24. Wolf
When we reached the cottage’s clearing, Emi strode straight to the pile of clothes I’d left when we departed. The first thing I felt as my body shifted was the amused grin on my face. She was holding out my trousers with an adorable tight line to her lips, silently scolding me for the ways this had happened before.
“Don”t pretend you didn”t like it,” I teased, laughing when she huffed and handed me my tunic and vest.
No sooner had I tucked in the former and buttoned the latter, Emi had her eyes on me, waiting.
“Something wrong?” I asked, dropping the teasing at the intense look on her face. My eyes took in her tight posture and the empty scabbard at her hip.
“You”re not what I thought.” She scrutinized me.
I wished I could take back a lot of what had happened, mostly things I’d said to her and the ways I’d pushed her in those early days. But I couldn”t take back the one thing that had hurt her the most. “I am exactly what you thought, Emi. I”m both a murderer and a monster, nothing can change that.”
Conflict raged in her beautiful eyes. From denial to anger to confusion to pity, emotions flashed, one after the other.
I wouldn”t have it. I hated seeing her so conflicted and I didn’t deserve her pity. I certainly didn’t deserve her forgiveness.
“I killed your grandmother for a chance to spare my own family, and I wouldn’t change it even if I could. Doesn”t that make me a monster?” I stepped closer, drawn in like a moth to a flame. “Those people, they”re everything to me. Now you know why I had to act on the prophecy, but that doesn’t make it right.
“I know there’s no forgiveness for what I did. I knew it when I stalked her and when her cold eyes locked on me as I attacked. I knew there was no going back while she tried to spit out one last curse before my teeth tore out her voice, and I knew I’d live with her blood on me for the rest of my life while I finished the job.” My words were harsh and blunt, aimed to shock the sympathy from her face, but Emi didn’t back down from me. “I would do it all again, even knowing it would make you hate me, even knowing I failed and let them down in the end, because I had to try. If there was anything I could do to fix this,”—I glanced around the misty forest—“I had to do everything in my power to break the curse. But I am sorry for what it took from you. For that, there is no forgiveness.“
My eyes found hers again, and I was done.
I couldn”t tell her that I worried she was the anchor to the curse. If I were really willing to do anything at all to end this, then I should wrest that blade from her and plunge it into her heart. But I knew I couldn”t. This world wouldn”t be right without Emerald Brightbane in it.
Emi shook her head slowly. “You didn”t let them down.”
“What?”
“The enclave. You didn”t let them down. Did any of them seem disappointed in you? Because all I saw was trust and devotion and...and, love. They all love you, Wolf. You”re a family. Youbuilt that for them. You brought them all together, and you keep as many as you can safe from the worst of the curse. Robin told me you tend to do this.”
Emi was closer now, her face tilted to meet my questioning gaze. We shared the same air as I lifted a brow.
“She said you try to take everything onto your shoulders. It”s not all yours to bear, Wolf. Not the curse, not the ones you”ve lost, and not even my grandma”s death. No…let me finish. I know the guilt you carry for killing her, but Hawk told me the whole prophecy and…I don’t hate you, Wolf. I saw them all there, in the enclave. All of those people lost so much; their memories, their lives from before, family they might have outside these woods. And you”ve lost even more every time one of your own is corrupted or killed. You know you had to kill Fenrir, right? You have to know that. It”s not your fault. And no matter what I thought at first, Ruby is the only one to blame for all of this, not you.”
Her words settled into my stunned silence.
I didn”t know what to say.
It felt impossible. The river of pain and regret between us had felt too vast to bridge. But here she was, this magical creature, beautiful and smart and kind beyond imagining, throwing me a rope. I didn’t deserve her grace, but that didn’t stop my heart from hammering its desires against my ribs.
For a long time, we stood there, in each other”s bubble, just breathing. Finally, Emi broke the stillness and lifted one hand to my shoulder. Holding back a delicious shudder at her touch, I reached for her waist. Her hands on me were a gift. Her forgiveness felt like a ray of pure sunshine, unfiltered by the ever-present haze, like a bolt of sheer joy.
