Chapter 26
PAUL
I carried down the box of Christmas ornaments into the café and heaved it up onto the counter as the sun pooled on top of it.
Today had dawned bright and crispy and I was relieved that the stormy weather seemed to be behind us for now.
It was freezing cold outside though as December crept closer.
But inside the café, it was warm so I didn’t mind.
My body ached but in a satisfying way. We’d worked hard all week to fix the storm damage and it was almost back to how it was before.
I told my parents I would make the final touches ahead of our reopening tomorrow afternoon so they could rest today; they were shattered. But they were looking forward to it.
We’d managed to fix most of the damage using the insurance money, but we had lost a week’s trade so we needed this Christmas season for things to pick back up.
Which was why I was determined to ignore my Scrooge-like tendencies when it came to festive décor, and go all out this year.
I drew the line at playing Christmas songs in the café as I would likely self-combust by the end of the day but I would give Willow a run for her winter wonderland money.
As I opened up the box, there was a tentative knock on the locked door. I looked over and even though I didn’t want it to, my heart sped up a bit to see Holly out there. She smiled uneasily as I stepped over to the door, unlocked it and swung it open.
‘Hey,’ I said, taking in her outfit of jeans, chunky grey cardigan and the cream scarf tucked around her neck, topped off with a coat and boots.
Her cheeks were flushed from the cold and she rubbed her hands together.
‘Uh, come in,’ I said as a sharp breeze hit me.
It was too chilly to leave her standing out there.
She followed me inside and I closed the door again on the elements. ‘Sorry to just show up but I was out for a walk and saw the lights on,’ she said, looking around. She was still rubbing her hands together but then she smiled. ‘Oh, Paul, it looks great – as good as new. Better even!’
‘Thanks. It’s been a long week but we got there.’
She faced me with that smile and my heart thumped again. Then she did a double take. ‘Your beard! It’s gone!’ she cried then her cheeks seemed to turn even rosier.
‘Yeah. Well, I left a bit of stubble,’ I said, rubbing my chin and wishing I could stop myself from wondering if she liked it or not. I didn’t do this for Holly. But I still wanted her to like it.
‘It looks really… Uh, it suits you,’ she said, looking away. I couldn’t stop the relieved grin on my face, glad she couldn’t see it. ‘Still got the beanie, though,’ she added.
‘I’m still me,’ I replied with a shrug.
‘Yeah, you are,’ she said.
I frowned, wondering what that meant but I wasn’t sure I wanted to ask.
Her eyes fell on the box I’d been unpacking on the counter. ‘Is that the Christmas box?!’ Her nerves seemed to fade with excitement taking over her tone.
‘Yeah. I told my parents I’d decorate today ready to open up tomorrow.’
‘You said I could help decorate,’ she reminded, finally looking back at me.
‘Oh, well, I didn’t think after…’ I trailed off, flustered as she raised her eyebrows. She hadn’t contacted me all week; I thought that she wouldn’t want to be alone with me in here.
‘I’m not sure I trust your decorating skills,’ she said, going over to the box. ‘You still have this star!’ She pulled out the slightly wonky gold glitter star that had sat on top of the café Christmas tree for years.
‘Can’t break with that tradition; it would be bad luck,’ I said, joining her.
She looked like a kid again as she pulled out the familiar decorations from our past mixed in with a few newer purchases Mum had made since then.
It was nice to see her face light up like that; I didn’t think I’d seen that big smile since she’d been back.
‘Can I help, please?’ she asked as she held up some felt gingerbread bunting. ‘This is so cute.’
I thought she was cute too. But I kept that to myself. ‘Sure. We’ll get it done faster with two of us.’
‘And there was me thinking you would like my company; you just want the job done quicker,’ she teased as she shed her coat and scarf then pulled out a set of fairy lights and lit them up.
‘I have avoided Christmas for a long time,’ she said as I grabbed the step ladder to hang the festive bunting up on the wall behind the counter.
‘Now I’m not only creating a winter wonderland but I’ve helped Mum put the tree up in the cottage. ’
I paused to look at her. ‘Really?’
She met my gaze. ‘We decided we shouldn’t let this weird Christmas aversion carry on. We both used to love it! I don’t want my dad to ruin it for me forever. And I’m enjoying working at the farm so it felt natural. The tree looks as pretty as I remember it. And this café will too.’
