Chapter Eighteen
Eighteen
T onight Liberty was determined to move forward and get ready for the upcoming Samhain celebrations. There was a new energy buzzing inside of her from the orchard with Merle.
But her most recent visit with Nan had been eye opening. Things were going downhill fast.
She pulled out her copy of the Wakefield Witches Grimoire. Since she’d been young, her mom and Nan had guided her in writing down all the advice and information they’d given her. She traced her finger over the first page, which she’d created when she was six. It read “Liberty Wakefield awesome witch.” But she’d spelt awesome like awzoom .
This book was so much a part of her family that it instantly made her feel stronger and happier just by opening it. She flipped through until she got to the page she was looking for. Liberty’s grandfather died when she was eight and Nan walked Liberty through making a healing poppet for him.
She wanted to make one for Nan. Her mom had been right that Nan wasn’t getting better, so Liberty wanted to prepare and help herself accept what was on the horizon. She had stopped by the fabric store in town on her way home from work and purchased a light yellow fabric and gold thread. Both of them had healing properties inherent in the color that would enhance her spell.
She lit the gold candle that her mom had blessed for healing rituals. Even though Nan’s illness wouldn’t go away, their family recognized that death, or acceptance of it, could be a form of healing.
Then she gathered herbs to stick inside the poppet, the ones she’d collected at her mom’s before their fight. She laid the yellow fabric flat on her altar in the back room which she’d used to create the occasional poppets for her customers. She bundled together rosemary, bergamot, echinacea and peppermint for good health. She hesitated and then included in lavender, mugwort and parsley which were used to ease depression and anxiety.
She was feeling overwhelmed and took a deep breath of the candle. The wind was quiet today, which made her unsettled. The wind was always around her, guiding all of her rituals. Shaking herself off, she traced the doll pattern and stitched it together doing her own version of the ritual, remembering Nan happy and healthy. Then she stuffed it with Poly-fil, the herb mixture, a charm from the bracelet that Nan always wore and a note that had her intention written on it.
Let Nan be healthy and happy.
She finished stitching the doll and then recited the healing chant three times over the poppet. She closed her eyes and meditated on seeing Nan happy and healthy for the rest of her days until the candle burnt down.
Maintaining her vision was hard though, and she had to force it more than once. She kept seeing Nan in the care home, not back at their home. Liberty didn’t like the vision of her Nan in that place away from her family. Eventually she opened her eyes, pulling her phone toward her and opening the photos app, finding her favorite selfie of her and Nan. It was from last Samhain. They were dressed in their long black dresses and wearing pointed hats. They were both smiling at the camera.
That was what she wanted.
Nan back home and smiling with her. She put her hand on the doll as she looked at the photo. Happy Nan. That’s all she asked for.
There was a knock on the door and she glanced over to see Sera standing there. They’d been so busy after the waxing moon ritual a few nights ago that they hadn’t had time to hang out. But the ritual had been fun and Liberty felt they had all been clear on their intentions for what they wanted to attract into their lives.
For Sera, the acceptance that she was worthy of being loved.
For Poppy, a man who loved her for herself, not for how she could make him successful.
And for Liberty, the answers she needed, that would come to her when the time was right.
“Hey, got a minute?” Sera said.
“Yes, what’s up?”
“I wanted your opinion on the grimoires. I used a binding company that Wes knew and I think they turned out pretty good. They couldn’t use the gold foil, it was taking too long, but Greer, Wes and I are going to foil some of them by hand to have some special editions,” Sera explained.
Liberty got up from her altar, running her hand over the poppet before going over to her friend. Sera didn’t enter her back room during rituals.
Unlike Sera’s back room, which was crammed with bookcases and a couch and chair where they all hung out, seldom did they come into her room unless it was to get ready for a moon ritual or a private tarot reading. Liberty liked her space to be sacred.
“You can come in,” Liberty said.
Sera nodded, and the scrunchie she’d used to hold her hair back must have snapped because her hair suddenly fell around her head in a riot of curls. Sera let out a defeated sigh. “My hair is nuts today. Must be the energy in here.”
Liberty laughed loudly. She’d been so in her head, thinking of the negative, that she’d completely missed out on the good things that were around her.
“It doesn’t look bad,” Liberty offered.
“Thanks, but it feels huge, and honestly with the humidity... I’m pretty sure rain is coming because it feels like my hair is growing by the minute,” Sera said, walking into the room and handing the grimoire she’d been holding to Liberty.
Liberty looked at the cover, which featured a design that she’d helped Sera create. They incorporated the WiCKed Sisters logo into the design. Sera had thought they should leave a space on the bottom of the logo where they normally had the words “books, spells and tea” blank so that the purchaser could add their own name or slogan.
The covers were solid and thick, and Liberty was sure that Sera had paid extra for that. The printer had thankfully been willing to do it to their specifications. Sera was considering using him to do some other types of journals if the quality on this project was good.
