Chapter 36 #3
“You made the decision for him because you were afraid he’d make the wrong one.”
“I was afraid I was the wrong one.” Owen closed his eyes. “I could hurt him.”
“You already have.”
The words landed with brutal simplicity.
Owen couldn’t look at Jeff. “That’s why I can’t go back.”
“No, that’s exactly why you have to.”
He said nothing.
“Because right now Matt isn’t sitting somewhere worrying about what might happen twenty years from now.
He’s sitting somewhere wondering what he did wrong.
He thinks he wasn’t enough. He thinks he lost you because he asked for too much.
” Jeff’s voice quavered. “You don’t get to leave him carrying that. ”
Owen’s breath caught. “He thinks he did something?”
“He thinks he caused this.”
Something inside Owen cracked. “He didn’t do anything.”
“I know.” Jeff’s voice roughened. “And I told him that.” He gripped Owen’s shoulder.
“When he comes home, don’t ask him if he can forgive you.
” He paused. “Ask him if he’ll give you another chance.
” Then he shuddered out a breath. “That’s it.
That’s all I wanted to say.” He turned and opened the kitchen door, and the noise of the party rushed back in.
Owen couldn’t move.
The kitchen door had barely closed behind Jeff when Owen heard raised voices from the other side of the serving hatch. A moment later, Cyn walked into the kitchen, accompanied by Babs, both their expressions grim.
Owen stared at them. “Oh no.”
This was going to be bad.
Babs folded her arms. “We heard every word.”
Owen closed his eyes for a second. “Of course you did.”
“I’d apologise for eavesdropping,” she said, “but we’d both know I was lying.”
Despite everything, a laugh escaped him.
Then Cyn stepped forward. “You’re an idiot.”
Owen stared at her. “Apparently that’s the theme of the evening.”
“Jeff’s an idiot too,” Babs added. “And I will be explaining that to him later.” She sighed. “Because that was not how I wanted to discover my son is in love with you.”
He opened his mouth, but Babs lifted a hand.
“No. Not now. We will have that conversation. Probably several conversations. Possibly after I’ve stopped wanting to strangle both you and Jeff.”
Owen almost smiled.
Almost.
Cyn watched him for several seconds. Then she sighed. “Let me see if I have this right.”
Wariness stole over him.
“You love Matt.”
His throat tightened.
“You decided that because you love him, the kindest thing you could do was remove yourself from his life.”
Owen looked away.
“You’ve made yourself miserable. And according to Jeff, you’ve made Matt miserable too.”
“I didn’t mean—”
“I know.” The quiet certainty in Cyn’s voice stopped him. “I know you didn’t mean to hurt him. That’s the problem with you, Owen. You always find a way to convince yourself that destroying your own happiness is noble.”
He flinched.
Cyn stepped closer. “You think because you’re willing to suffer, that means you’re protecting someone else.”
Owen swallowed. “Sometimes it means exactly that.”
She nodded. “And sometimes you’re just deciding that everyone else is better off without you.”
The words landed because they were too close to the truth.
Babs reached into her pocket. “Which is why we’re moving on to the practical solution.”
Owen blinked as she handed him her phone. He frowned at the screen.
“This looks like a timetable.”
“It is. The 9:22 train tomorrow morning from Winchester gets you to Edinburgh at 4:20.”
He stared at her. “Babs—”
“You’ll need to change twice.”
He rolled his eyes. “I know how trains work.”
“Good. Then we’re making progress.”
Owen laughed.
Cyn shook her head. “Can I just say, the fact that we’re having to organise transport for a grown man because he’s too frightened to tell someone he loves him? I find this deeply embarrassing.”
Owen stared at the phone. “I can’t just turn up.”
“Why not?”
“Because he might not want to see me.”
Babs’s expression softened a little. “Then you’ll know.”
Owen glanced at her. “That’s supposed to make me feel better?”
“No.” A small smile touched her mouth. “It’s supposed to make you understand that knowing the truth is better than spending the rest of your life imagining it.”
Owen stared at the timetable again.
Cyn touched his arm. “You don’t need to promise him forever tomorrow. You don’t need to know what forever looks like.” He met her gaze. “You just need to stop making decisions for him.”
His chest tightened. “And if the truth isn’t enough?”
Cyn squeezed his arm. “Then at least it will finally be his choice.” She straightened.
“So get out there, mingle, make sure your guests have everything they need. Don’t think about clearing up when the party’s over.
Callum, Babs, and I will take care of that in the morning.
” Her eyes sparkled. “After you’ve left for the station.
” She leaned in and kissed his cheek. “Go get your man.”
Owen hugged her. “Thank you, both of you.”
Conversation over, decision made.
Tomorrow afternoon, he would be standing in front of Matt.
I’m going to tell him the truth.