Chapter 34
Chapter Thirty-Four
TAI
Ifelt like a fucking loser the second I got the words out, but Hawke being Hawke just rolled with it.
Make love? Who the fuck even says that? I don’t know what took over me, but the words happened, and they felt right.
Especially now that I’ve said how I feel out loud.
And he said it back.
Maybe it was presumptuous of me, but I never doubted that he felt the same. Not when I can feel it. Not when our bodies are constantly pulled closer, no matter where we are or what we’re doing.
He makes my heart ache. Maybe the reason I cut contact was never jealousy at all.
Maybe it’s because when I lost him, it was like my heart fractured into a thousand tiny pieces, and I was too busy trying to keep them contained.
It’s taken me ten years to find all the shards and put myself back together, and now I’m in danger of it happening all over again.
Hawke gets back from saying good night to Kasen, and he freezes partway through the door. I’m naked, lying in the middle of his bed, fingers already spreading myself open because I can’t wait to get this started.
He closes and locks the door.
“I was not expecting to walk in and see this.”
“Lucky you.” I pull my fingers out slowly and push them in again. “I went through your drawers.”
“Oh yeah?” he asks, tugging at his tie as he kicks off his shoes. “What did you find?”
I hold up the little remote with my free hand. “Something I want inside you while you fuck me.”
Hawke’s darkened gaze drops to the little vibrator at my side as he works open his buttons. “I thought I was making love to you?”
“Do whatever you want to me as long as you hurry the hell up.”
He laughs, shrugging his shirt from his shoulders and starting on his pants. “It’s not fair, you had a head start.”
“And you’re supposed to be a professional athlete. You move that slow on the ice?”
He shoves his pants and underwear down in one go and then crawls up the bed. My gaze drops to take in his hard cock a split second before he presses his body to mine and my view disappears.
But damn, I lose track of how many places his skin touches mine.
“Did you have a good night?” he murmurs.
“You know I did.”
“What was your favorite part?”
Our eyes meet, and I don’t need words for us both to know it’s the same moment. There must have been bold wedding drugs in the air while we were dancing, because the thought of telling him that I love him again is too painful.
Hawke gently tugs my hand away and places it on his ass instead. “Touch me.”
Sex, I can do.
I wipe my hand off on his sheets and pump out some more lube before returning to his ass. It won’t take much for the vibrator to go in, and then I’ll turn it all the way up to make sure he’s driven out of his mind.
“This good?” I ask, slowly pressing my finger inside.
He moans deeply. “Perfect.”
If anyone is perfect, it’s Hawke. Being with him is fulfilling in a way I’ve never been able to vocalize. Needing him has always been instinctual, but I haven’t been able to figure out why until we started to do this together. Our bodies were made for this.
His lazy kisses fill my chest with the connection I’ve been craving.
My skin prickles in all the places we’re touching.
The tickle of his leg hair as it skims mine and the bruising way his hands grip me as he thrusts our cocks together goes on and on and on until the time passing is irrelevant, and all that matters is that we’re here.
“You feel so good,” he says against my lips.
I stroke my finger in deeper. I love touching him here and knowing that everything between us feels as though it was made to get us here. “You too. Are you ready?”
“Yeah, put it in. I need to get inside you.”
I feel around for the plug, refusing to look when I could be kissing him instead. It doesn’t take long to find the small silicone toy, and when I run it down Hawke’s crease, he shudders against me.
“Tease.”
“Not for long.” I set it at his entrance and very slowly slip it inside.
Hawke groans, licking into my mouth and forcing my jaw wide as he kisses me. Nothing has ever felt better than being under him, feeling him lose control and showing me so urgently how much I turn him on.
The plug seals against his ass, and now it’s my turn.
“What setting?” I ask.
“Low, then turn it up once I’m inside you.”
I do exactly as he says, and I love that he’s so direct when it comes to sex. It takes the guesswork out of it, means that I don’t have to think and can let someone else take control for a minute. I have no idea if he knows how much I need that or if this is another way that we fit.
Hawke huffs as the vibration turns on, eyes drifting closed for a second. “Damn, that feels good. You’re a genius.”
“I am.”
“For this and prepping yourself already. I need to be inside you, Tai.”
My name again. It turns me on every time. Strips away the best friend part of who we are and leaves us with nothing but raw passion and the need that infects me.
I grab the lube and reach between us to cover his cock in it. “You get medicals through work, right?”
His hazel eyes study mine. “Yeah. And I use condoms anyway. Can never be too careful.”
“I know. I’m on PrEP and haven’t been with anyone since my last screening.” A short laugh leaves me. “Actually, I haven’t been with anyone in longer than I want to think about.” Work really does take over my life.
“Are you saying you don’t want to use a condom?” he clarifies.
I’m not going to shy away from what I want. “Yeah. I don’t want anything between us. But only if you’re up for it.”
