Chapter 34
Fai
Drowning was nothing like I’d imagined. In movies, it looks almost peaceful—the slow descent and the quiet stillness beneath the surface. They never show the fire in your lungs or the sheer, instinctive panic as your body fought against breathing in water.
Every inch of me ached, each breath dragging pain deep through my chest. My skin was marked with scrapes, bruises, and cuts from the riverbed, though somehow I’d escaped without any broken bones from the fall.
They planned to discharge me in the morning. Just one night of monitoring, they said, since my heart had stopped, if only for a moment.
My heart had stopped, my lungs had ceased to draw breath, and the blood in my veins had gone still.
Well… my heart had stopped. Sarah, however, did not.
She kept my heart going, kept the blood pumping through me, and kept refilling my lungs with her own air until I came back.
When I awoke, I was convinced I was in heaven.
Sarah looked down at me, the water falling down her cheeks and the light in her eyes.
How could I look at her and not think I was in heaven?
It had taken nearly half an hour to get us off that riverbank and into the back of an ambulance, but once we were there, it had been nonstop. I was bombarded with tests, blood draws, and countless doctor visits. It felt as though I had met every doctor in the hospital.
Sarah was whisked away for her own care and questioning by the police. I had very little to give to the detectives in my own interviews.
It had been less than ten minutes from my arrival at the bridge to Sarah pulling me out of the water. I could barely recount most of it, my head filled with the same water that filled my lungs. Sarah, however, had been with the man I now know as Levi for over an hour.
I hadn’t heard the full story yet, but I knew he had finally explained it all. Well… he explained enough for Sarah to finish putting together the pieces.
Now, they searched. It had been over four hours since we were brought to the hospital, and all I knew was that teams were combing the woods, the riverbanks, and the water itself.
It wasn’t impossible that Levi had made it out, but the force of our impact could just as easily have knocked him unconscious.
If he had drowned in that river, it was likely we would never find his body.
While that meant Sarah would be technically safe, we wouldn’t know.
We would live in constant fear that he was still out there, waiting for his moment to pounce.
The need to find him—dead or alive—was all-consuming.
It was the only way to know she was safe.
I looked over to her in our small hospital room. She was dressed in a set of scrubs, her braids cascading down her back. She had pulled up a chair and placed it next to the bed, her legs curled up underneath her. Her eyes were half open, the exhaustion of the last day catching up with her.
We were finally entering moments of calm with Sarah ending her police interview and coming to sit with me in my room. I reached for her, slipping my hand into hers. My thumb brushed gently over her knuckles—a quiet, absent motion—and she smiled, soft and warm at the touch.
Neither of us spoke. We let the silence settle between us… quiet but full of love and hope. It still felt unreal that we had both made it off that bridge alive and mostly unharmed. All I wanted was for her to be able to go home, and I was endlessly grateful I got to come with her.
Another fit of coughing tore through me, my throat burning with every breath. Recovering from drowning, it turned out, was anything but easy. I forced myself upright as the coughing continued, each rasping, wet sound scraping painfully through my chest.
“Can I get you anything?” Sarah asked with wide, panicked eyes.
I pointed to the small rolling table by the bed and motioned for her to pull it closer. She listened, and I grabbed the small cup of water on top, taking slow sips to help the burning in my throat.
“Thank you,” I croaked. She took the cup from me when I finished, setting it on the table. Her eyes were drawn to a familiar round chip from the action. The rest of my belongings were in a bag in the corner of the room, but I wanted to keep the chip.
My sobriety was the very reason I had thrown Levi and myself over the bridge. I was willing to die before drinking again. I had worked so hard for my sobriety and had lost so much to my addiction. I couldn’t do it again.
Sarah picked it up, her thumb running over the engravings. “I still have your old ones.”
I lay back in my bed, my body exhausted from the coughing. It was bound to be a long, hard recovery.
“Why in the world did you keep those?”
She shrugged. “It reminded me of just how hard you worked. Plus, they were gifts. It would be rude to throw away a gift.”
I laughed lightly. “They were shit gifts.” I took the coin from her fingers, looking it over. “I’m sorry I ever gave you those.”
She looked at me in confusion.
“Do you remember what I said every time I gave you one?”
She nodded. “You were sober for me.”
I sighed. “I shouldn’t have done that… put my sobriety on you. It wasn’t fair. It was my own responsibility, never yours.”
She smiled sadly, taking my free hand in hers and squeezing softly. “Is it different now?”
“Yeah… I’m sober for me now. For my life, the life I want with you.” I set the chip back on the small table. “The life we have fought so damn hard for.”
We didn’t know what our life would look like now. Would we still be hiding out in Nate’s house, or finally be able to go home? Would we spend the rest of our lives waiting for Levi to resurface? Until they found him, there was no way to know.
