Chapter 46 Thomas
THOMAS
“It’s so good to see you, man,” Andrew says as he hugs me, slapping me on my back.
I sink into the familiarity of his embrace.
I’ve always been close to all my brothers, but each of us have a different kind of bond.
Even if I weren’t here to see his brand new baby, I might have gone to him first after getting home.
He can give great advice and I need that now.
Little baby Cooper is nestled in his mother’s arms. Josie is sitting on the couch, and despite only giving birth a few days ago, she looks great. I can see the exhaustion in her features, but overall, she looks happy.
“Hey, Mom,” I greet, leaning down to give my sister-in-law an awkwardly angled hug, trying not to squish my new nephew in the process.
Josie chuckles. “Hey. Where’s Hannah?”
“She couldn’t make it,” I say regretfully, ignoring the pang of hurt in my chest. I wish she were here. “She’s out with her family.”
“Ah,” Josie says. “Want to hold him?”
“Yes,” I respond promptly, holding out my arms. I lean down and she transfers the small bundle into my hands.
I cradle him close, looking over his adorable features.
He’s the perfect mix of Josie and Andrew.
I can see pieces of both of them in him.
He’s wearing a little hat, so of course, I can’t see the color of his hair.
“Does he have your hair?” I ask Josie. Her red hair is pulled up into a messy bun, but in a way, I hope he has her hair.
“Take a look,” Andrew says, reaching over and pulling off the small hat.
Wisps of red hair cover Cooper's head, and I smile. “I knew it.”
Andrew laughs. “I wanted him to have red hair like his momma’s so bad.”
“It’s amazing,” I say, running my fingers over the soft fuzz of hair. “He’s so cute you guys. Good job.”
I sit down on the couch next to Josie, taking in the newest member of our family.
“Can we ask more about what happened, now?” Andrew asks, sitting down in the recliner beside us.
I sigh. “I can’t really tell you much still, since it’s an active investigation. But since we are back, I can tell you where we were.”
Josie and Andrew nod, listening intently.
“We were in southern Missouri. They had us staying with an older couple, the Graffs, Ron and Dottie. They had a little cottage on their property that was tucked away, which is where Hannah and I stayed.” I continue to tell them all about our time there, and how close Hannah and I got.
I don’t tell them that I was her first kiss, first everything, that would be betraying her trust. But I do tell them about my feelings for her.
“She’s incredible. Once she opens up out of her shell and shows you all the sides of herself, it’s impossible not to love her.”
“We never doubted that,” Josie says, reaching out to place her hand on my arm.
“I know,” I say with a shrug. “But I think she’s pulling away.
I think she’s scared of her feelings for me, and I get it.
It’s hard when we’ve been in a separate world, away from reality for so long.
I need to find a way to show her that I’m not letting her go, that she can trust me to take care of her. ”
“Do you have any ideas?” Andrew asks.
I shake my head. “Not yet. She wouldn’t even let me stay with her last night. I slept like shit. Arson wouldn’t stop pacing because he couldn’t figure out where she was, and my bed was too cold without her.”
“Oh, so you’re like in love in love,” Andrew says with a knowing smile.
I groan, squeezing my eyes shut and nodding. “Yeah. I am. But I can’t come on too strong, because I’ll scare her away.”
“But I mean… aren’t you engaged?” Josie asks.
I sigh. “For all intents and purposes, yes. For the public, yes. In real life? No. Not really. It was the only way I could get them to send her with me to the safe house.”
“Oh,” Andrew breathes.
“Yeah. But that doesn’t leave this room. To the world, we are engaged.”
“And I suppose proposing for real would be too much too fast?” Andrew wonders aloud.
“Way too much. She would run. She’s not like you two, where you knew right away. She might think that I love her, but it scares her, so shoving her feelings down is the only thing keeping her calm.”
“Hmm,” Josie ponders. Cooper chooses that moment to let out a squawk, stirring in my arms. I adjust him to rest on my shoulder, and pat his small back gently. He soothes quickly.
“You’re a natural,” Josie comments.
“I’d hope so after being around all my nieces and nephews. I bet if we were around Presley as a baby, I’d be a pro.”
“You’re probably right,” she says with a laugh.
Glancing down at the infant in my arms, I can’t help but imagine what it might be like to have a little baby of my own. One with Hannah’s eyes and freckles once they get older. The image is so real that I can’t help but want to reach out and harness it.
I bet she’d be an amazing mom. I’m not getting any younger, and I always thought I would have kids by now, but Hannah’s still young.
All these things are something we need to talk about, but I’m scared to.
I’ve never thought of our age difference as a hurdle for us, but the more I think about it, the more nervous I get.
Age is a number, I know that, but what if we are at two completely different points in our lives?
There are too many unanswered questions, but I can’t bombard her with all of them at once. She’s already anxious about our relationship, I can’t do that to her.
“Is she coming to Sunday brunch?” Andrew asks. I’ve never missed so many brunches in my life, and I miss it. It will be so nice to get back into the routine of things.
“I’ll ask. I’d like her to, but maybe it’s too soon,” I say. We still have a few days before Sunday, so there’s time.
“When the time is right, it will work out,” Josie says comfortingly.
I can’t help but hope that she’s right. I am going to do whatever I can to keep Hannah by my side, but I know it might take a lot of reassurance on my end. I’ll do whatever it takes to keep her.