If she were just willing to work with me long enough to try to break the curse before finally casting me off, that would be enough. But to see her looking at me in this heartbeat without prejudice or hate, it was more than I dreamed.
“Does that mean you”re not going to use that dagger behind your back?” I asked, feeling a tug at the corner of my lips.
She pulled her other hand from behind her and looked at the blade in her grasp like she”d forgotten it was there. “I thought I wanted to…”
“But now?”
Slowly, she sheathed the dagger, and I hardly dared to breathe, waiting for what she would say next. She lifted the hand to my cheek. “But now, I want to do this.”
The first brush of her lips against mine was gentle, questioning. It was no less life-changing for it. This wasn’t the wild crash of our first kiss, where I wasn’t sure if she wanted me or was just too frustrated to resist the chemistry that always crackled between us. This kiss was real.
Her mouth was soft and pliant, divine against mine. She filled my senses with sweetness and hunger, and all the things that had felt wrong inside me rearranged themselves into rightness. She invited me in, and I took the opening with a claiming certainty.
I’d never experienced anything like it. The cold of the Mist faded, chased away by my burning need for her.
My hands tightened on Emi’s waist, drawing her body against mine at the same time as she slipped her hand up my neck. Her fingers tangled into the curls at my nape, pulling my head closer and changing the angle of our kiss so that our lips slotted together like they were made as two halves of one mold. It was Emi who deepened the kiss, her tongue gliding along the seam of my lips, demanding entry, tangling us together, taking what she wanted from me and searing away my guilt.
I knew I wanted Emi. I would die by her hand if that was what she needed from me, even while I hoped, in my wildest imagination, that she might want me here, alive. But this…This was never in the realm of magic or miracles.
Heartbeats stretched on, and each time I thought nothing could be better, it somehow grew into more. The kiss turned hotter, more desperate.
It had been building for a long time now, but I could no longer deny the way my body reacted to her. The way I felt when she was near. I was dying for her. And somehow, impossibly, Emi was right there with me.
“Inside,” I gasped when we finally pulled apart.
Emi”s lips were kiss-swollen and shining wet, all from me. My heart galloped to know I was the reason she looked dishevelled and needy right now, her hair tumbling wildly over the hood at her back. I’d never seen a more beautiful sight.
She didn”t even glance at the Mist behind us, just tugged my hand toward the door with a look of sheer determination on her face. I would have laughed if I were capable of anything other than following wherever she led.
She wasted no time closing the door behind me and promptly picking up where we left off outside. My arms were suddenly full of Emi, warm and wanting. Heat pounded through my veins, blood surging down to throb where our bodies met, and I quickly flipped our positions so I was the one pressing her up against the door.
“Wolf,” she gasped. My name from her tongue was music and fire and all the stars I”d only imagined in a clear night sky.
All I could manage was a deep groan.
Her fingers tugged the shirt from my waistband, then her hands were on my flesh, tracing my obliques and drawing my gasp as she brushed low over my abs. With her body trapped against mine, I hurried to help her free me from my vest and shirt, kissing down her neck while she let out addictive little whimpers. Once I was shirtless, her lips found my shoulders, mouthing along the smattering of freckles there, pausing only when she reached the mess of scars at the base of my neck.
Not wanting her to stop, I tilted her chin and captured her mouth again. We were pressed together as close as we could be, and my hands traveled up silky thighs, pushing her skirts up with them. I tore my lips from her, just long enough to ask, “Is this okay?”
“I think…” She kissed me again. Her legs wrapped around my waist, pressing me right up against the very core of her. We fit together perfectly, the friction turning from pleasure to sweet agony. ”I think you…” Her lips dropped to my neck, kissing a trail from my ear to the scar where her tongue flicked over the sensitive skin, sending a shiver all the way to my toes. Her panting breaths were hot on my skin as my head fell back to give her every part of me. My groan was deep and wretched as she slid a hand under my waistband, and then lower, to feel what she was doing to me. “I think you”ll have to share the bed this time,” she gasped.