She opened the first page and gasped. The endpapers had a surprise design. Sera had hand-lettered the three sayings that were displayed over each section of the store. The bookshop’s was “Words Are Magic.” Hers was “Destiny Awaits.” And the tea shop portion was “Tea Fixes Everything.”
“I love this,” Liberty said.
“I figured the Amber Rapp legions would like it. I’ve asked Merle to add it to the shop website,” she said.
Merle.
He had been in her life even before she’d started sleeping with him and seeing him all the time. Through the store, and even before, through Poppy. It was like fate had tied them together. She glanced over at the doll she’d made for her Nan and felt a pang in her heart. There were new people in her life to love and learn from. Maybe that’s what the goddess was trying to tell her through her acceptance of Nan’s deteriorating health. That no matter what, love would find her, and she would return it. Her heart felt a little light.
But she was still determined to do everything to keep Nan healthy and with them for as long as she could be.
She handed the book back to Sera. “These are really good. I think any witch who buys one will treasure it.”
“Thanks. What were you working on?” Sera asked.
“A poppet for Nan.”
“Is she okay? I mean, I know she’s not, but is she worse?” Sera asked, coming over to the altar and looking down at the doll.
“I don’t know. Seems like she’s not improving. The doctor did say that at least it’s not worsening. But I have...” She stopped, a sob catching in her throat. “Sera, I don’t want her to stay the same. I want her to go back to who she was.”
“Lib—”
“I know it’s not realistic. I just don’t want to see Nan like this. I want her at our house, muttering spells and singing chants as she dances around the living room. She can’t even stand anymore. She’s always in bed or in her chair,” Liberty said, feeling her voice crack.
The fears she’d kept locked inside were all spilling out. The emotions that accompanied them were ripping her heart out.
“Nan’s the one person who loves all of me. Even mean me,” Liberty said.
“She’s not the only one,” Sera said. “But she’s been there the longest besides your mom.”
The goddess must have placed Poppy and Sera in her life in preparation for this moment. Perhaps creating this new chosen family was the next part of her journey.
Destiny was a funny thing. Believing that she controlled hers was always a bit rash and against her better judgment. But she’d done it just the same.
She touched the doll again. Was she trying to wish something into existence that Nan might not want? Would Nan want her to accept this changing of seasons?
Of course she would. Nan would be the first one to point out that she’d always be with Liberty through their spells and memories.
“Thanks, Sera. I guess... I was so caught up in Nan’s health and in finding out more about my father. I’ve been a train wreck. But I think it’s all really about Nan. I’m not ready to let her go,” Liberty confessed.
“I can’t really help with that. I have no idea what that’s like—to lose a family member, but I do know that when someone leaves you, something else comes into your life. Not better and worse, just different, and that can be enough. Sometimes. Plus you always have the memories,” Sera said.
Greer appeared in the door and called Sera back to the bookshop to help a customer. Liberty watched her friend leave. She’d take the doll to Nan tonight and talk to her about it.
That didn’t bring her any closer to solving her other worries, but it was a start. Her phone pinged and she glanced down to see it was a text from Merle, asking if she was ready for their date with his parents. She told him she needed to stop at the care home on her way out of town but was ready otherwise.
It was time. She quickly changed into her one fancy black top; it was sheer so she wore a black bra underneath, pairing it with a skirt that cinched in at her waist and flowed around her hips. Determination to face her fears made strength flow through her, which she would use to help Merle tonight. She’d lead the charge to help his family see what a fabulous man their son was and how much they were missing.
Something was different about Liberty tonight. Her hair cascaded around her shoulders and a small, black velvet choker was around her neck with an onyx set in sliver against her creamy skin. The scoop neck of her sheer blouse drew his eyes to her skin and the dangerous curves beneath the fabric.
He couldn’t help but notice that she had a black satin bra under her shirt. That would be explored more later.
“Will this do?” she asked, twirling and letting the full skirt flare out around her legs.
Yes. Hell yes. Everything about her would more than do. God, he wasn’t sure he was ever going to be the same after her.
He was wearing a pair of dark jeans and a button-down shirt he wore for work, and he’d added a tie that he’d custom ordered with Lying Cat in different poses on it. There was a spare blazer in the car that he’d put on at the restaurant. He hadn’t cut his hair or shaved, and for the first time since he’d left home, he was going to see his parents and feel like the man he was away from them.
“You more than do, as always,” he said. “Come here, I want to take a selfie. Remember this night.”
She beamed at him and strode over as he lifted his arm, fitting snugly next to him, tipping her head back to catch his eye. When their eyes met there was a flash of heat through his entire body. Lust mixed with affection and caring. He lowered his head and gave her a consuming kiss before pulling his phone out and opening the camera app.
They both smiled as they took several serious selfies, then they took a few silly photos before he dropped his arm. “So Nan first. How’s she doing?”
