Chapter 11
PAUL
‘I messaged Willow to say we’d bring the café van to her winter wonderland,’ Mum informed me and dad in the morning before we opened up the café.
We always had a quick meeting to make sure everything was in place for a good day of business.
I tried to hide my yawn. I’d slept badly thinking about what I was going to do.
‘Paul didn’t seem keen but the pumpkin patch brought us record profits in autumn so we’d be foolish to miss out on being at Willow’s winter wonderland. ’
‘That’s a mouthful,’ I commented dryly.
Mum arched an eyebrow. ‘What is going on with you? I thought you’d be happy to have your old friend Holly back in town. You really don’t want to work at the winter wonderland she’s going to create?’
That was the question in a nutshell. I had been tossing and turning until all hours wondering why Holly’s return was affecting me quite so much. I just didn’t want to admit the answer, even to myself.
I sighed. ‘I guess I’ve been feeling restless, like things are always the same here,’ I admitted.
‘Sounds like they’ll be different this festive season,’ my dad said.
He eyed me shrewdly like he knew more about my thoughts than I wanted him to.
I shifted in the chair. I hated the thought of letting them down.
Even though I complained about people, they were the best of them.
‘If you need to make changes, son, you know we’d understand.
Small-town living has been enough for us. Maybe it’s not enough for you.’
My mum glanced at him in surprise then looked at me. ‘Is there something you want to tell us?’ she asked more gently.
There was a beat of silence as we looked at one another.
This could have been my moment. But Holly’s face flashed through my mind.
It was stupid to be thinking about her right now but I couldn’t help it.
I shook my head once. I didn’t need to leave right now.
Maybe it would make more sense to do it in the New Year.
A fresh start and all that. I leaned back in my chair.
‘It’s fine. I’ll work the winter wonderland.
Like you say, it’ll be good for profits.
’ I could leave the café in the best possible shape in January.
That felt like a nice way to end my years working here.
I glanced around the café as my dad ran through the menu for the day.
This place was part of me. My parents had owned it my whole life.
My mum used to have me in my pram while she worked.
Freshly baked muffins were probably my first smell.
That’s what had always stopped me from leaving. It ran in my blood.
My mum got up then to open up the door as the first signs of sunrise crept in. Soon, it would be full of people on their way to work and then to school, coming in for a caffeine fix or to take away something to eat later on.
‘You were so down after Holly left,’ my dad said quietly so Mum couldn’t hear. ‘Maybe having her back might help you make some decisions.’
‘Decisions?’
‘About how to change this restless feeling you’ve got. We’ll support you in whatever you choose, son, I hope you know that.’ He got up then and headed for the counter to turn on the coffee machine and get a fresh batch of muffins out of the oven.
I stayed in my seat for a second as his words echoed around me. Then the bell on the door jangled and I had to shake off my thoughts about my future and start the day’s work.
As though we had manifested her by talking about her, the second customer to walk through the door was Holly herself.
My back stiffened as she walked in. I couldn’t help but notice that she was dressed far more casually than yesterday. She wore leggings tucked into chunky boots with a long cream jumper and a wool coat.
‘Morning, Paul,’ she said, smiling warmly at me before scanning the food under the counter. ‘I woke up early. Maybe I’m not used to the peace and quiet here yet so I thought I’d get some breakfast before I head out with Willow to buy supplies. What do you recommend?’
‘These are my favourite,’ I said, pointing to the almond croissants I’d made first thing this morning.
‘Okay, I’ll try one and can I have a large latte with it, please?
Willow is coming to pick me up in a bit so I’ll have them here.
’ Holly spoke like this was completely normal for us to be talking about breakfast in the café.
Maybe to her it was. She probably had no regrets about us or hadn’t thought about me or missed me.
I needed to follow her lead and just be normal.
‘I’ll bring them over,’ I said, turning away quickly to get her order ready so I wouldn’t have to look into those pretty eyes of hers any more.
‘Actually, I could do with picking your brains. Could you spare five minutes and sit down with me?’ she asked, not moving.
