Chapter 16 Honor Gravehart
Honor Gravehart
"Back when I first lived at Gravehart Homes, a nigga was drowning in his own tears.
During the day, I kept my head down and did what I had to for muthafuckas to leave me alone.
As soon as the sky turned dark, the tears started.
I hated being a crying ass nigga, but there wasn't shit I could do until I was given a fix.
The pills helped me escape to a world where life didn't matter.
I was numb as fuck, moving through my twenty-four like a ghost, present but not really there.
I didn't give a fuck about seeing tomorrow as long as the hurt stayed quiet… "
Crown's voice trailed off, and the silence that followed felt like a punch to the chest. I stood up and paced behind the couch, trying to shake the guilt that sat heavy on my conscience.
"Damn, nigga I didn't think you was gon' go there." Wolfe sighed, relighting his spliff.
"If we gon' clear the air, then I'm airing this bitch out. I'm not carrying this shit no more," Crown asserted, his voice tight, eyes locked on me.
I let out a slow, rough breath and stood still. "Air it out then."
"I probably was two seconds from hitting rock bottom when your non-talking ass stepped in.
I hate to phrase what you did for me this way 'cause it gives you a certain power over my life that I'm not fond of, but I'ma real ass nigga, so I'ma call it like it is," Crown explained, narrowing his gaze. "You saved me."
Saved him? I get why he thought that, but I didn't save Crown. I fixed what was my fault to begin with.
"Crown I—"
"Nah, nigga you want your just due for the shit you've done for me, right?
I'ma call it what it is… you saved me. And from that day forward, I've been trying to repay you.
No amount of money could ever touch what I owe you, so I gave you unwavering loyalty instead.
I changed my last name 'cause I knew that's what you wanted. "
Crown took a breath, motioning for Wolfe to pass the spliff. He inhaled deeply, letting the smoke roll through him.
"I stood next to you and did shit off the strength of you telling me to.
There wasn't much I wouldn't do for you.
I love you, my nigga, and that ain't some shit I say lightly.
But somewhere along the way, the love I got for you and the love I thought you had for me started looking more and more like control. "
That shit hit.
"I brushed off you not telling us Lucian basically raised you. I didn't say shit about you keeping what you knew about Chosyn's family to yourself. I knew you weren't a talkative ass nigga, but after what happened with Wolfe and Chosyn, I at least thought if I came to you, you'd be honest."
His jaw tightened, and out of instinct mine did the same.
"I didn't wait for shit to blow up. I came to you asking for the truth," Crown continued, hurt and disappointed, glossing his stare. "You looked your muthafuckin' brother in the eye and fucking lied."
"I didn't lie," I protested, slowly letting every word land where it needed to.
"Nigga you did," he snarled, stepping closer, hands curled at his side. "I asked if you knew anything about Four. You said no, but you knew Sincere was her ex!"
"Fuck you wanted me to do, Crown?" I shot back. "Sound like a bitch telling you the nigga your ex was cheating on you with is the ex of the woman you love?"
I posed the question, not looking for an answer 'cause it didn't fucking need one.
"What happened with Em had you walking around with a chalky tongue and a white-rimmed nose," I continued, my voice low. "You think I wanted to bring that shit back up and watch you spiral again?"
The room went still. Even Wolfe shifted, sensing things about to go left.
"Don't you mean save me again?" Crown chuckled dryly. "That's the shit that gets you off, tho. You handling situations for niggas because it makes you feel needed, makes you feel in control. Like you're the one keeping us alive 'cause without you I'd be a pill head, right?"
"I never said that. Don't let your couch lady get you fucked up for projecting," I warned.
"It's what you think, tho. It's why you stood your big ass in the street yelling that you made me like you were ready to die 'bout that shit.
This me you talking to, my nigga, the same muthafucka you shared a room with for two years.
You like to play mysterious, but I know you. I know how your mind works."
A dry chuckle was my response. This nigga didn't know shit about me that I hadn't told him.
"Oh, this shit's funny to you?"
"Not at all. Tell me what you know 'bout me, Crown."
"I know you're scared to be alone. That's why you keep Navy close and try to control Wolfe and me. You keep secrets so you'll always have the upper hand. Always have the chance to be the muthafuckin' hero so we'll be indebted to you."
"That's what you think?" I scoffed.
"That's what I know, nigga. Why else would you keep to yourself that Lynx, the nigga I put on, was a snake? You kept it to yourself so—"
"I didn't fucking know!" I snapped. "Think what you wanna think, but when have I ever lied to you? I keep shit from you 'cause in my head it's safer that way, but I haven't lied to you niggas once."
"Yeah, ight." Crown waved me off, and for a split second, I almost forgot what this nigga meant to me.
"Chill," Wolfe intervened, moving to stand next to me. "If you didn't know, then what happened?"
"I had a hunch. That spot getting robbed made no sense.
Then for Rize to find out instead of Lynx when that's supposed to be his city was off.
I put Honey on him since she was already fucking the nigga.
Neither of us had anything concrete until River told Honey about what happened when Crown killed Leah.
I didn't get the chance to say shit 'cause I wanted to confirm everything. "
My heart started hammering as flashbacks of what had taken place in the hospital flooded my mind.
"I was laid up in a fucking hospital bed, making a deal with the devil to keep Crown and River safe. Then he came in, and I told him about Sincere, and before I could fully get the shit out about Lynx, the nigga stole off acting just like a bitch."
