Chapter 44
Jamie
I’m finally back in one piece. Training’s kicked off again and there’s fire in my veins. The shadow of that stupid slip is gone. I feel strong, unbreakable, and ready for anything. I feel like the Captain again.
Rugby’s my thing, always has been, and now everything is back on track. No more mad obsessions, nightmares, or fears.
I can spin a lot of bullshit in a minute, and if I keep forcing it down my own throat, I know I’ll end up swallowing every last word.
Training is back in full swing. My strength is creeping back, muscles knitting together, but there’s still work ahead.
I tell myself that if I avoid him, if I starve this madness, it’ll fade along with the secrets I shove under my bed and the dragons I’ll never defeat, lying quiet in the dark. For now.
“Any plans tonight?” Ian asks me in the locker room.
“None. Why?”
“I need a hand with something.”
“Sure. What do you need?”
Ian sits on the bench. “I have an announcement to make to the family.”
“Ah, no.”
“It’s decided now, Jamie. And I want them to hear it from me.”
I shake my head, hard.
Ian catches my arm. “I need a friend.”
“You’ve the whole family.”
“But I need you.”
“I can’t get my head around this.”
“I know.”
“You can’t ask me to be your wingman.”
“I just want you there. For Ryan as well.”
I snort and drop onto the bench beside him.
“He’ll need your advice. I wouldn’t mind a bit of it myself.”
“I’m not the right person right now.”
“Something will come to you. It always does.”
“What about Riley? Does she know?”
“‘Course she does. She was the first one I talked to about it.”
I nod.
“Dinner at the O’Connor house. It can’t be that bad.”
“It better not be. I don’t want a full circus landing in the front garden.”
“The ticket’s on me.”
“It’d want to be.”
“Seven o’clock. We’ll be waiting for you.”
Later, when I arrive at the O’Connor house, Nick opens the door. “What the fuck are you doing here?” he says.
“I was invited.”
“You had nothing better to do than spend your evening at the nuthouse?”
“Apparently not.”
“In that case…” He steps aside to let me in and shuts the door. “Best of luck to you.”
“Hey, Jamie,” Casey says, appearing in the hallway. “Are you staying for dinner?”
“So it seems.”
“Great, I’ll stick on another plate.”
“We’re going to be fairly squashed,” Ryan says, leaning against the wall, arms folded.
“That’s because your stupidity takes up every spare seat,” Nick fires back.
“Nice T-shirt, Casey,” I say, trying to ignore the brothers long enough to make it through the evening.
Let’s save the coach’s arse, the T-shirt reads.
Casey glances down at it, then grins. “Someone has to be on his side.”
“So the rumours were true.”
“What rumours?” Nick snaps, already on edge. “I knew you knew, that everyone knows, and I’m the only idiot left in the dark!”
“I don’t know shit, Nick. What rumours? You’re the one who brought it up in the first place!”
“I didn’t say there were rumours. You’re the one who started talking about rumours!”
“You’re the one giving out your arse is about to be kicked!”
“But you said you didn’t know shit about it!”
“And I don’t!”
“Then why are you on about rumours?”
“Oh, for Christ’s sake!” I flinch, losing patience. “Just forget I said anything.”
“Too late,” Ryan cuts in. “Own your words, like.”
“Mine? All I said was I liked Casey’s T-shirt!”
“And then you started on about rumours,” Ryan says.
“Are you actually serious?”
“This is nothing,” James says, wandering over. “You should see what happens when Ryan robs Nick’s T-shirts, and Nick swaps the bulb in his room with a blood-red one before he goes to bed.”
I smile at James’s words as the group falls quiet.
“That sounds like a proper spine-tingling scene,” I say.
He laughs, then turns back to me. “You should stay for dinner…”
“Jamie,” I say, helping him.
“Will you stay with us, Jamie?”
“Ah, sure, why not?”
“Then I’ll tell Karen.”
James heads back to the kitchen, and at the entrance, no one is in the humour for jokes anymore.
“That’s the way of it today,” Casey says, giving Nick’s arm a squeeze.
“I don’t want to be any bother,” I say, my chest tight with discomfort. I feel out of place in their house, especially with things so delicate.
“Enough with the bullshit,” Ryan says. “The more the merrier.”
“That’s right,” Nick adds.
“And by the way,” Ryan says, turning to his brother, “I completely forgot about the red bulb thing.”
“That’s what happens when you’re getting old, you know.”
“You piece of—”
“You started without me?” Evan’s voice from the doorway makes us all turn.
“You’re late, kid,” Ryan quickly admonishes. “I told you seven o’clock.”
“My fault,” another voice chimes in, its owner peeking out from behind Evan’s back. “He took me to get a new laptop after I spilt coffee all over mine and…” Then the Doctor sees me and just stops.
The talking dies.
So do I.
I haven’t seen you in a week, Doctor.
It’s been a black hole, suffocating darkness. A fucking hell, hopeless and endless.
And you’re even more beautiful than I remember.