CHAPTER 12 #2
“Here, darlin.’” Arran said, startling me from where I sat at the dining table, staring into space. “Ye need to eat. Terza told us ye didnae eat lunch, like ye told us ye did earlier.”
I lifted my head, ready to face his anger at yet another of my lies being revealed, but instead he just seemed worried and stressed.
“Sorry,” I whispered, dropping my gaze back to the dinner Arran had set before me. Spaghetti Carbonara.
Arran set another plate beside me, then I heard the clicking of Cal’s crutches as he came in from the kitchen and sat beside me, before the second plate.
“How are you feeling, babe?” he asked as he dropped the crutches to the floor beside his chair, then tucked his chair under the table.
He’d been asking me that all afternoon. We’d gone to my room, just as he suggested, and I had reluctantly handed what was left of the pills to Arran, promising him that was all there was when he pushed me on the matter.
After that he and Cal hadn’t left me. We’d laid on the bed, both of them on either side of me, sandwiching me between them and giving me some security amongst my inner turmoil and fear.
They had wanted me to rest, but I couldn’t shut my brain off enough to do that.
Hilt’s warning was just a new dark thought among the many that had already been spinning through my mind for weeks, maybe even for years, if I were honest.
But Cal had been checking on me constantly, his fingers regularly finding my wrist to check my pulse, his eyes checking my pupils every time he looked at me. They’d both been plying me with water too, trying to flush whatever was in my system.
Now, Dio and Rafe were both home and taking showers, changing before they came down to eat dinner and we all had the talk that needed to be done; before I laid even more shit on the shoulders of my brother who was already weighed down so much more than he ever should have been.
“Tired,” I whispered in reply to Cal’s question.
“Try to eat something. You need the calories to give you some energy,” he coaxed as his hand found mine in my lap and gripped it reassuringly.
“I’m scared for Rafe,” I admitted, the words breathy and broken as they poured from me.
“What do you mean?”
“He has too much to deal with. He doesn’t need any more.”
“Rafe is tough, and he doesn’t have to deal with anything alone. Dario and Arran have his back, always, as well as all of the loyal men who work for him. He needs to know that there’s a threat looming over you, Cara.”
“Maybe, but he...he doesn’t need to know that I screwed up again!” I ground out.
“You didn’t screw up. You’re struggling and you did a foolish thing to try and cope. Rafe needs to know that, so that he can be there for you, just the way we needed and wanted to know so we could be there for you too.”
“I don’t w-want to be broken anymore, Cal,” I confessed shakily, tears spilling down my face yet again, as my pain just poured from me. My hands started to shake, and as soon as Cal felt it, he pushed his chair back and lifted me into his lap.
I was grateful that he didn’t try to soothe me with words anymore.
They weren’t enough to fix anything in that moment.
Instead, he scooped my legs up and repositioned me so my whole body was curled up sideways in his lap.
I found myself gripping his t-shirt so tightly that my hands ached, but I couldn’t let go.
I needed that grip, that contact. I pressed my head against his chest and just tried to breathe as his arms wrapped around me and caged me against him, securing me from the rest of the world.
I was calmer by the time Arran returned with his own plate, a pitcher of water and three glasses. I turned my head enough to watch him set it all down, then he was there, leaning over Cal so he could see my eyes.
“Yer no’ alone. Cara. Ye’ll never be alone again. We’ve all got ye now, always,” he uttered as he ran his hand softly over my hair.
“Promise?” I whispered weakly.
“Aye. I promise, lass. I swear it. Pledge it. I’ll head out right now an’ find something to sacrifice for a blood oath on it, if it’ll make ye believe it.”
“God, I hope Mrs Fergusn got her cat in for the night,” Cal joked about our neighbour, with a chuckle, making me smile.
“I believe you,” I told Arran. He brushed the back of his knuckles over my tear stained cheek as he gave me the gentlest smile I had ever seen cross his face.
“Good,” he nodded. He pulled his hand back and sat at the table. “Come on now, sit up fer us, and try to eat a little somethin’ warm. Yer wastin’ away. Dante’d be force feeding ye, were he here.”
“I miss him,” I sighed as I pushed up to sitting and dropped my legs over the side of Cal’s lap.
“He’ll come back. Just give him a wee bit of time. I think it shook him deeply, knowin’ how badly he hurt ye, and scared ye that night.”