"You brought that on yourself 'cause I fucking asked you—"
"Fuck what you asked me, nigga! How many times do I gotta tell you… I'm not your bitch! I don't gotta answer to you. You're mad at me when you should be mad at yourself for not fucking thinking."
"Nah, don't try to flip this on me. This is about you being allergic to fucking honesty." Crown snickered.
"You want honesty—" I licked my lips, gripping the back of the couch.
"I keep shit from you because you don't fucking think.
Your soft ass reacts to every emotion, yet it's me who gotta clean the mess that fucking follows.
You killed Lynx and didn't think twice about who was gon' fill that position.
Do you know who got the call about niggas tearing up Ember Hills because they wanted to fill the position you left vacant? "
I let that shit breathe, hoping Crown's dumb ass would step in and say what it was so I didn't have to.
"You can't even acknowledge your fuck up, but it's cool 'cause I handled that shit.
Yesterday, I woke up and killed three niggas before I ate breakfast. Three niggas lost their lives because of your non-thinking ass, and I can't even get some appreciation?
At this point, y'all muthafuckas might as well give me my own fucking day for all the work I put in to keep y'all safe.
So nah, I can't be honest with a nigga who thrives off emotion.
That's the quickest way to get us all killed.
You're not built like me, my nigga. Maybe if you were, shit would be different.
But this is my shit and in my shit niggas who crumble any time things go south…
gotta sit outside until real niggas handle shit. "
"You're talking big shit, but where would you be without me?
Wolfe was too young back then to put in work.
When we swept blocks… me creeping left, you right.
You weren't dumpin' on niggas by yourself, I was right there making sure you made it back to Navy.
Lucian gave you orders, but it was us carrying them out.
If you're the realest nigga in the room, it's 'cause I made sure you could be that.
You wouldn't have shit without me either, nigga.
Keep tryin' to lil bro me and I'ma have your goofy ass kissing the muthafuckin' ring. "
"Y'all niggas gotta chill. Shit shouldn't even be this deep," Wolfe cut in, standing between Crown and me. "We're brothers. We all helped each other. That's what binds us. Y'all letting dumb shit fuck up the family and—"
"This family's been fucked up, Wolfe," I quipped. "Crown feels like I owe him some."
"Nigga, that's you," Crown scoffed. "You started all this shit, my nigga. Talking 'bout I'm an emotional ass nigga."
"That's what you are. Four's lucky you ran to that couch bitch, instead of letting your insecurities take over. If you didn't, the next time you choked her might've been her last—"
The soft metallic click cut through the air like a knife through the first slice of birthday cake.
Only there were no cheers, no smiles, just silence.
And this silence didn't need an explanation when Crown was aiming at my chest. Crown's jaw locked.
Wolfe's eyes cut between us. Everything else…
frozen. Breath, heartbeat, and loyalty all stilled like the room knew one wrong move and blood would spill.
"This what you on?" I asked, my voice even, void of emotion.
"You tell me," Crown responded lightly. "I let you in my home after disrespecting me.
I thought we could work out whatever this shit is between us.
We both said hurtful shit, so I wasn't tripping, but you crossed the line, Honor.
The line we as men draw when it comes to the woman we love.
I've never in my life disrespected Navy.
Not only because I love her, but off the strength of you.
I would never bring her into our shit, that's how deep my respect goes for both of you. "
He paused, chest heaving, but eyes darkening with something that promised death.
"You believe I'm that fucked up in the head that I'd kill the woman I love?"
"Crown, that's not what he—" Wolfe started, but I cut him off.
"Yeah, I do," I answered, not even seeing the gun or Crown anymore. All I saw was myself. Same rigid shoulders, tight jaw, tired eyes.
"I think shit could've gone left if you hadn't left for those two months," I murmured. "Leaving those you love takes strength."
My chest tightened. Leaving made Crown strong, and I envied that because I always stayed to protect.
"Staying would've made you soft. You were spiraling and realized you were a danger to Four. I'm proud of you for that. Despite what I said, I'm proud of you."
I swallowed my emotions, but the demons I'd freed didn't leave. They hovered, patiently waiting, knowing their moment was close.
"Niggas never talk about the strength it takes to leave. We just glorify staying. I stayed too long," I mumbled.
Silence pressed in, heavy and unforgiving.
"Control isn't about feeling numb. It's about knowing when the darkness has the wheel and pulling over before everybody dies. You did that. I'm proud of you." I half-smiled, then dropped my gaze.
"Maybe I gotta do the same."
My eyes locked on the gun. Was I talking to Crown or begging myself not to let the demons win? A choice had to be made. My heartbeat dragged out. My hands shook as they rose from my sides.
"Honor!" Wolfe called, his voice rough with worry, but it wasn't enough.
I stepped forward, taking the gun from Crown.
"Nigga, what the fuck you doing?" Crown's voice flooded with fear.
Everything moved in slow motion… Wolfe grabbing my left arm, Crown pinning me to the wall, and even my tears seeped out in whispers. I smiled. This was me pulling the car over.
"Y'all gotta let me end this 'fore I—"
"Someone shot at the girls!" River's panic-laced voice pulled me out of the fog. I dropped the gun, pushed Crown and Wolfe off, and looked at her.
"Where they at?"
"Gigi's," she answered, fully taking in what was happening moments before. "What the hell were y'all doing? Why did Honor have a gun? Why are y'all breathing hard?"
Ignoring her questions, I rushed upstairs and out the crib, jumped in my car, and sped off to make sure my angel was okay. Because once again, she saved my life when I was ready to hand it over.