Chapter 8
EIGHT
Danika
The Fallen Star has Jules written all over it even though I’ve only known her for like five seconds.
But I can tell she poured her entire heart and soul into this place.
There are stenciled stars lining the walls and on the ceiling, a moon with such incredible detail, looks like it can really shine at night. It resembles a painting almost.
The aura here is calming despite the intent of it, but it’s not a rowdy vibe. And from what I can tell, there are no over-the-top drunken customers. Unless that came later.
“Are you sure we’re even inside a bar?”
Tequila glances over at me with a sly grin. “Don’t let the womanly vibe trick you, this place can get pretty wild at night. But the guys take turns hanging out to watch and make sure nothing goes down. Tank usually.”
“Got it.”
When we approach the counter, a perky, energic woman with short blonde hair greets us. “Hey, T! What’s up?”
“Hi, Lucy. I want you to meet my friend, Danika.”
She winks. “I love your hair. Brings out those killer blue eyes of yours.” She pops off the tops of two beer bottles, setting them down in front of a couple.
My hair lays loose in waves over my shoulders, kinked from my prior ponytail. “Everyone you know is so nice,” I whisper to Tequila, a little taken aback at everyone’s politeness.
“I’m proud to call them my friends.” She smiles proudly and I study the affection in her expression.
“What can I get ya two?” Lucy leans her tall frame into her shoulders as her body rests on the counter, her light pink glossed lips reach her eyes.
“Two Mediterranean bowls and a lemonade please and whatever Danika wants to drink.”
“I’ll have the same… please,” I quickly add forgetting my manners.
“You got it. Coming right up.” She hustles through the back doors and Tequila sits down on one of the stools, me joining her in the empty one next to her.
The same couple, a few stools down from me, can’t keep their hands off each other and I stare in weird envy.
I was in love once, but we were fresh out of high school, and it ended badly.
After a year of seeing each other, he got a little too comfortable in talking down to me.
Treating me like his toy or pet. There was a constant mental abuse and after months, thinking he could control me, I finally broke it off.
But before that, there were plenty of fights between us because I wasn’t someone who would stand for such toxic behavior.
I guess in the end, you can say I’m prone to the abuse.
Lucy struts back over grabbing the television remote. “Fuck the news. It’s always so negative.” She turns on some romantic comedy and then makes our lemonades, setting them down in front of us.
“Agreed. It’d be good for all our souls if we heard something positive on a daily.” Tequila flicks the paper off the top of her straw then lightly elbows my side. “You look great by the way. No need to be nervous.”
She picked up on my constant fidgeting and uncomfortableness.
I threw my hoodie on before we left but kept my sweats in my bag, only wearing my leggings.
Unwanted attention is unsettling and I’m not in any way being conceited when I say, my ass is on full display in these things.
Though my obsessive compulsion for not wanting to be seen has taken an all time high.
Wearing what we wore at the diner was different because sure, we had to wear tight shirts and short skirts, but the apron always covered enough, and I always wore tights under the skirt.
I reach up, brushing a piece of hair off the back of my neck when I notice Tequila raking her eyes over my lower back and my insides fold into pieces. She quickly darts away though the damage is already done. With a fast tug, I pull my hoodie back over top of my scar that sits near my waist.
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to stare.”
“You didn’t. It’s okay. Besides, I can’t pretend it’s not there.” Being branded with a man’s initials isn’t something I can forget.
Tequila lets out a heavy sigh. “I know. But it shouldn’t be there.” Her expression turns more pained. “I wish it was me instead. Maybe if I—”
“No. Don’t. I would never wish this on you. I’m glad you didn’t have to go through what I had to.”
She lets out a heavy sigh once more but this time it’s shaky. “You’re a good friend, Danika.”
Good friend.
“You shouldn’t say that until you get to know me. You might change your mind.”
“No way. Not possible. I know enough and you’re good people.”
I give her a kind smile for her words, but my attention gets drawn to the door and the man who just walked in. He’s a big guy wearing an MC cut. And that makes me grip the edge of the counter to steady myself.
“It’s okay. He’s one of us.”
My breath releases and I unclench my fist, drawing in a longer breath.
From the moment he joins us, his huge frame creates a towering presence.
He’s wearing a middle eastern fashion which I admire.
From the long necklaces hanging low on top of his loose-fitting T-shirt where his leather drapes over.
Even the woven bracelets that hang on his wrists are beautiful.
One of them carries a special symbol on it and I wonder what it means.
His brown hair, parts in braids, brush the tops of his large shoulders.