I kept my back to her. I felt my parents’ eyes on me again. ‘Sure,’ I mumbled with a shrug, wondering why Holly seemed so determined to talk to me. I wondered if anyone in town had told her I wasn’t big on making small talk. Maybe I could hint for someone to give her the tip-off.
After I’d made her coffee, I carried it over on a tray with her croissant.
A queue started to form with commuters, but I let my parents handle everyone as I went to the table by the window.
Holly was looking outside again. She had that same wistful expression on her face.
Despite myself, curiously bubbled up under my skin.
‘What’s so fascinating out there?’ I asked as I slid the tray onto the table.
Holly jumped a little bit and looked at me as I sat down opposite her.
If I wasn’t mistaken, a faint pink flush tinted her cheeks.
‘It’s just so strange being back, I keep thinking about the past. Do you remember when we used to collect pine cones and your mum would put them in bowls on each of the tables in here?
And we used to help decorate the café for Christmas?
I looked at the gingerbread village in the window when I drove into Birchbrook.
I remember your mum making the first one. How old were we?’
‘Fourteen. She’s made one every year since.
We have to put the tree up outside the café along with the rest of the High Street at the start of the month so Mum makes the gingerbread village then too.
But we save our inside Christmas tree for the last weekend in November.
That’s when we launch our festive menu too. ’
‘Could I help you decorate it?’ she burst out, then looked stunned at what she had said. ‘Sorry, I don’t know why…’
‘Sure,’ I said, without thinking too. We looked at one another. I cleared my throat. ‘Anyway, what did you want to ask me, as we’re pretty busy?’ I said briskly, inwardly kicking myself for accepting her offer to help when I should be keeping my distance from her.
‘Oh, yes, right…’ She looked flustered for a movement then took a gulp of her coffee. ‘That’s a good coffee. Better than Starbucks.’
‘I should bloody hope so.’
She giggled, which surprised me. I wasn’t sure I ever made anyone giggle around here.
‘Willow wrote some things on her website when she started selling tickets about what the winter wonderland would offer and she mentioned an ice rink. Then I remembered that you used to be great at skating and played ice hockey. So, I wondered if you still had a contact at the local rink I could speak to? They might know of a way to hire a rink locally that won’t break the bank too much? ’
‘You remember that?’ I grew up loving skating and was always at the local rink.
When Holly and I became friends around the age of thirteen, she would often come along to watch, never wanting to get on the ice herself.
I still tried to skate once a month, but I hadn’t played ice hockey since I was eighteen.
‘Of course!’
‘Well, yeah, I can speak to Elliot, who runs the place. We often have a drink on a Friday night in the pub. But I’ll call him as timing is tight.’
She beamed at me. ‘Amazing, thank you! I remember the pub is cosy. I might need alcohol to get through this winter wonderland.’ She took a bite of the croissant. ‘So yummy, just what I wanted.’
I hesitated, suddenly wondering if I should invite her for a drink at the pub. Just two old friends catching up. Then the door opened and in walked Willow so I jumped up. ‘I’ll let you know when I’ve spoken to him.’
As I headed back for the counter, I realised that, sitting there with Holly talking about skating and decorating for Christmas, it had weirdly felt, just for a moment, like no time had passed.
Talking about things we had done for years together.
I wanted to know about her life now but I wasn’t part of it, so was there any point?
Willow ordered a coffee then joined Holly and they started talking. I tried not to glance over as I helped serve customers but it was hard not to. Not too long ago, I hadn’t thought Holly would sit at that table ever again. And it was like she belonged there.
Everything felt up in the air.
My dad said he’d support whatever I wanted like he knew I was unhappy here.
I had made a plan but suddenly, I wasn’t sure I wanted to follow it.
Which was crazy. Holly returning should mean nothing to me.
After all, I used to blame her for leaving me stuck here.
And my parents for making me feel like I should stay.
But that was all bullshit. I replayed Holly’s last moments in town again in my mind as I had done so many times over the years. Because deep down, I knew the only person to blame for her leaving that day and not ever coming back was myself.