“Do you think they’ll find him?” she asked quietly, practically reading my own thoughts.
I sighed. “I don’t know. I hope so.”
“If they don’t, what then?” Her brown eyes met my own. “Do we hide at Nate’s house forever? Do we leave our jobs and our lives behind to hide?”
I shrugged. “You are my life. As long as you’re there, I’ll be okay.”
She smiled, her nose scrunching at the motion. “I think your head is more full of water than your brain right now.”
I laughed lightly. “Maybe, but I mean it. You’re all I’ve ever wanted and all I’ve ever needed. If I have you… I’m set.”
She sighed and stood. “Scoot,” she instructed, motioning with her head. I shifted to the side of the small hospital bed and pulled back the covers.
She sat next to me, her head leaning on my shoulder.
I sighed deeply, grateful to have her with me. The beeping of the machines was a steady staccato with the hustle and bustle of the hospital spilling through the closed door. The sun had set hours ago, and I expected it would start its ascent back into the sky any second.
A new day, a new start, and in so many ways, it felt like a new life. For so long, I felt like I had been living on borrowed time. I had given up on life itself and was ready for it to be over—ready to give in to my addiction—but I made one choice. One choice that altered the trajectory of my life.
I had stood at that intersection after the divorce and hadn’t understood that it was also a crossroads for my entire life—for my future. If I had made a different choice that day… well, I knew I wouldn’t have her.
The love of my life. The woman who would breathe air back into my lungs and who would jump off of a fucking bridge for the hope of being able to save my life. The same life I had been so willing to give up if it meant she was safe and alive.
It was the same predicament that had initially led to our divorce: my willingness to sacrifice anything for her life, her joy, and her future, and her willingness to save me from myself. The same reason for our divorce is why we are alive today and together.
The difference? We are now different people.
I had hit my rock bottom, finally losing everything and nearly myself.
For the first time in my addiction, I didn’t have Sarah to rely on.
I had to build myself back up, and damn, was it hard.
Sarah was different, too. She wasn’t willing to put up with my shit anymore, and she was less willing to compromise herself for those around her.
“I love you,” I said, breaking the silence.
Sarah looked up at me, her eyes glowing. “I love you.”
I caressed her cheek with my thumb, the small touch bringing me comfort. “Whatever happens next, we’ll figure it out.”
She smiled softly and curled against my body. We shouldn’t have fit in the small bed together, but we made it work, grateful to simply be close. For so long, there had been a divide between us—not just physical, but also emotional. I refused to let that chasm reform.
Sarah’s breath slowed and became heavy as she drifted off to sleep, exhaustion finally taking over. We had been up all night between the tests and police interviews. I closed my eyes, not expecting to be able to sleep with the adrenaline from the events still pumping through me, but I was mistaken.
I must have fallen asleep, as I jolted awake to the sound of footsteps running toward our door.
The door flew open, revealing a panting Jackie on the other side. “They found him.”
I sat upright quickly, my brain waking immediately at the news. “What?”
Jackie nodded and came farther into the room. “He was on the riverbank with a nasty gash on his head. They’re bringing him here now.”
“He’s alive?” Sarah asked in relief. Jackie nodded as she sat in Sarah’s abandoned chair. “Thank God.”
Jackie raised a brow. “You’re happy the man who has stalked and harassed you for weeks now is okay? The man who kind of killed Fai?”
“Hey,” I protested. “I’m very much alive over here.”
Jackie waved off my comment. “Barely.”
Sarah rolled her eyes and laughed lightly at her comment before sobering. “I’m not happy with his actions and I would never condone them, but he needs help. It’s obvious, and now he can get that help.”
I kissed Sarah on the temple and looked at Jackie. “It’s about time we accepted that Sarah is a far better person than the rest of us.”
Jackie laughed and nodded, slumping into the chair.
“Will is handling things with the police for you. Nate and Scarlett are at your house, adding some cameras and alarms, but mostly getting it cleaned up. We’ll stock your fridge and such for when you get out of this place. Speaking of, when is that?”
“Tomorrow,” Sarah explained. “Well, I guess technically today. What time is it?” She looked around, disoriented.
“You don’t have to do all of that,” I said to Jackie, feeling guilty they were all going out of their way. I was ready to go home, but it wasn’t fair to have them go to any extra lengths.
Jackie looked at me incredulously. “When will you get it through your thick skull that we all love you, and this is what family does?” She stood upright, walking toward the door and looking over her shoulder at me. “We take care of each other, Fai.”
She left the room, closing the door behind her and leaving Sarah and me alone once again.
Sarah relaxed into the bed, curling into my side. “Now what?”
“What do you mean?”
“Levi is finally out of our lives, getting the help he needs. So, now what?” she asked.
I took a deep breath. “Now we live.”