We hung the bunting together and then draped fairy lights around it and added more across the window where the gingerbread village was.
‘I’m glad you’re here,’ I told Holly as we carried the Christmas tree to the corner to set it up. It had been so long since she’d been around for this tradition but it was like time faded away as we decorated the tree together, working in companiable silence.
‘Me too. My best friend in the city – Georgia – wouldn’t believe this. She always calls me a Grinch and laughs about how ironic it is that my surname is Wynter.’ She rolled her eyes as she spoke.
‘I’ve been called Scrooge before, don’t worry,’ I replied. ‘Maybe if you’re not completely happy then things like Christmas don’t feel quite right somehow.’
‘Yeah,’ she said with a nod. ‘But maybe I’ve been guilty of actively stopping myself from enjoying things like Christmas. I don’t know. I went to have lunch with Mum yesterday then we decorated the tree. And it was nice. We actually talked about the past.’
‘That’s good,’ I said mildly, not wanting to sound too relieved but I was glad she was finally opening up to her mum. I saw how upset Donna was when Holly left and that was at odds with how Holly talked about their relationship now.
‘Mum said she blamed herself for my dad leaving, and I had blamed myself. She had no idea people at school had been shit about it all either. It feels like we should have said a lot to each other before now. But it was hard at the time. It’s still hard. Thanks, though.’
‘For what?’
‘Encouraging me to talk about it. I felt so ashamed about what my dad did and I felt like it was partly my fault. Maybe I’ve believed that for too long.’ She shrugged but I knew how much it all must hurt her still.
‘It was never your fault,’ I told her fiercely. ‘He made some really shitty decisions and left you and your mum to deal with the fallout. You’re both better off without him.’
‘She told me you used to go round to the cottage after I left,’ Holly said as she hung a bauble on the tree.
There was a streak of glitter on her cheek that sparkled in the wintery sunshine coming through the window.
I fought the urge to wipe it off her cheek.
Instead, I concentrated on hanging the gingerbread-man ornament on the other side of the tree.
‘We both missed you,’ I said simply. There was no point in denying that.
There was a long silence when we couldn’t look at one another, so we just carried on decorating.
‘I missed you both too,’ Holly said after a couple of minutes.
I smiled. I was relieved to hear that. For a long time, I’d wondered whether she had or not.
‘I’ve decided to stay in Birchbrook,’ I told her as I stepped back to look at what we’d done so far.
The tree was bursting with ornaments now.
They were mismatched and colourful. The effect was kitschy in the best way.
‘I think I was guilty of the same thing as you: blaming this town for things when it was all down to me. I felt like a failure and I took that out on people around me.’
Holly stopped what she was doing. ‘Why would you feel like a failure?’
I went over to the table behind me and sat down. Holly instantly came and sat with me, waiting until I was ready to speak again. No pushing or rushing me. I liked that about her. ‘I applied to the same university as you but I didn’t get in.’
She took a sharp intake of breath. ‘I didn’t think you applied.’
‘Because I didn’t want to tell you that I didn’t get in.
I felt like a failure. I felt sorry for myself having to stay here and go to the local university.
And then starting to work here, even though they were amazing opportunities.
I guess I thought it proved I wasn’t good enough for you.
And maybe I’ve been thinking that ever since – I’m just not good enough.
But what happened here in the café on Sunday made me realise how much I do like working here and I want to keep this place going and make a success of it.
I’ve been a grumpy bastard, to be honest. But I want that to change so I can be happy.
’ I shrugged. All of that had come out in a rush.
It was embarrassing sharing stuff like that.
I wasn’t used to it. But it also felt like a relief.
Like something tight inside me had loosened up a little bit.
Maybe there was something to this sharing-stuff lark after all.
Holly jumped up out of her chair. For a second, I was worried she was going to walk out of the café but she came over and leaned down to brush her lips gently against mine.
‘Holly,’ I groaned as she hovered there, her face so close to mine. I could smell her sweet perfume and her lips were plump and glossy, and looked so kissable, my body ached with the effort of not pulling them back onto mine. ‘What are you doing?’
‘I don’t know,’ she said and she bit her lip, making me groan again. ‘I just want to…’ She trailed off as our gazes locked.
I longed to know what she wanted. I wanted her so bad. My hand reached out to the back of her head and I pulled her towards me as I met her halfway, my lips melting against hers.