I couldn”t help it. I burst into laughter with Emi clamped around me, now eyeing me with bedroom eyes. “I think you”re right.”
She wasn”t small, but Emi was weightless in my arms as I carried her to the bed, setting her down gently on the edge. Like everything she did, Emi was fiercely determined and whole-heartedly in, grabbing what she wanted with both hands. And what she wanted, impossibly, was me.
She pulled me down so my body covered hers. I didn”t want to crush her, but she seemed to welcome my weight, so I gave her enough of it to feel all of her against all of me. She whimpered at the friction, and lifted her head for another kiss. Her clever fingers had the laces of my trousers undone. This woman would be the death of me.
As lost as I was to her, as much as I wanted to give myself over to her, I had to hold out, just a little longer. Drawing on the peace I’d felt as I walked beside her that allowed me to stay in control, I wrangled my senses and pulled back enough to watch her face.
I had to be sure. “Did you mean it?”
“Mean what? That I want this? Yes, Wolf. Blue skies, I want you.”
“No. Well, yes,”—I shivered with the thrill that sent through me—“but…Did you mean it when you said I had to do it?”
“Do…? Oh. Yes, I did.” She smoothed my hair back from my forehead and held my gaze with hers. “You had to do what you did, and I should probably be apologizing to you, not…not mauling you and assuming you would want this. I”m so sorry.”
“Please don’t apologize. Never to me. And definitely never for this. Clouds, Emi, you’re so beautiful in every way. I need you to know that.”
It was heartbreaking to me every time she hid herself or became less of herself. The way she was conditioned to make herself smaller so others wouldn’t be irritated or inconvenienced, it made me want to tear down the world that could treat people like Emi that way. No one so beautiful inside, with so much to offer and able to endure as much as she had, should ever be made to feel less.
“You are incredible and perfect the way you are, kitten. You have no idea how much I want this. I”ve felt this way— Sunny skies, I think I wanted you from the first time I saw you. How could I not?”
Her face relaxed, and her hands were back on me, finding their way along my skin. I moaned my appreciation.
“Good.” She smiled. “That”s good. I am sorry I tried to kill you so many times.” She laughed with me, but then her smile faded, and all I wanted to do was bring it back. I wanted to be the one putting a smile on her face, always. “I wish I had realized about my family sooner, that I had believed you, or could change any of it. Mostly I wish I had used my first wish to break this curse for all of you. I don”t want you to be trapped here like this.”
“I’m actually rather pleased to be trapped here exactly like this.” I grinned teasingly down at her legs clamped firmly around my hips, relieved and overjoyed when it brought her smile back. It morphed into something even better, matching my own filthy grin when I ground my hips down against hers. “As I think you can tell.”
Her hands were frantic again, palms skating across my chest like she was trying to touch everywhere all at once. Pleasure rippled through me, and I just wanted to do the same for her. I rolled us to the side, so I could tug apart the laces at her back to rid her of her corset belt.
“Please,” she whimpered, “please, Wolf. Need you.”
“Are you particularly attached to this chemise?”
She shook her head wildly, red locks flying, and it was all the permission I needed. My fingers dug into the fabric and tore it away, revealing creamy skin and the delicious curves of her breasts. One slid easily into my palm, fitting my hand perfectly while the thump of her heartbeat pounded under my fingers. I think I may have growled. I could have died and been perfectly happy about it, just knowing that this incredible, sexy, caring creature could feel for me even a fraction of what I felt for her.
I wanted every part of her, but I wanted to take my time.
I wanted to worship her the way she deserved, if it took me all night and tomorrow, and the next day—until she saw her worth the way I saw her. She would know how much she meant to me. She was going to know every part of me, feel me deep inside her and all around her. Now that I knew she wanted me, too, I wouldn’t stop until she understood what it felt like to be mine.