“It’s just a visit. No one has called me out for anything serious, blessed be,” she said as they got into his car. She had synced her phone to his car’s radio. “I’m playing my season of the witch playlist, okay?”
“Sure,” he said, starting the engine.
The first song on it was “Dancing in the Moonlight” by Toploader. He knew the song because she’d played it for him at his house after the last D&D session. And then she pulled him out into his backyard to dance in the moonlight with her. It had been magical and sensual, a living dream.
He parked at the care home as the song “Disturbia” finished playing. Singing along with Liberty in the car was a special experience, especially moments like when one of them got the lyrics wrong.
The playlist was a lot like Liberty herself: eclectic and quirky. But all of the songs fit her. She took a small yellow thing out of her bag as they got out of the car and approached the home.
He was curious, soon recognizing it as one of the spell dolls she made in her shop. According to Liberty, those dolls were meant to promote healing and comfort, often during grief and hard times. He hugged her with one arm, knowing that his fierce witch, who never let anyone see her vulnerabilities so blatantly, was using all her knowledge to give her Nan strength. Liberty had told him the spells were to bolster the purchaser as much as the person or people they wanted to bewitch.
“I just want Nan to feel comfortable,” she said.
“I’m sure this will help,” he assured her. It might not be something he believed in for himself, but he’d been around Liberty long enough to know that she was attuned to something that he wasn’t. He was sure whatever incantation she’d used when she’d made the doll would bring what Liberty intended to her Nan.
When they arrived at the door to her Nan’s room, he hesitated. “I’ll wait out here.”
She gave him a slightly sad smile. “Thanks.”
Liberty went inside while he stood in the hallway, leaning against the wall. Tonight she seemed like that bold, brash woman she’d always been...and a bit more. Which stirred old fears and worries that she wouldn’t find him attractive. But one glance down at Lying Cat and he couldn’t hide from the truth that this all stemmed from seeing his family tonight. They brought out the worst side of him and he didn’t want that energy with the Liberty who was at his side tonight.
She deserved a man who accepted his entire self instead of hiding from who he truly was. Slowly, through this relationship with her, he’d started to lean into being authentic and now he wasn’t sure he could go back to the man he’d been before.
He couldn’t use Liberty as a barometer to decide if he liked himself or felt comfortable in his skin. That wasn’t fair.
He pulled out his phone and looked down at one of their recent selfies. He had live photo on, so while he’d been looking at the phone trying to get the camera set up, he saw Liberty’s expression changing, evaluating him while he got the right angle.
Her face was softer... He’d never noticed her looking at him that way. It was only for a split second before the photo froze with both of their smiles. But in that moment, he’d seen something that his heart wanted to recognize as something. Caring? Friendship? Affection?
Could she love him?
Did this mean he loved her?
His gut said yes. His brain said yes. His heart, which he’d carefully encased in steel to keep it safe, wasn’t as sure. He wanted Liberty. He liked her more than any woman he’d ever been with, but he still wasn’t sure what that meant for the two of them once her journey of self-discovery was over.
What it meant for the future. Their future.
He didn’t want to admit it, but he was like his father, who had fallen in love with his mom the first time he’d seen her. It was hard to think of his über competitive father as a man in love, but he’d caught glimpses of it in his parents more than once. They might not be the most understanding parents as far as he was concerned, but he never doubted that they loved each other.
Love. Do I...?
He hadn’t want to let anyone in. The only people he’d loved were his family, and that love wasn’t always a great feeling. With them, love always meant competing with each other and that wasn’t something that had ever made him feel content or happy.
Liberty did make him content. Happy. More than both of those things.
The door opened and she poked her head out. “Nan wants to see you.”
He shoved the messy thoughts out of his head and followed her into the room. Nan was sitting up, looking small on the bed, but the smile on her face was genuine and there was mischief in her eyes. He was pretty sure he was getting a glimpse of what Liberty would be like when she was her Nan’s age.
“Hello, handsome. So you finally asked her out?” Nan laughed as she teased him.
“I thought she’d make the first move—”
“I did. Nan, you know I wasn’t waiting,” Liberty joked.
“I do, my girl. Have fun tonight,” Nan said.
They chatted with her for a few more minutes. When they got outside he noticed that twilight had settled around them. A strong breeze blew as he opened Liberty’s car door, her hair brushing his cheek.
But the real question was...how did she feel? Because if he knew anything about the Wakefield women, it was that they were perfectly fine without a man in their lives.
He saw the love and fear in her eyes as they left. There was no denying that she had a lot going on in her life.
So where did that leave him? Did he take a risk?
It was too late. He’d already taken the risk and let her in. He wanted to protect and avenge her, soothe her hurts and fears and show her that he was the man she needed by her side.
He’d never go back to the guy he’d been before, letting her flirt and tease him and then dance away. No matter the outcome, he had gone all in on his witch.