“Shit yes, I am.”
Relief floods me, and I stroke his cock, loving how thick and heavy it is in my hand. He’s leaking, probably from the vibrations, and I can’t wait for him to fill me.
“Put me in.”
His tone doesn’t leave room for argument, and it pulls at that needy feeling in my gut. I love him telling me what to do, and I love doing it even more. There’s no need for me to think when he does it for us both.
I pull my knees up, Hawke hooking an arm under one of my thighs to hold it there, and position him at my hole.
Skin on skin, he feels amazing, and the slow build of anticipation as I ease him inside has my cock throbbing.
His kisses along my jaw make it easier to focus on that and not that I purposely didn’t stretch myself enough.
The feeling of him spreading me open is sharp and welcome and thankfully only takes a few seconds to dull, but those seconds are everything to me.
Knowing it’s Jensen filling my ass satisfies that side of me that needs him to be mine.
“You okay?” he checks.
“Keep going.”
He does until his pubes brush my ass, and it’s like he’s folded me in half. My knees are up by my shoulders, and Jensen’s already breathing deeply. “Turn it up,” he says.
I grab the remote again, switch up the power, and he moans as he shudders against me.
“I want to make this good for you, but damn, I don’t know how long I can last like this.”
“Just give me everything you have.”
He dives back on my mouth as he starts to thrust, each one so solid it pushes me up the sheets.
Having his arms wrapped around me is building the heat between our bodies, but he doesn’t slow down.
He doesn’t pause when sweat builds between our chests.
He doesn’t break his lips from mine when breathing gets hard, and I lose track of my thoughts.
He’s fucking me like he might die if he stops, and I feel the exact same way.
I’ve needed this for too long to hold back now. Sex with him has always been mind-blowing, but knowing that he feels the same way I do makes it hotter and more painful than I could have imagined.
I never, ever want this to end.
I don’t want to face reality.
I want to take Jensen and keep him and have this with him always.
The real world is a bitch like that.
And I refuse to let it come between us now.
I refuse to acknowledge that this might be the one and only time we have sex in his bed.
I refuse to focus on the way he’ll take a piece of me with him when he goes.
There’s no way I can concentrate on every other feeling he’s bringing out in me if I let those thoughts in. Because there is so much good as well.
The way my heart wants to physically jump from my chest. The way all the cells in my body are fighting to be the ones pressed against him. The way his cock is getting deep, pressing all the right places, making my dick so hard that I can’t think straight.
Jensen lets out a huff and releases my legs, hands finding mine instead. His fingers slot between my own, pinning them to the bed above me. I can tell he’s getting close. He’s gripping me tight, kiss becoming fractured and desperate, grunts matching his thrusts.
All I want is to jerk off and get myself there, but with my hands pinned, I can’t. It’s torture. The kind of torture that hurts, but I want more of it.
He’s fucking me into the mattress, bodies slapping together loud and fast, our breathing forgotten as our lungs try to keep up.
Jensen’s lips move to my neck, sending shivery sparks south, and my balls are crushingly tight.
They need relief. I need to come. But even with his abs brushing the underside of my cock, it’s not enough.
“Ah, shit, baby,” he rasps. “I’m gonna … I’m …”
He shudders, thrusts slowing down until he buries himself deep. The feeling of him emptying into my ass, along with calling me baby, is almost enough to make me come, but I can’t get there. Not quite. I’m so close and frustrated and ready.
Jensen pulls out and flips me over, then grabs my hips and pulls them up so my knees are on the bed. “Stay like that,” he tells me, hand on my lower back to keep my chest down. “Exactly like that.”
I’ll do whatever he says as long as he gets me off.
I’m past ready for it.
He gently coaxes my cock back between my legs and sucks it into his mouth.
There’s more movement behind me, and then a second later, a buzzing of the vibrator fills the room before he sets it at the top of my crease.
The tingles race through my spine and into my balls as Jensen’s tongue massages the head of my cock. It’s so fucking much.
Too much.
My eyes are rolling back at the overload of pleasure when he presses two fingers into my hole. Between him sucking me off, the vibrations, the mess of his fingers fucking me as his cum spills over my balls, I can’t take it anymore.
I grab his pillow and tug it toward me, wrapping my fists into the bed as I smother the loudest moan I’ve ever let out in my life.
It only takes me a few seconds to come, and maybe I should have warned him, but I barely even know where my legs are at this point. My dick throbs and throbs, and I lose track of how much I release as my brain clouds over and every one of my muscles lets go of their tension.
I’m spent. An absolute fucking mess.
The vibration shuts off behind me, and nothing else matters as Jensen releases me to collapse on the bed as he kisses his way up my spine.
“You are so fucking beautiful,” he says right into my ear.
Just kill me now.
There’s no way life gets any better than this.