“You really think he’ll come back?” I swiped at my wet cheeks with the sleeves of Cal’s sweater, which I had stolen from him before we came down. My face was stinging and my eyes burned from all of the crying I had done that day.
“I’m sure of it. This is the only home he’s ever known. He’ll no’ be gone fer long,” Arran assured me.
I really wanted him to be right. Dante owned a piece of my heart, just as he, Cal, and Dario did.
“Come on, babe. Food,” Cal said as he pushed his own plate to the side, and pulled mine before me where I sat on his lap. “I know you think you’re not hungry, but just try, okay?”
I gave a weak nod and picked up my fork, pushing the food around a little as Arran tucked in, and Cal started trying to negotiate his own plate from around me.
“I sh-should move,” I told him when he struggled to twine spaghetti around his fork one handed, from where he sat behind me.
“No. Stay there. Rafe and Dario will be here any minute, and I don’t think you should be sitting alone when we talk to them about everything.” Cal said, that stern note in his voice that he had used earlier.
It was so unlike his every day nature, but yet it fit him perfectly too.
It certainly seemed to be a tone I couldn’t find the grit to argue with.
Maybe that was just because I kind of liked him being bossy with me.
It gave me a sense of security that I had never known before.
Besides, if I was being rational, I didn’t want to argue.
He was right, and always had my best interests at heart.
Knowing that, it actually felt good to not have to think, and instead just do as he instructed. It was a small relief.
As if on cue, the door to the large dining room opened and Dio and my brother both walked in with mountainous plates of pasta in one hand, and a beer bottle each in the other.
They had changed out of their suits into jeans and t-shirts that made them both look younger and more relaxed. Though they were obviously tired from their usual lack of sleep, they were both laughing as they walked in, obviously having just shared a joke. And I was going to ruin it.
“Sorry we’re a little late. Everything okay?” Rafe asked as they rounded the table and took their usual seats, side by side, at the back of the room.
Dio looked over to me the second he sat, and his smile dropped instantly when he took in what I was sure was a blotchy face and very red eyes.
“You’ve been crying. What’s wrong?” he demanded as he looked from me to Arran.
“Cara?” Rafe questioned as his gaze moved to me and his smile fell too.
“We’ve had a bit of a rough day here. That’s why we wanted to talk wi’ ye both,” Arran spoke up.
“Rough day?” Rafe repeated with a growl.
“Why didn’t you ring me?” Dio ground out at the same time.
“I’m alright,” I told them both, even though it was clear from the state of me, and the tremble in just those words, it was a lie.
“Cara’s feeling fairly anxious right now, so we need to keep this conversation calm,” Cal interjected.
I was relieved when he gripped me under my arms and pulled me back in his lap, all the way until my back was resting against his chest. I could feel the steady beat of his heart, so calm in comparison to the racing of my own.
“What’s going on?” Rafe asked, his voice softer than before, his tone relaxed, even though his posture wasn’t.
“I…” Words didn’t come out when I pushed for more. My throat hurt and I didn’t even know where to begin speaking.
“Here, darlin.’” Arran poured some water into a glass and handed it to me. “Take slow sips. Can I tell them about Hilt?” he asked, and I nodded.
“Hilt? The guy who was looking for Cara back in Chicago?” Rafe snapped.
“Aye,” Arran nodded. “He rang Cara this afternoon. He told her he needed to meet, that he had information she needed.”
“He’s in London?” Dio questioned as his eyes moved back to me and seemed to scan all over me, like he was looking for injuries.
“Seems so. Cara wanted to meet wi’ him, so we took Dom and Joey, and met him at the tube station on the high street.”
“Why wasn’t I consulted about this?” Rafe demanded, his relaxed composure slipping fast.
“Hilt…he was risking his life. He said he wouldn’t wait. We had to go right away,” I rasped, not wanting anyone to be mad with Arran.
“That throat sounds raw, babe. Try to sip more water. I’ll make you some tea with honey when we’re done here,” Cal soothed.
I wrapped my free hand around his wrist and clung to him when he picked up my water glass and brought it to my lips. I didn’t bother trying to take over, knowing my hands shook too badly to hold the glass still. Instead I gave in and took a tiny drink of water.
“What did this guy tell you?” Dio pushed.
“He’s working with the Armenians, him and his brother. They got mixed up with them inside.”
“Jesus wept,” Rafe groaned.
“Aye, I thought the same when he said that, but he genuinely seemed to care about Cara. I think we can trust the intel he gave us.”
“Which was?” Dio nudged impatiently.