“Tank. What are you doing here?” Tequila plants a warm kiss on his cheek and he half hugs her.
“Hey, darlin’.” Just coming to see if you ladies needed company is all.” He looks up at Lucy who’s holding a deadpan expression. “Hey, Luce, how are you today?”
Without so much as a twitch in her expression, she flips him the finger, spins, giving us her back as she struts off.
“Ouch. Tough crowd,” he mutters.
“This company wouldn’t have anything to do with my Throttle now, would it?”
“Eh.” He rubs his short beard. “You may already know the answer to that.”
“We really can’t go anywhere without a bodyguard, can we? It’s barely lunchtime. Nothing rowdy happens until later.”
Tank shrugs. “Listen. If you were my woman, I’d be doing the same. Especially after everything that went down.”
Of course, I know what he’s referring to. And it’s obvious when they both shoot each other a strained look.
“And Brass was busy? I thought he was permanently assigned to my hip.”
“Our newbie patched brother is out on a run with Hush. Turns out that woman who was in Grizzly’s apartment, ended up dying at the hospital. But that’s all you’re getting out of me.” He reaches over snagging some peanuts from the bowl.
Hush. His nickname, or road name, I suppose fits him, but I can’t help wondering what his real name is.
Lucy sets down our plates but after overhearing Tank and Tequila’s conversation, I don’t seem to have an appetite anymore. Maybe this is too much, too soon. I put myself back into a place I don’t want to be—a place too similar, sparking emotions I’m trying to suppress and forget.
I swallow down the intensity. “I think I’m going to head home.”
The sudden decision of mine creates a look of surprise on Tequila’s face before realization overcomes it.
“I’m sorry. We shouldn’t have been talking about any of that.
In fact, the ol’ ladies usually don’t get told anything, but Tank knows better than to keep me in the dark.
” She glances over at him, and he smirks.
Then her mouth grows slack. “Please stay.”
My eyes avoid Tequila’s as I shuffle out from around the stool.
“I don’t want to be the reason people are careful around me.
Nor will I have everyone walking on eggshells.
I really enjoyed today's class, but I think all this might be too much, too soon.” A sinking feeling swirls in the pit of my stomach.
“I’ll be sure to pay you back for the food and drink. And I’ll get my bag another day.”
“I’m not worried about the money.” She shakes her head seriously.
My heart shatters when I finally meet her eyes. The sadness pouring out from her sends a tremendous ping of guilt through me.
“At least let Tank drive you home.”
I swallow taking a glance at the man wearing an apprehensive look. He’s careful not to scare me. But with everything happening so fast, I need to get out of here and being locked inside a car with a man I don’t know isn’t going to help my case.
The swirling in my stomach turns to nausea as I make my quick exit.
Outside, I lean against the brick of The Fallen Star to calm my breathing. Then it happens, the burning from the tears threatening to fall and they finally let go.
Here I am, a twenty something year old who suffers from PTSD, terrified of men, just bailed on probably the only real friend I’ve ever had. Or what could have been a legit friendship.
Her words repeat in my mind: You’re a good friend, Danika.
Am I? I had told her she shouldn’t say that until she fully knew me because look where that got us.
Snowflakes fall onto the already dampen street and sidewalk, and I tug my hoodie closer to my body the best I can, peering up at the sky.
“You know, I’m still learning on what it is to be a good friend, too.”
I turn toward Tequila as we stand together outside of Jules’s bar. Her expression is heavy, and her mind seems to be taken somewhere else.
My attention is back on the winter sky. “Everyone I’ve met so far, seems to be fond of you. I can tell you are a great friend, not just a good one.” I watch her expression as it changes.
A smile instantly forms, and her eyes appear lighter. Softer. “Thank you. Now I refuse to let you walk. It’s freezing and your apartment isn’t exactly close. Then if you never want to speak to me again… I completely get it. No hard feelings. I swear.”
“I don’t want that,” I answer honestly. “But I can’t promise I won’t run away again when things get a little weird and intense. I feel like all I know how to be anymore is closed off from everyone and everything.”
She nods. “We need a safe word. So, if you ever feel the need, you just say the word and we leave, or stop talking, or whatever it is you need to do. We’ll do it together.”
“How do you do it? You seem to be fine. So brave.”
She huffs. “Throttle still wakes me up at night sometimes because of the screams. Sometimes things aren’t always what they seem. You wear your heart on your sleeve and in ways, that’s stronger than I can ever be.”
My chest expands at the breath I take as I peer up at the sky once more. “Gracie.”
Tequila shifts toward me. “What’s that?”
My eyes meet hers. “My safe word.”