’t let it. I don’t know if Kasen has told you that his coach was my best friend when I was younger; he’s coming too. So we’ll both be looking out for him.”
“I don’t understand why you can’t get to know him here. Planes are dangerous and …”
“I have to go home for a wedding, and I don’t want to give up the little time I have to spend with him. You said it would take longer than the summer to know him, and you’re right. Please give me this.”
“Why are you even asking? It’s not like you need my permission.”
I have no idea if that’s true or not with her being his temporary guardian, but Amelia’s making it clear she wouldn’t have fought me on it.
I’m sick of fighting in general though. “Because I want you to respect me. I would have done everything I could to be here if Carly had told me. Everything. And we got off on a bad foot, but I’m hoping we can fix it. It’s the best thing for Kasen.”
“I know it is,” she says. “And for the record, I’ve never not respected you. But your friend pointed out everything that I already knew, and that’s if you fight me for custody, you’ll win. I can’t compete. Then I’ll lose my daughter and Kasen and …”
“It sounds like we’re both on the same page, then. We don’t want this to be messy, and neither of us wants to lose him.”
“We live in two different states,” she points out. “There is no easy answer.”
“There isn’t. But all I’m asking for right now is the weekend. That’s it.”
Her hands ball into fists and release again. “He wants to go?”
“Yeah.”
“And you promise you’ll bring him back?”
I understand her fear more than she knows. “I’ll send you our flight details.”